Need urgent advice regarding children

[faz1969]

Faz,

 

You sound like a really decent man and a great father, but I don't understand why you and your wife have five children and yet she still doesn't have permission to live here. You must have been together for 8-9 years but she still doesn't have British citizenship. Have you never applied for this in the past?

 

She sounds absolutely terrible, but why have you never applied for permanent residency for her?

 

DD

 

 

Thanks DD,

 

I tried to get a stay for my wife but the solicitors messed the whole case from the beginning. After a few years in to the marriage due to sickness I had to leave work and go on benefits. My wife was unable to get stay as I was on benefits. I tried very hard to get her stay and when I could not then my wife took things in to her own hands.

 

She went to visit the kids at school today and was crying in front of them. Ann went with her too and my kids told me that Ann was crying also. My kids also told me that mummy will be coming home soon and daddy is happy to leave the home. I know they are trying to mess my kids heads so much, but I have told my kids not to be afraid of anyone anymore, especially their mother. The school's headmaster will be arranging contact hopefully on Monday.

 

Ann beleives it is vital that my wife see the kids everyday, she has been phoning me endlessly. I will not answer her phone this weekend at all. I will wait till Monday and see what arrangements the headmaster has made.

 

My worry is that I have another court hearing on the 25th September 09, my solicitor has written that a lot will depend on the social services report. I am afraid that if they go against me and let my wife back in the family home my kids will suffer more abuse. I cannot see any way out other than I fight this all the way. My kids have slowly started to come out of their shells, and already many people have seen a change in them for the better. They have put a little weight on and look so healthy, as they were very weak when they returned from the refuge.

 

I have an appointment on Monday to see my criminal solicitor, because he is not happy that my wife has been trying to contact me so much.

[faz1969]

Why is the headmaster arranging contact at another centre? I still can't understand how a woman who has allegedly abused these kids is seeing them all the time. Now you've taken the kids the doctor and let them explain what's gone on, you seriously need to do everything in your power to stop this woman seeing your kids. I'm sure that no authority would allow an adult, accused of abusing children, spend any amount of time with them.

 

As soon as these allegations of child abuse were made, the police should've been contacted straight away, and no contact between herself and the kis be given to her, until the allegations were investigated. Up to now, she's been allowed to visit these kids all week.

 

I know everyone is asking you a lot of questions, and at times it can be a bit iffy from what you're saying, but this situation is only going to get more messy, and will be a lot worse than a few forum members saying their piece.

 

You need to stop waiting around now. You need to visit the police now.The Dr will back up your visit. I think we're all a bit confused regarding your wife not being a legal british citizen. If she's not meant ot be here, then I can't understand why these events have spiralled into what they are now.

 

Thanks skonk you make complete sense and I am confused as much as you are. I have complained to the social worker, doctors, teachers and my solicitors about the child abuse but not one single person has suggested I go to the police.

 

Please do not think I am being selfish but I am afraid I may not be believed as other forum members have said that it could be taken as me being vixatious. Trust me I am not, and I have no problem reporting this. I did go the police station and report it but have not heard from the police. Do you think it best if my sister went to the police station and reported this matter to them. Honestly I do not know what to do, my solicitor has not advised me to go to them, nor has any other authority.

My wife is continuing to abuse my children mentally on a daily basis, and there is nothing I can do to stop this. My sister informed the headmaster today about this and he said it would be best if my wife could see the children away from school. I really don't understand what is going on and maybe I think it is about time my sister should go to the police.

 

I do not know what bearing it will have on me, but my kids come first

[skonk]

Faz, I can see this is affecting you badly, but you say your sister told the headmaster today about the wife mentally abusing the kids every day, and he said it would be best if your wife could see the children away from school. But, you said that the headmaster was arranging a contact centre. I don't understand why he would be doing this. Surely any colicitor or person from an association. who is acting on your wifes behalf, would be organising such centre?

 

Also, I happened to read another post you left on another thread and you said you only have 2 kids and live in a council house, yet here you say you have 5 kids and live in a housing association house? I'm getting really confused now.

[faz1969]

I am sorry if I sound confused, I am, I have 5 kids not 2. I will read back on my posts and see if I made a mistake whilst typing.

 

Yes the headmaster said he would try and arrange contact somewhere else, because he does not approve of my wife going there everyday as it is disrupting to the children. She sees them for only 15 mins a day and is accompanied by Ann. I think the headmaster is having his brains picked at by Ann and my wife and he feels uncomfortable with the whole situation plus he thinks that I should let my wife see my kids.

 

My wife's solicitors have not contacted me about anything apart from that I change my bail conditions and let her move in as the kids must be very upset. Her solicitors also said that they were applying for a residency order too.

 

My concerns about what has happened to my kids are falling on deaf ears. I am sorry that I may not make sense at times, but I am worried that's all.

