Need urgent advice regarding children

[Guest wino]

Of course it is a good thing. Your children remain with you and are safe.

She can still see them though and you need to make sure until the abuse is investigated propaly she is not left alone with them.

[Bookworm]

Thank you bookworm you have been a great support.

 

My solicitor got a prohibited steps order (temporary) against my wife today. He has sent me a copy of the order by email which I have in front of me.

 

The order restrains my wife from removing my children from the family home save for the purposes of contact agreed or ordered by the court.

 

Is this a good thing?

Yes, it is. It also shows the difference between your previous "nothing I can do" solicitor and this one. ;-)

Does the Court order say how much contact she is allowed and under which circumstances?

[WelshMam2009]

My solicitor got a prohibited steps order (temporary) against my wife today.

 

The order restrains my wife from removing my children from the family home save for the purposes of contact agreed or ordered by the court.

 

That's great news Faz and I endorse Bookie's comments above insofar as your new solicitor seems far more proactive.

[faz1969]

Thanks bookworm and welshmam2009 you have been a saviour in my our of need. The court order does not state when and how much contact my wife should have.

 

I have had a very stressful day, the most part I have spent at court and had to ask my sister to drop my youngest to nursery. Whilst there one of the nursery teachers recognised my sister as she used to go to the same school and came over for a chat. My sister thought it best to let the teacher know what has been happening. She told the teacher everything from a to z and the teacher was very shocked. My sister told the teacher of the abuse my kids had suffered and what their mother had been doing to them whilst visiting them at school with the drop in center lady Ann. The teacher told my sister they would keep a very close eye on the kids as they had suffered such a traumatic event, and said if there was anything she or any of the other teachers could do to help they would. She also said that she would be having a word with the headmaster about this.

 

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the doctors to see my children. I have been shopping today and have bought them over £100 worth of clothes. The reason is that when my wife fled to the refugee centre she took all the kids clothes with her. When she returned she left all of the clothes there and came back empty handed. I had to borrow money from family to buy them more when they had to go back to school on the 3rd Sept 09, it was so bad I do not know how I coped.

 

But there faces lit up when they saw the clothes I bought them and it was worth it.

I did feel a bit upset this morning when I was at court because the barrister advised me to have my bail conditions changed and let my wife return home to the kids and that I should move out. I am pretty angry as to why she advised this and will be having a word with my solicitor again tomorrow about this. Maybe she did not believe me as I was a man I don't know.

 

I am not going to let anyone put my children through anymore pain again. Its not about me anymore it's about them. The court hearing I have on the 16/10/09 is for the wife beating case. If my criminal solicitor can prove that my wife has been lying then hopefully it will help me with my child custody case. My wife continues to ring me sevearl times a day. She has got another number and knows that if I talk to her I will be in breach of my bail conditions.

 

One more thing I would like to say is that is this a coincidence or is there something fishy going on here. Last week the social worker rang me on the 10/09/09 and said that the child protection conference meeting had to be canceled which they previously told me was to be held on the 10/09/09. On the 14/09/09 I had an appointment with the social services and went with my sister, the social worker told us that the next CPC was to be held on the 30/09/09.

 

Today a letter addressed to my wife arrived at my mothers house and it read

 

Dear Mrs ###

 

The Child Protection Conference which was due to take place on 9th Sept 09 has been postponed.

 

It has been arranged to take place on 28th Sept 09.

 

 

Why have they told me something different. My sister is a witness to what the social worker said. I believe they are on my wife's side. I do not want my wife to see the kids unsupervised and I especially do not want her to see them at the drop in centre where she has many freinds and my children do not like it there as they do not like my wife's friends. My kids have suffered a lot of abuse at the drop in center. But Ann keeps insisting that I take my kids there so my wife can see them tomorrow after school. There are 3 more family centres where my wife can see the kids and I do not want to take them there. Do I have any say in this? Do I have to let my kids go this doorstep centre or can I arrange somewhere else? It is very important my kids do not suffer anymore and I need to know or should I ask my solicitor?

