Supervisor is a bully

[Lyssie27]

Hi, I've worked at the same company for 8 years and I started working there when I was 19. My supervisor is the mother of one of my good friends but I only see her when I'm in work. My boyfriend, who has been shopping there for years before we started a relationship, picks me up from work but comes into the shop 20 minutes before I finish and waits for me.

 

Sometimes through the day he comes in to buy stuff, as he always did before,and he doesnt stay for more than a few minutes. Recently my supervisor has been acting really nasty toward him and the one time she spoke to him she told him not to keep me talking because I was busy.

 

He never does this and so he told her so. Now she has started looking at the shop camera to see if he's coming in and went off it when she saw he was coming in 20 minutes before I finish, she says he's not allowed to do this and it could cost me my job. Other employees have their wives bring sandwiches in and talk to people but they dont mind about that.

 

Also, my boyfriend is quite a bit older than me which she doesn't agree with. Every time she complains about him coming in she gets in little comments like "I think he's obssessed coming in all the time" or "does he not have a life". Every shift I go in wondering what she's going to complain about next. She doesn't say these things in a nice way, straight away she will start arguing with no provocation and because I've worked there so long she speaks to me like a child.

 

How can I stop her from doing this? She argues with me infront of customers and yet when she needs to speak to another employee she gets me to stay behind after my shift so she can talk to them in private. I have only phoned in sick one day in about 2 years and she started lying to me on the phone saying that her neice was missing following a birthday party the night before becasue she couldn't be bothered to sort out someone else coming in. I asked her daughter and it was a load of rubbish.

 

Then the next day she was shirty with me and said she wasnt happy and was extremely annoyed with me for phoning in sick and she couldn't believe that I didn't even try to go in. Yet when others phone in sick she bends over backwards to cover the shift for them.

 

Is there anything I can do apart from going to my manager? The manager just shrugs her shoulders.

[honeybee13]

Hello and welcome to CAG. I hope we'll be able to help you.

 

One thing you could do to make life easier for the advisers and get more help is to put more spacing into your post please. In the grey strip at the bottom of every post is Edit Post in black. If you click on that, you can put in some paragraphs.

 

Some of us are not very good at walls of text and tend to give up, but it's your choice.

 

My best, HB

[rebel11]

Hi Lyssie

 

Welcome to CAG

 

I would keep a diary at home, every time she 'bully's' you, make a note of the day, time and what shes actually said.

 

You could raise an unofficial grievance with her, if it's not sorted out, raise a formal grievance, send it Recorded to HR, mention that you've tired to resolve matters informally. Are you in the Union?

 

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/employment/resolvingworkplacedisputes/grievanceprocedures/dg_10027992

 

http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1670

 

Info on Bullying in the work place:-

 

http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=797

 

http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=794

 

Please let us know how your problem has been resolved, it could help fellow Caggers.

[Emmzzi]

I can see her point. What reason does your b/f have for coming in? A shop is a private premises not a public place, and being there every shift is a bit odd.

[madari]

Best thing to do would be to ask your BF not to be seen at all or near your place of work for the next month or so & to keep a low profile as these bullies have a tendancy to move on to other victims after a while.

 

I personally wouldnt rock the boat by raising grievances esepecially when the union is weak [i am guessing it is USDAW?]& they could within their rights easily ban your BF from entering the premises for good.

 

Be careful with your next step or you might find yourself making the whole situation worse not better.

 

Good luck

[rebel11]

That's one issue, but it sounds a bit more then that. Also it might be 'Unite'.

 

'Then the next day she was shirty with me and said she wasnt happy and was extremely annoyed with me for phoning in sick and she couldn't believe that I didn't even try to go in. Yet when others phone in sick she bends over backwards to cover the shift for them.'

 

Best thing to do would be to ask your BF not to be seen at all or near your place of work for the next month or so & to keep a low profile as these bullies have a tendancy to move on to other victims after a while.

 

I personally wouldnt rock the boat by raising grievances esepecially when the union is weak [i am guessing it is USDAW?]& they could within their rights easily ban your BF from entering the premises for good.

 

Be careful with your next step or you might find yourself making the whole situation worse not better.

 

Good luck

[Emmzzi]

There may well be a couple of issues. But imagine you are the boss.

 

"..and they guy turns up and just watches her working for about half an hour EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's freaking me out."

 

That's going to erode your sympathy.

 

I'd get b/f to stop calling and see if there really is another problem there first.

[rebel11]

I don't need to imagine. It's a distraction, work stops etc.

 

There may well be a couple of issues. But imagine you are the boss.

 

"..and they guy turns up and just watches her working for about half an hour EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's freaking me out."

 

That's going to erode your sympathy.

 

I'd get b/f to stop calling and see if there really is another problem there first.