[skonk]

Right, you need to tell your solicitor that they need to inform her solicitors that an accusation of child abuse has been made, to a Dr, and you've reported it to the police. Once they receive the letter, I'm sure they cannot push for her to see the children after this allegation. If they know about this, I'm sure they won't still push for her to be with your kids, because I'm sure, legally, they won't want to be held responsible for sending an allegedly child abusing mother back to the children she's allegedlly abused.

 

Seriously, faz, you need to start pushing this forward now. Don't sit back any longer and worry. Speak to your solicitor, and explain all your fears like you have done here.

[faz1969]

Thank you for that excellent advice. I will do this first Monday morning, I will push this forward as I cannot see my children go through this any more they have been through too much already. I will ask my sister to go the police and report what my kids have told her, and say that I have also reported it to the DR's to. Hopefully then this mess can get sorted out and my kids can be safe.

 

I am off to bed now and would like to thank you deeply for all your advive

[sillygirl1]

I think your wife is using the kids. An ex boyfriend had two kids from his marriage and his wife used the kids, they were HER kids when it suited her (ie benefit claims etc) and HIS kids when it suited her (she needed money for school trips, clothes etc and 'time alone' at the weekends).

 

You need to now list alla the things they have said and make a notes of the dates and time she has been to the school. As I said earlier you need as restraining order on her interupting their eductation.

[faz1969]

Thanks sillygirl,

 

I have been talking to my sister and she believes that something has to be done immediately. She has suggested that she write personally to the social worker detailing everything the children have said and have gone through in the past, so that this can go on record. She has also suggested that we write to our local M.P about this serious situation.

She said that she will go to the police herself and tell them everything. The school should also have a written report of what my wife has been doing and saying to the children whilst visiting at school in the presence of Ann.

 

She wants to write several letters, including one to my solicitor detailing every little detail, and she would also like to be at the Child Protection Conference so that she can put forward her concerns and take notes.

 

The people at the Drop in Centre are deeply involved in this matter, they are supporting my wife and they are very prejudiced to me. Yesterday my wife and Ann came to see the children at my mothers house and this is what happened.

She had already met the children at the school earlier, yet Ann thought it was very important that she had to see them again so kept ringing me to arrange another visit, and I said that I will not drop them off to the Doorstep as they had suggested but they could visit at my mothers house. My mother told me that my wife started to argue with my daughter and say that she did not cut any of them with a knife. This made my daughter very upset. Earlier the children had told my sister that my wife had been telling the children that "All of your daddy's family are liars". When my wife argued with my daughter my daughter said something that my mother was completely surprised..

 

Last year whilst collecting the children from school my wife was too bust talking to her freinds and my daughter ran across the road and was knocked down. My daughter said to my wife that if you loved us you would have taken care of me and not let me get run over. My daughter has a very big scar on her leg, ankle and foot where the car ran over it.

I am glad because I feel my kids are slowly starting to be more brave and say things out to everyone. I will not allow any more contact until I l know my child are safefrom my wife's mental and physical abuse. Should my sister go to the police on the weeked or Monday?

 

Is this a good idea?

Edited September 19, 2009 by faz1969

[Bookworm]

What did the GP say after having examined the kids? Did he find signs of abuse? If the GP only goes by what the kids say and sees no physical evidence, going to the police could prove very counter-productive, IMO.

[WelshMam2009]

Have you thought about setting up a covert camera to catch your wife's actions when she visits the children??

[faz1969]

What did the GP say after having examined the kids? Did he find signs of abuse? If the GP only goes by what the kids say and sees no physical evidence, going to the police could prove very counter-productive, IMO.

 

 

Hi bookworm, the GP saw the scar on my sons left arm which he said my wife cut him with a knife, and also the scar on his forehead which my son says she threw a spoon at his head

[noomill060]

What did the GP say?

[sailor sam]

Faz, I can see this is affecting you badly, but you say your sister told the headmaster today about the wife mentally abusing the kids every day, and he said it would be best if your wife could see the children away from school. But, you said that the headmaster was arranging a contact centre. I don't understand why he would be doing this. Surely any colicitor or person from an association. who is acting on your wifes behalf, would be organising such centre?

 

Also, I happened to read another post you left on another thread and you said you only have 2 kids and live in a council house, yet here you say you have 5 kids and live in a housing association house? I'm getting really confused now.

 

This just does'nt make sence to me. If someone reports child abuse to the police, suerly they would investiagte immediately? How could anyone mistake how many kids they have?

[sailor sam]

Faz, I can see this is affecting you badly, but you say your sister told the headmaster today about the wife mentally abusing the kids every day, and he said it would be best if your wife could see the children away from school. But, you said that the headmaster was arranging a contact centre. I don't understand why he would be doing this. Surely any colicitor or person from an association. who is acting on your wifes behalf, would be organising such centre?

