Me and My debts and mental health issues **£28k Written off thanks to CAG**

[The Debt Star]

Good posts on here guys. Just want to say a big thank you to jellycubes for her bravery in posting here and sharing this.

[matt5983]

Jesus my anxiety is on overload in my chest ! Was he out there waiting for me. He shouted out and my neighbours heard when i told him i was with payplan, he said he d never heard of them and shouted if we get no money in 10 weeks will could make you bankrupt, he was smoothing the walls of my house with his hands. I felt so ashamed, my boy is out playing but the neighbours heard. I said they would be getting a payment in next 3 days as payplan have my monthly payment last week. Sorry got to go and have a coffee and a tablet x

 

Right dont worry about him at all, to be honest the best thing to do would ring payplan and tell them. They will contact prov and remingd them of your DMP. If he is still there after by friday, let us know.

 

He wont make you bankrupt at all, so do not worry. Can you send me your Provident reference number, your name and address by PM and i'll fire a letter at them by the weekend

[jellycubes]

thank you all of you, sorry i sounded like a scared rat earlier but it took me back to a dark place and i felt like i was going to get a beating, how ruddy stupid is that ! I was unprepared but i sat and had a tablet, a coffee and reminded myself that he s gone now and if he comes back im going to throw the contents of the toilet over him.... This put be back on an even keel as i laughed to myself as i visioned that. I realise how my past experiences haunt me still and will discuss this with the mental health therapist. Im an inteligent lady, i understand my life experiences and how ive evolved.... but the abuse i suffered remains in my nightmares, hence the light on while i sleep.... after i was abused in the childrens home i ran away but the police found me and locked me in a cell for the night... im going off at a tangent, forgive me its just memories raised by todays events. Im blubbing but not in a bad way, for the support here i feel very lucky, cared for and i ran to cag as soon as the prov man left... writing helps me, you all help me x

[Dial Square]

H jellycubes

You can go off on as many tangents as you want. There are plenty of us here willing to listen. I laughed too at the thought of you throwing the toilet contents over him. You've come so far. I can't imagine what you've been through but I'll always chat to take your mind off anything.

[matt5983]

Agree with dial square, come on here and rant all you want, we've all had to deal with mental illness either having it or caring for someone with it, so nothing would surprise us.

Your doing great, you really are. Waiting for tingy to contact me and then we'll start working all the debts out and you'll see a difference very soon once we've started on them lol.

Like i have said many times before, just look after yourself and your little boy for us and dont worry about anything else.

 

Did you see my message about the Provy man?

[jellycubes]

Hi all, yes matt i did, sorry my head had gone yesterday ! I had a terrible nightmare last night and woke up angry. I got up had a coffee and sent a text to the prova bully, outlining his actions and threats yesterday and warned him because of his aggressive behaviour if he comes to my doorstep ever again i will call the police. I got a grovel text back from him saying he was having a bad day, well tough ive had a bad day for years yet i dont take my feelings out on anyone ever so screw his excuse. After i went and opened that back bedroom blind, so thats the bathroom and back bedroom sorted. I got abit of anxiety opening that but the anger in my belly helped. I must mow the lawn, its a jungle out there but its going to have to wait, i need to be careful with myself, yesterday was an example of how fragile i am, and how events like that raise trauma within. I hope you are all okay, i value as always the support you give and show x

[Dial Square]

Hi jellycubes

Good for you standing up to him. I would of loved to have been a fly on the wall when he got that! And opening the back bedroom blind is a massive step. That's fantastic. I think the progress you're making is great.

[matt5983]

Hi all, yes matt i did, sorry my head had gone yesterday ! I had a terrible nightmare last night and woke up angry. I got up had a coffee and sent a text to the prova bully, outlining his actions and threats yesterday and warned him because of his aggressive behaviour if he comes to my doorstep ever again i will call the police. I got a grovel text back from him saying he was having a bad day, well tough ive had a bad day for years yet i dont take my feelings out on anyone ever so screw his excuse. After i went and opened that back bedroom blind, so thats the bathroom and back bedroom sorted. I got abit of anxiety opening that but the anger in my belly helped. I must mow the lawn, its a jungle out there but its going to have to wait, i need to be careful with myself, yesterday was an example of how fragile i am, and how events like that raise trauma within. I hope you are all okay, i value as always the support you give and show x

 

Well done for sending him a txt message, hopefully he will stop now which would be nice.

