Homeless due to domestic abuse

[CuriouslyGeorge]

Hi,

 

I was living with my parents from January this year, I had to go back as I had nowhere else to go.

 

One of my parents has always been abusive to the other parent in a verbal and emotional way, however within a few months of moving in the parent ruined and humiliated the other parents birthday and was acting horribly towards the parent so I just kept myself to myself, stayed at my girlfriends house 3 nights a week and wasn't there much and didn't talk to the abusive parent.

 

The abusive parent then proceeded to cut off my internet access, then kept threatening to cut my electric off in my bedroom, stole things from my room which they admitted to the other parent and because I wasn't talking to the abusive parent they threatened persistently to kick me out.

 

Anyway, on Monday this week me and my partner were there and the abusive parent came home from work and we thought we would sit down and talk about the situation calmly and in a civil way, however the abusive parent immediately got aggressive and was shouting in my girlfriends face and almost went for her and wouldn't listen to what we had to say and he forced me out of the house and said I had to leave.

 

Therefore, I am temporarily staying with my partner, although she lives in an extremely small private rented room and it's for single occupancy only and there isn't even washing/cooking facilities in there apart from a microwave and a tiny portable fridge and I can only stay there a few days or a week or so at the very most.

 

I do not want to contact the local council where the abusive parent lives, my partner lives in a town around 16 miles away and that's where I am currently staying.

 

My partner is a witness that I was forced to leave and a witness to the aggressive nature that the abusive abuser showed on Monday, also the other parent has told my partner of several events where they and myself have been threatened, blackmailed and verbally abused, my partner is willing to make a statement also.

 

From advice I have been given that due to the fact I have suffered from domestic abuse I can approach any council I wish, is this true? I have also been advised to contact the police, I am reluctant due to the fact my other parent has been verbally and emotionally abused for years yet they accept it and won't do anything about it and I'm worried they will suffer more if i report it but I think it has to be done.

 

I also have a lot of health issues so I'm very vulnerable if I am homeless.

 

One council contacted me today and asked for the abusive parents phone number so they could phone them to confirm I had been asked to leave but surely this is wrong? A controlling domestic abuser will just say they haven't kicked me out because they won't want to let anyone know they have done wrong and my abusive parent always puts on a show and denies anything when confronted so what can I do?

 

Thanks for your time.

[veganite]

From advice I have been given that due to the fact I have suffered from domestic abuse I can approach any council I wish, is this true?

 

Hello, yes, I believe that to be true. For example, I know of someone who was not suffering from domestic abuse but was made homeless this week from the Wallasey area which is controlled by Wirral Council. They then approached Liverpool council and were offered more or less immediate accommodation through a housing association.

[stu007]

Hi

 

I am sorry to here of your situation as its the weekend it may be slower but you will get good advice from our caggers so please be patient.

 

As for the council check there website and in there search engine just type homelessness and you should get the info on how to apply for the different councils.

 

Have a search on the Web for homelessness in you area as there may be advice centres in your area that may assist you.

 

Also give Shelter a ring as they will be able to advise you as well: http://www.shelter.org.uk/

[CuriouslyGeorge]

Thanks for the replies, I am hoping to receive more advice on this.

[CuriouslyGeorge]

Can someone confirm that I can approach any council due to being forced out and being made homeless because I was suffering from domestic abuse, I don't want to approach my local council.

 

I debated long and hard about whether to contact the police and feel I have to, not only because what has happened is wrong but the council might not take me seriously if I don't report it unless my partner giving a statement to the council as a witness counts?

 

It's a very hard situation as my mum isn't allowed access to money or bank cards, is given 60p per day to take to work for a drink, isn't allowed to go anywhere without my Dad, not allowed to see friends or family, well she has no friends because of this situation and this has been going on for years and years, he checks up on my mum when she finishes work by ringing her, basically she's like a prisoner, I stand up to him which he doesn't like but I've had lots of emotional abuse from him this year, stealing from my room which he admitted to my mum, threatening to turn off my electric in my bedroom permanently because I wouldn't talk to him because of his treatment towards my mum, constantly threatened to kick me out because I wouldn't talk to him, then when my mum was opening up more and more and the net was closing in on him and my partner was becoming aware of all the abuse too, he tried to deflect this issue and twisted it and he told friends and family I was trying to ruin his marriage, so now everyone thinks i'm the bad person trying to ruin their marriage when the fact is my mum has suffered like this for years and I've had lots of verbal/emotional abuse including blackmail over the last few months.

 

My mum has no control or say over anything, what he says goes, she can't even buy her own clothes or shoes, if there was an emergency she couldn't do anything, even her phone contract is in his name and he checks all her bills, all she is allowed to do is to go to work everyday and that's only a 10 minute walk away.

