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How does my daughters boyfriend go for custody


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My daughter has recently started seeing a guy who she went out with a number of years ago.They only split up because she felt she was to young for a serious relationship. With the girl he has just left he has a daughter who is 3 years old and there is another girl to someone else who is 5. During his relationship with his ex he has endured both mental and physical abuse. He has been hit, kicked, bitten and thumped. She would tell him that he stunk and had bad breath. In the last 4 years he has come home from work to no cooked meals even the simple things like washing clothes she has not done for him. He is not the same person that he was when I first met him. I know his Mum really well wego back 30 years so I know he is being truthful as she has backed his story.

 

Since the split she has played games with him. Arranging for him to see his daughter then when he has got there she has refused access. He bought his daughter some boots, leggings and pj's and gave them to her on friday. His Mum found them in the bin on Sunday when she had his daughter for the day. His Mum has also told him the house is filthy. There are bags of rubbish in the kitchen the bathroom is dirty and there are clothes everywhere. The girls beds are sodden as they both wet the bed all she had done was put a sheet over the wee but not done anything.

 

The childrens schools have both spoken to him and said they have concerns for them. On Monday he brought them to our home for tea they both cried when they had to go saying they didn't want to go back. I have never experienced anything like this in my life and I do have great concerns. There clothes were dirty and when they took there boots of there socks were wet through we then put the socks to dry and their feet were filthy so much so it took a fair bit ti clean them.

 

Tonight his mum text me to say that the ex has told her that she is going to be leaving here and moving about 45 miles away. She is moving in with a guy she met about 3 weeks ago. His Mum had a bleed on her brain and is very fragile. She said it is the first time ever she doesn't know what to do.

 

I have a friend who is a sociual worked do I speak to her I do not feel its my place to say anything. What help can we get? As a Mum myself I want to go there tonight and bring both children here.

 

Thank you for any advice you can give us

 

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Hi Laine.

 

This may be of use in understanding Residence Orders.

 

http://www.compactlaw.co.uk/free-legal-information/children/residence-order.html

 

Regards

 

Andy

 

I have moved your thread to the General Legal Issues for better response.

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lainey,

 

I would strongly suggest that you also join mumsnet - if you are not already a member - and start a new thread there as well on this topic:-

 

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters

 

There are an awful lot of very knowledgeable women there who will be able to give you the best advice. There are many people on mumsnet who have been in the same situation and will be able to give you very practical advice on what you can do.

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  • 3 weeks later...

For the first ever in my life I picked up a phone and rang Social Services about a child I felt was in danger. I first met this lovely sweet funny girl aged 3 about 8 months ago. She could not speak properly what she could say was something you would here from a much younger child. She played with my granddaughter at nursery. I also noticed how her clothes were dirty and a little on the small side my granddaughter told me that she had been taking food from others lunch boxes as she didn't have much herself. My heart went out to her and I was so proud of my granddaughter for taking her under her wing. I had to think so hard as to wether it was right or wrong. I had to put the child first. Please believe me it was the hardest call I ever made and I don't regret it as I know it was the right thing.

 

My daughter started a new relationship with an old boyfriend and as the months went by I found out that the little 3 year old was actually his daughter. From then everything changed he told us that he had stayed with the little girls Mum as he was to scared to leave her in case she hurt the kids. He had been the victim of domestic violence.which his mum, his boss and neighbours all backed his story.

 

To cut this story short his little gitl came to play with my granddaughter I noticed how she smelt of wee and her clothers were dirty. Her shoes had holes in the bottom. when I took her home her Mum invited me in and I was so shocked by the state of the house it smelt of wee and was filthy she insisted on us seeing her bedroom and what I saw was mattrasses , pillows and duvets covered in wee the smell of ammonia took my breath away I thought I was going to be sick. I made excuses and left straight way. I sat in the car held my GD and cried. I spoke to my husband, my daughter, my daughters boyfriend and I thought what can I do. I then rang the little girls Nanny and spoke to her. I was still uncertain what to do but on the monday morning I picked the phone up and rang social services. Thet took details and said they would be in touch asap. That was 4weeks ago.

 

Things changed whenthe little girls nanny rang me in a state she told me that she had the little one and she had this enormous bump to her head. When I got there it was massive and when we asked her what had happened she wouldn't tell us. Her Mum told us 3 different stories one of which blamed her older daughter. Eventually she told us Mummy did it and she even told us the name she had called her. I rang SS again and was told they were putting things in place and they would be in touch. On Saturday I got a phone called from the little ones Nan to say she had her GD with her, had told her Mum she wasn't bringing her back and was going to Social Services. She ended up coming to my house and made the phone call. Social Services said she had a marker against her name and under no uncertain terms were the children to be returned Alo she was to ring the ish police. Which she did.. About 7 oclock the police and the childs mum turned up on our doorstep. The police were obnoxious especially the female officer. She told the girls dad to hand her back to her mother. the male police officer took him outside and they rang social services. The person we had dealt with all day had left and the guy told him that in his best interest he should hand her back.His little girl didn't want to go to her mum. She looked confused and screamed. She kept shouting no daddy please daddy dont wanna go mummy.... it was awful. We all hugged her and said our goodbyes. That was it her mums smug face walked out of the house.

 

We went to see her on Sunday and the house is empty. Everything has gone she has taken her daughter 65 miles away and won't tell us where. It was all planned for Saturday and if the little ones nanny had not snatched her they would have not seen her. She has told him he will never see her again.

 

We have had to go and clean the house otherwise he looses his bond and it is filthy stinks and not fit for a child. Apparently a child support office has seen the house and said it was ok and to a homeless person it would be a palace. Before we judge him my daughters boyfriend works 12 hour shifts 6 days a week and has cleaned that house on numerous occasions and in the end was fighting a loosing battle. We have found paperwork from social services on reports of neglect, her requiring her daughter to be assessed for speach therapy it goes on and on. Letters from Loan companies in his name for non payment of payday loans.

 

Social services rang us on Monday asking ehy we had given her back we told her that with the threat of being arrested what choice did we have. That is it now 4 days on and we don't know where the little one is and social services have left us out on a limb. Can anyone give us advice please.

Edited by citizenB
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Hi laineynic

 

A terrible story of neglect. I would contact your local MP and tell him/her what's happened and the bottom line is the 'child is in danger, the mother clearly can't cope' and they need to track her down. If she's on benefits it should be easy for Social Services or any agency to do.

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