Me and My debts and mental health issues **£28k Written off thanks to CAG**

[Dial Square]

Hi jellycubes

 

Just checking in and reading your latests posts which are absolutely heartbreaking. As the others have said, you can come on here and post until your hearts content. Anything that helps you to cope with it is a good thing. I'd really like to get my hands on some of the dispicable excuses of human beings from your past but I'm more interested in being an ear for you at the moment. I still think you are doing really well and wanted to say keep it up and let it out whenever you want.

[jellycubes]

Morning all, thank you so much Tingy Matt and Dial for the suportive posts. Ive had an appointment through for the end of june for the psycotherapy, ruddy eck that was quick !!!! Anyhow that aside I know that your all busy , and i cant recall if we did cca s or letters lol no wonder but would you let me know. Coffee on the go and feeling ok this morning, house looks like its been burgled so im going to attempt to put that right............. I hope you are all well, your in my thoughts and i hope you have a wonderful weekend x

[matt5983]

Morning all, thank you so much Tingy Matt and Dial for the suportive posts. Ive had an appointment through for the end of june for the psycotherapy, ruddy eck that was quick !!!! Anyhow that aside I know that your all busy , and i cant recall if we did cca s or letters lol no wonder but would you let me know. Coffee on the go and feeling ok this morning, house looks like its been burgled so im going to attempt to put that right............. I hope you are all well, your in my thoughts and i hope you have a wonderful weekend x

 

Hi JC

 

No we havnt got round to those letters, but will soon. lol

Some mental health appointments do come through quick but thats a good thing. I know what you mean about the house lol, trouble is as soon as i see dirt etc i have to clean everything , drives the wife batty !!!!

[jellycubes]

Hi all, lol matt thats life for you, i was starting to wonder if any had gone lol. Hope you and tingy are well. Thank you to the lovely lady who sends me a pm, much appreciated and valued. Well im in my dressing gown having drank around 12 coffees since 5am this morning, fire is on and i m not moving ! well ive been here since 5am. Im tired but my brain is on fire... I think i got an appointment quick for those reasons tingy, the nhs never normally rush anything do they. Anyhow i did some cleaning but not all, matt if only you lived nearby lol. Anyhow your all in my thoughts as always x

[Dial Square]

Hi jellycubes.Just checking in on my lunch hour.12 coffees since 5am! I'd need a commode if I drank that much!I had my Dad and Aunt round for a BBQ (a very wet one!) on Saturday and spent hours doing housework. I had to lay on the sofa all day yesterday as I had done my back in from tidying! And the house is messier than ever now!I've decided to abstain in future as it's not good for my health!

[matt5983]

Hi all, lol matt thats life for you, i was starting to wonder if any had gone lol. Hope you and tingy are well. Thank you to the lovely lady who sends me a pm, much appreciated and valued. Well im in my dressing gown having drank around 12 coffees since 5am this morning, fire is on and i m not moving ! well ive been here since 5am. Im tired but my brain is on fire... I think i got an appointment quick for those reasons tingy, the nhs never normally rush anything do they. Anyhow i did some cleaning but not all, matt if only you lived nearby lol. Anyhow your all in my thoughts as always x

 

Its a shame i dont live closer, but Tingy does so im sure he will do the cleaning for you. When i last spoke to him he was servicing his car, so he is very hands on lol

I dedicated a day this week to do them, hopefully friday to crack on with those letters, well thats the plan.

[matt5983]

Yep, got the car serviced. Glad I did as I noticed both CV joints need replacing - knew 1 did, but not both. Messy job! Matt, never found a fan belt so easy to do - literally 2 minutes and finished.

 

And how's our JC? I was best man for a chinese friend today so am stuffed full of chinese food! Glad to have the speech out of the way - quite amusing as some of the people who applauded it loudly and laughed in all the right places didn't even speak a word of English lol. 5am is too early - you need to stay in bed and get some rest. How's your boy? You've not said much about him recently.

 

Anyway I'm of to bed after a long day. Hope you're not reading this at 5am today!

