Daughter get kicked by boys in school

[Blondmusic]

I will save that for the headmaster when i get to meet him. I will stand my ground and fight.

[sea-sidelady]

Good for you. It is a great feeling knowing you have sorted things out and knowing your daughter can play happily at school like everyone else.

 

Do you know when you have an appointment for? Don't let them keep you waiting long. Pester them if you have to.

 

Just a thought...have you spoke to any of the other mums. I bet you are not on your own with this. These type of bullies can target a few kids.

[Blondmusic]

I am still waiting for an appointment but if i havent heard anything by tomorrow then i will chase it up.

[butty_a]

Have you thought about self defence lessons. It will give her some discipline and confidence, it will also give the lad a shock when she kicks him in the plums in self defence. You don't have to condone violence, just be prepared for it.

[Blondmusic]

I will have a look into Self Defence classes for her but i cant really afford it at the moment.

[JimmySpangle]

Don't even go there!

 

My son studied karate from age 8 to 13. He was a black belt at 10 and took part in the world championships aged 11.

 

When he went to his secondary school, nobody knew him as we had moved from a different part of the country. He is also extremely bright and was at the time quite small. This made him an instant target.

 

His first day he was followed out of the school by 3 lads who gave him a good kicking. He defended himself and put all 3 down on the ground. He was charged with assault and at 11 had to spend 3 hours at the police station.

 

2 years later and a girl who was a big lump to put it mildly, decided to pull his hair (long at the time),pushing and shoving him from behind as she followed him all the way around the school for several minutes. It was a hot day and my son was drinking a plastic bottle of water. The girl finally pushed him really hard in the back which hurt him. He turned and threw the water at her and she then kicked him so hard it broke his arm.

 

The outcome of this was that the school isolated the girl for 1 day which meant she played on a playstation instead of doing normal classes. My son was off for 2 days whilst his plaster cast settled and then when he was returned I was informed that the school intended to put him in detention!

 

'Over my dead body' were my exact words to the school. In a heated meeting with the head teacher I informed her that she was inept and wasn't fit to be near children. I told her I would trust Myra Hindley to look after children more than her. I don't think she appreciated my honesty.

 

Anyway, the outcome was that he did not do detention. The only punishment the girl got was that one day in isolation. No charges were brought by the police because they were of the opinion that he shouldn't have reacted and thus it was 6 of one.....

 

He had his arm broken!!!! This was 3 weeks before he was due to take his grade 8 piano exam, which was delayed for almost a year as a result.

 

Can anyone tell me the thinking or logic in this?

[sea-sidelady]

Even if the daughter did this, the problem is these kids would just move on to some one else. And that can't be allowed to happen.

[Blondmusic]

I agree with Sea Side Lady. When i was at school i was a target for bullies but i soon stood up for myself. Yes i was put in Detention several times even though i was just defending myself. My dad was regularly complaining to the Headmaster about it saying that if the bullies didnt hit me then i wouldnt hit them.

 

Both my sisters have been bullied. One of my sisters was assaulted then arrested when she defended herself. My other sister has no problems as she can take good care of herself.

 

Bullying needs to be dealt with by schools properly instead of just doing nothing. The boys who hurt my daughter were not even spoken to until i made a complaint. I will certainly bring this up with the Headmaster when i get chance to see him.

[JimmySpangle]

Oh I agree. I cannot say how my son's situation was resolved. Moving on, apparantly someone else had a similar problem and they found that threatening to smack the father of said bully up and down the street with a lump of wood di the trick quite well.

[Blondmusic]

Oh I agree. I cannot say how my son's situation was resolved. Moving on, apparantly someone else had a similar problem and they found that threatening to smack the father of said bully up and down the street with a lump of wood di the trick quite well.

 

The point is that the school should deal with the matter without the victims parents having to complain.

 

In my daughters first school she was bullied by a boy who was much bigger than her and he was in the year above her too. he used to hit and kick her when she was only 6 years old. I complained to the school until i was blue in the face but they did nothing. Anyway my daughter came out of school one night telling me that the boy had tried to put her head down the toilet and drown her. I told her that next time he laid a finger on her to hit him back. Little did i know that his mother was over the road listening and she came over threatening me and having a go at me. I could see where the boy had got his attitude from. She said she was going to punch me so i told her to go for it. She would only get to hit me once before i flattened her. Anyway she said she would get her mates to 'sort me out'

 

I called the police and the school when i got home. The police spoke to the boys mother who denied even talking to me. The police said that the boy had been involved in an 'incident' at his previous school where a girl had been assaulted.

[ForestChav]

He is also extremely bright and was at the time quite small.

 

This was 3 weeks before he was due to take his grade 8 piano exam,

At 13 :o Extremely bright is stating it mildly. It's equivalent to an A-level. (well, if the writing on my G8 is right)

 

I don't really understand how he was punished (or how they at least wanted to) for that. If the girl hadn't been poking him/hitting him, he wouldn't have hit back, and wouldn't have broken his arm when she hit him. Though you could say that if he hadn't hit back... but there's only so much a kid can take, like the rest of us.

 

Short of fighting back, and risking being in trouble yourself for it, the only real thing the OP (or anyone in this situation) can do is keep logging any incidents, and reporting it to the school...

[butty_a]

Most bullies only understand one thing, my kids will be told how to deal with them and I will back them up all the way so long as they didn't provoke it. Let the grown ups talk politics with ''the bullies are the real victims'' and all that tosh but let the kids live in peace. If that means they have to dish out a little justice to get them off thier backs, let them.

