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Good Morning,

 

I have made a conscious decision to leave my job because there is currently an ongoing issue with comments that appeared on my Face Book time line - I just need some advice.

 

Basically, I have written a letter to work and told them that, based on sessions with C.B.T., it was discussed and agreed that closure is needed from this and due to the fact it may trigger another significant mental health episode, I have asked whether or not work would be willing to agree a severance package or failing that, my letter of resignation.

 

I have spoken to my Human Resources and my Trade Union about the comments and they are both under the same conclusion about at least one of them - they also said it was very important about how the comment was written, according to my H.R. Both my H.R. and T.U. rep said there was no serious intent/threat/violence/sexual advance in that particular comment.

 

Also, I have been informed reliably that if you give an opinion on someone's sexual orientation, which, unfortunately, was another comment which appeared on my time line, this is not harassment as it is an opinion. Is this correct?

 

Basically, I read out the comments to an expert (my T.U. rep) and he said there was nothing there that concerned him - he said he had heard a lot worse and also, my H.R. mirrored that by saying that they had been involved in cases which had worse things said/written than anything which appeared on my time line.

 

Can I have some advice on this and are H.R. and the Trade Union right in what they say? I am so desperate to leave my job - it got to the point at one stage where I even had suicidal thoughts, it was that bad. My life has been ruined because of this.

 

Thanks for your help.

 

Regards.

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Hi robinsky,

 

I can see you're having a hard time today. Well done on getting the cbt - I've done that too and found it challenging but really helpful!

 

How much do you need to work for income? Everyone is different! And have you applied for other jobs recently?

 

Em

Never assume anyone on the internet is who they say they are. Only rely on advice from insured professionals you have paid for!

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Honeybee, resignation is certainly one of the options I have put into my letter to work so that could well yet happen - However, I do not want to, under any circumstances, return to work to work out my notice, which is something I have discussed with C.B.T. and will have to discuss with my General Practitioner. Indeed I've hated this job for some time - the recent cuts haven't helped matters, either. There is just no system in the job.

 

I've had a hard time Emmzzi for two months, been through major anxiety (up to the point where I contemplated suicidal thoughts and even thought about doing it). C.B.T. have been an absolute rock in this matter. I have a small amount saved away for the time being which will see me through at least the next few weeks/months. I am looking into self-employed ideas because I find that at least being in charge of yourself, you can make your own choices and do things the way you want to see them done.

 

At the moment, I am just keen to put an end to this nightmare at my current job - somehow, I can't see a happy ending, but if it gets me out, thank goodness. I agree that my happiness far outweighs any job.

 

I think my T.U. and HR are right in what they are saying - surely two experts in the field of what has happened cannot be wrong?

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I quickly read your other threads ( some ) after honeybees comments.

 

I'm glad you are getting CBT it works well (although not for me ).

 

I see a pattern in your threads and that it appears you worry about everything, CBT should help you with this. An example being the work college that mentioned your university leave.

 

It's not easy I know, I can see ways round everyone else's problems but not my own, so I know the answer must come from in yourself.

 

A good line I remember is "worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere".

 

When you worry, try and think about the problem, why am I worrying. For example the university, most people would have told the college to mind her own business or ignored her and thought to their self what a prat ( or the term you use). The only reason to worry is if you did something wrong.

 

I'm not perfect and not an expert, I'm going through difficult times myself. However when I am in a better frame of mind, I try to not let things bother me, just get through one day at a time, if you fail one day, so what, start again the next day. Let the person trying to cut in front go, don't get upset about the person jumping the que. etc.

 

I guess you had the CBT example;

 

"walking down the road Doris sees her neighbour on the otherside of the street, the neighbour ignores Doris and has a stern look on her face and walks at speed.

 

All day Doris is worried about the neighbour, what had she done wrong, was her car parked too close, was it when she dropped the suacepan last night or was the TV too loud.

 

The next morning Doris was waiting at the bus stop and the neighbour walked up, she said to Doris that she hadn't seen her for a while, Doris mentioned yesterday and the neighbour said she hadn't seen her and was just going into the bank to give them a piece of her mind about the bank charges ".

 

Do what you want to do, if you want to resign, then resign.

 

You have 2 experts in their field and in your organisation giving you advice. What they tell you should be reliable, if you have any worry s, which would probably be "what if's" then ask them.

 

Another thing is perspective, when I have been in hospital, you can't do anything about the outside world, however hard you try and after a while you give up and start to relax and forget about your problems. But that may be why they put me in there ;-)

 

Lastly , have you noticed, when you hear other peoples problems ( most, not all) they seem unimportant, have you thought why?