[sailor sam]

Of course you should. You could arrange for supervised contact to take place at Spurgeons which is a charity that has contact centres. Your solicitor should be able to tell you if there is one in your area.

 

Whats happening about the physical abuse on your children? Is your wife going to escape any form of punishment for these offences?

[skonk]

This is starting to get really complicated now. I have to second what sailor sam says. So many people are asking you to change your bail conditions and move out and let her move in with the kids, yet, these abuse claims are extremely serious, and they cannot be ignored by anyone.

 

I just can't understand that, if an allegation of abuse is made against a parent, then why aren't the authorities doing everything they can to NOT let her see the kids? It just seems a lot of going back and forth over a more serious issue of child abuse than of someone hitting their wife.

 

I'm a parent, and I'm telling you now, if I was in the OP's position, the police would've been informed straight away. Plus, I would be doing everything in my power to make the authorities stand up and listen. I would constantly be in touch with my solicitor as much as possible.

 

It just seems OP is more interested in getting his alleged assault out the way first before attempting getting the wife investigated.

What i find even more bizarre is the fact she is not meant to be in the country, yet that fact seems to have been forgotten by the authorities.

 

I'm not trying to offend anyone or insult anyone, i'm just saying it as i see it. Child abuse is an extremely serious allegation, and I just can't accept that not that much is being done about it. The kids are now with their dad, dad tells authorities about alleged child abuse, then authorities still push for the kids to be reunited with their allegedly abusing mother, while the dad, who's looking after them safely, is told to leave? It all seems very mixed up to me.

[faz1969]

Hi skonk and thank you for your advice and concern. Please believe me when I say this but I am not putting my case my wife before my kids. I have been under the most amount of pressure that I cannot even begin to tell you you. If it was not for my familys support I would not have been able to get this far.

 

My sister reported what my kids said to her to the social worker on the 14/09/09. I am in a very difficult position and do not know what to do. I really don't know how to handle this situation. I think it will be best if my sister can go to the police and tell them what the kids have told her.

 

I am being bombarded by so many people from different different departments to get my bail conditions changed. If I make tell anyone what my kids have been suffering I could be accused of filling their heads up with ideas. I told my solicitor about all this and I think that is why he got the prohibited steps order done quickly.

I want to do the best thing for my kids and I know many of you think I am not going about it the right way. I have told the social worker about the abuse, my solicitor and yesterday my sister told my kids teacher. I went to the police station a few days ago to report it and I have not heard anything, do you think it would be best if my sister went to the police and she told them what my kids told her. My sister is very close to my children and I believe that is why they confided in her. When I asked them why they did not tell me sooner they said that their mother would kill them if they told anyone.

 

My sister has been a rock for me and my kids and is really involved with all that is going on. I believe that the social worker and drop in centre are very prejudice and biased towards me. My sister will come with me to the doctors today as I want my kids examined and the doctor should hear what my children have said.

 

I am really confused and to be honest very scared, I am afraid that I will be accused of filling my kids heads up with stories against their mother for my own benefit. This is not true and I would never ever think of doing this. Everything I say is true, I have no reason to lie about anything. A very bad tragedy has happened and I just need to know the best way forward. I do not want to put my kids through anymore trauma but I need them to come out in the open and tell everyone what has happened.

 

I will ask my sister to go to the police station today, she also has made an appointment with the headmaster as they need to know the full story. I apologise if anyone thinks that I am not handling this as best as I should but I am trying my best. Any advice is very much appreciated and if anyone thinks I am doing anything wrong please say so that I may do it correctly.

[sailor sam]

Faz, your doctor has an obligation to report child abuse so if he/she detects any signs or the children suggest it has occured, the doctor will report it even if it is without your knowledge. Now lets take a step back... during this thread, you have alledged that your wife HAS been causing physical and mental (making threats) abuse to your kids. You have also stated that she is in the country illegally. Putting those 2 'facts' together does not equal the way the relevant authorities have responed so far. For example, following the terrible case of baby Peter, children's Social services cannot afford to take any chances and WILL investigate any suggestion of child abuse immediately. As will the police. I cannot for one minute except that the police have not acted earlier following your reporting the abuse to them. They have a child protection unit with officers who specialize in communicating with young children in 'family' enviroment-rooms at the police station. This suggests to me that you hav'nt fully explained the seriousness of the situation to the police.

