The Biggest Mess you ever did see?

[Timewitch]

Hi There

 

Im not sure if this is the right place to post.

 

Im in a complete pickle and have no idea where to start to get my finances back on track.

 

I am a proper ostrich with my head well and truly in the sand. It all started a while back when I split with a partner and found out I was pregnant. At that time we had a number of debts which even though we were married seemed to be in my name. So when we split I tried to do an IVA which failed after 4 years and I was made bankrupt. That was back in 2003/4.

 

So I had a clean slate but I was also a single parent trying to make ends meet. I worked full time and did my best but very quickly debts began to build up again. Over a period of 6 years I am now back to square 1. In fact I dont even know who I owe money to and why anymore. I have so many letters come to the house and so many phonecalls. Debt collectors have started calling my neighbours because I have ignored them for so long. Debts have been passed around to so many different collectors and the original debt owners names seem to change too - its just a NIGHTMARE!

 

To add to my problems I now live with my partner in his house which is in his name only. We do not have joint finances and he has no idea about the extent of this problem. I just do not know what to do. My partner has just started a new business and as a result is really not making any money and so I am now supporting us both. Which leaves very little left to pay creditors. Whom to be honest I am not paying anything to at the moment and some I have not paid for some time. SOme have just goneaway and disappeared and others such as Payday loan companys and one credit card debt are on me constantly.

 

Can anyone offer help on where I can start dealing with this?

 

 

Before anyone says to tell my partner I CANNOT and WILLNOT. I am terrified of losing him and I feel that he will feel betrayed and lose all respect for me. He has always been so good with money and saved and worked hard for what he has and so seeing my situation will just freak him out. This really is not an option for me.

 

I truely do not know how to work out what I owe, Ive been scared running so long I want to now face the music but dont know how.

 

Can anyone out there help me get my head straight? Im so ashamed.

[Halibutt]

Firstly, don't feel ashamed. This kind of thing happens to so many of us from all walks of life and at all ages. You're not alone.

 

Well, I would have said to tell your partner, but as that's not an option for you:

 

Firstly, try to identify exactly how many different debts you have. Gather together any and all paperwork concerning them and organise it properly into a file - letters from creditors by name and in chronological order.

 

Identify which debts MUST be paid - things like essentials - Council Tax, water, electricity, gas, etc. They are your priorities.

 

Then look at the other debts. Identify the companies and how much you owe each of them. Those that are harassing your neighbours, threatening doorstep visits and those who keep phoning are probably your most urgent to deal with. You can send them the "No Doorstep visits" and "In writing only" template letters on CAG. Send them registered post and don't sign them.

 

When you have got these things in hand, you could then identify which debts you feel you should pay off first, or, indeed, if you are liable for the debts at all.

 

It might be advantageous to send a CCA request to all your creditors once you've identified them. That way, you'll find out who is legally allowed to persue the debts, who the original creditors were, etc.

 

When you've identified these, if you need advice then you can start a new thread here for each creditor and explain the circumstances.

 

Take it one step at a time and you'll get out of the mess and start feeling much better about the whole situation.

 

Good luck!

 

H.

[unclebulgaria67]

Ok, I understand that you don't want to tell him, but what would you do, if you came home and he tells you that someone came to the door, asking for you. While a doorstep collector may not tell him details of the debts, they might leave a business card, with a telephone number. If he looks up the name of the company online, he will presume that you have debts you are hiding.

 

So at some point he will find out, if he does not know already.

 

Suggest that you contact National Debtline or Citizens advice to have a confidential discussion with them, so they can advise you what to do. It may be that you will have to provide details of your own income and expenditure, so that a debt advisor can look at what minimum payment offers you should be making to the companies you owe money to.

 

Edit. You can of course do as Halibutt suggests, make a list of the companies that are chasing you and start separate threads for each, to obtain advice about what you can do. Are you prepared to have years of hassle trying to avoid the debts ? While you may avoid repaying some, you are going to be in for a very stressful period, made even worse by trying to keep it a secret from your partner.

Edited September 20, 2010 by unclebulgaria67

[rebel11]

Hi Timewitch

 

If you want a snapshot of where you stand one of the credit agencies does a free trial for a month, so you can take advantage of that, but don't forget to cancel it before the month ends. There are other things that you can look at once you get on top of the basics, claiming back any Penalty Charges over the last 6 years, any PPI thats been mis-sold to you.

 

The guys here will help - you are not alone.

[Deb T]

What do you think your sum total of debt is? Roughly?

 

Not telling your partner and him finding out either when/if the proverbial hits the fan would be much worse then him finding out by you sitting down

and putting your cards on the table and if you do the latter and he gets off then was he really worth it and if he stays then he obviously is.

