Am losing everything

[EmsShepherd]

Hi

 

My name is Em, and I am in alot of debt.

I was stupid and got various pay day loans, as well as Welcome Finance.

I began hiding everything from my husband.

 

It all came to a head in November, and my FIL paid off 7500k worth of my debt.

I had more that I had swept under the carpet and tried to forget was happening.

 

This has come out and I am trying to be brave and honest with my husband, but its so hard.

He is so hurt with me for not being honest and lying and being decietful.

I can hand on heart say I did not say anything because I was trying to protect our marriage.

He thinks all sorts of me.

Our marriage is hanging on by a thread and I can't see us getting through this.

My little boy is heartbroken.

 

I feel like my world is falling apart and I know its all my own fault.

I have no one to turn to, to talk to.

My husband has gone out.

I have made a list of what I owe and am being brutally honest.

I have to show him when he gets back.

 

Has anyone been through this?

 

Em

x

[wittsend]

Hi Em

 

so sorry for the heartbreak and stress you feel under

It is embarasing and very hard to admit to all you have done

 

but you have made a start

he maybe thinks that you are about to lose every thing you have worked hard for

 

come clean with your hubby, show him this site

so he can see that other people have problems and that there is a way to deal with them

with luck you can hopefully get through this together

 

my hubby got into a mess,we could have lost everything, we are getting through it,

he now he leaves it upto me to write the sarky letters

when you are ready start a thread for the companys that you have problems with

and I am sure someone on here will point you in the right direction

Welcome to CAG

 

i wish you love and good luck

witts

[Mum2Four]

Hi Em

 

I have been through a very similar situation - well still in it actually!

 

The key thing is you have realised you need to sort it out, and this site is brilliant for advising you. Many of us have been through it, many of us are still dealing with the effects of debt.

 

My debt is around £30,000 in total to around a dozen or so creditors. I too hid all this from my husband - he knew we had some debts but not that much! The worst thing was having to tell him, actually worse than having to deal with any debt collection agencies so I do know how you must feel.

 

We decided to get some advice from the CAB initially, although as we have no disposable income there was not much they could do for us but they at least explained that for unsecured debts (loans, credit cards etc) the baliffs would not be knocking just yet - they have to take you to court first (we didn't know this and were in a state of panic!).

 

To cut a long story short we were put in touch with payplan (they offer free advice) who were able to take down all the details over the phone and prepare some letters to send to the creditors offering them all a token monthly payment. This was in 2008 and so it continues. Still paying £1 a month to them all, most of the debts are passed from one debt collection agency to another but that seems usual, we can't pay what we don't have - and neither can you.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it. Gather all the information you need, do not ignore it, look around this site regarding sending CCA requests etc and empower yourself. It's not easy and there's no 'quick fix' but facing up to it is the first step. Make sure you pay all your 'priority debts' (Mortgage or rent, council tax, utilities), unsecured debt can be dealt with and the advice on these forums in excellent for doing this.

 

From personal experience my husband was devasted when I told him, but eventually he admitted that he was partly to blame as ignorance is not really an excuse. He should have asked how we could afford this and that but chose to ignore the situation. I was in denial about how much we were struggling but so was he! I also blamed myself for a while, every debt is in my name after all but it wasn't just me who spent too much money. I stupidly thought that I could manage. It wasn't until I was dipping into the overdraft every month and still only paying minimum payments on all my debts that I realised it couldn't continue, eventually I could not even afford to pay for childcare, meaning I couldn't work. That was when it all came to a head and I had to break the news to my husband.

 

Almost three years down the line it is still a struggle but I have no credit cards, no loans (and such a bad credit rating we will probably never borrow money again!) we have cut back on everything but the good thing about the advice from payplan is they help you produce a realistic 'income and expenditure' list, when faced with this it became clear how these debts had mounted up - we had no surplus income at all, even while I was working! I felt very stupid but also relieved that I was facing up to it and trying to deal with it.

 

A cliche I know but there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Lots of people on here will give you good advice. Please do not panic and please do not feel to blame. It happens!

 

Mum2Four

[EmsShepherd]

Hi

 

Well I totalled my debts and they come to 5770.00. This is not including a Welcome car loan that I have been diddled on and am waiting to hear back from them. I am not paying them anymore. The car is worthless, and by the time I have paid them, it would be something like 17k I would have paid for a Nissan Micra.

