Rude and aggresive forum members

[jailbird]

Well said Crapstone !

[BankFodder]

I'm afraid that rude and aggressive behaviour is fairly normal for Internet forums.

I have always thought that it is partly caused by the de-personalisation of other forum contributors which comes about when interaction is just through a computer interface.

 

Did you ever see those experiments where quite ordinary people were told to move an electric switch which (they were told) was wired up to a person in an adjoining room. Every time they turned up the voltage, the unseen person would scream with agony - yet the person on the switch would continue to turn up the power even though they believed that the victim might be killed and was suffering great pain.

 

There is something of that on forums. Where there are arms-length communications with people who one has never met and who one is likely never to meet, then people very often act in terribly hurtful ways: in ways that they would never dream of if they met the person face to face.

 

That's one part of the equation.

 

The other part is that the person on the receiving end has a far more acute sense that they are being held up to ridicule than they really are.

Even though they will never be met by others who are reading the hurtful messages - and although they will never be identified as the target, there is a sense of being exposed in front of potentially thousands or more, people who are intensely interested in watching the public humiliation and downfall of another individual.

 

I think that the truth is that the people who are "dishing out" the aggression are themselves victims of some kind of Internet phenomenon.

I suppose it shows that they do have some underlying need to dominate people and on an Internet forum, they can do so in relative safety - but it can be a form of bullying nevertheless, and it's not nice to be on the wrong end of it.

 

I think that people who receive this kind of treatment need to put things in perspective. Incidents which occur on a forum as large as the CAG, go almost unnoticed by more than 99% of the people who come here. We receive about 700,000 unique visitors per month, so go figure.

 

 

Even people who read the thread in question, mostly don't care one way or another about an aggressive exchange -and actually in my experience, most people who bother to form a judgment, generally come out against the aggressor.

 

In fact the real irony is, that while on one hand the victim of Internet aggression feels that s/he is isolated in the centre of some huge spotlit arena, and is the focus of everyone's attention and their judgment, so does the aggressor. The aggressor has a sense that everyone is watching breathless as s/he demonstrates his skill in dominating and eventually subduing some unseen human individual.

 

But the truth is that that it is all just virtual sparring and almost everyone else around is not paying much attention and by the next days it will all be forgotten as the forum moves on and grows larger.

 

The weakest link is actually the aggressor who is demonstrating some inadequacy by seeking to dominate someone else in a way that he would either be ashamed of or would not dare if he met his victim face-to-face.

 

People who receive cyber-aggression should try to see it in its proper context and also understand that when you subscribe to an Internet forum, then it probably comes with the territory.

 

Having said all that, I hope that when it gets out of hand, the site team will be there to take a view.

[GuidoT]

Like in real life people do not know how to behave, some people are unnecessarily aggressive and just thoughtless towards other peoples feelings.

 

Additionally some people are more sensitive than others and get offended easily.

 

Having a discussion on an Internet forum, usually with people that are anonymous, that degenerates into an argument is just pointless.

[fluffy_bunny]

it was in the bailiff forum - i objected to someone saying all bailiffs were like ian huntley as i found this very offensive and a completely unnecessary comment that belittled what the families have been through

 

because I was offended I was accussed of being a bailiff by a number of posters

[buzby]

because I was offended I was accussed of being a bailiff by a number of posters

 

Wear it as a badge of honour. I've lost count of the number of times I've been accused of being associated with whatever entity is being written about because I have the ability to see both sides of the argument, and attempt to re-balance the debate, however a good number of people don;t have the ability to see this, and assume support for a position they find untenable.

 

I have to say I dislike the profession (along with estate agents, private parking and clampers etc) but they - as individuals, cannot be 'blamed' for their profession. If they personally do something untenable, then fine - (like Huntley) that can be fair comment, but not otherwise.

[Bookworm]

The other part is that the person on the receiving end has a far more acute sense that they are being held up to ridicule than they really are.

I think that's probably the biggest part actually, that and the simple misunderstanding factor.