See your getting there, thats 2 you've opened now so thats great. I know the feeling about the garden, im waiting for my new lawmower it should have been here today lol

Were fine as far as i know lol

[jellycubes]

Hi all, hope your well. Bad day today, been up since 3.30am after a nightmare. Went to the shops at 5am and had a massive anxiety attack so didnt make it through the door. Kept it together when son woke up and he thanked me for a lovely week.... all done on 60 pounds, food, treats, sleepover, dvd. Did make it to the back door for a coffee and a ray of sunshine. Tingy is back monday after a much needed break, so i guess over the coming weeks we will see what cca s if any my debts hold, plus matt is doing my mental health letter... Im so lucky to be here and have fabulous support and yet i feel guilty today because I dont want anyone to be put off with my bad day if that makes sense. Ive had lots of counselling over the years but i dont think this trauma will ever leave my memory. Im not being harsh on myself, got rid of shopacrook and prova bully, two blinds still open but need to get a grip as the downstaires is in darkness and i have to have the lights on even though its daytime and the sun is shinning. Do you recall that man i told you about that lived that double life and ripped me off for thousands, he text me and asked if we could meet....... i told him id rather burn my own eyelids than ever see him again lol.

[matt5983]

Hi all, hope your well. Bad day today, been up since 3.30am after a nightmare. Went to the shops at 5am and had a massive anxiety attack so didnt make it through the door. Kept it together when son woke up and he thanked me for a lovely week.... all done on 60 pounds, food, treats, sleepover, dvd. Did make it to the back door for a coffee and a ray of sunshine. Tingy is back monday after a much needed break, so i guess over the coming weeks we will see what cca s if any my debts hold, plus matt is doing my mental health letter... Im so lucky to be here and have fabulous support and yet i feel guilty today because I dont want anyone to be put off with my bad day if that makes sense. Ive had lots of counselling over the years but i dont think this trauma will ever leave my memory. Im not being harsh on myself, got rid of shopacrook and prova bully, two blinds still open but need to get a grip as the downstaires is in darkness and i have to have the lights on even though its daytime and the sun is shinning. Do you recall that man i told you about that lived that double life and ripped me off for thousands, he text me and asked if we could meet....... i told him id rather burn my own eyelids than ever see him again lol.

Your doing good, and good for you in telling your ex where to go............not long till me and tingy go to work so keep doing what you are.

[uptoeyeballs]

Hi Jelly!

 

Just found your thread. You're getting good help here.

 

I couldn't face doing anything at the height of my problems. Just led on the floor and watched TV. Couldn't face calling anyone, chucked all the post in a bag and hid when anyone that walked by the house.

 

That was a while back now and I know just how overwhelming it can be. Tackle a bit at a time and it will start to get easier.

 

As others have said. You must put yourself and son first.

 

Best wishes to you and I'll follow your thread.

 

uteb.

[matt5983]

HI Jellycubes,

 

Well its a beautiful saturday morning, the suns shinnnig, birds are singing and i have had to so far watch toy story 1,2 and 3 lol.

 

Thought i'd check up on you and your boy and see how your doing.

 

Matt

[jellycubes]

Hi Matt and all that support, as ever very grateful. Your post made me laugh matt, what time have you been up since lol. Im doing okish, i feel like my head is in shock like status, hard to describe but im aware that means no task setting yesterday or today. Ive with the help of the mighty people on here achieved so much even if the tasks seem little but i know there are lots of people who read and post that have been where i am now and understand that small steps are a big achievement when in a breakdown or the midst of mental health. I had no nightmares last night, slept well a nice treat lol. My boy is on a sleepover till tom, i love him so much. As i get stronger, i pray for one or two of those debts to have no cca and reclaim charges off the others, i never expected the kindness of others to start this process for me, nor did i expect this support. If anyone reading and not able to post due to mental health, find the strength to post, its hard but oh my you ll never feel alone x

[matt5983]

Hi Matt and all that support, as ever very grateful. Your post made me laugh matt, what time have you been up since lol. Im doing okish, i feel like my head is in shock like status, hard to describe but im aware that means no task setting yesterday or today. Ive with the help of the mighty people on here achieved so much even if the tasks seem little but i know there are lots of people who read and post that have been where i am now and understand that small steps are a big achievement when in a breakdown or the midst of mental health. I had no nightmares last night, slept well a nice treat lol. My boy is on a sleepover till tom, i love him so much. As i get stronger, i pray for one or two of those debts to have no cca and reclaim charges off the others, i never expected the kindness of others to start this process for me, nor did i expect this support. If anyone reading and not able to post due to mental health, find the strength to post, its hard but oh my you ll never feel alone x

 

Gald to hear your doing ok, i was up at 6am, the wife wanted a lie in so i had to get up with my 3 year old, we always ask what she wants to watch. So it was toy story 1, then wanted jessie (number2) and then number 3, i was done after that.