You might not be able to pay for self defence but you can show her where it hurts, then tell her to get some distance between him and her. Schools are useless when it comes to bullying and lots of kids get in real distress when it hapens, some even take drastic steps to aviod it. So my thoughts are fight fire with fire but keep on at the school yourself with regards to what action they should be taking. If they did thier job, fighting back wouldn't even be a consideration.

[Blondmusic]

Most bullies only understand one thing, my kids will be told how to deal with them and I will back them up all the way so long as they didn't provoke it. Let the grown ups talk politics with ''the bullies are the real victims'' and all that tosh but let the kids live in peace. If that means they have to dish out a little justice to get them off thier backs, let them.

You might not be able to pay for self defence but you can show her where it hurts. Schools are useless when it comes to bullying and lots of kids get in real distress when it hapens, some even take drastic steps to aviod it. So my thoughts are fight fire with fire but keep on at the school yourself with regards to what action they should be taking. If they did thier job, fighting back wouldn't even be a consideration.

 

I totally agree. I know some bullies have a hard life at home but it is no excuse for hitting other kids at school.

 

The school still havent phoned me to make me an appointment with the headmaster so i am chasing them up tomorrow morning.

[sea-sidelady]

Sounds like they are trying to let it lie and hope you will go away. Show them you DO mean business and have no intentions of going away. Give them a certain time to see you...ie Wednesday at the latest or threaten to go higher if they won't see you.

I'm sure they can fit you in at some point of the day.

 

Has anything calmed down since they had a word with the kids?

[Blondmusic]

Sounds like they are trying to let it lie and hope you will go away. Show them you DO mean business and have no intentions of going away. Give them a certain time to see you...ie Wednesday at the latest or threaten to go higher if they won't see you.

I'm sure they can fit you in at some point of the day.

 

Has anything calmed down since they had a word with the kids?

 

I thought that they were hoping i would leave it but i want to see this through. I plan to phone them tomorrow morning and ask if i can have an appointment to see the Headmaster. I will give them until the end of the week and if they cant make an appointment then i want the contact details of the School Govenors to complain.

 

I ask my daughter every day if anything has happened and she says no.

 

What has annoyed me the most is that I had to contact the school to get things sorted. They did not listen to my daughter at all and this is something i intend to speak to the Headmaster about when i get to see him.

[Blondmusic]

Right time for an update.

 

I phoned the school yesterday asking about the appointment i was promised with the Headmaster, the secretary promised to phone be back within 10 miinutes, she didnt so i phoned them again at 3pm and got to speak to the Headmaster.

 

As far as he was concerned the matter had been dealt with. I explained why i was not happy and he assured me that the Lunchtime Staff had been retrained on dealing with bullying. He also told me that the police had been to the school (well it was 2 PCSO's) regarding my complaint about my daughter being assaulted and that they were coming to see me. The tone of his voice suggested that he thought i was making a mountain out of a molehill. I asked him if my daughter was safe in that school and he assured me that if i have anymore problems i can speak to the Deputy Head.

 

The PCSO's came to my house, i explained what had happened. They agreed that my daughter should be safe in school and said that the boys behavior needs to be (and i quote) 'Nipped in the bud before it gets more serious'. They said that they treat these assaults seriously and they will be speaking with the boys and the parents about it.

 

I got a phone call from the School Counseller this morning and she wanted to speak to me about my daughter. I met her at 11am and explained what had been going on. She wants to see my daughter to speak to her and give her some stratigies for coping with bullying at school. She told me that most of her job is couselling bullies and bullied kids.

 

All in all i am happy with that. I still ask my daughter every day if something has happened and tell her she can talk to me about it.

[sea-sidelady]

That is fantastic, and good on you for persevering with it. You didn't get fobbed off and got the result you wanted. I bet you have a very proud daughter today. And hopefully this will be enough to shock the boys and their parents into knowing some people will not be pushed around.

 

And the best result is your daughter is now happy in school again, and knows you will be there for her no matter what!

[Blondmusic]

I just wish they had dealt with it properly in the first place. I shouldnt have to do all this but i never give up without a fight. I am like a dog with a bone sometimes i just wont give up.

[JimmySpangle]

At 13 :o Extremely bright is stating it mildly. It's equivalent to an A-level. (well, if the writing on my G8 is right)

 

I don't really understand how he was punished (or how they at least wanted to) for that. If the girl hadn't been poking him/hitting him, he wouldn't have hit back, and wouldn't have broken his arm when she hit him. Though you could say that if he hadn't hit back... but there's only so much a kid can take, like the rest of us.

 

Short of fighting back, and risking being in trouble yourself for it, the only real thing the OP (or anyone in this situation) can do is keep logging any incidents, and reporting it to the school...

 

Just to pick up on this, at no time did my son 'hit' or 'hit back'. If he had you can imagine the complaint: Black-belt thug injures schoolgirl.

[ForestChav]

Just to pick up on this, at no time did my son 'hit' or 'hit back'. If he had you can imagine the complaint: Black-belt thug injures schoolgirl.

Of course, because a kid who does martial arts who just happens to be male can't hit a woman - well, any male can't hit any woman for any reason without being the devil anyway.

 

He did throw the water at her though, didn't he? Though that's hardly the crime of the century.