 

I made a comment the other day which I didn't qualify, referring to the OP's comment that he had spent x amount of years in the Navy, to which I said something like "that explains a lot". As the conversation was about insults and bad language, what *I* meant was this explained that. What *he* thought I meant was that I was diminishing his years of service, dismissing him and his experience, etc, etc... and by his own admission, "chewed on it all afternoon", before, thankfully, querying this on thread. I explained what I really meant and apologised for the misunderstanding, he apologised for the bad language, we kissed and made up, and all was well again... But it could have so easily gone the other way!

 

It doesn't even take that much... One person says something, 2 people reply at the same time, and one of them thinks the comment relating to the 1st post was addressed to him and takes it the wrong way, and all hell breaks loose.

 

There are of course different types of cyber-aggression. As someone who has been accused of being a bully a few times, it always amuses me that those who throw the accusations are usually the ones who would be bullies themselves and don't like it when someone refuses to be cowed by them. In the same way, those who would complain about censorship are the ones who mean that freedom of speech is ok for them but not those who disagree with them. It's also the last resort insult of someone who is in the wrong, knows it but can not back down and so try to make themselves the victim.

 

In reality, I think there is far less of it that some would have us believe. On a very active and energetic forum like this one, there'll be heated debate, that's unavoidable, and I would say is necessary to it thriving. If everybody agrees with the other, there'll only be complacency at the end of it, and that is NOT a good idea. When it comes down to petty insults and personal comments however, that's when it's time to pull the plug IMO. Unfortunately, too many people feel that if their idea is being demolished, then it means that so are they, the person behind it. But are they? Of course not! In our lives, we all have had ( I should hope) some very good ideas, and some which looking back we wish we had never had, some life-changing, some not. The great strength of this forum is that you can sound them out and get support (or not as the case may be) before you do somethign with it, and what's more if it doesn't pan out, you're the only one who knows the person behind it! ;-) Unfortunately, some people only post because they want the cries of admiraton and adulation from the crowd, and if this doesn't happen, boy do they find it hard to take...

 

All in all, though, all anyone has to do is walk away from the keyboard. No-one is chained to the site, hell you haven't even paid for a membership! You can take it all to heart, feel that you are being mercilessly bullied, and make yourself miserable...or you can switch off the computer, go for a walk and enjoy real life once in a while, then come back with a fresh outlook, decide to laugh at those who are unable to see the bigger picture and get on with it.

 

Over the last few years, I have seen so many saying "I have never been so insulted/bullied/treated so badly in my life, I am leaving this forum and never coming back!". My thoughts have always been: a) if that's the worst you've ever had thrown at you in your life, then you're bloody lucky, b) don't let the door hit you on the backside on the way out, c) how long before they're back under a new ID?

 

Listen: What do you care? User Iamatool is not real. You will probably never meet him/her. If he didn't have the Internet, his opinions would remain unknown to you and therefore would have no impact on you whatsoever. The only influence he has on you is the one YOU are willing to let him have. Think about it.

[MONX]

Lol I think I have come up against Iamatool on many many occasions but to be truthful not that many times on this forum.

 

There has been an occasion (or two) when my (perhaps oversensitive) sense of fairness has urged me to make a comment when I thought someone was being bullied or treated unfairly.

 

Its very easy to take something someone has said out of context, mistake their intention and generally as there is no tone of voice or other body language to help you decipher what is being said it it very easy to assume the worst and take offence or on the other hand treat someone who is being quite rude as a friend because you asume they are being ironic.

[jailbird]

Well said Bookie

[SOD'EM]

If everybody agrees with the other, there'll only be complacency at the end of it, and that is NOT a good idea.

 

 

Yes, I agree Bookie:p

[Fred Bassett]

It's simple. If your a woman, You're right:p.

 

Maybe sometimes arrogant, obnoxious and downright rude....But nevertheless right;).

 

That's what I've been taught anyway.

 

 

(SOD'EM eagerly awaits a female CAGGER to post the words "WELL TRAINED", or something to that affect).

 

SOD'EM, I made a big booboo once when playing Trivial Pursuit - it was boys v girls. A question came up "which is the most intelligent creature after man?". My answer was "Woman". I got slated a bit - it turned out that the answer is Dolphin. I got slated even more when I said "So that makes woman third!"

 

Regards.

 

Fred

Edited March 26, 2010 by Fred Bassett

[ukaviator]

[cymruambyth]

Fred ............. and you are still alive to tell the tale:eek:

[Crapstone]

I think that's probably the biggest part actually, that and the simple misunderstanding factor.