 

However, your doctor will report any suspicious injuries he finds on the children AND any verbal information that they may come out with. In a nutshell, your children's 'suffering' has not been dealt with with the urgency that I would of expected which is why the whole thing looks a bit 'iffy' to me and from the comment made by Stonk, I am not the only one.

 

So faz, if this IS for real and for the sake of your children; get a grip and start banging on a few tables man!!!

[faz1969]

Thanks sailorsam that is very good advice. My wife has solicitors acting for immigration case and her papers have been sent to the Home Office in August 09. So there is nothing that can be done there at the moment.

 

My sister will accompany me to the doctors today and my children can say what has happened. I think this is very important that the doctor fully investigate this and report it to the relevant authorities. I have said before me and my sister reported the child abuse to the relevant authorities. I am doing everything I can, I just need to know what to do in what order. I have emailed my solicitor this morning about supervised contact as I do not want this to go against me in the future that I have been unreasonable.

My kids safety is my priority. I have 2 independent witnesses who say that they have witnessed my wife's abusive behavior towards my kids in my absence. My sister will meet with the kids headmaster today at 2.45 to inform them of the situation as it is very important that they know the whole picture.

 

The social worker was informed and I do not know if they are or will do anything about what my sister or me told about the abuse. I do think they are very prejudiced in this whole matter. They told me that the next child protection conference will be on the 30/09/09 and they wrote to my wife and said it will be on the 28/09/09. This is not right.

 

After seeing the doctor today I will have a better picture on where to go from there. I want my children to be looked at by the police and any other authorities to investigate their allegations of child abuse. I will support fully in this matter. I have nothing to hide, maybe because of this shock I have not handled it correctly but I am learning and will do what is best.

 

I would like to thank everyone for all their help advice and support and trust me I will be banging on tables from now on.

[WelshMam2009]

They told me that the next child protection conference will be on the 30/09/09 and they wrote to my wife and said it will be on the 28/09/09. This is not right.

 

Have you had a chance to discuss this with your solicitor Faz?

 

I would be inclined to send a letter, recorded delivery, asking for clear clarification as to where and when the conference is indeed to take place.

 

I don't understand how the system works but there wouldn't be 2 separate meetings would there...one for you and one for your wife?

 

Either way, you need to establish, in writing the correct dates. You are also allowed to be accompanied at the meeting by a solicitor as I understand it.

[sailor sam]

Spurgeons - Home

 

Above is the link to Spurgeons. Take a look to see if they have a contact centre in your area and suggest this as a future venue to your solicitor.

[faz1969]

Thanks Welshmam2009, I have written a letter and have not posted it yet. I am waiting for my solicitor to ring me back this morning. I think I should ask my solicitor to ask for information about the Child Conference Meeting. My solicitor sent these emails to my sister this morning and I would appreciate what people think, and if it correct.

 

1st email;

 

Dear Ms ,

 

Many thanks for your email of 00.46 this morning. I understand your concern. There will be pressure I fear on your brother to seek to change his bail conditions to enable the children to return. Having raised the concerns that you and your brother have in relation to the treatment to the children by their mother it may well be inappropriate at this moment in time to readily agree to change of bail conditions even if that was possible.

 

The important thing is to maintain an open and cooperative relationship with Social Services. Ultimately the recommendation of Social Services will be the one the Court is most likely to follow because Social Services will be seen to be independent of the parties and the Social Services role is that of a child protection agency and therefore Social Services take the view that having heard and investigated the allegations made and investigated these the children should return to the care of their mother then it is likely the court will seek to follow that recommendation. The important thing is for Joe to continue to look after and care for the children appropriately and to make sure that they are at school and for the children to be happy and settled in his care.