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writing something once is not harassment. If you have been requested since then not to make such comments then to do so further can be construed as harassment and although it would take more than that to gain the interest of the authorities your employer may not wait for that level of proof.

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I quickly read your other threads ( some ) after honeybees comments.

 

I'm glad you are getting CBT it works well (although not for me ).

 

I see a pattern in your threads and that it appears you worry about everything, CBT should help you with this. An example being the work college that mentioned your university leave.

 

It's not easy I know, I can see ways round everyone else's problems but not my own, so I know the answer must come from in yourself.

 

A good line I remember is "worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere".

 

When you worry, try and think about the problem, why am I worrying. For example the university, most people would have told the college to mind her own business or ignored her and thought to their self what a prat ( or the term you use). The only reason to worry is if you did something wrong.

 

I'm not perfect and not an expert, I'm going through difficult times myself. However when I am in a better frame of mind, I try to not let things bother me, just get through one day at a time, if you fail one day, so what, start again the next day. Let the person trying to cut in front go, don't get upset about the person jumping the que. etc.

 

I guess you had the CBT example;

 

"walking down the road Doris sees her neighbour on the otherside of the street, the neighbour ignores Doris and has a stern look on her face and walks at speed.

 

All day Doris is worried about the neighbour, what had she done wrong, was her car parked too close, was it when she dropped the suacepan last night or was the TV too loud.

 

The next morning Doris was waiting at the bus stop and the neighbour walked up, she said to Doris that she hadn't seen her for a while, Doris mentioned yesterday and the neighbour said she hadn't seen her and was just going into the bank to give them a piece of her mind about the bank charges ".

 

Do what you want to do, if you want to resign, then resign.

 

You have 2 experts in their field and in your organisation giving you advice. What they tell you should be reliable, if you have any worry s, which would probably be "what if's" then ask them.

 

Another thing is perspective, when I have been in hospital, you can't do anything about the outside world, however hard you try and after a while you give up and start to relax and forget about your problems. But that may be why they put me in there ;-)

 

Lastly , have you noticed, when you hear other peoples problems ( most, not all) they seem unimportant, have you thought why?

 

Hello,

 

Yes C.B.T. Has done me the world of wonders. The University leave incident was disgusting in my eyes - they should have let me go without any hesitation. My graduation, for goodness sake.

 

TBH, I am not too concerned anymore - I take the advice of my T.U. Rep and my H.R. As bible - they are the experts here. At best, the comment which most concerned me could only be deemed minor, according to H.R., due to the lack of threat, sexual advance, intent or violence - it would have been different had the comment contained any of those four elements.

 

I am sorry you are going through bad times - I sympathize with you. Hopefully, we will get to the end of the tunnel and see the light. I know I have in regards to my own job. Even if it was me who had written those comments, I wouldn't worry about it because of what the experts said. Also, if I had written them, I would never dream of writing anything which contained the elements outlined above. Its just not me at all. I would have written any such comment in a joke form or a form which I deemed to be harmless. I say jokes all the time which contain those elements, but I never mean any harm. Everyone does, to some degree.

 

Furthermore, I have threatened to resign now if the company does not agree a severance package - according to my father who rung my manager, my manager turned around and said the incident was not that serious. Also, my then line manager told me that it was not a job-threatening incident. However, I received a further email from work and they couldn't categorically say I would not lose my job. Also, they said they would sort the incident via normal post, but it was explained to them weeks ago that I'd be willing to answer any questions by normal post about the work incident.

 

In a strange kind of way, I kind of enjoy my hospital visits, once the anxiety subsides. I've been in a few times. I'm not phased by them extremely, though I have a fear of needles, which is my main worry.

 

Other people's problems are not that much to worry about, to answer your question, more than likely. Its about perspective, as you say.

 

Thanks for your help.

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ericsbrother, I was not even requested to stop writing the comments, despite the fact I didn't write them. The incident, to my understanding, reached the authorities and was dismissed, due to the lack of seriousness.

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Robinsky, sorry if I've missed something. Are your facebook comments being investigated at the moment?

 

HB

 

They certainly are - I've been off work for six weeks because of this. I have spoken to the experts and they have agreed that the comments are not serious enough, at best minor, for the comments I deemed to be the most extreme. My T.U. rep told me there was nothing there that alarmed him, so being the expert, he would know. Even work have turned around and said its not that serious and I would not lose my job. However, there has been a lot of messing around going on - they could have sorted this weeks ago, simply by sending me the questions about the incident through the mail. Just adds to the stress and anxiety. As far as I'm concerned, honeybee, if the experts have said its nothing overly serious, that's good enough for me. I have sent in a letter to ask for a severance package since returning to work, I believe, could trigger another significant mental health episode or failing that, to hand in my letter of resignation. I have no intention of returning to work to work out my notice. That might sound to some unprofessional but since this has happened, I have been through so much, ranging from suicidal thoughts/contemplation to slowly rebuilding my life up again. Its been a nightmare. Now I've written this letter, I hope there's going to be light at the end of the tunnel.