 

Tingy

xx

 

Yeah true some are very quick, i hate doing cambelts, bloody things lol

 

Cant beat chinese food, one of my favourites !

 

Forgot about your boy JC, how is doing?

[jellycubes]

Hi all, wow alot of messages and how lovely to come in and find them ! Gosh where do i start ! Ok, my boy is doing well. I recall at the start of my breakdown i lay on my bed and he came and lay on it too. I asked him if i was enough and quite choked up when doing so. He said mum, all my mates wish you were there mum, your funny, loving, we havent had many treats lately ( this was when i was paying the shopacrooks and provasteal ) but that doesnt matter as we can watch all the rocky movies as we know all the words and songs and the he gave me a massive hug... sorry i drifted, lol not like me hey ! He is fine, ive had to cover and hide things nearly all my life and the one silver lining i take from the trauma is that i can cover up when he s around. He s so lovely. Anyhow wow tingy come and service my car !!! i will bake a cake for that lol. tingy, matt, dial and all that read your so caring its bloody priceless. Ive noticed that im shaking physically alot, thats a worry. Still having terrible nightmares and last night i woke up screaming...poor neighbours must used to it. My mental health is on a yo yo but ive had to park past events and decided to face them and talk about them as and when i see mental health therapist again on the 28th and psycotherapy on the 30th... I found i was bursting into tears and almost back in those times again in my head hence my brain on fire. I remained in my dressing gown all day yesterday but i did put some music on, something ive been very frightened of, it was ok for a few songs then out came the plug. Thinking of you all as always and i hope you are enjoing the sunshine x

[matt5983]

Hi all, wow alot of messages and how lovely to come in and find them ! Gosh where do i start ! Ok, my boy is doing well. I recall at the start of my breakdown i lay on my bed and he came and lay on it too. I asked him if i was enough and quite choked up when doing so. He said mum, all my mates wish you were there mum, your funny, loving, we havent had many treats lately ( this was when i was paying the shopacrooks and provasteal ) but that doesnt matter as we can watch all the rocky movies as we know all the words and songs and the he gave me a massive hug... sorry i drifted, lol not like me hey ! He is fine, ive had to cover and hide things nearly all my life and the one silver lining i take from the trauma is that i can cover up when he s around. He s so lovely. Anyhow wow tingy come and service my car !!! i will bake a cake for that lol. tingy, matt, dial and all that read your so caring its bloody priceless. Ive noticed that im shaking physically alot, thats a worry. Still having terrible nightmares and last night i woke up screaming...poor neighbours must used to it. My mental health is on a yo yo but ive had to park past events and decided to face them and talk about them as and when i see mental health therapist again on the 28th and psycotherapy on the 30th... I found i was bursting into tears and almost back in those times again in my head hence my brain on fire. I remained in my dressing gown all day yesterday but i did put some music on, something ive been very frightened of, it was ok for a few songs then out came the plug. Thinking of you all as always and i hope you are enjoing the sunshine x

 

Sunshine!!!!!!!!!!!, its done nothing but rain in devon, getting fed up with it now.

Gald to hear about your son, you seem like your his world which is a beautiful thing. Keep it up.

I asked my wife about your shakes, (pharmacist), could be medication withdraw, but more than likely anxiety/ panic episodes, your mental health team can advise further. Something that my be a big help to you is a thing called rescue remedy, works wonders with the nervous system, i'll send some to you if you want. You could try with your nightmares to have abit of lavender to help relax you at night in one of those oil burners, again, if you want me to send some i will.

How old is your son, whats he into etc?