 

 

 

 

2nd email:

I thank you for your email of the this morning. There are a number of family centres which provide contact centre facilities in #### and in the surrounding area. There is the ######

##### Centre which operates on the 2nd or 4th saturdays of each month. The ######family centre I believe has a contact centre at weekends as does ###### and I believe there may be a contact centre in #####. It would be worth contacting these centres to see whether or not contact could be arranged during the week or weekend alternatively you could suggest a number of family venues with possibly agreed family members to be present. Courts would normally prefer contact away from a contact centre and in a family environment however if there is hostility between the family members towards for example the mother in this case where the mother would clearly feel uncomfortable in having contact with her children then the court may prefer to have contact at a neutral place such as a contact centre. Obviously if the mother has a connection with the Doorstep the Court would need some convincing that it would not be appropriate for the children to see the mother there.

 

The behavior as disclosed to you by the children and reported to Social Services I have taken this matter up with Social Services already and asked them to confirm that they are or have investigated the matter.

 

The Court will be anxious to re-instate meaningful contact between the children and the mother but in an environment where the children are safe and which can be supported. This would be particularly so in relation to the concerns regarding her behavior which have been raised by other family members. There is always a danger that the Court and Social Services may dismiss the counter allegations made by family members on the basis that they are trying to seek to defend the father's position. I have made it clear to Social Services that we would expect those allegations to be given the same priority in relation to investigation as the allegation of the mother against the father.

 

 

 

 

3rd email;

 

 

I thank you for your email of the this morning. There are a number family centres which provide contact centre facilities in ### and in the surrounding area. There is the #### centre

 

 

 

 

I cannot understand how the social worker has handled this case I may be paranoid or wrong but I really do not trust them, and beleive that they have fallen for her lies. All I know is that the truth will come out and I have not put anything nor has my sister put anything in to the childrens head. That is a true fact. Hopefully when I come back from the doctors I will have some more info, and my sister will see the school headmaster today and inform him of the whole picture. Because when all of this goes to court the judge needs to take everything in to account before deciding who the kids should be with and I am not going down without a fight.

[faz1969]

Thanks sailorsam but I have already checked and there is not one in my area. I have a few centres that I can contact here.

 

Thanks all the same and for everything you have done

[WelshMam2009]

Faz, there's a name given in the first email which you should delete to protect all identities...just click edit and you will be able to amend that post.

[WelshMam2009]

There is always a danger that the Court and Social Services may dismiss the counter allegations made by family members on the basis that they are trying to seek to defend the father's position. I have made it clear to Social Services that we would expect those allegations to be given the same priority in relation to investigation as the allegation of the mother against the father.

 

This is the crux of the matter, as identified here by your solicitor.

 

Because your wife made the first complaint, the danger is that your subsequent allegations may not be taken seriously as they may be deemed to be vexatious.

 

However, I am relieved to read that your solicitor is pursuing Social Services to ensure that your complaints are also being investigated with equal merit.

[faz1969]

This is getting even more more and more complicated. I have just received a letter from my sollictor who has advised me that there is another hearing on the 25th September. As social services are involved my solicitor has advised me that it will be up to them where my kids will live and they will put their report to the court. As you know I have concerns about the social services and I believe they will be prejudiced to me.

 

Also if the court decides that the kids are to stay with my wife will I be ordered to leave my home. I am the sole tenant and a U.K citizen, and my wife does not have leave to remain here and has no recourse to public funding. This whole thing is against me, no one is taking my kids welfare in to account and all everyone wants is me out and her in. What about my kids and their suffering. This country and law are prejudiced to the rights and feelings of fathers and it stinks. I am so mad.

