Cat Person or Dog Person?

[Rippedoff2008]

How to give a cat a pill

 

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

 

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

 

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

 

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

 

 

 

How To Give A Dog A Pill

 

 

1. Wrap it in bacon.

 

2. Toss it in the air.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[hilaryfrances]

this is very true, lol, still love my little cat though.

 

My dog tried to bite the vet on Saturday so they put a muzzle on her took her about 2 minutes to get it off!.

Vet stood at other side of table looked at my dog and pronounced she was "fine" lol

[Bookworm]

My dog is a complete moron except when it comes to sniffing out pills, he will then manage to get anything around the pill and spit the pill out. The only method with him is to force it down his throat and hold his mouth shut until he swallows (and make sure he didn't manage to slip it down the side of his mouth for spitting out once loose, because he does do that, the little sod). :-|

[diskmandave]

I'm shocked!!!

[lexis200]

I've seen this so many times, but each time I read it I start the shoulder shaking laugh:D

 

Thanks for posting;)

[cymruambyth]

We feed pills to big dog then watch puppy eat it!

[kiptower]

the darker one of mine ( see avatar ) has heart problem , has to have tabs everyday, he jumps up on HIS armchair ( well he thinks it is, brand new leather recliner ) 10 mins before 9pm when his tabs are due and shouts @ the wife till he gets them ,

[summanotre]

One of my cats hangs of the ridge on my front door - and she's fascinated with the downstairs guest w.c.

 

Many a visitor has been startled by her as they exit the wc - she sits in front of the door until someone comes out.

 

She also cant catch anything - I've seen her try to catch a butterfly but failing miserably - sad sight!!

 

My other cat's just greedy. She'd eat a whole tub of pills if you put it in her food bowl.

[make them aktiv runners]

My dog is a complete moron except when it comes to sniffing out pills, he will then manage to get anything around the pill and spit the pill out. The only method with him is to force it down his throat and hold his mouth shut until he swallows (and make sure he didn't manage to slip it down the side of his mouth for spitting out once loose, because he does do that, the little sod). :-|

 

Sympathise there. Dogs are usually greedy and unless highly intelligent do no realise the next potential mouthful may be quickly gone. Think of your dog as a DCA:eek:, put the pill in a chocolate or similiar treat and let the dog see you have another one ready to feed, more likely he/she will gulp the first one in expectation of getting the second one before anyone else does.

[jackieandwayne]

Oh no problem - position one border collie at back door and one at front door where cat flap is - then instruct one of them to herd the 6 cats into kitchen where worm tablets are waiting. Then crush tablet, mix up in best wild red salmon (tuna is not a treat enough for them!) and bob's your uncle! Repeat 5 times til all cats done, then reward dogs for threatening to kill them if they don't do as told! Easy - if the cats don't eat their salmon, they know full well one of my borders will, so they gulp it down! If pill is in capsule form, undo it and tip into salmon and mix up well.

 

Goodluck!

[lexis200]

Sympathise there. Dogs are usually greedy and unless highly intelligent do no realise the next potential mouthful may be quickly gone. Think of your dog as a DCA:eek:, put the pill in a chocolate or similiar treat and let the dog see you have another one ready to feed, more likely he/she will gulp the first one in expectation of getting the second one before anyone else does.

 

What utterly brilliant advice!!! I wish I'd thought of that when trying to get our dogs (sadly both gone) to take pills.

 

My memories of my cat (a beautiful Russian blue) were of her being the least graceful animal on the planet. One incident that sticks in my mind was of her lying on top of our fence. She was just having a doze when a large bird did a fly by next to her. It obviously took her a little by surprise as she sprang about 4 feet in the air (no kidding - from lying down:)) and the last thing I saw was her disappearing down the other side of the fence. She didn't sit up there again:)

 

I did chuckle:D

[silverfox1961]

HMMM! Cat or dog person??

 

Depends how they're cooked :D:D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With apologies to animal lovers (including me)

[Smeesue]

Both - we have 5 cats and one dog, all of which are certifiably nuts! I've seen the cats and tablet thing before, always gets a laugh. Mine don't like taking them, but do, because they know I'm not giving up until they swallow, so it's less hassle just to get it over with The dog, well, I do what my Mum does and has for years - take a digestive biscuit, break it in half. Use one half to scoop up a good dollop of butter or similar. Push the pill into the butter, use the other half of the biscuit to make a 'sandwich' and feed to the by now slavering dog. Works every time When I was young and we were really poor, she used butter. Now she's older, we've left home and she's a bit richer, she uses pate.

 

Am I the only one whose cats and dog open doors? The dog opens the outside door and the cats open the inside one. And we have a very small cat who likes to ride round on my shoulder, purring like a chainsaw and occasionally sticking his nose in my ear. The biggest of the toms is truly insane - he attacks the telegraph poles just outside the back garden, running up til he hits the barbed wire collar on them and either falling off or hanging there chewing them. Better that than sheep or cows, I suppose!

[Rooster-UK]

Cats and dogs..... Been there, done it, got a few tee-shirts spare.

[pompeyfaith]

My border collie likes pills if i put one in my mouth then i walk away take it out she non the wiser.

 

You see shes a gutty bitch if its good for me its good for her lol

 

PF