Please help me with this mess!

[sar2004]

Sorry all for my depressing title but im sat at home in a complete state and dont know what to do.

Never been in any kind of trouble in my life and cant think of where to turn for help.

Will give you some background to set scene and tell you the issues and hope that you can advise me.

 

I was married and claimed tax credits for 3 years. My son is disabled with very complex challenging needs and he received the highest rate of care and mobility allowance so this gives you an idea of the level of care he needs.

My husband subjected me to 2 years of physical abuse and i tolerated this until he attacked my son. One step too far so the police were involved and my husband was arrested - have crime reference numbers etc to prove all im saying.

After this incident i suffered a complete breakdown. A friend wrote to the tax credits to advise of a change in sitaution as i couldnt even pick up the phone at that stage and she assumed they wouldnt speak to her.

I have no evidence now that they received this.

The abuse form my ex husband contnued and he broke into my new home months after this. ....lots of other stressful things happened all related to this and to give you an idea of how hard im finding this its taken me to date 2 days to type this..im having to put it into word and copy and paste it into here.

My ex left me with debts coming to the tune of 22k - he couldnt get credit and i stupidly took the finance in my name for him so now im in deep.

Im working but have had significnt time off this year due to stress and anxiety yet I still have to care for my son.

Tax credits wrote to me saying as they have found i wasnt with my ex for 3 years I was overpaid etc etc.

I didnt know what to do and cant cope wth any more in my life so i ignored it .... i know im an idiot but im so close to the edge i dont always do the best thing.

They have written back to me to say that i have this huge debt which must be paid back to them...i cant do it.

Im too scared to call them I will just freak....i can offer to pay say 50 a month towards it and maybe review it in a year but at the moment im barely hlding this job down.

Im not a fraud and i understad i have to pay it back and im prepared to but im too frightened to negotiate with them..i dont have the confidence or strength.

Been sat in my jamas for a week now at home...cant sleep, cant eat and i cant go on.

Im scared they will send me to prison if i cant pay straight away cause the letter says we will commence with enforecement proceedings.

What will happen to my son?

My papers and finances are in a shocking mess and this is yet another thing to sort out.

A friend said if i go bankrupt then tax credit debt will be included in that but i will for certain lose my job as bankruptcies not allowed.

 

Please help me. Sick of not coping, crying and not knowing a way forward.

Off work again and i cant just sit here scared to answer the phone or the door much longer.

 

I do see my GP for my depression but its just worse than ever over this.

[sea-sidelady]

Hiya sar2004.

 

Please don't despair over this. You have done the right thing coming here. You will get the help and advice you need. There is help out there, and plenty of people on here are in the exact same situation.

 

Every one likes to help each other here, even if some one can't help, with your problem, you will have plenty of support, and plenty of people ready to listen if you feel like having a rant!

 

I will make sure some one who knows how to help you will see this thread and respond at some point today.

 

I know its easy to say try not to worry too much, but having a severely disabled child myself, I know how hard things can be. Especially when your on your own.

 

While you wait for some advice, have a good read around the site, it really will help when you see others going through the same. You will see you're not alone.

[tortilla]

Hi sar2004

Hang on in there, lots of things come to mind such as: its darkest before the dawn, the longest journey starts with the first step, you've made that first step.

There are people here who have been where you are, and they will all help you.

No one will send you to prison, in the end if you don't have the money no court will make you pay any more than you can afford.

Please believe when I say someone who knows will be along to help you soon.

I don't have enough knowledge to advise you apart from the obvious stuff:

Sort each item (tax credit, credit card, bank etc) so you know where you are.

You have to contact them to tell them you have problems (there are template letters on the site for most things)

Once you have started to take control away from them you will feel better, I promise.

 

Cheers

[sar2004]

have managed to negotiate with most of the lenders for stuff like visas, loans..well a friend did!

Im paying stuff back by standing orders and its not easy but keeps them off my back.

After all my bills I have 400 spare a month. I pay 300 on debts leaving me with 100 for emergencies, car repairs etc.

Now i thought if i pay tax credits 50 that leaves me with a little in case of a crisis.

I have been reading that tax credits dont take into account other debts which is a nightmare cause im scared they will force me to pay more or get one of those attachement of earning thingys so then i cant pay my other debts....then i will loose my job due to poor credit rating.

And work will def get rid of me as its a conditin of my contract and they have done it to someone else.

What with debts and severe depression im not a good employee really am i?

Im just terrified...

My friend has seen the state of me and wants to call the GP out but the GP cant make this go away so whats the point.

[sar2004]

im sure i will go to prison..i thought you did for Inland Revenue debts!