 

I made a comment the other day which I didn't qualify, referring to the OP's comment that he had spent x amount of years in the Navy, to which I said something like "that explains a lot". As the conversation was about insults and bad language, what *I* meant was this explained that. What *he* thought I meant was that I was diminishing his years of service, dismissing him and his experience, etc, etc... and by his own admission, "chewed on it all afternoon", before, thankfully, querying this on thread. I explained what I really meant and apologised for the misunderstanding, he apologised for the bad language, we kissed and made up, and all was well again... But it could have so easily gone the other way!

 

It doesn't even take that much... One person says something, 2 people reply at the same time, and one of them thinks the comment relating to the 1st post was addressed to him and takes it the wrong way, and all hell breaks loose.

 

There are of course different types of cyber-aggression. As someone who has been accused of being a bully a few times, it always amuses me that those who throw the accusations are usually the ones who would be bullies themselves and don't like it when someone refuses to be cowed by them. In the same way, those who would complain about censorship are the ones who mean that freedom of speech is ok for them but not those who disagree with them. It's also the last resort insult of someone who is in the wrong, knows it but can not back down and so try to make themselves the victim.

 

In reality, I think there is far less of it that some would have us believe. On a very active and energetic forum like this one, there'll be heated debate, that's unavoidable, and I would say is necessary to it thriving. If everybody agrees with the other, there'll only be complacency at the end of it, and that is NOT a good idea. When it comes down to petty insults and personal comments however, that's when it's time to pull the plug IMO. Unfortunately, too many people feel that if their idea is being demolished, then it means that so are they, the person behind it. But are they? Of course not! In our lives, we all have had ( I should hope) some very good ideas, and some which looking back we wish we had never had, some life-changing, some not. The great strength of this forum is that you can sound them out and get support (or not as the case may be) before you do somethign with it, and what's more if it doesn't pan out, you're the only one who knows the person behind it! ;-) Unfortunately, some people only post because they want the cries of admiraton and adulation from the crowd, and if this doesn't happen, boy do they find it hard to take...

 

All in all, though, all anyone has to do is walk away from the keyboard. No-one is chained to the site, hell you haven't even paid for a membership! You can take it all to heart, feel that you are being mercilessly bullied, and make yourself miserable...or you can switch off the computer, go for a walk and enjoy real life once in a while, then come back with a fresh outlook, decide to laugh at those who are unable to see the bigger picture and get on with it.

 

Over the last few years, I have seen so many saying "I have never been so insulted/bullied/treated so badly in my life, I am leaving this forum and never coming back!". My thoughts have always been: a) if that's the worst you've ever had thrown at you in your life, then you're bloody lucky, b) don't let the door hit you on the backside on the way out, c) how long before they're back under a new ID?

 

Listen: What do you care? User Iamatool is not real. You will probably never meet him/her. If he didn't have the Internet, his opinions would remain unknown to you and therefore would have no impact on you whatsoever. The only influence he has on you is the one YOU are willing to let him have. Think about it.

 

Well said Bookie.

 

It's better to walk away from arguements and hold your own values.

[Crapstone]

SOD'EM, I made a big booboo once when playing Trivial Pursuit - it was boys v girls. A question came up "which is the most intelligent creature after man?". My answer was "Woman". I got slated a bit - it turned out that the answer is Dolphin. I got slated even more when I said "So that makes woman third!"

 

Regards.

 

Fred

 

Lol

[kiptower]

same here bookie , very well put

 

often as a new poster you feel bad @ what someone puts,

 

and in time you get to understand just how it all works

 

often a new poster will put up advice that looks like its a troll from the other side, giving advice that supports them, but remember this is an advice forum where often the advice is no more that a posters personal view, its NOT LEGAL ADVICE, and on the odd occasion a poster may say something that touches a nerve with another user, and the sparks fly, and in most cases the site team douse it with water, and calm returns.

 

and we do have our share of trolls , most are soon sussed and they are quickly history, and sometimes they are left to babble and many of the long time posters play with them, typical is PERKY ( he normaly gets sussed within 1 or 2 posts anyway even if he uses a new username )

[Fred Bassett]

Fred ............. and you are still alive to tell the tale:eek:

 

 

Oh yes. In fact, a few months ago I was contacted by an old friend on Facebook - he was there at the the time and he reminded me of it. Happy days. I do get away with being a bit cheeky now and then. Well for my entire life to be precise. It must be a knack.

