Advice on dealing with overwork and depression please

[amosley]

Hi, I'm new to the forum. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post but if not please could you guide me in the right direction as I don't know where to turn.

 

My partner works away all week on the road at appointments (he works for a software company) and over the last 6 weeks has become more and more stressed and depressed due to the increased workload and lack of support from his employer. He's expected to make appointments, attend them, follow them up, deal with support calls and account management and often travels over 1000 miles per week. They are a small business and not very good at staff welfare and as he's out of the office the majority of the time it's a case of out of sight and out of mind!

 

Over the last few weeks however things have been getting much worse, he's become isolated, withdrawn, crying a lot, takes can't switch off, interrupted sleep patterns and generally displaying all the signs of depression/burnout etc. He works all day and then all night too, staying in hotel rooms all week and home at weekends. Every other weekend he's expected to take support calls as well. We don't live together but up until 4 weeks ago spent weekends together and talked on the phone when he was away but now he seems to prefer to be away and on his own so that he can 'sort his head out' and barely communicates so my fear is that this is making things worse and he's becoming more withdrawn and isolated. I am trying to support him the best I can from a distance but even that seems to add to his stress so I don't know what to do for the best.

 

He's refusing to see a doctor or take any time off and seems to think he's just going to work his way through things and it will work itself out but having suffered from depression myself I know that's not the case. Can anyone suggest what I can do to help him or what his rights are with his employer please? I'm at the end of my tether! Thank you

[papasmurf1cx]

Hi welcome to the forum.

 

I am not sure what we can do for him. He needs to want to do something but it seems that he does not acknowledge this is a problem.

 

Obviously he means a lot to you and sometimes it takes a jolt from a loved one to see that there is a problem at all !!

 

Perhaps as a first step you should sit down and write him a letter and tell him how you see it and how it is affecting your relationship with him. Lay it on the line how it is affecting YOU and how it could be much much better if he started to acknowledge there is a problem. Give him the details, chapter and verse and how you feel about each problem.

 

Perhaps you can say it in such a way that it is putting the whole relationship at risk and how you may have to extract yourself from it..... there's the jolt..... then ask him to write back and formulate in his own mind where he thinks he is.

 

After that perhaps there may be a way forward and he can come on here himself and start to get the guys advice on how to tackle the employer.

[daggersedge]

Hi welcome to the forum.

 

I am not sure what we can do for him. He needs to want to do something but it seems that he does not acknowledge this is a problem.

 

Obviously he means a lot to you and sometimes it takes a jolt from a loved one to see that there is a problem at all !!

 

Perhaps as a first step you should sit down and write him a letter and tell him how you see it and how it is affecting your relationship with him. Lay it on the line how it is affecting YOU and how it could be much much better if he started to acknowledge there is a problem. Give him the details, chapter and verse and how you feel about each problem.

 

Perhaps you can say it in such a way that it is putting the whole relationship at risk and how you may have to extract yourself from it..... there's the jolt..... then ask him to write back and formulate in his own mind where he thinks he is.

 

After that perhaps there may be a way forward and he can come on here himself and start to get the guys advice on how to tackle the employer.

 

I am sorry, but I think it is a very bad idea to tell an already-depressed man that his relationship may be under threat. That will certainly lessen his stress, oh yes indeed it will. Maybe she should just send him a rope.

 

The answer is to keep supporting him from a distance. Don't put any pressure on him. The original poster should make herself into a safe haven for her overworked partner. Let him know that she is there, and then talk about nice things, simple things. Send him care packages full of food or other things he likes. Send him short texts letting him know that she is thinking about him.

 

Above all, she should NOT make this all about her. It's about him. He has problems and he is hoping they will go away if he just works hard enough. That's a typical human response. A compassionate response is to support him. Sooner or later he will realise he has a problem and seek help.