Please help need urgent advice

[Mrs Q]

Thanks to anyone that can help and give me some advice.

 

I have had a problem with another worker, o

 

ne day he called me at work and said that I was unprofessional and not a team player, unbalanced and that I had some problems.

 

we had an argument on the phone, he said that I had changed and was not the same person he once knew, (my husband died 11 months ago).

I said of course I have changed and this is my new life and I am struggling to get through it. Tuff he said get on with it.

 

This really shocked me coming from him, as we have worked together for the past 7 years side by side.

I knew that this man has a mental problem and that I have never told any one.

I told him that he is losing the plot and that he cannot go around shouting at me and telling me these horrid things.

 

I complained to my manager as I was so shocked I sobbed all the way home that night.

He agreed that he was out of order and that he will see him.

 

6 weeks went by, I was fine just had to speak to him for work but that suited me.

Then one day he called me at home and had another rant and rave at me.

 

I went higher to the area manager.

She said that she will speak to him and what is it I want to happen.

I simply said that this man should keep his opinions to himself,

and that I see not were in the company policy that I have to talk to him again on personal matters. She agreed.

 

the higher manager has called me and this man in a meeting this wednesday to discuss a way forward.

 

Now I have already told her that this man has frightened me to the point that I do not want to be in the same room as him on my own.

He was degraded me on the phone and to this day I am still shocked at his actions.

 

I feel that I am not getting took serious and all they are interested in is the company.

I have already told them that I am speaking to him on a work basis which I am and being civil about it.

 

Can anyone tell why I have to have a meeting and discuss my feelings in front of the man that has verbally attacked me on the phone and to my face.

This man is unbalanced and I am not the only member of staff to say this.

He is on medication for depression and is often at work drunk.

 

I know this must be a silly dispute to some people and you may think that other people have real problems in the work place,

but I am at my wits end, normally I would chat to my husband about this, but as I said he has passed away, so I am totally on my own.

[renegadeimp]

You do NOT have to appear in front of the other person. WHat they are doing is called a mediation meeting, where you both air your grievances. However, you do not have to appear if you feel threatened or frightened by him/her. The company should make allowances, such as interviewing you separately and putting each of your views forward for your opinions.

 

To your companies credit, they have identified a problem and are trying to rectify it. They are just going about it the wrong way.

 

You say he is on medication and is often drunk at work? Have you actually reported this to senior management? Is him being drunk at work causing any health and safety hazards?

[Mrs Q]

I told them about his medication, only because of the way he attacked me on the phone, I said maybe that is why he is like this. The manager said he will ask him. Then when I spoke to the manager again he said it is best he does not ask him.

 

I just looked and thought what the hell, we both drive company vehicles with other people in. But really they do not believe me. I am at my wits end with this man.

 

I just cannot believe that I have to sit in this room, I just know that one of the questions will be:

 

Why do you feel frightened?

 

I cannot believe that I am going to have to go through what he said to me, it comes down to the fact that we were close friends at work, and like I said to him I cannot understand why you are like this, please tell me why. The answer I got was tuff, But he will not do this in front of the manager, he will be the model employee.

 

I hope that you are able to understand were I am coming from with this.

[renegadeimp]

If you consider him a risk to other staff, you MUST inform management. Go higher if you need to.

[Mrs Q]

I was told by HR to say sorry to him, I have refused to do this. I have done nothing wrong.

 

So I cannot understand why this is going on.

 

Believe me I am creating more trouble, opening a can of worms I was told if I go higher, so it is out of the question.

[renegadeimp]

No youre not crating more trouble. If his actions are endangering colleagues, you have a duty to inform management.

[Conniff]

Why not change your phone number.

[Mrs Q]

I have blocked him from my private phone, but we both have work phones.

 

Believe me they will not listen to me, he is a model employee in front of them, other staff are scared to speak up, then tell me how they have had run ins with him, but i am the only one that has went further with this.

 

All I wanted was for him to keep his opinions to himself in the future. But he is taking this further like a baby saying that I am not talking to him, wonder why I am not talking to him.

