home repossession and effects on health

[richarddawkins]

Richard,

who would be most likely to open the door where you live ?

 

That will be dear old me, unfortunately.

[oldgirl]

Hi Richard, first of all I have to say that you have got some wonderful friends on this site, they all sound lovely and so very supportive, i wish that we'd had such support when we were having our 'problems'.

I've been where you are Richard, we lost our home in 1997ish, also we had other debts and of course we were hotly pursued by the usual bunch of lowlife who call making the lives of others a misery, a job, I dreaded answering the door or the phone, hated the postie coming, daren't have friends round in case we had a visit from debt collectors or baliffs. Life was awful and opting out seemed like a good idea but we had our sons and other family and couldn't bear the thought of the hurt they would feel if we took that road, threats from debt collectors were the worst really scary and the thought of them coming to the door terrified me, of course then we had no idea that we had rights and a forum such as this would have been a huge help, even just for the support of other people who knew what we were going through.

Of course since then I have learned that debt collectors have no powers at all and aren't allowed to visit you at home without invitation, Lillibelle is right it is a long, scary horrible road but you will reach the end of it, the building society (Halifax) sold our home for peanuts and have been pursuing us via debt collectors and solicitors since 1999 for a shortfall of sometimes £18,700 and sometimes £17,000???. We have had letters from so many different solicitors and debt collectors over the years that I have lost count, we have never entered into any correspondence with them despite them sending us expenditure forms and various threats to visit us at home which have never happened. The last one we had was April this year, maybe we will get another from someone else maybe not but it's past the 12 year mark now and in all that time we received no Money Judgement Order from the Halifax via the courts, no information on how they had marketed our home, absolutely no official paperwork at all. All we have had is threats from bully boys, they haven't been constant sometimes as much as a year has passed then we'll get a flurry of letters from threats to telling us how much they understand our situation and how much they want to help us (HA!!), I hasten to say that we have paid all our other debts off but our home was worth much more and we have no intention of lining the pockets of the Halifax, which is why we have ignored the threats, i know that possibly some of you may not agree with what we have done.

Anyway Richard please try not to worry (easier said than done I know) you have wonderful support on here and seem to have formed a lovely little circle of friends, good morning to you all, Richard things will get better I promise I've been there.

[Lillibelle]

Hiya oldgirl,,,Welcome to my little world xxx

[oldgirl]

Hiya Lillibelle, thanks for the welcome, a good day today the postie has been and no obscene letters so maybe we are going to get peace at last, although I don't count on it as we usually get letters on a weekend or at Xmas, mind you i don't worry as much now i suppose i've grown hardened to it all lol. You have a good day Lillibelle and I hope that all goes well for you

[Janie1962]

Morning, everyone! Pleased there were no horrors in the mail for you today oldgirl, and I hope no-one else had any either. We got Cap One's standard drivel regarding the fact we haven't paid the full monthly installment. No we haven't, no we can't. They've had a small token payment and there's nothing else now until next month! Sick to the back teeth of explaining there's far too much month left at the end of the money.......they'll get the message eventually.

 

Richard - how are you today? I was reading through all this thread last night, and it suddenly struck me how much courage you actually have. It takes guts to post on a forum and bare your soul like you've done. So please don't think you have none, Richard because you do. You just don't recognise it yet!

 

Best wishes

Janie

Edited September 13, 2012 by Janie1962

[Lillibelle]

Ello my little cupcakes,,,,,,,,Mr Postie has been kind to me too today,,I got a grouting pen that I bought from Ebay lol,,,then himself took me out to pick up a ladder (oh I know how to live the high life),,had a bag of chips by the sea,,and came home........will write more after a long soak in the bath xxx

[richarddawkins]

Anyway Richard please try not to worry (easier said than done I know) you have wonderful support on here and seem to have formed a lovely little circle of friends, good morning to you all, Richard things will get better I promise I've been there.

 

Thank you for posting on this forum oldgirl. I am really sorry to hear what has happened to you. Losing home is the worst part. When i lost my home i couldn't sleep and had to take medication plus i felt so vulnerable. It was as if i had lost all control of life and was helpless. It was a big shock to my manly ego i must admit as i realised i could not support my family. Admittedly i was sick but still the pain was unbearable.

 

I am happy that you have made it through so many years and have remained steadfast. If it has been 12 years and you have not communicated with the creditor halifax, your debt may be statute barred. The site team will guide you best though as i am still learning to walk in this field so to speak. That should bring a big sense of relief for you.

 

Yes you are right i have a circle of friends now.Hey I am becoming a socialite quite quickly. Isn't this wonderful. Would you like to join us?

 

best wishes

[Lillibelle]

See Richard !! Did you envisage yourself being able to dispense advice? and GOOD advice at that !! Baby steps hun and slowly you will begin to heal. We have all adopted each other thus far,,and it's going terribly well xx

[Rohannah]

Yes you are right i have a circle of friends now.Hey I am becoming a socialite quite quickly. Isn't this wonderful. Would you like to join us

 

 

Richard,this really is great.Hello oldgirl thanks for posting on here very much appreciated.Good posts to read.

