barred from supermarket ...

[BankFodder]

I think that this is a very sad story - and there has been some misunderstanding here from one side or the other.

However, I think that you need to be very careful. These things can get very out of control very quickly.

 

Clearly she has the support of the supermarket - rightly or wrongly.

 

If you start going back to the supermarket, the next thing will be that you are subject of a full prosecution for harassment.

You would probably find this to be one of them most traumatic and humiliating experiences of your life and it will take a long time to get over it and you will never forget it.

 

Best to shop elsewhere and to put it behind you. It sounds as if you have been treated very unfairly but you really have no rights of action here.

You are going to have to let it go before you get hurt

[NSC]

Did you address it to the store manager?

i wrote to the manager i originally saw regarding the unrelated matter and i wrote to the store manager.

 

If so, go one step up and get the regional manager or head office.

i might do that but i'm beginning to wonder if i'm not just waisting my time. it seems that people all too readily jump to conclusions.

 

As for "dirty work", you are woefully misinformed. The police will only become involved if they have evidence of this harassment. They arent a body for hire. Somewhere along the line your actions have been interpreted as harassment.

the police told me they didn't know why they'd been called. that doesn't sound very evidential to me. nor does the fat the i'd not seen this check-out girl for a number of weeks prior to this. i sound very much like a pretext to me. and let's not forget that the last time i saw ths check-out girl, she seemed fine with me.

 

Send a letter to the head office, or the regional manager. If you don't get anywhere with them, then it might be time for you to find another shop for a while.

i',m already having to shop elsewhere. this was over 2 weeks ago, which is the time i've given them to respond to my 2 prior letters.

 

You also seem to be a bit obsessed with going back to this store.

as i've already stated, my inteest in this store is economic and dietary. but i do feel slighted by this barring and i would like it over-turned, whether or not i ever shop there again. arguably, anything one does could be viewed as obsessive. but that mean it is obsessive. i know far my about psychiatry than i do about legality. i suffer from depression and this hasn't helped with that one little bit (personal disclosure - try not to use it against me!!!).

[renegadeimp]

Look. I understand your point of view. However, i dont think you are understanding that for the police to get involved, there must have been some form of evidence of harassment. i think the best piece of advice is what Bankfodder gave you.

 

Best to shop elsewhere and to put it behind you. It sounds as if you have been treated very unfairly but you really have no rights of action here.

You are going to have to let it go before you get hurt

 

I know it's not what you want to hear, and indeed you may feel ill treated. However, legally there is nothing you can do, and everything the shop can do to you. In a few weeks, they may have forgotten all about it, but right now, it would be very wise not to tempt fate. Especially since the police have given you a warning about it. The last thing you want is to get a criminal record simply because you didnt agree with them.

[NSC]

However, i dont think you are understanding that for the police to get involved, there must have been some form of evidence of harassment.

and i don't think you understand that the police had no idea why they'd been call originally until i disclosed to them what i've stated here. and i spoke to the officer involved at length about this a few days later and he couldn't offer any tangible exlanation even then. let alone actual evience!!! what have i stated here that constitutes actual harassment? nothing AFAIK. and i don't think i've left anything material out. if you disagree with me, please let me know?

 

I know it's not what you want to hear, and indeed you may feel ill treated. However, legally there is nothing you can do, and everything the shop can do to you.

life's a bitch and then you die - believe me, i do get the picture here!!!

 

In a few weeks, they may have forgotten all about it, but right now, it would be very wise not to tempt fate. Especially since the police have given you a warning about it. The last thing you want is to get a criminal record simply because you didnt agree with them.

i've already stated i've no intention of going anywhere near this supermarket under the current circumstances. and please note: i never said anthing about any warning. a warning is a formal matter. the police advised me that i had been barred from this supermarket (not their job at all IMO). AFAIK, advice isn't the same as a warning. however, to be absolutely sure i'll go and talk to the officer involved again.

[renegadeimp]

Why are you so adamant about going back? Even if there was no OFFICIAL police complaint, the store management has made it perfectly clear that they dont want you to go to their store from now on. The only thing that will happen if you continue writing/conversing with them would be that the accusation will turn into proper harassment.

 

However, Bankfodder gave you the best advice in this thread, so it would be wise to follow it. It would save a ton of stress and headache later on.

[NSC]

Why are you so adamant about going back?

why don't you understand that i don't want to go back under the current circumstances. i want this rediculous bar reversed. i'm given to understand by the police that the supermarket will have a complaints procedure. so i've complained. i expect this complaint to be taken seriously not just ignored, as appears to be the case at present. surely, all of that is perfectly understandable???

