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Clampers forced to return to previous lives of kidnap and extortion

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As the government moved to ban the clamping of vehicles on private land, wheel clampers everywhere have said this will force them to return to their previous careers as kidnappers and extortionists.

Minister Lynne Featherstone said some firms operated a “sort of entrapment”, and suggested they should just go back to doing it without the thin veil of legitimacy offered by current clamping legislation.

However, clamping firms have reacted angrily, claiming that they have been singled out just because the service they offer is despised by everyone who has ever come into contact with it, and offers no public good whatsoever.

One experienced clamper told us, “I love my job. Move in, extract, demand fee, apply menaces - it’s what I’m good at.”

“I’d done it for years in the extortion market, and this is much the same, except we have a few more forms to fill in now. I still get that thrill of the capture though, there’s nothing quite like it.”

“I’d just about got used to doing this kind of thing in the open, and now I’ll have to go back to doing it wearing a mask and mostly under the cover of darkness. It’s so unfair.”

Wheel clamping

 

The Association of Wheel Clampers issued a statement from its headquarters in a dimly lit east-end pub, saying that they believe this is a terrible decision, and removes one of the few career choices available for people whose neck is thicker than their head.

A spokesperson growled, “You’re left with bouncer or private security guard, which though lucrative, rarely offer a perfectly legal opportunity to make a woman cry in the street.”

“Wheel clamping was one of the few legitimate careers that the criminal fraternity didn’t look down their noses at. You could go ’straight’ and move into clamping without the fear of being mocked by other criminals who understood is was essentially a criminal operation, but now what?”

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:lol:

"To love unconditionally is the greatest gift, laughter is a close second" .To give your time to help others after being helped here is the best way to show your appreciation to your fellow CAG members.

 

Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Seek the advice of an insured qualified professional if you have any doubts. All my knowledge has been gained here, for which I'm very grateful. I'm a Journalist, not a law professional.

 

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& I bet you all think they're joking

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Not far from where I live there is a notorious clamper, in Howarth there is a chap who owns the local car park and has been very very naughty with his clamping, he even clamped Betty Boothroyd (ex speaker in the house of commons) because she displayed her ticket upside down!

 

I bet he is crying into his cornflakes this morning!


Advice given is my opinion only, I am not a legal or financial expert (far from it).

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Awww...Sniff, sniff...ROFPMSLMFAO :D


"To love unconditionally is the greatest gift, laughter is a close second" .To give your time to help others after being helped here is the best way to show your appreciation to your fellow CAG members.

 

Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Seek the advice of an insured qualified professional if you have any doubts. All my knowledge has been gained here, for which I'm very grateful. I'm a Journalist, not a law professional.

 

If you do PM, make sure to include a link to your thread as I don't give out advice in private ;)

BB 13 - DCAs/banks and solicitors 0.

 

I get a fresh start to get on with learning to live with severe disabilities when they could have had something if they'd been understanding...

 

<--- If you feel I've helped, please twinkle my star :)

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