Daughter's university dilemma.... what would you do?

[texanbar]

That's absolutely brilliant news.

 

I'm in my second year as a mature student and would recommend the experience to anybody. Admittedly, I wish I could have done it as a young, care-free student but due to personal circumstances was not able.

 

Having a degree opens so many more doors for you - because you do hit that imaginary ceiling in companies where you cannot progress unless you have a 'degree.'

 

You must be bursting with pride priority... well done for raising such an aspirational daughter.

x:)x

[**Tilly**]

Just updating....

 

My daughter had her 1st interview yesterday.... and was offered a place on the spot on the strength of her portfolio (art/textiles).

 

 

Well done to your daughter priority... good feeling innit

[Undercover-Elsa]

10 years further on than you and a music and nursing degree later, Priority

It wasn't easy but I'm still so PROUD of my two kids!!!

Well done to your daughter, I'm sure she'll make you as proud as mine made me xxx

[PriorityOne]

Ahh.... thank you so much for your lovely thoughts....

 

I am really proud of her, yes. When she walked up to me and said that she'd been offered a place on the spot, I nearly cried....

[PriorityOne]

All confirmed and accepted.... student finance paperwork done (what a nightmare!!) AND we also discovered that she was eligible to apply for a fee scholarship. That's probably hoping far too much, but the paperwork went in for that yesterday nevertheless.

 

Happy days...

[Mr lex]

Good luck with the scholarship P1, that really would be the cream.

 

Well done to DD for getting the place she wanted.

 

Kids and further education can be a right nightmare, you've had a great result !!

 

Lex

[PriorityOne]

Thank you Mr. Lex.... I'll keep you posted re. the scholarship but the competition is fierce, as you can imagine.

 

[Mr lex]

Don't I know it, my DD could not get on the zoology course she wanted. So she had to fund it herself and do it online. It certinly paid off, now she has a job as a trainee keeper, the Zoo she works for are putting her though her phd, all paid for

 

One proud and happy daddy !!

 

Lex

[PriorityOne]

Don't I know it, my DD could not get on the zoology course she wanted. So she had to fund it herself and do it online. It certinly paid off, now she has a job as a trainee keeper, the Zoo she works for are putting her though her phd, all paid for

 

One proud and happy daddy !!

 

Lex

 

Excellent!! Things sometimes happen for a reason... not always clear at the time though.

[cymruambyth]

Hi just to add although the costs are greater, going away enables them to leave home but still have it as a safety blanket. Check online and phone the uni about any bursaries, my son gained a scholarship which meant he didnt have to pass his A levels and gave him enough money for ............... a guitar!!!!! Some people could hav paid for food for nearly 2 terms but my dear child knows where his priorities are.

Another suggestion is that she gets a holiday job and works long hours, many of my son's contemporaries who worked during term time dropped out because they couldn't combine the social life, paid work and studies!

[Undercover-Elsa]

Ahhh but once he starts getting paid for gigs the guitar will pay for itself

[PriorityOne]

Hi just to add although the costs are greater, going away enables them to leave home but still have it as a safety blanket. Check online and phone the uni about any bursaries, my son gained a scholarship which meant he didnt have to pass his A levels and gave him enough money for ............... a guitar!!!!! Some people could hav paid for food for nearly 2 terms but my dear child knows where his priorities are.

Another suggestion is that she gets a holiday job and works long hours, many of my son's contemporaries who worked during term time dropped out because they couldn't combine the social life, paid work and studies!

 

Very true.... the uni. is in driving distance if she needs to get home or I need to get to her; approx. 90 minutes away.

 

She agreed to UCAS sharing her personal info. with the uni. so any bursaries should come to her automatically. Their bursaries are quite generous compared to other places . My daughter's grown up seeing me juggle money so does appreciate the value of it... she's very anti-debt and doesn't want a cc because she doesn't want to pay interest. Good girl!!! That may change as time goes on and adult life kicks in though...

 

She does love clothes.... so the bursary may go on those, but she's already talked about finding work up there and I will try and support her in any way I can. My circumstances are very different these days and I have a good job.... that doen't make me a cash cow though... lol!!

[cymruambyth]

Very true.... the uni. is in driving distance if she needs to get home or I need to get to her; approx. 90 minutes away.

We spent most of the first year bribing, cajoaling and threatening to keep him there, but it was worth all the heartache, he had a fantastic time, gained an excellent degree and made some good friends. He also learnt how to use a washing machine though this skill appears to be limited to distance from home!!!! My colleagues at work were kept amused by phone calls such as 'do I peel potatoes to make mash'!!!!!

 

She agreed to UCAS sharing her personal info. with the uni. so any bursaries should come to her automatically. Their bursaries are quite generous compared to other places . My daughter's grown up seeing me juggle money so does appreciate the value of it... she's very anti-debt and doesn't want a cc because she doesn't want to pay interest. Good girl!!! That may change as time goes on and adult life kicks in though...