 

Also, I happened to read another post you left on another thread and you said you only have 2 kids and live in a council house, yet here you say you have 5 kids and live in a housing association house? I'm getting really confused now.

 

This just does'nt make sence to me. If someone reports child abuse to the police, suerly they would investiagte immediately? How could anyone mistake how many kids they have?

[sailor sam]

Hmm, all gone quiet... has'nt it?

[Button1]

Faz, I have just read through this thread. I work voluntary for a childrens child protection charity and find it abhorent that no doctor would report this immediately to the Police??

 

After all the high profile child abuse cases of late, no professional bodies are prepared to let anything slip through the net.....they are risking the life of the child as well as their profession.

 

Perhaps I have missed something in the postings, but have you taken your children to be examined by a doctor??

[Button1]

Hi bookworm, the GP saw the scar on my sons left arm which he said my wife cut him with a knife, and also the scar on his forehead which my son says she threw a spoon at his head

 

Just re-read and saw this posting........

 

OMG, if the police aren't involved then the system is failing you and your children.

[Button1]

This just does'nt make sence to me. If someone reports child abuse to the police, suerly they would investiagte immediately? How could anyone mistake how many kids they have?

 

The 2 is underneath the 5 on the keyboard so it's an easy mistake to make I think.

[Button1]

I went to the police station a few days ago to report it and I have not heard anything, do you think it would be best if my sister went to the police and she told them what my kids told her.quote]

 

 

 

Faz, the Police Child Protection Team should intervene straight away unless you haven't emphasized the seriousness of the situation?? But even then, they have a duty of care to children, no matter how trivial, small or unbelieavable any complaint may be.

 

IMO you need to start making your voice heard now.

[faz1969]

Thank you all and I am sorry that I am naot making sense, a lot has happened over the weekend. The social services and the police have visited me at home and they are investigating this matter.

 

Also I found out yesterday that my wife is to be deported. Everything she told me was a lie. I thought that the Home Office were studying her case, but this was not so. Things were far more ahead than I thought. It was confirmed to me yesterday from the social worker that she had received her deportation letter, and she has no more right to appeal as she has gone through all of them.

 

I really do not know whether to be happy or sad. My wife had been doing so many things behind my back, and it all backfired on her. I am in complete shock at the moment as to what will happen now.

 

The social worker will be in touch with me tomorrow, as she needs to discuss a lot of things. The police are going to investigate fully, and they said they needed to do a full history check on my wife before anything. I do not understand the system, and I do not know what had been happening. The news I have received has blown me away, I will have to get my head around everything and focus.

 

What a mess

[sillygirl1]

Faz, in some ways that does explain your wifes allegations, she is trying to stay here (using the kids as her 'prime reason for being alive' as an excuse). I've had experience of several cases like that, through close observation rather than immediate experience.

 

This should now go some way to ensure that your wife is deported rather than imprisoned (she will 'get out' and dissapear and return to use the children) so you need to make that clear to the police.

 

Hopefully also you can get some sort of 'quickie' divorce on the grounds of HER cruelty to the children and yourself and have NO 'visitation rights' to wherever it is she ends up being deported to. You need to be VERY firm on that otherwise the children could vanish and not be returned to you.

 

In your wifes case it seems imperitave that you need to state that she can have 'supervised' access with somebody other than this Ann who seems to be ineffective at a specific centre without any 'friends' around until the deportation takes place.

 

You also need to explain somehow to the children - its very difficult to put it into words here, without trying to 'play the blame game'.

 

I wish you all the best and hope that things improve slowly over the coming weeks. Please keep us informed as to what is happening.

Edited September 20, 2009 by sillygirl1
Removed inappropriate paragraph

[ragsrule]

Faz

You say your wife is pregnant, has anything been said about this child, how far on is she and what is to happen to the baby etc...

[WelshMam2009]

Faz

You say your wife is pregnant, has anything been said about this child, how far on is she and what is to happen to the baby etc...

 

That thought went through my mind also and is of concern. The new baby needs to be protected also.

 

You'll all have to excuse my ignorance, and this is not really for Faz to answer, but I'm unclear as to why his wife is being deported if she's currently married to Faz? I thought that meant that she would be entitled to stay here automatically??

 

Sounds as if Social Services may be doing a U turn also...

[sillygirl1]

Without trying to cloud the waters I can partially answer that one - if the marriage has broken down and his wife was only here as an 'accompanied spouse' without recourse to public funds that would be reason enough to deport her once the marriage had failed. It may be that she is being deported for another completely different reason, quite a few spring to mind but I don't want to add a lot of suppossition to this thread.

[Bookworm]

Faz, I know these are confusing times, but can you try and tell us what the police and social services said? How did they behave?

 

I agree that with a deportation issue over her head, your ex is going to be even more desperate now, so it is vital that she is NEVER allowed unsupervised time with the children. Make sure that you make that VERY clear to SS and bang on about it until they get the message.

 

All the best.