 

Matt

[jellycubes]

Hi all, yes i get that Tingy its so bad at the minuet i even spill coffee and miss my mouth ( historical event ) ! Im going to check out these meds next week as they maybe effecting my disability, had no feeling in fingertips yesterday. Matt that offer is lovely, though it has inspired me to go to the chemist... on sat, building myself up for it. Your all so generous, really kind hearted x Woke up screaming again last night, i ll be glad when this journey is over but frightened about what im going to have to release from my memories. Stop i say to myself I promised i wont talk about that darkness till after my 2 meetings next week. Does it makes sense that i feel sick to the stomach with the thought. Anyhow lighter notes my boy is 12 and matt x box is the world, promised him a rental game this weekend and a sleepover. Got to keep the home fires burning. NEED TO SORT THIS BLOODY DEBT OUT, provi sent me a letter asking for full payment, erm like i have it to give, no thats for food and a treat if im careful with it. Im on a dmp what do they want ? my carcass....when im a gone theyre welcome lol, saves on costs. Tingy yes you told me about your charity work, your a star, you ve been to hell and back, you still touch it now and again yet you give give give to others. Love to you all as always in my thoughts x

[matt5983]

Hi JC

 

Glad to hear i have inspired you !!!

Like i said, rescue remedy and lavender with an oil burner, if you need them just shout

X Box......ummm is that the first generation one (fan is noisy when its turned on) what sort of games does he like?

[matt5983]

First time I've disagreed with you Matt - makes me sneeze like hell! lol Have to say we love burning candles, but it makes the room too hot this time of year. Well JC, been good today. Got my CV joints done on the car, so that's back on the road. Resolved a major, major problem that was bugging me and had a phone call from my MP. He's heard about my charity (God knows how) and wants to know if he can refer people to me. Quite an honour! (or maybe he doesn't like his constituents so sends them to me lol). Love you missing your mouth - how can you do that? I get the tingling and numbness in my fingertips too, so it's probably a medication we have in common.

 

Take care,

 

David

xx

 

Haha, do you think that could be an age thing i.e. sensitve nose lol

[Dial Square]

Morning all.

How are you today JC? I know what you mean about the sicky feeling. It's perfectly normal as you don't quite know what to expect but I'm sure you will feel much better for going to them afterwards.

 

I have a terrible fear of flying. So bad that I used to get various trains to Southern Spain to visit my mum who lives there rather than fly. I takes 24 hours and costs about 3 times as much. Because if these reasons I have talked myself into flying there for the last 5 years or so but I hate every minute of it. I've tried Kalms, Rescue Remedy and large amounts of alcohol to no effect. It's like my fear overrides it. I've not gone as far as taking any medication yet as my stepdads friend used to do that until one day there was a problem with thd plane and they all had to get off. He was so spaced out that he had to be carried off the plane by the cabin crew!

That's put me off a bit. So whilst I can't even begin to comprehend fully what you've been through, I certainly know what that sicky feeling is like!

[jellycubes]

Hi all, been very poorly with a sore throat. Not looking forward to visit to mental health therapist tom but got to be brave and face the music ! I think one of the medications im on is not suiting me but will discuss that with him tom. Shakes, no feeling in hands or arm at times and thats not right. Anyhow on a lighter note, son had a fab weekend and left for school bright and happy, thats what counts. Tingy, i know you are very busy but did you do the cca s ? If you are struggling for time i could ask around as i know your busy with the charity you ve set up. Not got that remedy yet matt but im on the case and will get some before i go in my appointment tom. Thanks dial for understanding the sick feeling in my stomach, i guess you ve been through the mill too to understand. Thoughts to you all as always x

[jellycubes]

Back and oh boy im having a clutcher, feels like i need to run off, hide, cry. Jesus christ opened a can of worms today and we discussed the area of the dirty dog that licked your bum, as kids we shared a room and sometimes a night it would come in, Let me leave that there. Also no hugs or cuddles as a kid except one when just before xmas it was my time to have the school hamster and when i went to get it it was dead. I threw up after this hug from my mum, i dont know why. The xmas days spent in bed with no dinner, various reasons, one i asked what santa had left. Bloody miserable is nt it, i could never ever do that to my son ever. The hearing my mum crying and going downstaires to see my father pouring hot tea out of a pot on mum. She suffered, and in turn we suffered, both were bad parents, both suffered abuse as children but so did we in turn. Have we turned into parents who abuse, no, no way they cycle is broken ! Am I ranting ? The day i was taken into care after being stabbed in the head with that meat knife.........I left that abusive home life to go to a childrens home, i should have been safe but looking back i was better off having the beatings at home than what was to follow in the childrens home which was much much worse. We ended before i started on this arena because i had a massive anxiety attack and besides im glad as it gives me respite before the next session. Now the psychotherapy on friday...jesus im off for a valium and a coffee, back later

[Dial Square]

Hi JCJust a quick post before I leave work to say well done. I know it must have been hard for yoy but you did it. It's another massive step.