Ro

[Lillibelle]

Hiya Rohannah xxxxxxx

I am going to rename you,oldgirl,you shall be Girly to me cos you aren't old,we are only as old as we act and I'm positively juvenile.

Janie,,i hope you had a wonderful day,,tell me,,what breed is your BIG doggy? I have cats,,4 of the things !! but I love dogs:)

Richard I agree with Rohannah,you are doing really well,keep the good work up

[richarddawkins]

Sorry guys really depressed today and very stressed. Thoughts of my past failures kept on coming into my head and i just could not stop them. I have not been able to achieve much in life and i feel quite sad. I compare myself my old mates who are now in high paying jobs have families and a life to speak of. And here i am in debt, depressed, disabled living with parents. Some times life can be so unfair.

 

I just can't come to grips with my situation. Why can't i be a healthy sane man who could hold a good job have a career and a family. Some times i just want to turn over and die. There is so much courage around in this forum but i still feel as if nothing will come of me. This is an awful post i know.

[Lillibelle]

That is a 'middle of the night and tired brain' post.........been there,,done that...still do it now and then.Noone knows what goes on behind closed doors hun,these mates you talk of,whilst I agree SOME of them probably have good jobs,happy home life ,money etc ,,others will be juggling everything,robbing Peter to pay Paul,,possibly drinking too much,have so much on credit cards they pay off one with another,re mortgaged to the hilt,not told the wife what is really going on,,a thousand different issues they cannot face...whereas YOU have already faced the worst things that can happen,,you have already lost one house,you won't lose the next one because you are slowly learning the skills to be able to manage your finances.You will get another job in your chosen career,one that pays you enough to live a decent lifestyle but doesn't depend on credit to keep you afloat..You live with your parents,,don't we all run home knowing Mum and Dad will love us no matter what? ( I can't do that now sadly) Depression is an illness,not a lifestyle,and like all ilnesses it has to run it's course and be treated If you die who will grieve? All your family will,all your friends will,,and they will all ask the one big question,WHY? Why didn't he tell us how bad he was feeling? Why did he think we thought less of him because of money?Why ,why why?........Things will get better hun,,one day at a time I promise

[oldgirl]

Good morning everyone, Girly, yes I like that Lillibelle thank you. Richard there is a saying 'the darkest hour is just before dawn' and believe me it's true, any worries or negative feelings are magnified during the wee small hours and the feeling of being alone is truly awful, I've been there endless times and saw no light at the end of the tunnel. Things will change Richard, you are obviously an articulate, intelligent man who despite the way you are feeling now will make something of his life, like Lillibelle I no longer had the option of going and living with my parents, you are so lucky to have them Richard and I'm sure they love and support you.

What Lillibelle says is true, depression is an illness and an awful one, I know because our eldest son suffers from it and was on medication for many years, the past year he has been off the meds and hopefully he will be able to manage without them. We are all here for you Richard, please try not to feel bad about yourself, you are a lovely person, remember the only way is up now and you will get to the top of that big hill truly you will. As for all those mate who 'appear' to be doing so well, I had a 'mate' like that once, holidays twice a year, big house it transpired that it was all funded by credit cards and loans so stop beating yourself up

[Janie1962]

Richard, I'm so sorry you're having such a bad day. They happen, I know, and it's pointless to pretend otherwise. What I do, is write it all down. Really put eveything - every negative thing - down on paper. Don't hold anything back; just let it come. When you've finished, fold up that piece of paper and put it somewhere out of sight. When you're having a better day, read that piece of paper again. It'll prove to you just how much you are capable of, and that you ARE getting better, a little at a time.

 

You have some truly amazing qualities, Richard - you're kind, honest with your feelings, articulate.........yes, you've made some mistakes, and you have an illness that can't be seen or quantified. That doesn't make you a failure. It makes you human, like the rest of us! I've come to realise that everyone's life is like a swan - all you ever see is the smooth glide along the water; you never see the frantic paddling underneath that stops it from sinking! You never truly know what goes in someone else's life. We all have our demons, some are more apparent than others, that's all.

 

Be kind to yourself, love, you're a good person and deserve the best!

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Rohannah]

Well girls,

what are we going to do with our boy Richard ? he is obviously selling himself way short here.Educated,sociable, well read,open,kind,well we all see it the trick is to get Richard to see who he really is.

Memo to Richard -you are not your illness it really is only a small part of you it just looks insurmountable at the moment because of what you have been through,the description of the real Richard is in the posts above.It will get better just have more faith in yourself and the real Richard will eventually surface.

 

Hugs

Ro

[Janie1962]

That's a wonderful way putting it, Ro - so very true.

 

Thinking of you, Richard.

[Rohannah]

Thanks Janie,

we've all been there so we know how hard it can be,when you get past it you don't forget what it's like.I still get "glitches" milder now I'm older,thank God.

[oldgirl]

Goodnight everyone, Richard I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you, as you can see we are all thinking of you, Rohanna I agree with all that you say about Richard, and Richard i hope you join us tomorrow.