 

But your not wanting to tell him is par for the course re debt, I have been the same and none of my family know the extent of what my problems

were so I do understand your sentiment.

[Timewitch]

Thanks so much for all your responses.

 

I have just applied for my credit report (Thanks Rebel11 - great idea) It will take 24 hours as my current address was not listed, even though Ive lived there a few years but I have just added it. I will then see what the damage is.

 

I hear what you are saying about telling my partner. I will certainly mull it over for a bit. I am completely terrified of losing him over this, no matter how unlikely that probably is, even him losing respect for me would be very hard to swallow.

I will not run anymore but try and face the facts. Ive taken the first step my applying for the credit report. Ive also just signed up for a CAG email address as that may help when emailing and contacting creditors.

 

What should I do about debts I have not heard from in a while? SHould I leave them and just deal with the debts that are chasing me?

 

 

Thanks again so much for your help and understanding. I beat myself up about this every day.

[unclebulgaria67]

Please be aware that having registered your address with the Credit Reference Agency, you might alert other creditors that don't have your current address.

 

I would suggest that you do inform your partner of this at some stage over the next few weeks, as if you have letters and phone calls at the current address, it won't be long before he does find out. Better to find out from you, as I am sure he will be more supportive then, than he would be if someone from a debt company told him or he opened a letter addressed to you.

 

It is worth talking to National Debtline in these circumstances.

[Timewitch]

Hi Again

 

There were already links with my current address its just my creditexpert account had not been updated by me for quite sometime and so was not showing the records currently at that address. They all know its where I live.

 

Thanks again for the advice on telling my partner. I will give it much thought - it just may take a few days to pluck up the courage. I also want to know exactly what the damage is before I approach him, so am making sure I have all the details.

[coledog]

Don't give the CRAs your phone numbers either, once registered go in and change them in your details to a ficticious one. They have been known to pass them on.

[harrassed senior]

Hi, I do so emphathize with your situation, I went through exactly the same many years ago. Only you know for sure what this revalation will do to your relationship, but, if you follow all of the advise that has been given, get yourself organised so that you will gain more personal confidence. Once your files are made, your paperwork collated and you are back in charge instead of the OCs/DCAs, your partner will, I am sure see that you have been very responsible in facing up to your problems and starting to deal with them that he will respect your honesty and bravery. Make sure that you know exactly how you intend to deal with this situation, and make sure he knows that this will not affect your financial arrangements as a couple. This will be possibly the hardest thing you have had to do in a while, but the relief you will feel once he knows and you are not scared of the phone ringing, the postman, and doorstep callers, will know no bounds.

 

As already suggested make individual files for each account, in response to the latest lettes you have received, send each one the 'prove it' letter from our templates. Once you get responses with further information, post each on a new thread on here and we will deal step by step with each one.

 

One more thing, please do not be at all embarrassed by admitting to this, it is as the americans say a position that most people are only 1 pay day away from!

[rebel11]

Hi Timewatch,

 

Deal with the ones that are in regular contact with you, work your way back. Some of them might be statute Barred if they are older then 6 years and you haven't made any payments. Remember we are here all the way, if in doubt just ask.

[Fred Bassett]

Hi Timewitch,

 

From personal experience I can tell you that you must tell your partner. He will find out - it will be impossible to hide it from him and the stress of trying to deal with this and hide it at the same time will be quite unbearable. Maybe you could try and get a solution in place before he finds out but believe me, he will find out.

 

I would steer clear of the CCCS if I were you and try the CAB instead. As has been said already, if any of your debts are priority, i.e. for rent, council tax, utilities etc., these must be dealt with first. I don't think you will have too much luck with the CCA route as most of these debts are quite recent, but it only costs £1 per throw so it's worth a shot.

 

Good luck.

 

Regards.

 

Fred

[huggys boss]

Hi there Timewitch, just to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel. We were in your shoes 2 years ago, but with the help of the good people on here things are a lot better now.

Our debt hasn't gone away yet, but we are now in a position to deal with the threat-o-grams and telephone calls, and we are no longer afraid of the post or the telephone.

Your biggest problem at the moment is your partner. You really must find a way to tell him, because if nothing else, it will be one less thing for you to worry about.

 

Which ever way you decide to play this, don't forget that we are always here for you.

 

HB x

[Timewitch]

Thanks again for all of your help and understanding. I have gone through all of my credit reports and it is not good.

For the moment I have decided to leave the ones that are not chasing - some of them have not chased for 3 years or longer and deal with what is currently in my face! Im going to post my debt details on the Debt Management and Debt Self Help forum and see what I can do from there.

 

I feel so much better just writing about this and starting to do stuff to make it right.

 

Thanks again so much.