She was happy though , your prayers maybe answered soon hopefully

[jellycubes]

Tingy............. yipee your back and feeling better, im so pleased you ve had a nice break, its recognising signs within and when to take time out. Matt and others have been fabulous support. Ive had a difficult few days, nervous, shaking, hiding , still blinds shut downstaires but bathroom and back bedroom still open ! Dont know if you read my posts... it will take while lol but ive been brave with shoppa and prova and we ve had some food etc. Let me matt know when your ready for cca s.... but take your time, im blessed thats even happening ! x Ps the cake aint baking lol going to have to go to shop undercover at night lol

[Dial Square]

Hi JellycubesJust checking in. I'm so pleased you've kept the blinds open. I think it's expected that you will have good and bad days but I think you're doing great.

[jellycubes]

Hi all, sorry ive not been on. Decided to try and come off the valium... big big mistake ! started taking it again and just about even now after a few days of madness... didnt realise just how poorly i am. My boys just eating a curry, thank you cag for money instead of lining those doorstep lenders pockets ! Seeing the mental heath specialist on tuesday, much needed. I hope that you are all ok and enjoying your weekend. Jellycubes x

[Hazeno]

Not really ready myself to go into what im going through. But i was looking through the debt management section and noticed this. I swear to god broguht a tear to my eye with the support this place give to people.

 

Goodluck battling your mental illness. Im still waiting 2 more months before my specialist can see me.

I hope you get your debt's sorted and things start to look up in the future. Mental illness is HORRID and you have my support xx

[matt5983]

Hi Tingy and Jellycubes,

 

Sorry i havnt been around much, i also have not done the letters yet, so will do them the end of the week.

 

Im working nights for a bit and start at 10pm and finish at 7am, so sleep is a premium lol,

 

I'll keep up on here as and when, whilst i still have a little fight left which Tingy knows about when we spoke last week, he was surprised with the result i got lol

 

Anyway, im off to bed lol

 

Take care

 

Matt

[jellycubes]

Hi Tingy, Matt, all who read, so glad my post has inspired another to get help here, lifted my soul that he has done that. Regarding the valium, yes your right, i thought ok lets go just with the trazadone and duloxetine...... and yes your both right the specialists know best. Ive survived much trauma in life and have this survival instinct which has come back with the support on here. Bad days yes, good days yes, days of utter staring at the wall for hours yes will i be beaten down no. Matt dont worry about not posting for a little while, i know that you and tingy have me in your thoughts so words are not as important as that, but do keep posting, NEED it lol. I think that after meeting some of the worst human beings in my life who ve either beaten me BADLY, abused me as a child, stole from me, used my kindness , cheated me, and at times treated me like a slave has led me to live a secluded life. All of you help me see that not everyone is going to do that to me and the kindness shown to me is continuing to help me grow. Again let me thank you all for caring xx

[jellycubes]

Hi tingy,

 

Dont put yourself under too much pressure, you need to look out for yourself aswell as all the brilliant help and advice that you give to many. Thank you also for having me in your thoughts. Spent a day in the dark in my dressing gown, appointment tomorow with mental health so will see what he says, although an improvement from the lady that sat in his office staring at the floor saying id had serious thoughts of suicide. Wonder if they change my meds or put me in a straight jacket an cart me off lol. Ive been worrying about the gentleman who posted, he has nt come back and its playing on my mind. Hope he is ok and comes back to post soon. Hope all of you are well and Matt is getting plenty of shut eye. I think about you all everyday x

[jellycubes]

Hi all, just back from appointment with mental health therapist, in tears as i write as i disclosed the abuse i suffered as a child in some detail. I told him about the time my dad lay my brother on the table and beat him with a broom handle and as i stood in line for my turn i wet myself in fear and he laughed and let me off. The time he held me in the air by my neck which changed the way my neck is, it curves out not in. Killing our dog, killing our bird. The fag burns, broken wrists. Going up to my sisters room after she was brave enough to tell dad that mum was leaving us home alone and being too scared to tell the truth and her beating was so bad there was blood on the bedroom walls. All the times i went to school with my blouse sticking to my skin because of wounds not healing. Being fed dog biscuits and searching bins for food. Regular beatings and being whipped against the bath meaning permanent black bruising to go to yellow the be black again. Queens jubilee neighbour telling dad about the affairs and him coming home and beating us all to the point i thought i was going to die. Going out of bedroom to find landing on fire, mum drunk in bed with a stranger, i was blamed by her and that was the worst beating of my life. Being sent to a party in my pyjamas as punishment for not tidying my room - i did but it was not to immaculate status, when i got home from the party i was beaten. Oh my god and thats just a snippet of my childhood !