 

When he was confronted about the abuse of me and my mum on Monday he forced me out of the house.

Edited August 10, 2014 by CuriouslyGeorge

[honeybee13]

Hello there.

 

Have you spoken to Shelter as advised? This is their area of expertise.

 

HB

[CuriouslyGeorge]

Hello there.

 

Have you spoken to Shelter as advised? This is their area of expertise.

 

HB

 

I've tried ringing a few times but haven't been able to get through, I have emailed them, that was done on Thursday.

 

I just wondered if anyone else could give me some advice on here in the meantime or if someone has had a similar experience?

[f16]

CuriouslyGeorge,

 

I've just read this thread. .. and my heart goes out to you and your Mum.

In MHO you have no have to contact the Police.

 

You and your Mum have no life. .... It's more of an "existence".

 

Does "He" work ?

[CuriouslyGeorge]

CuriouslyGeorge,

 

I've just read this thread. .. and my heart goes out to you and your Mum.

In MHO you have no have to contact the Police.

 

You and your Mum have no life. .... It's more of an "existence".

 

Does "He" work ?

 

Thanks for your response, they both work full time, he still finds the time to ring her though when she finishes work even though he has another few hours left at work.

[CuriouslyGeorge]

I am not confident the police will do much but if I report it then it's down to them what they do, I'm concerned because my mum has been having this for years and she accepts it and it's got worse this year and with me he has been very bad the past few months in particular, I need to get a crime reference number and some proof so that I can prove to the council what has happened and so that I can hopefully be re-housed.

[f16]

Is he hitting / beating your Mum or you ?

 

When you say he's "Stolen things " from you and "Blackmailed" you.

 

How ? what has he done ?

 

Sorry for all the questions. ...... But it will assist with the correct advice from CAGGERS who are experts in this field later.

[CuriouslyGeorge]

No he hasn't hit me or my mum, it's all emotional, manipulation, controlling and verbal but he got extremely aggressive with myself and my partner on Monday as we wanted a quiet civilised conversation with him about it.

 

He has stolen things from my room such as games console controllers and USB adapters, apparently his excuse for this were that his had gone missing so he decided to openly steal mine and turn round and say they are his even though they aren't, he admitted this to my mum as she told me, he ruined my mums birthday by going mad at her just for throwing some bread out for the birds, made her cry and just humiliated her yet a few days later he did the same with with the birds but it's ok for him.

 

I stopped talking to him because of his treatment of my mum, I was only there 4 days a week as i stayed at my partners 3 nights a week and with him working during the day, I was only there with him for 6-7 hours per day for 4 days a week but because I wasn't talking to him he kept making threats to my mum saying you better sort him out and make him talk to me and socialise with me, I didn't wanna go anywhere near him after the way he treats my mum and the fact it has got worse and worse over the years.

 

He threatened to stop me having internet access which he later did by changing the access code, he then proceeded to unplug the router everyday before he went to work and hid it in his safe until he came home then plugged it back in, he was doing this for months around 10-12 weeks and right up until the day I had to leave.

 

He also threatened to permanently disconnect just my electric in my bedroom if I didn't talk to him or socialise with him, he kept going mad at my mum saying he's gonna keep going on at her and also not talk to her properly until she has "sorted me out" and forced me to talk to him, also he manipulated her by saying i'll call a truce, if you sort him out i'll talk to you again but if you don't things will stay the same.

 

He also made lots of threats about kicking me out just because I wasn't "socialising with him" my partner knows all about this as I had to tell her when it was going on.

 

Also my mum was opening up more and more to my partner about how he is with her and how he has treated her over the years and she gets upset when she talks about it but then some days she says she can't do anything as she's been with him over 30 years etc etc and she thinks she doesn't deserve any better.

 

I spoke to her about bringing the police in, especially when I was receiving blackmail and threats from him but she kept saying no don't do that.

 

Hes done lots of things to my mum over the years and always fully controlled her, the issue is because I had to live there this year that it got worse and because I won't tolerate it he has targeted me as well.

 

I was diagnosed with COPD a few months ago, when my mum informed my Dad of this, he response was "I want proof". he's never cared about me even when I was very young and almost died of Asthma in hospital he never even came to see me.

 

My mum has never ever had access to money, bank cards, or been able to go shopping or anything alone or speaking to anyone or having any privacy, he always goes through her phone and well there's so many things I could say.

 

I remember once years ago she was out with her sisters, he was at work, as he didn't get no answer on the phones, he went looking for her and found her out with them and forced her to leave and go home.

 

I haven't lived there all the time so I haven't seen everything but i've seen enough and after targeting me and blackmailing me and stealing things and trying to control me and take away my basic rights I think enough is enough.