[madari]

The employers defence regarding the above matter would be no more than a formality to get rid of the employee:

 

`During work time Blah!!! ....Blah!!!...Blah!!!.......Goodbye. [sorry to sound unsympathetic but thats how it works]

 

Also dont forget the longer you have worked for them the more eager they are to find a legitimate way to get rid so to avoid paying large compensation.

[Lyssie27]

I can see her point. What reason does your b/f have for coming in? A shop is a private premises not a public place, and being there every shift is a bit odd.

 

He's been coming in for years long before I even knew him. He just lives around the corner and it's a petrol station I work in so alot of people come in every day.

 

I've told him not to come in anymore anyways and he's having to travel further to get his fuel now. So far she hasn't said anything but is still doing everything else mentioned such as arguing with me infront of customers and allowing other employees wives/boyfriends to come in etc.

[lbruk]

I'd take issue with the fact she admonishes you on the sales floor in front of people.

 

The fact your partner comes in everyday would start to annoy even the most liberal of people, I have had to deal with similar situations as the manager.

[bonnygirl]

Where my dad works in retail the managers and commercial are always bonking each other and some are even married and some have 2 and 3 members of the same family working there. He have to be careful when talking to colleagues in case they maybe related and put his foot in it. It is a very big 'YOUR' store.

Surely if a friend was to call into a store to see a friend or boy/or girl friend how can that be offensive unless the person is waiting inside the store when it has been closed.

[lbruk]

Its not about being "offensive" its about the fact that the person can put off the person working, or not speaking to customers.

 

Pu tit another way. Would they allow the partner to stand behind them if they were in an office and talking on the phone? or working at their computer? or drilling a hole in the middle of the road?

[bonnygirl]

Its not about being "offensive" its about the fact that the person can put off the person working, or not speaking to customers.

 

Pu tit another way. Would they allow the partner to stand behind them if they were in an office and talking on the phone? or working at their computer? or drilling a hole in the middle of the road?

 

I see what you mean, but the OP said that he comes in to buy things and that the manager mouths her off in front of customers that is unacceptable. So effectively the manager is stopping a customer coming into the store. But that is retail for you they employ managers with no savvy. Any good manager leave pronto or cannot work with such people or cannot operating in with such an oppressive regime.

[Lyssie27]

I spoke to my mananger today. I told her what my supervisor did and she couldn't believe it when I spoke to her about how my supervisor wants to ban my boyfriend from coming in and how she speaks to me infront of the customers. My manager doesnt mind him coming in because she sees that he just buys whatever he's getting and leaves. He only comes in early when I finish because I work by myself and he doesnt like me standing in a petrol station at night on my own. He stands away from the till when customers come in.

 

My manager also says that she told my supervisor that if she wants to ban my boyfriend then she is going to have to tell everyone else that their boyfriends/wives cant come in which she hasnt done. According to my manager one of their wives actually goes and stands behind the till next to her husband talking to him.

 

I think my manager feels it is unfair how my supervisor is treating me as she has said today to go and see her about anything else that happens so hopefully she will have a word with her if it continues.

[Emmzzi]

Good luck with your supervisor now you have gone over her head. I cannot see this ending well.

[Lyssie27]

Good luck with your supervisor now you have gone over her head. I cannot see this ending well.

 

I didn't go over her head my supervisor told my manager that my boyfriend had said something nasty to her so I told her what happened. Also my managers daughter works there so she had already told her anyway.

 

So in these situations should I just let my supervisor get away with it and carry on? Just tell my manager that everything my supervisor is telling her is true even though its not?

[Emmzzi]

Hey, I don't tell anyone what to do. You're an adult.

 

You do seem to have difficulties seeing things from anyone's perspective but your own. I'm suggesting you think about how your supervisor will feel when they get taken aside by your manager and tread carefully. But if you believe the power structure at work is such that full on battle formation is best, you go for it.

 

I'm just saying I've never seen it end well. Sometimes if you want to keep working, you keep your head down and do what the boss says until you can find another job.

[Lyssie27]

Hey, I don't tell anyone what to do. You're an adult.

 

You do seem to have difficulties seeing things from anyone's perspective but your own. I'm suggesting you think about how your supervisor will feel when they get taken aside by your manager and tread carefully. But if you believe the power structure at work is such that full on battle formation is best, you go for it.

 

I'm just saying I've never seen it end well. Sometimes if you want to keep working, you keep your head down and do what the boss says until you can find another job.

 

 

I have accepted that my supervisor doesn't want him coming in and that's why he isn't coming in anymore even though my manager says he can come in if he wants. Maybe he was coming in too much.

 

The main issue I told my manager about was the fact that she is treating me differently from others by openly arguing with me infront of a shop full of customers while i'm serving them and that she doesn't have a problem with others going in. That's not very professional. It is the way she has done it all. If a mystery shopper came in when she was doing that we would fail.

Edited June 19, 2012 by Lyssie27