[Lillibelle]

Hello my lovelies,,sorry I'm a bit MIA at moment,,my beloveds Dad is ill,,terminally,,and being so cantankerous it's not funny,,,shall pop in later..have a lovely day and remember,,tomorrow is Sunday=NO POST lol xxxxxxxx

[richarddawkins]

So sorry to hear about your dad Lillibelle, May god give you the strength to pull through. Seeing your loved ones in pain is the most diffiicult sight in the world. All i can pray is that god takes away his pain.

 

Feeliing a bit better now. Sorry for the depressing post earlier. Thank you guys for the support.

 

Listened to some music and watched TV some of my favourites like top gear. I usually record my fav's so i can watch later. Also was reading some other posts in the debt forum. It's strange that when you read about people's troubles , you not only empathise with them but it also makes you stronger. Perhaps it's because knowledge is power.

 

You guys are the best, very kind comments earlier. Hanging in there.

 

best regards

[Janie1962]

Hi, Richard

 

So pleased things are looking a bit better for you today. Eventually, there'll be more and more good ones - you'll see! Don't know what the weather's like where you are, but here in North Yorks it's lovely and sunny, so I'm going to mow the lawn and cut the hedge!!!

 

Lillibelle - I'm so sorry to hear about your OH's father. Like Richard says, it must be so very difficult for you both. Keep your chin up, sweetie.

 

Hope Girly & Ro are both fit and well today - see you all later!

 

Best wishes

Janie

[Lillibelle]

Gotta be honest,,it would be kinder if the end comes quickly for the ole man....sometimes I wonder what is wrong with the ethics in this world,If he were an animal then he wouldn't be allowed to suffer.......it's so hard because although the cancer has spread to his brain now he has phases of complete lucidity and believe me when I say those times are completely awful because thats when he is really aggressive both verbally and physically,I take the brunt of it because he can't hurt me and I will protect my OH and his brother from the eye of the storm as long as I can.(basically cos I can't stand the man,,never have liked him,,so his words roll off me..) I'm not a hypocrite,I won't go around wailing and self flaggellating cos he's dying,,but I will be there for him because I don't want him to be scared and feel alone and I can take the verbal backlash....

[oldgirl]

Hi Richard, really lovely to see you on here today, glad you did some of the things that you enjoy yesterday, i too record things to watch later usually when i am alone as hubby works away all week, Janie is right Richard, eventually the good days become more numerous than the bad ones. Life has a funny old way of balancing out the good and the bad and soon the scales will tip in your favour, I do know what you are going through where losing your home is concerned, I loved our cottage, we had done so much to it, but the past is gone and we have to look forward to the good times which WILL come back for you. We live in a rented bungalow now (cos we is getting old lol) and regularly dream of a lottery win or a distant relative leaving us a fortune but we have a roof over our heads and a smashing landlord, so we count our blessings.

Thank you Janie i am good today thanks and hope that you are also, weather is dry here in Wales but very chilly which is better for dog walking, now have one exhausted terrier boy who is out for the count on his bed, hubby was late home last night so he has gone for a kip and i am going outside to attack some brambles which keep coming back.

Lillibelle so sorry that you have so much on your plate at the moment, i admire you for your lack of hypocricy and your generosity of spirit, you seem to be a very strong woman, hope that life is being kind to you today love.

Well best get out to those pesky brambles cos they wont clear themselves and hubby loves to see a nice garden but hates making it happen, we do only have a smallish garden though so it's not too bad.

Richard i hope that you are having a good day, wouldn't it be lovely if we could all have coffee (or something) together.

Take care now xx

[richarddawkins]

Thank you Lillibelle,janie and oldgirl,

 

Hang in there lillibelle, we are with you. It is very difficult when you have ambivalent feelings towards some body. But you are kind and a loving person that is lovely to see. Do spend time on your self so that you can unwind. Do share with us everything you wanna share to get all the load off your chest.

 

The garden where i live is of good size. My mum plants all sorts of flowers and shrubs and it is wonderful to see them grow. I have spent some very difficult moments walking in this garden.

 

Today the life is being kind to me and i am better and sane. You are strong oldgirl with the courage you show even after losing your cottage. May god bless the landlords. he he .Will watch more TV today and more of the same music.

 

best wishes guys hang in there

[Rohannah]

Hi everyone,

sorry to hear about your dad Lilli I lost mine the same way many years ago it's an awful thing and I agree with what you say regarding the ethics in these circumstances.Girly, I'd love a bungalow but you can keep the bramble I get tons of it because I feed the birds they deposit all sorts of seeds mostly of things I don't want and bramble is top of the list. Janie you have sunshine you lucky person it's cold and miserable here,OH did our lawn last week it's grown again already my hedge is jasmine and honeysuckle so it won't get cut until next spring yipee.Richard when you feel able to get out in the garden you could let us know what's growing out there anyone who gardens is nearly always interested in what is in other peoples,well I'd better go and do something useful in the house or I'll feel very guilty later.I won't really that was a porkie-sorry.

Love to all

Ro