 

Even if there was no OFFICIAL police complaint, the store management has made it perfectly clear that they dont want you to go to their store from now on.

no they haven't. all of this is chinese whispers (the legal term for which i believe is hearsay). the supermarket have allegedly told me what the check-out girl has said to them. the police have told me what the supermarket have allegedly said to them. not a word of this is first hand. it's extremely frustrating. and legally, i don't think i can rely on any of it really.

 

The only thing that will happen if you continue writing/conversing with them would be that the accusation will turn into proper harassment.

how on earth can i be accused of harassing the supermarket when it was the police that told me to lodge an offical complaint with them??? in writing to the supermarket, all i've done is follow their advice. this is just too bizarre.

 

However, Bankfodder gave you the best advice in this thread, so it would be wise to follow it. It would save a ton of stress and headache later on.

i'm not saying it isn't. but that doesn't mean i'm not deeply offended by this little episode. because i am. and just because there isn't currently any legal redress doesn't mean this is a moraly acceptable way for this supermarket to behave or that there won't come a time when this is legally as well as morally unacceptable either.

[renegadeimp]

Ok i can see im annoying you so ill make this short and wish you luck.

 

You say you want the ridiculous bar reversed. It may seem ridiculous, but we've already explained multiple times that you can be banned from any shop in the UK for any reason the management see fit, as long as that reason doesnt breach law, such as disabilities/race etc. The only way to contest it, is as bankfodder said. A simple letter. If this goes unanswered, then it is wise not to chase it up.

 

By harassment with the store, i meant that continued letters/calls/whatever can be considered harassment and they can pursue you for such.

 

Everyone here understands that you are deeply offended. However, you still need to follow the law when dealing with the problem. To the store, by you continually getting in contact, it appears that you are indeed harassing, or trying to reach the cashier. It is their duty to protect their staff from any possibility of harassment.

 

 

Now, if i were you, and i wasn't getting any answer from the store, i would write a letter that is short and simple with no hyperbole to the head office and get the full official word on the issue.

 

Again, good luck with your issue, but you really need to stop contacting the store/police and reach out to the head office. They would be the ones that could find out why you were actually banned. Just keep in mind that your correspondence could seem that you have some kind of obsession with getting back to the store for whatever reason. It may not be the case at all in your eyes, but you need to see things as they are seeing them.

[NSC]

the first letter was addressed to the manager i spoke to. the second to the branch manager. neither stated or implied that i wished to have any further contact with this check-out girl. and if this store doesn't reply and tell me why they've behaved as they have they can hardly expect me to understand why i haven't heard from them. and as for seeing things from their POV. i can't say they've given much consideration for mine!!! my professional background is as an aerospace engineer. i know enough about hierarchial organisations to appreciate that their behaviour has been quite appalling. i'll write to their head office but i'm currently running very short on diplomacy.

[Consumer dude]

Something's can't always be sorted by diplomacy or legal methods..

[assisted blonde]

The police must have been given a reason for coming out, they dont just turn up unless called for a purpose, However I really feel there is too much he said she said they said and allegedlys to ever fully understand what has happened here, so i wish the OP the best of luck and hope he gets the response that he wants from the store.

[stu007]

Hi

 

I can see where Consumer Dude is coming from as personally if this was me I would be persuing the Supermarket that had made this claim and for all evidence to back up such a claim.

 

If the checkout girl had not made any reasonable suggestion to the OP that this attention was unwelcome then how was the OP to know different.

 

Did the checkout girl on the day of the incident make it clear they would not accept such a token or did they actually take it then after shift finished complain to cover their back for accepting gifts from customers which may be against company policy.

 

The store could have handled this matter in a better way rather than accuse the OP and ban then from store with no right to defend such accusation.

[NSC]

The police must have been given a reason for coming out, they dont just turn up unless called for a purpose,

i've described in some detail exactly what happened here. if they had been aware of why they'd been called they weren't telling me, even though i asked them. it was only when i mentiioned the conversation with the manager at the supermarket that i'd had many days previously that they latched onto the whole harassment issue. i wish now that i hadn't mentioned it to them as i now doubt they had any real reason whatsoever, other than playing 'messanger boy' for the supermarket.