 

Well I think that there really is no answer to my question, so will attend the meeting on wednesday and see what the outcome of that is.

 

But thanks for you help

[renegadeimp]

Im rather worried you are giving in too easy here. After all you have said, you are willing to back down without hesitation?

[Conniff]

Carry your mobile phone with you and record him, simples, no other proof needed.

[Mrs Q]

Well I went for the meeting but 24 hours before that the manager said it was a mediation and nothing to worry about, hence why I walked in there alone. Only to be told to say sorry to him and look him in the eye while I do it. Because I hesitated for about ten seconds, the manager said if I do not say sorry then she will be forced to start a disciplinary against me, but she does not want to do that.

 

I cannot believe what has happened today, this man has verbally abused me and I have been told to say sorry, she said if we become friends then all well and done but if we contact each other on private numbers she will discipline us.

When he left the room I totally broke down and said that he has a mental issue and that he is often drunk at work, well she looked at me and then turned and said how is the family. I have decided to ask for the copy of the notes, will be phoning tomorrow to let them know I am taking some time off.

She said she interviewed at witness, but never said what the out come was. I spoke to the witness and said thanks for speaking up, the do not know what I was on about. They said no one has spoken to them. Well what more can I say, least of all I am a little upset and so confused at the moment

[renegadeimp]

Dont just take time off. Get a doctor to sign you off.

[fletch70]

This may sound harsh but are you 100% sure that he is drunk at work. I remember seeing a well known actress on children in need many years ago and thought she was very drunk. When she later died (some time later) it was announced she had been suffering a long term debilitating illness.

I have an issue with HR saying that if you contact each other outside work they would discipline you. That can not be fair or right although I do not see why you would contact him and maybe the threat will stop him. It is also wrong for HR to say they have spoken to person X.

 

The ultimate way forward is to resign and cite constructive dismissal or at least tell HR that you have been advised that is what to do. I know it is difficult when you have a job and someone turns on you.

[Mrs Q]

Resign you must be joking. I have so many years invested in this company and an excellent pension. Resigning is out of the question.

[renegadeimp]

Theres no need to resign. Get your doctor to sign you off with stress or whatever, and take that time off to compose yourself and work out your next step forward.

[fletch70]

I didn't say you should resign, all I said was that it was an option.

[Mrs Q]

Well really need the time off, you are right to compose myself, some one said to me today that after the death of my husband I did not have enough time to me. So maybe some time off will do me good and let me see a lot clearer as to what to do next.

 

But I think that whole meeting is well out of order and that is what is bothering me more that this man at the moment. Ten minutes before the meeting I was told by the manager that I represented the company to such a high standard and that they cannot thank me enough, and that I had a true passion as the day I started. (this was a huge management meeting I attended)

 

So forgive me when I stay that this is what has shocked me today, what the hell is going on I say.

 

I feel i need to ask that manager tomorrow that I thought this was a mediation meeting and not a threatening meeting where I have to confront a man that I already told you about and that scared the **** out of me.

 

Sorry just ranting and getting this out of my head.

[fletch70]

I can only imagine how the death of your husband affected you. I had been separated from my wife for 10 years when she died but even 14 months on I often think that I must phone her.She will no doubt be laughing at my current predicament and would be saying I told you so. My dad died nearly 3 years ago and I know that Mum said the first year was the worst but she still has her moments (understatement)

[Mrs Q]

Thanks for that, life is hard, but when you have some one at work saying to tuff to the death of my husband it really hits home. But really thanks for the support in that. One statement I said in the meeting is why are some people hell bent on hurting for no reason.guess what no reply, I think I expect to much to the so called friends at work

[fletch70]

I would say that until you have lost someone you love/care for then you can not even pretend to understand what is going on. Some people appear to cope but ....

[renegadeimp]

I would say that until you have lost someone you love/care for then you can not even pretend to understand what is going on. Some people appear to cope but ....

 

For once fletch, i am in 10000% agreement with you.