My son was anti debt until he hit uni ....... a slippery slope! having said that he is financing further courses himself, I just wish he wasn't so laid back about everythng.

 

She does love clothes.... so the bursary may go on those, but she's already talked about finding work up there and I will try and support her in any way I can. My circumstances are very different these days and I have a good job.... that doen't make me a cash cow though... lol!!

 

Good luck to her in all her studies; according to blessed son if only I had realised what work I needed to do A levels would have been so easy:eek:

[cymruambyth]

Ahhh but once he starts getting paid for gigs the guitar will pay for itself

 

Still waiting, still a parasite:D

[Undercover-Elsa]

You'll need the patience of a saint!

Mine's working now AND making an extra £500 a month from gigs. It's not started flowing back this way yet though.....

[jannyT]

Hi all, sorry to butt in this thread. I just had to join in. I am the parent of a daughter who went off to uni 4 hours drive from home. The day we dropped her off I cried all the way home. It was the making of her - honestly. She blossomed, got organised, got herself a part time job to help with the money side of things and had a fantastic social life. On top of this she managed to save most of her student loan - mainly by living off cash she earned in the vacation times - and bought herself a brand new car when she graduated. The icing on the cake though was the day she phoned me to tell me she had got a first! I have never been so proud in my life.

 

I also have a son who chose a local university on the understanding that he could live in the student accommodation as his sister had done. I honestly think that it was the best thing for him and although it does cost a lot of money - most of it still to be paid! I still believe that living with other students plays a big part in any student's life.

 

I know this because I work in the Student Support area of my local university. It is my job to support students who find themselves in difficulty whilst at university, whether it be personal problems, financial, in fact anything you can think of I have probably dealt with over the last 20 years. You may not know that all universities have funds to allocate to students who need financial support - most people aren't aware of it but it is there for the students that really need it. So bear that in mind and don't be too proud to ask.

 

Of course students get homesick, eat the wrong food, drink too much, party too much. But they also (in the majority) work so hard. Part of my job is organising graduation ceremonies. When I see the kids that I have helped through problems proudly walk on the stage to receive their well-earned degree to the cheers and applause of everyone still brings a lump to my throat. Sorry for going on but if anyone thinks I might be able to help answer any questions feel free to ask.

 

Take care

 

Jan

[PriorityOne]

That was a lovely post JannyT....

 

I agree with you and do now believe that living away from home will be the making of my daughter. Your children sound as if they've both done so well and you must be so proud!

 

Like you, I'll probably cry like a baby when I take her up there to start the 1st term in September and it'll be strange to see her room empty for such a long time.... but she's growing up and I need to encourage her to spread her wings and take advantage of this wonderful opportunity. She's looking forward to going and making new friends there and I'm looking forward to the success I'm sure that she'll make of herself.

 

In the meantime, I have several months to show her how to use a washing machine, not to burn holes in her clothes and to cook basic but nutritious meals on the cheap...

[jannyT]

Hi PriorityOne

 

Exactly the right attitude. She will be absolutely fine - trust me. I can say that the biggest bonus of daughter being further away than my son is that she did her own washing. I live in a 2 university city and my son is at the other uni to the one I work with but only about a mile away, so guess who has to drop by his flat with the washing collection and drop off every week?

 

Neither my husband or myself were lucky enough to go to uni ourselves and had to work our way up in life. The one big ambition we had for our daughter and son was for them to have the opportunity of university if they wanted to go. Yes it has cost us and them a lot of money but we don't resent one penny.

 

My daughter left uni 2 years ago but the friends she made there are her friends for life and they travel miles to meet up regularly.

 

Don't worry about her - if she's anything like my daughter she will be texting or emailing you every day telling you what a great time she's having (which uni by the way - not mine by any chance is it?)

 

And (just to keep in mind). If things don't go to plan and she has any problems at uni at all, there are staff in every university who are there to help, and they are fantastic at it, so don't ever suffer in silence or feel there's nowhere to go.

 

Good luck to you and your daughter, she'll have the time of her life.

 

Jan x

[cymruambyth]

jannyT I wish you had been around at my son's uni! It took ayear for him to settle down, though I do believe that there were alot of amateur dramatics for my benefit! He was 6 hours away from home and I had to bribe threaten and cajoal him (and OH). He failed a first year exam as he was drunk when he sat it (strangely I didn't lean of this until after graduation).

When he spoke to his tutor about finding uni difficuly his tutor said oh well it's your decision!!!!!!!!!!!

He stayed, gained a 2.1, made some excellent friends and learnt alot about life, whilst I gained many grey hairs and lost alot more money.

Part of the problem appears to be the decrease in hours of tuition. I studied the same subject as my son and had well over twice the hours of work. He was having 6 hours tuition a week (I did check) which at £3,000 a year is disgusting.

For all my complaints, I recommend the experience for everyone who is capable and motivated. It is a fantastic experience and helps to set the foundation for life.