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I think you got my point. Other peoples problems seem unimportant, because they are unimportant, can't find red nail varnish, car failed mot etc.

 

Glad you are letting union etc just get on with it, I agree not a job risk matter, but the employer can't write that to you, it would show up the system ie; a through process needs to be carried out and not pre judged ( if you believe that ).

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Smokejumper, I've been through so much through this already that I don't give two hoots about my job anymore - I've been from rock bottom (suicidial contemplation) to slowly rebuilding my life up again. I have lost all faith in my workplace and now is the time to move on as was recommended so many times over - I wish I had listened sooner. Then maybe this wouldn't have happened, amongst notable other incidents.

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There isn't a problem then, you aren't going back full stop. Severance, resignation or dismissal, they can take their pick just hand back the key to the executive wash room.

Finished, just wait for your final pay packet.

 

If you offered them severance or resignation, I think they are going to take the cheaper option .

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There isn't a problem then, you aren't going back full stop. Severance, resignation or dismissal, they can take their pick just hand back the key to the executive wash room.

Finished, just wait for your final pay packet.

 

If you offered them severance or resignation, I think they are going to take the cheaper option .

 

I am going to speak to my GP and explain the situation - I have no intention of returning and having had C.B.T. sessions, it was discussed and reasoned that returning could trigger off another significant mental health episode. I would hope they don't dismiss so resignation might be the way to go - not the end of the world. I'd hope they consider severance pay.

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I would not often suggest this, but it sounds to me like you are genuinely ill with some MH issues at the moment. If you get sick pay, I'd keep getting signed off by your GP and let the money keep coming in. At some point they will dismiss and there may be a lump sum payment at that stage of you are in a good pension scheme.

 

Worth thinking about. I only suggest this for genuine illness, but that seems to be where you are, yes?

Never assume anyone on the internet is who they say they are. Only rely on advice from insured professionals you have paid for!

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Emmzzi, the situation had basically left me at absolute rock bottom (contemplating suicide) to gradually rebuilding my life. Yes, I have some MH issues but they've never really come to the forefront since this happened - I think that what has happened at work has caused me to become more susceptible to my fears.

 

To sum up, I was afraid to leave home, put my clothes on etc. I'm a bit better now but I still have my moments. I also struggle to maintain a normal posture, e.g. I can't put my hand hands down to my side as I have issues with my chest that are psychological and I think its a result of this incident.

 

I plan to get a doctor's note again because C.B.T. sessions have made me realise going back won't do me any good - it could trigger another episode and I've lost total faith and trust in my workplace. I don't really care about what the outcome is now - I want a fresh start.

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For now, I would personally sit and take the cash, but if resigning will be better for your health, then that is what you need to do.

Never assume anyone on the internet is who they say they are. Only rely on advice from insured professionals you have paid for!

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I would hope that the fact I've been there ten years, they'd consider a severance package. Work keep messing me around, saying the incident is not that serious, non-job threatening and then they change their minds. I go by the advice of my T.U. rep and C.B.T. therapist, regardless if my C.B.T. therapist is an expert or not and also my H.R.

 

All I need to know and was agreed by my C.B.T. therapist is that I need to leave my job and that going back could risk another episode and I am not willing to risk that and take weeks again to get back on the road to recovery. I am making good strides and don't want to change that. Going back to work, just thinking about it, is stressful. I will go and see my GP and get another note and keep signing myself off until something gives.

 

There's more to life than a job, after all.

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Good advice, take the money as long as you can, you know you ain't going back, so no sweat.

 

Have a few days away or a day out, whatever you used to enjoy.

 

Do MOD have a rehab place or rest/break place, ask your union they should hook you up.

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Tell your doctor that!!!
Nevertheless, Grotesque, thanks for all your support - and everyone. I have made the conscious decision to leave my role and am going to talk through this with my doctor. I am satisfied with the support my T.U. and HR gave me originally so now I just need to complete the formalities - I have enough money to see me through and find another job. I'll be glad when this nightmare is over.
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I have come only to the conscious decision to leave this one - its my first proper job. I've been there ten years so I think its a good run. I've been advised on numerous occasions to leave this job and should have listened. I've had nothing but problems since I've been there. I have never actually left a job. I've had a temp job before but left because the contract ran out. Thanks mate. I'm sure there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Fingers crossed.

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