[Maggie_moo]

Hi sar2004, welcome to Cag

 

My goodness you have been through a bad time

 

You are in the right place to start sorting through your troubles, you will have lots of support and there are many caggers with plenty of experience to help you, not to mention getting some new friends

 

Firstly could you make a list of your debts and how much, starting with the working tax as this appears to be the most important. Each debt can be looked at and dealt with seperately.

 

I know it seems impossible at the moment but you will be able to deal with this, trust me with the guidance of, frankly, the wonderfully caring people on here soon things will not feel as dark as they do now.

 

Do you get any support with your son?

 

Have you seen your doctor recently with your depression?

[mkb]

YOU WON'T GO TO PRISON FOR PAYING YOUR DEBTS

 

2yrs ago we owed TC's & eventually we offered £15 per month & they accepted it cos it was all we could afford but it means we're paying it back! It hasn't affected what we can (and do) claim at present either

 

Have you managed to speak with CAB or CCCS about any of this? If not, I would suggest trying to - they are non-judgemental.

 

When you're feeling stronger, you will get LOADS of help here to assess your situation from others who are in the same or similar situation as you are now.

[Guest wino]

Hang in there sar2004

I have cried everyday for the past couple of years. I felt the way you are now. I found this site and have made some good virtual friends here who have given me good advice and helped me to take control again. I actually laughed out loud a couple of months ago and only then realised how misrable I had been. Cag has shown me that I am not on my own and I am not the only one going through a difficult time.

 

I have been overpaid £5,000 tax credits and have been paying it back at £20 per month for the last year. They now want to revise my situation but at the end of the day they can't have what I havn't got.

 

You need to take control of your finances again making sure that any money you owe for loans, credit cards etc have enforcable credit agreements. This site will give practical help aswell as the emotional support you need.

 

It DOES get better:)

[sar2004]

Hi all

 

i keep popping on and off here to check for replies and its making m nervous - i think im just scared what i might read but i have to face it before its too late. For some people this may be nothing but this is takng everything ive got.

How do i get the TC's to accept 50 a month. I cant speak to anyone right now...in person or on the phone is out of the question I iwll just llose it. Online is easiest for me cause i can leave the PC when i get anxious if that makes sense.

I think with some help i can write a letter to tax credits though and will give that a go.

I do see GP regular for my depression and have been trying to cut down on medication as i did see light at the end of the tunnel but this has put me back to square one again...up all night pacing etc etc seems to only take a tiny thing to tip me over the edge.

I dont get help for my son but he is at special school in the day so i guess i get a break then.

If it was me and him id be ok but i just want all this other stuff to go away.

If i had enough money to pay the TC's id get a couple of plane tickets and just go and never comeback!

I tried really hard to call them last week and hung up as soon as the phone was answered so didnt even open my mouth..i was sick afterwards with the stress of it all and actually went to bed, fell asleep and woke up and had forgotten about it...thats how off my head I am.

The letter reminded me this morning

[sea-sidelady]

You might be able to reduce some of the payments on your other debts. Reclaim charges, or even have some debts thrown out. There are so many options. I don't want to over load you with too much, but it might be worth giving a little more details on your other debts. The tax credit seems to of pushed you over the top, but if you can get help with the rest aswell, you will soon be in a position to pay the priority debts.

 

Edit.... It is best not to call anyone. Always write to them, but don't worry, we will help with that aswell.

[Maggie_moo]

If you can get someone to help you write a letter to TC's that would be good. Send them a list of your incoming's and outgoing's and make an offer of payment you can reasonably stick to. Send this by recorded delivery so you can track your letter and keep a copy yourself.

[sar2004]

am trying to get my incomings and outgoings together for you all so i can put on here

[Guest wino]

You can also give someone authority to talk on your behalf. I helped my friend sort her overpayment out over the phone. I gave them her details and explained that she was too upset to talk personally. She had to go on the phone and just had to confirm her details and that she was giving permission for me to act on her behalf. It is better to put your permission in writing to them though

[sar2004]

ok sum of my incomings is 2127.00

my outgoings looklike this:

 

rent795council tax140food250fuel180gas/elec119insurance68mobile phone30water33tv licence12school dinners33house insurance14dog food20car finance97road tax save10childs leisure centre club5Life insurance8rent arrears35debts2002049

 

so that leaves me with £78 quid but im still happy to pay 50 just worried they wont accept that and say i have to reduce the 200.

[sar2004]

oopps the last but that says debts should just say 200 as in 200 a month so incomings is 2127

outgoings total is 2049

potential tax credits pment 50 leaving me with 28 quid....i think i can cope wiht that but can they

[sar2004]

Ex has sent me aspiteful email saying tax credits contacted him and he delighted to tell them that he didnt live with me at the time in question and he hopes i end up in court. Great.....

[havinastella]

Hi Sar2004 and welcome to Cag,

 

In a few days time you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about.

 

can you list the debts you are paying, to whom, when they were taken out and if they are still with original lenders.