 

However I really feel there is too much he said she said they said and allegedlys to ever fully understand what has happened here, so i wish the OP the best of luck and hope he gets the response that he wants from the store.

and isn't that exactly what's so frustrating about this whole situation. i'm none the wiser than you are. and it seems i may never know the truth of what's gone on here, even though it triggered quite a severe depressive relapse. i've been offered CBT in the past for my depression but i can't be bothered with it because the fact is that there are some really nasty people in the world. and no amount of therapy will fix that!!!

[scotgal68]

What does AFAIK mean?

[Bombaymix]

As far as I know AFAIK means... As far as I know lol

[LaughingGirl]

What does AFAIK mean?

 

As Far As I Know. I've had to ask that myself in the past.

[scotgal68]

Cheers thought it was some legal jargon lol 

[sillygirl1]

NSC, one of the objectives of CBT is to give you 'coping strategies' to help recognise when situations are becoming 'dodgy'. I think you should take up the offer, clearly you do need some objectiveness in your life and this is a good tool (I've used CBT as I get chronic insomnia and it really does help with that).

 

Yes, there are some 'nasty people' in this world and if you let them take over your thoughts then 'they' have won.

 

Moving on and getting over the bad things that happen is all part of life.

[porkyp1g]

Doesn't this shop do home delivery? Is it one of the super markets, or is it a smaller shop? At least then you get your dietary and financial requirements sorted?

[Consumer dude]

Doesn't this shop do home delivery? Is it one of the super markets, or is it a smaller shop? At least then you get your dietary and financial requirements sorted?

 

That's a good idea, and send an invoice to the offending supermarket to cover the extra cost of having your food delivered. lol..

[NSC]

NSC, one of the objectives of CBT is to give you 'coping strategies' to help recognise when situations are becoming 'dodgy'. I think you should take up the offer, clearly you do need some objectiveness in your life and this is a good tool (I've used CBT as I get chronic insomnia and it really does help with that).

 

Yes, there are some 'nasty people' in this world and if you let them take over your thoughts then 'they' have won.

 

Moving on and getting over the bad things that happen is all part of life.

this is diverging a lot from the purpose of this thread but c'est la vie.

 

as well as a genetic pre-disposition to depression, i most likely have a mild form of asperger's syndrome, the medical term for which is PDD-NOS (pervasive development disorder - not otherwise specified). i also have dysprxia. this cause me a number of difficulties, the most obvious of which in terms of social interaction are that i don't tend to pick up on NVC (non-verbal communication) and other people tend to take my lack of facial expression and rather monotonic voice as a sign of anger/hostility, which it isn't. i've suffered from depression for well over 30 years and i've been hospitalised because of it twice. i found out about the PDD-NOS about 7 years ago, when these problems caused another mental breakdown and my employer decided to discriminate against me by sacking me when i was fit for and capable of returning to work. over the years i've gained an enormous knowledge of psychology/psychiatry and i dutifully did a bit of digging on CBT. my opinion is that i doesn't address the problems i face because of the PDD-NOS. i'll be a little blunter than that. i thought it was little better than psychobabble. there is a real world out there. and this is what happens in the real world. live with it or die from it - it's not going to change any time soon!!! but thanks for the well meaning advice, even if i won't be taking it.

[BazzaS]

this is diverging a lot from the purpose of this thread but c'est la vie.

 

 

....... little better than psychobabble. there is a real world out there. and this is what happens in the real world. live with it or die from it - it's not going to change any time soon!!! but thanks for the well meaning advice, even if i won't be taking it.

 

If you feel that the world won't change, then your options become:

1) stick with the status quo, or

2) adapt your response to that unchanging world.

 

It appears you have decided for "Option 1"

[NSC]

If you feel that the world won't change, then your options become:

1) stick with the status quo, or

2) adapt your response to that unchanging world.

 

It appears you have decided for "Option 1"

i don't think you can draw any such conclusion. i tend to fight against the injustices in the world. but that doesn't mean that i don't recognise that much if not most of this is futile. where does that fit in with your analysis???

 

it does cross my mind that i could possibly take a pop at this supermarket on the basis of disability discrimination. but do i want to??? probably not, really.

[renegadeimp]

Nope. I can tell you now, you wont succeed if you try that angle.

[NSC]

Nope. I can tell you now, you wont succeed if you try that angle.

i said take a pop. not win. i know a fair bit about disability discrimination. if they had any sense they'd simply claim they were unaware of my disability. but it might be fun trying.

[renegadeimp]

Might be fun, but it would be a guaranteed loss.