[matt5983]

Back and oh boy im having a clutcher, feels like i need to run off, hide, cry. Jesus christ opened a can of worms today and we discussed the area of the dirty dog that licked your bum, as kids we shared a room and sometimes a night it would come in, Let me leave that there. Also no hugs or cuddles as a kid except one when just before xmas it was my time to have the school hamster and when i went to get it it was dead. I threw up after this hug from my mum, i dont know why. The xmas days spent in bed with no dinner, various reasons, one i asked what santa had left. Bloody miserable is nt it, i could never ever do that to my son ever. The hearing my mum crying and going downstaires to see my father pouring hot tea out of a pot on mum. She suffered, and in turn we suffered, both were bad parents, both suffered abuse as children but so did we in turn. Have we turned into parents who abuse, no, no way they cycle is broken ! Am I ranting ? The day i was taken into care after being stabbed in the head with that meat knife.........I left that abusive home life to go to a childrens home, i should have been safe but looking back i was better off having the beatings at home than what was to follow in the childrens home which was much much worse. We ended before i started on this arena because i had a massive anxiety attack and besides im glad as it gives me respite before the next session. Now the psychotherapy on friday...jesus im off for a valium and a coffee, back later

 

Your doing great, its not gonna be easy but KEEP going !

[jellycubes]

Hi, sorry all been off it but back on planet earth. Tingy thank you, sorry i didnt mention it in my last post, i was nt thinking straight. It seems that the counselling and therapy may not resolve all the madness of my history and i wonder if its worth going through all that hurt and raising of memories to be the same at the end of it and well lets face it what is it going to change. Hope you get the licence tingy, your support to others is amazing. Matt and Dial i hope your both well. Had a pm about my story..... only if theres a million dollars at the end and somehow that aint going to happen lol. I feel odd today, almost out of body and thinking pull yourself together and live on, can t explain it well x

[Dial Square]

Hi JC.

I'm very well thanks.

Do you mean that someone wants to write your life story (re the pm)?

I've never been to therapy so I don't know if it actually works or not but whilst it's heartbreakingly hard for you to talk about it all at the moment, this may get better the more you do it. You've taken the biggest step by starting to talk with someone. But it's still understandable if you don't feel ready to offload completely yet.

You've got to go with whatever makes you feel most comfortable.

[matt5983]

Hi, sorry all been off it but back on planet earth. Tingy thank you, sorry i didnt mention it in my last post, i was nt thinking straight. It seems that the counselling and therapy may not resolve all the madness of my history and i wonder if its worth going through all that hurt and raising of memories to be the same at the end of it and well lets face it what is it going to change. Hope you get the licence tingy, your support to others is amazing. Matt and Dial i hope your both well. Had a pm about my story..... only if theres a million dollars at the end and somehow that aint going to happen lol. I feel odd today, almost out of body and thinking pull yourself together and live on, can t explain it well x

 

Hi Jc, im good thanks, i must admit i havnt done them yet, my younger brother has just got over pnemonia and is now in financial mess, so im trying to help him as well lol.

 

Your therapy is going to be a hard and long process, please bear with it. My wife felt the same way and wanted to end her life and did try on 4 occasions, however i kept her going to these sessions and in the space of 18mnths she has made a full recovery. We now have no debt, new house, new car and fresh start in life, so it can be done.

Now i know each case is different but if you dont try you will never know.

 

Speak soon and Tingy dont tell me off for not doing those letters lol, hope your both well.