I have been granted emergency funding for 4 weeks and after that my solicitor said I will have to pay, what the hell is going on here. I am in a bigger mess. Maybe I should give my wife back the kids as I know I will never win. I will see them when I can and then this will be over for all of us. I am trying to protect my children and everyone is against me I am never going to be able to do this so maybe I should give up

[faz1969]

Thanks welshmam2009,

 

I fear that I am losing this battle and I know no one will help me.The longer it goes on the harder it gets. There is nothing vexatious about anything. I did not pre plan anything nor did I invent anything, yet I am not believed theres justice for you hey

[WelshMam2009]

Thanks welshmam2009,

 

I fear that I am losing this battle and I know no one will help me.The longer it goes on the harder it gets. There is nothing vexatious about anything. I did not pre plan anything nor did I invent anything, yet I am not believed theres justice for you hey

 

Something similar happened to me Faz albeit in connection with a workplace incident, so I do understand how it feels not to be believed.

[Guest wino]

Don't give up the fight it is only just starting. You have the support of your family especially your sister so you are not alone. You have to just give your side of the story calmly do not get angry.

[sillygirl1]

Don't give up, you have not lost as if you had you would have NO contact with the children whatsoever.

 

I think you need to get an injunction on you wife to stop her contacting you directly - and to get social services to provide all conference details to your solicitors including the reason for the change of date.

 

Believe you me if it was that serious the children would be taken away from you IMMEDIATELY.

 

Of course your wife wants to have access to the home, it gives her a cast iron excuse to have a 'stay' put on any attempts to have her removed from the country - plus of course all the benefits she would receive (even though she has 'no recourse' she will get money).

 

Don't give up this fight - you have got so far and have to wait for the conference. If they change the conference date again get your solicitor to state that as the children have been with you and clearly are thriving and being looked after (get school and doctors reports to back this up) they should not be removed for the sake of the wife and her spurious claims.

 

Putting fear into the children is sadly all part of the abuse cycle.

[faz1969]

Thanks wino and sillygirl, your words are most comforting. I went to the doctors today with my kids and sister. My kids told the doctor what they had told my sister. The doctor was very good and said she would contact the social service worker to find out what is happening.

 

My sister saw the headmaster today and gave him the full story and he said he was not happy that my wife was visiting the kids in school, so said it would be better if she could meet them away from there. My sister told him that the doorstep is not a suitable place for contact and the headmaster said that he would arrange on Monday for contact at another centre, which is better.

I will contact my solicitor regarding the Child Protection Conference, and ask for more details. My wife visited the kids at school today and said some very nasty things to them, Ann from the doorstep was also present. I was feeling low this morning but I am feeling more positive now, thank you all for your support.

[MRSWESTHAM]

Why is the mother allowed unsupervised the opportunity to say nasty things?

[Desperate Daniella]

Faz,

 

You sound like a really decent man and a great father, but I don't understand why you and your wife have five children and yet she still doesn't have permission to live here. You must have been together for 8-9 years but she still doesn't have British citizenship. Have you never applied for this in the past?

 

She sounds absolutely terrible, but why have you never applied for permanent residency for her?

 

DD

[faz1969]

Why is the mother allowed unsupervised the opportunity to say nasty things?

 

 

Hi MRSWESTHAM, I really do not know the answer to this. I believe that Ann who works for the doorstep is deeply involved and people think that because she works at a family centre everything is fine.

[skonk]

Why is the headmaster arranging contact at another centre? I still can't understand how a woman who has allegedly abused these kids is seeing them all the time. Now you've taken the kids the doctor and let them explain what's gone on, you seriously need to do everything in your power to stop this woman seeing your kids. I'm sure that no authority would allow an adult, accused of abusing children, spend any amount of time with them.

 

As soon as these allegations of child abuse were made, the police should've been contacted straight away, and no contact between herself and the kis be given to her, until the allegations were investigated. Up to now, she's been allowed to visit these kids all week.

 

I know everyone is asking you a lot of questions, and at times it can be a bit iffy from what you're saying, but this situation is only going to get more messy, and will be a lot worse than a few forum members saying their piece.

 

You need to stop waiting around now. You need to visit the police now.The Dr will back up your visit. I think we're all a bit confused regarding your wife not being a legal british citizen. If she's not meant ot be here, then I can't understand why these events have spiralled into what they are now.