 

My husband is leaving me, he said he wants a divorce. He thinks I am after him for his money. As if, I never asked him for a penny thats the thing. To proud to ask for help. I was decietful and I did lie to cover debts. I had the chance 4 months ago to come clean about everything, and I only came clean about 7.5k of the debt.

That is what is hurting my husband the most. That I lied, that I have put our plans on hold. That I have royally screwed up.

I don't blame him for not wanting to be with me.

 

I am contacting PayPlan with regards to sorting out my creditors. And I am getting an extra job to get myself sorted.

 

I feel so terrible

x

[wittsend]

Em

 

so sorry for the pain you must be feeling at the moment

 

best wishes

 

witts

[Night Owl]

Hi Ems, and a big welcome to CAG.

 

You really are amongst friends and helpers here, and that is the first good step.

Now take a deep breath.

This is gonna be a bumpy ride but you have lots of hands to hold.

 

Have you read sequenci's blog? Clik here , lots of brilliant advice.

 

It may help to let us know individual Names of creditors and amounts owed.

Do you have info about when you took each out?

 

There are lots of peeps here who will dip in and help.

 

Good luck x

[ncf355]

Hi Em,

 

chin up, things will get better

 

On a practical note, have any of your loans/cards got PPI (payment Protection Insurance) on them?

 

This could be a way to reduce the debts as a lot of these policies have been missold so can be reclaimed

 

(this question also extends to the debts you paid off via your FiL?)

[kittex]

hi em...dont ever think your alone in all this.theres thousands of people in the same boat....you have made the first step...hopefully you and your husband will work through it...people on here will do the very best to help you....x good luck xx......ive made a massive mistake in my life@the moment.(money) ...but to scared to tell anyone...even on here....so well done for having the guts to say what you have...i admire you...xx...

[willy2006]

Blimey so sad!!!I too lost everything in 1990 due to my wife leaving me.I had a cottage dating back to c1725 two lovely daughters.The mortgage and bills hadnt been paid (unknown to me for 3 months)People were turning up for money and constantly ringing at all hours.They wouldnt let me try negotiate any thing.Finally after seeing a fabulous counsellor at CAB,she rang everyone and sorted payments,I was advised to let the house go,with that I also lost my business.The total debt was £160,000.The house was repossessed for £60,000 (recently sold for £287,000!!)I did not handle this correctly i moved into a flat,went on the dole and went on the beer.I probably at the time had a nervous breakdown because my stance was I had nothing so no one was getting paid anything.:sad:

[Night Owl]

Rough times willy, very rough times indeed.

 

I hope you have now come out the other side fighting.

 

CAG is great for giving you a virtual hug and pointing you in the right direction for the big fights for justice in the financial world.

It gives you the power of knowledge and empowerment.

Looks like you have had some very good successes too................well done.

 

Good luke for the furture too x

[willy2006]

Yes I came through it but as a different person.I hate banks with a passion!!That incident when I said to Nat West manager I thought you said there was no problem with my wife leaving.He just laughed and said weve changed our mind we will take your house.That has stayed with me making me very bitter and changed my whole personality.The successes in my signature and some of them are my dads has become a bit of an obsession The worst thing for me is still when i see something i like i have to buy it.This stems from not having a penny and to cheer myself up i buy something!!

[in2debt]

hi em...dont ever think your alone in all this.theres thousands of people in the same boat....you have made the first step...hopefully you and your husband will work through it...people on here will do the very best to help you....x good luck xx......ive made a massive mistake in my life@the moment.(money) ...but to scared to tell anyone...even on here....so well done for having the guts to say what you have...i admire you...xx...

 

@kittex, @Mum2Four and all you lovely people on here, thank you! CAG is a godsend, i am in a holy messy myself and was beginning to lose my mind. It is nice to know there are real people out there, and nice to know one isn't entirely alone. Bless you @emShepherd, life will go on.

[dx100uk]

ems

you seriously need to start a thread in the welcome finance forum

 

99% of their loans are heaped with reclaimable charges

and

PPI/GAP/life

all can be reclaimed

 

go there

tell us the story.

 

i bet they owe you more than you owe them

 

also

please list your debts

 

and get a cra file report

 

if a debt dont show - consider not paying it.

 

dx