Read or watch 'Starter For 10' and smile or cringe;)

[PriorityOne]

Thank you JannyT...

 

You made me smile when I read about you and your son's washing collection. Yes, I could see that happening to me too if my daughter's uni. was close enough... !!

 

I think it's lovely that you wanted your kids to have the experience of uni. I can remember my Mum wanted it for me but my Dad died when I was 15, so for one reason or another it never happened until I picked it up through the Open University many years later. Unfortunately, Mum had developed Altzheimer's by the time I graduated, so she never knew...

 

I have always wanted my daughter to have the experience because my view is that once you have that Degree, it's with you for life. I also think that because of the job situation.... especially where I live.... she needed to continue if possible. Fortunately, she always wanted to go as well but she wanted to live away from home right from the start and it was that part that I had trouble getting my head around. I'm absolutely fine about it now though!!

 

Cymruambyth.... it sounds like your son was a bit of a nightmare, but coming away with a 2:1 is fantastic. I agree that 6 hours a week tuition is disgusting though..... it also leaves them with far too much time on their hands! Is that the norm for tuition hours these days?

 

[jannyT]

Hi cymruambyth great post. I think the problem there was probably the tutor. In general they are not interested in the "touchy feely" stuff and cant deal with anything that's non-academic. He or She should have arranged for your son to meet with specialist staff who are interested in the student's well-being.

It's so hard being a parent of a student both financially and emotionally. The things I've dealt with would make your hair curl..... like the lad who turned up for graduation dressed in all the robes with mum and dad in tow when he knew that he shouldn't have been there because he hadn't shown up at all in his last year for lessons and so had failed! He was too frightened to tell them...... did he think they wouldn't find out?? Then there was the lad who turned up stinking of drink with mum in tears and dad in a total rage just as his graduation ceremony was finishing - he had overlaid having been out celebrating the night before and slept right through the alarm - God did he look scared. He was trembling. I can laugh about things now but at the time.......... I just felt so sorry for his mum - we sorted it out in the end though and they came up to me afterwards and thanked me for "saving his skin".

 

I've also learned a lot about not what to do as a parent - when you see things from the other side it puts a different slant on things. Some parents expect the impossible from their kids and sometimes it's heartbreaking to witness.

 

You must be proud of your son coming out with a 2.1 that's brilliant - I bet in those first days you never thought he would get there. It shows what grit and determination can do, and great support from home.

 

Have to say I agree with you about the teaching hours. When my daughter's 3rd year timetable came my husband looked at it and thought there was a mistake - all but one of the boxes was empty!!!!! I think the official term for it is independent study - yeah right!? :?

 

Take care

 

Jan

[cymruambyth]

The 'grit and determiation' came from me! Proof reading essays at midnight!

As for washing, son always came home with atleast 1 black bag of washing, ost of which walked through the house on its own - yuck! he took 28 pairs of pants and socks to cut down on washing. The best part wasw thye football kit that was never washed an d left to fester, whilst muddy and wet until he came home, an aroma that is had to describe!

As for tales, what about, thowing snow balls through ground floor windows at 6 am, Xbox tournaments until 5am when essays had to be handed in at noon; then when we visited we discovered that all rotas had gone and everyone washed their utensils and crockery as they needed them, otherwise they were left in the sink; plus 13 bags of rubbish in the kitchen because no one would throw them away.

I am so pleased that he has returned home and is now educating his younger brothers as to life!

[PriorityOne]

The 'grit and determiation' came from me! Proof reading essays at midnight!

As for washing, son always came home with atleast 1 black bag of washing, ost of which walked through the house on its own - yuck! he took 28 pairs of pants and socks to cut down on washing. The best part wasw thye football kit that was never washed an d left to fester, whilst muddy and wet until he came home, an aroma that is had to describe!

As for tales, what about, thowing snow balls through ground floor windows at 6 am, Xbox tournaments until 5am when essays had to be handed in at noon; then when we visited we discovered that all rotas had gone and everyone washed their utensils and crockery as they needed them, otherwise they were left in the sink; plus 13 bags of rubbish in the kitchen because no one would throw them away.

I am so pleased that he has returned home and is now educating his younger brothers as to life!

 

OMG!!.... .... what have I let myself in for?!

[cymruambyth]

A great deal of satisfaction and pride when she graduates!

Don't forget the female of the species is different from the male:rolleyes:

Some of the girls my son knew spent 5 months on their dissertations, researching, planning and reworking everything. Boys often like to work under pressure and can spend as little as 3 weeks doing the same work. "It's cool don't worry":eek:

[PriorityOne]

OMG!!!!

 

My daughter got the scholarship!!!!

 

She was short-listed a while back, but I took no notice in case it all fell through.... and we've just had confirmation by email this evening that she's got it!!!!

 

Happy! Happy! Happy!

 

Edited September 8, 2010 by PriorityOne
typo