 

Have to stay on the valium duloxetine and trazadone for a while, referal for psychotherapy. Told him about the support on here and that my debts which just add to my fragility are being handled by the most giving people here. I want to be free from this nightmare, free from being used, ripped off and having to pay the debts of the man that diddled me out of thousands

 

Im so sorry to rant but i needed to talk here

[matt5983]

Hi all, just back from appointment with mental health therapist, in tears as i write as i disclosed the abuse i suffered as a child in some detail. I told him about the time my dad lay my brother on the table and beat him with a broom handle and as i stood in line for my turn i wet myself in fear and he laughed and let me off. The time he held me in the air by my neck which changed the way my neck is, it curves out not in. Killing our dog, killing our bird. The fag burns, broken wrists. Going up to my sisters room after she was brave enough to tell dad that mum was leaving us home alone and being too scared to tell the truth and her beating was so bad there was blood on the bedroom walls. All the times i went to school with my blouse sticking to my skin because of wounds not healing. Being fed dog biscuits and searching bins for food. Regular beatings and being whipped against the bath meaning permanent black bruising to go to yellow the be black again. Queens jubilee neighbour telling dad about the affairs and him coming home and beating us all to the point i thought i was going to die. Going out of bedroom to find landing on fire, mum drunk in bed with a stranger, i was blamed by her and that was the worst beating of my life. Being sent to a party in my pyjamas as punishment for not tidying my room - i did but it was not to immaculate status, when i got home from the party i was beaten. Oh my god and thats just a snippet of my childhood !

 

Have to stay on the valium duloxetine and trazadone for a while, referal for psychotherapy. Told him about the support on here and that my debts which just add to my fragility are being handled by the most giving people here. I want to be free from this nightmare, free from being used, ripped off and having to pay the debts of the man that diddled me out of thousands

 

Im so sorry to rant but i needed to talk here

 

You've been through it alot, made me cringe just reading it. You dont the first step by going to see them, so well done you

[jellycubes]

Im back and im going keep on fighting this and facing my haunted memories. I gave him just a snippet, there is much much worse to come out. Im mindful that some may fing it distressing and though i give my honesty is my posting too much ? Im aware that over the coming weeks and months of visits that i ll probably run straight to here .. its like my running diary, my lifeline and may divulge some horrific events. Its no wonder the debt tipped me over the edge, yes alot of trauma and pain buried deep. However if its makes sense ive grown to be a survivor, all the kind things that some never find within. Thank you Tingy and Matt for continued support that is valued more than you ll ever know, plus all the people that post and keep up with me. Im having a coffee right now, i had to brace myself, guess i got a little paranoid that id be swept under the carpet but thats just me feeling id be ousted for what has happened to me. My continued gratitude and heartfelt thanks to you all for being here x

[matt5983]

Im back and im going keep on fighting this and facing my haunted memories. I gave him just a snippet, there is much much worse to come out. Im mindful that some may fing it distressing and though i give my honesty is my posting too much ? Im aware that over the coming weeks and months of visits that i ll probably run straight to here .. its like my running diary, my lifeline and may divulge some horrific events. Its no wonder the debt tipped me over the edge, yes alot of trauma and pain buried deep. However if its makes sense ive grown to be a survivor, all the kind things that some never find within. Thank you Tingy and Matt for continued support that is valued more than you ll ever know, plus all the people that post and keep up with me. Im having a coffee right now, i had to brace myself, guess i got a little paranoid that id be swept under the carpet but thats just me feeling id be ousted for what has happened to me. My continued gratitude and heartfelt thanks to you all for being here x

 

No you haven't said to much, just amazes me how and why people do things to other people and think its fine to do so.

I could never work in mental health as i would properly get ill from the storys i told, your just shocked me abit and i found it hard reading, but its not your fault.

 

Its great you pop in almost everyday, we then all know that your doing ok