 

Only just alive though, having had a virus all week, I've driven to Cardiff and back today so now I'm completely knackered.

 

Regards.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

same here bookie , very well put

 

often as a new poster you feel bad @ what someone puts,

 

and in time you get to understand just how it all works

 

often a new poster will put up advice that looks like its a troll from the other side, giving advice that supports them, but remember this is an advice forum where often the advice is no more that a posters personal view, its NOT LEGAL ADVICE, and on the odd occasion a poster may say something that touches a nerve with another user, and the sparks fly, and in most cases the site team douse it with water, and calm returns.

 

and we do have our share of trolls , most are soon sussed and they are quickly history, and sometimes they are left to babble and many of the long time posters play with them, typical is PERKY ( he normaly gets sussed within 1 or 2 posts anyway even if he uses a new username )

 

Three things you should never discuss in a pub - politics, religion and football. Not a bad rule of thumb for an internet forum really. I have strong views on a number of things and I've been daft enough to get embroiled in a few arguments on here myself and the result is always the same: both sides disagree, probably never will agree, and end up hurling insults at each other. Best just to accept that you will not agree and move on. I will try and do my bit and bite my tongue where necessary.

 

Regards.

 

Fred

[vjohn82]

I've had an experience this where I have been accused of stalking, bullying, having no heart etc.

 

I was commenting on one thread where a poster had wrote some misleading information. I corrected it because goodness knows we do not need further confusion on this site. However the OP took offence to it. When other experienced CAGGERS also claim the OP's info was misleading/plain wrong they accused us all of ganging up when the aim was simply to stop the misinformation.

 

I was then asked to help by PM on another thread (by someone who had not posted in the one above) and lo and behold the same person is giving some more information which is wrong... I had to correct it to stop the person they were advising from making a big mistake.

 

I was criticised by the person I was trying to help AND the person who was giving the misinformation.

 

I was asked to leave the thread but I keep looking in every now and then to see how it is developing (although I am not posting any more). To be honest I feel like getting the sick bag out every time I read certain comments/phrases.

 

I even came close to leaving the site yesterday because of it... I'm not sensitive (far from it) but I just felt I was wasting my time on here. I spend quite a while here (probably to the detriment of other things) and some people seem to have a way a ruining it.

 

I will take the advice in previous posts... I don't need to look at it and nor do I want to.

 

Anyway, that was my first rant in the Bear Garden

[wish me well]

I've had an experience this where I have been accused of stalking, bullying, having no heart etc.

 

I was commenting on one thread where a poster had wrote some misleading information. I corrected it because goodness knows we do not need further confusion on this site. However the OP took offence to it. When other experienced CAGGERS also claim the OP's info was misleading/plain wrong they accused us all of ganging up when the aim was simply to stop the misinformation.

 

I was then asked to help by PM on another thread (by someone who had not posted in the one above) and lo and behold the same person is giving some more information which is wrong... I had to correct it to stop the person they were advising from making a big mistake.

 

I was criticised by the person I was trying to help AND the person who was giving the misinformation.

 

I was asked to leave the thread but I keep looking in every now and then to see how it is developing (although I am not posting any more). To be honest I feel like getting the sick bag out every time I read certain comments/phrases.

 

I even came close to leaving the site yesterday because of it... I'm not sensitive (far from it) but I just felt I was wasting my time on here. I spend quite a while here (probably to the detriment of other things) and some people seem to have a way a ruining it.

 

I will take the advice in previous posts... I don't need to look at it and nor do I want to.

 

Anyway, that was my first rant in the Bear Garden

 

 

Hi all,

 

I am the OP that vjohn is referring to and as I explained to vjohn in a pm I have taken his advice and am extremely grateful for it

 

I hope if you find the time vjohn, please amend some of the info or add to it to clarify to all I am no ogar.

 

Kindest wishes sent

wish me well.

[vjohn82]

WMW has indeed apologised and differences ironed out

[wish me well]

WMW has indeed apologised and differences ironed out

 

Thankyou, very much ;-)