 

so something like

 

Capital One, taken out in 2002, paying Cabot £10 month.

 

We can then look at each in turn and advise the way forward with them.

 

Keep your chin up

 

Jogs

 

Tax credits will work with you to pay back what you can afford. Just be straight with them.

[sar2004]

OK all the debts are in my name but I havent had any money from them as I took them out to help him pay off other debts whilst we were married (what a pratt I am serves me right!)

The only two that is mine is the Next Directory and that was money i just paid every month no problems or arears at all (never had debts before EVER) but then i moved into house after split with him and after a few months started getting letters from debt collection agencies for the debts he wasnt paying.

I contacted him and got a load of abuse him saying i cant make him they are in my name! Well nothing i can do about that now fair enough.

So i had to reduce what i would normally pay next as a result of the other stuff if that makes sense but next dont hassle me at all just let mepay what i can.

The other one is the solicitor for my divorce and i have topay her cause god forbid i dont then find I need legal help for something but she just lets me send 30 by direct debit and has been very understanding.

 

The rest were all taken out approx 3.5 to 4 yrs ago. I cant remember the original amounts they were and he did pay them whilst we were married but after the domestic violence incident he stopped so I can only tell you what they are now.

Some of them have been via multiple debt agencies. One i have just called Robinson Way cause i dont even know what its for anymore.

I have listed them like this...company, amount left to pay, monthyl pyment to them.

 

Lloyds TSB loan.£7000.£55

Egg Card.£3000.£25

Lloyds Mastercard.£6000.£50

Nxt directory.£500.£5

O2. £108. £1

Solicitor. £3200.£30

Robinson Way£4365. £36

 

Er that comes to 202 actually so even me saying 200 was wrong. I havent been able to drop lloyds debts any as my account is with them and im worried if i drop them then they will just take a chunk out of my account.

So far this seems to work with the above payments as i have no CCJs and need to keep it this way for work.

Robinson way are apain they ring a lot but they rang thismorning andi just screamed and bawled down the phone at them...totally lost it so dunno what they will do but i cant pay any more as need what i got spare for tax credits.

Tax credits is 16k so now you know why im scared of prison.

I dont understand what ive done with the money... i cant even figure out my statements to see but ive not been on holiday or anything flash but i can say that when all the debts started coming in after the split there were a lot more and they were pretty aggressive...i think back then the total was about 45k and i just kept paying and paying out of the bank account so in a way ive paid debts that aint mine with TCs and now i need topay TCs....i will never escape this misery...

[sar2004]

think im scared really cause its the government i owe money to.

I just have visions of me opening a wage slip one day to find a big fat zero cause inland revenue have taken a load back to cover these tax credits.

I dont understand all this so i might be totally wrong but ijust thought as its the governemnt they can do these things.

I have considered sending them a letter with a full honest detail of what ive been through and my current state of mind and saying they have permission to contact my GP im fine with that.

Maybe theywould accept my 50 pounds then and not put me underloads of pressure?

[Kouros]

If you have responsibliity for a disabled person in your home you are entitled to 25% off the council tax. Not something the council likes you to know.

[sar2004]

i didnt know that. Ive requested the form for the single person discount only recently.

A lot of small things like this i could have done months maybe years ago but when you wonder some days if you can get out of bed then anything else is just beyond you to be honest

[mkb]

Charming bloke that ex of yours!

 

Does he pay maintenance for your child? If not, you need to be pursuing this - after all, if he is man enough to father a child then he needs to be man enough to pay.

 

Are you eligible for tax credits or any other benefits now?

 

This website will help you www.entitledto.co.uk

[sar2004]

he pays a small amount out of his benefits as he isnt working...probably never will!

He doesnt see my son due to the domestic violence anyway thank god so thats one thing i hav going for me.

I have included the maintenance in my total incomings as well as 80 per month child benefit etc.

I dont get any tax credits...reason is to be honest i couldnt ring them let alone start to fill those forms in and this couldall happen again.

one mistake and there is a debt to pay back. Im not "with it" enough to be checking award notices etc i will just mess up and be held accountable...learned that lesson the hard way!

[sea-sidelady]

Might be worth getting in touch with Welfare rights. They are lovely and can tell you what you are entitled to and help you fill in any forms.

[mkb]

I think you should see CAB to find out exactly what you are entitled to & ask if they could help you claim anything that might be due.

 

If you are entitled to TC's, you could offer the current amount due as payment towards the arrears I think but, again, I suggest you get this checked.

 

Now, only earlier today you were talking about ending it all but one post on here & you've already had loads of advice - see the power of CAG

 

Chin up girl. A new mantra for you - I CAN do it for me & my son! I'm a strong woman & I won't be beaten by the current situation.

Say it out loud every time you feel yourself getting bogged down by it all & before you know it, you'll be in total control