[matt5983]

JC - did you get them today? If not, they should arrive tomorrow. Matt is right about the therapy, keep going, it takes a long time. I thought my counsellor was a waste of time for a while, but now, if I could only keep one thing out of all the medics, it would be him.

 

Hey Matt, I never got that phone call. You may have tried, I was out more than expected and I intentionally have my TrueCall set up not to be an answering machine.

 

Let me know when those letters arrive JC. As I said they're all written, it's just matching them up - probably me being thick!

 

Sorry Tingy

 

No i didnt ring, you know what lifes like, u make plans but they never work lol, i will try over the weekend hopefully

[jellycubes]

Hi, sorry im offline a little. this therapy is knocking me sideways. Im also feeling a little lost. Tingy thank you for the letters, it people like you that care and make the world go round....without id be lost.Will be back to update but for now taking a break. JC x

[jellycubes]

Hi all, yes it was a long break. I reached rock bottom and after driving down the motorway on a complete loss and running out of petrol there was only way up from hell !

 

I put the doorstep crooks on the DMP. Never sent any letters, didnt have the energy or mind space. But Im back and though with some fragility im fighting on.

 

I have a charging order on my home as noted in previous posts. I pay 25 per month interest free and its around 4k but theyd settle for 3k fat chance of having 3 quid nevermind 3k !

 

I pay payplan 300 per month on a dmp which has gone down from around 37k to 24k.. all creditors stopped interest except barclays. Most are with debt collection agencies.

 

My question is am i doing the right thing paying 300 to payplan and 25 to my charging order. I work, god knows how ive kept my job but the company have supported me through my breakdown and im thankful for that. However job not looking secure next year and i have no savings, a car that resembles a tin can and 350 mortgage arrears which are in hand on a payment arrangement.

 

I dont know if im making sense here, i guess its just time to get my head above water and take some advice from all who ve been there, done that and got the t shirt !

 

I thought about reducing dmp payment but as ive around 60k of equity im frightened they will make me bankrupt or start interest charges again. I dont know whats on my credit file and when i get £2 spare i know i should spend it doing that.

 

Xmas is here nearly and ive not much for my boy but he s not demanding and knows im on breadline britton every month.

 

Anyway if anyone reads, and i know my post is long winded but please reply.

 

Jellycubes x

[brokebutnotbeatn]

Hi Jelly, hang in there! Yes, I think you should pay your mortgage arrears off and buy your kid a christmas pressie ahead of any DMP so I think you should have a word in PayPlan's shell-like. No-one can force you to sell the house, even a judge if you have a child, but you need to get that arrears paid off. I doubt anyone would bother making you BR and if they did you still would most likely keep the bricks and mortar. Well done for hanging in this far! It might help if you posted up details of what debts you have and who currently has them?

[scottybhoy]

Hi Jellycubes

 

Been a long time since I have been on these forums due to my own dysfunctional life! Seems like you have things "ticking over" - that always helps at this time of year.

 

You will also find that DCA's tend to up the ante' at this time of year to knock you off your stride - that is all it is - so if this happens, take it in your stride. RE your running out of Petrol - hope that wasn't a Diesel you were driving LOL! Thats the kind of things my missus comes out with!

 

Your equity is quite a lot mind, not read all of these posts, but Seq seems to be the person to ask if he (i think) is still around. Seq seems to be on the ball when it comes to equity/secured assets etc.

 

Is there any chance you could do a breakdown of what you owe/secured/unsecured, disposable income etc....

 

Curious as there may be other options to "tide you over" and protect your from action - I know PayPlan like there infinite wisdom repayment plans!

 

Sorry if I have missed half of your posts and you have already given this info - but just brainstorming at the moment.

 

Hang in there, left, right or indifferent, your kid is the most important "asset" you have at thsi time of year - regardless of what the DCA's/DMC's and general Debt Collection scumbags have in mind! What I tend to do at this time of year is read the letters, ignore them and only worry about them if you have to sign for them. All other letters can be considered "as lost in the xmas post" as far as I am concerned.

 

DCA's want to wear you down at xmas time - and god forbid you have a bloody diesel and ran out of petrol - LOL!