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how would you cope

 

i have just read on another forum that her/his father had died and she/he has taken 3 weeks leave and is being penalised for it at work.

 

im sorry but my whole world would fall apart, i will be utterly and completly devasted. i dont think i would be able to function for a long long time, my father is my world.

 

There is no way beaurocracy or what ever its called would control my TIME of grief.

 

why do we let 'rules' dictate grief

 

am i missing something

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Guest Gordons Barking

Life goes on...best thing you can do is keep living it does not stop you remembering...you could lose your job then be grieving for that too.

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When my father passes away I'll be devastated, and miss him very much. The last place in the world I'd want to be at would be work, however as it stands there is nothing carved in law about allowing compassionate leave unless the compassionate leave is for the death of a dependant. Otherwise, no employer has any obligation to allow a person any time off whatsoever for a death, although most do allow some time off though this is unpaid and usually does not exceed three days.

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Gordons Barking, love your parents whilst you can, you'll have a long time to miss them.

 

If you were incapacitated through the death of a loved one, your doctor would almost certainly sign you off sick. At some stage though, you would have to return to 'normal' life. You don't ever get over the loss. You just have to learn to live without them.

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Guest Gordons Barking

In the words of the poet, 'they f*** you up your mum and dad'. If your Mum was Mel from Flight of the Concords and your dad was dirty Den you would be sick of them believe me.

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hi everyone

 

i think time off regarding a close relitive at work is more of a matter of your managers disgretion. my mum died last year and i had 2 weeks off paid, i know tho that my company only pays you for 3 days paid including the funeral. i guess it just depends on your manager

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Wishing them dead seems a bit harsh - they may not be perfect parents (and no-one is) but they're the only ones you'll have, if you really don't get on then you don't have to have anything to do with them.

 

In terms of employers managing of staff after bereavement - every one takes bereavement differently, some want to carry on at work and some need to be off, on the sick if necessary, whilst they come to terms with things. And of course the manner of the death will have an impact - if it is the expected death of an elderly parent this will impact differently to the sudden and unexpected death of a younger parent. Good employers will allow the individual to deal with things in their own way but there does come a point where the employer needs the employee back at work and getting on with the job. And getting back to a normal routine can help with the grieving process and help avoid pathological grief.

Poppynurse :)

 

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yeah, when my mums mum (my nan) died, my mums work said she could have a week off, but after 3 days had passed they kept ringing her up asking when she was coming back. she told them the funeral had been booked for the thursday so she would be back on the following monday.

Bugger me!, they rang her up on the morning of the funeral and told her she would have to come in at 10pm to work a night shift, when she refused they said they would put her on a disciplinary for refusing to come into work!, as her boss stated "well, once theyre dead its no use crying about it".

 

this, along with a long running vendetta between her and her boss, eventually led up to a disciplinary meeting 6 months later, where she was sacked, officially because she had taken too much time off sick (she didnt take my nans death very well and with the resulting awkwardness from her boss led to her being signed off sick with stress, resulting in her taking 2 months off work).

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yeah, when my mums mum (my nan) died, my mums work said she could have a week off, but after 3 days had passed they kept ringing her up asking when she was coming back. she told them the funeral had been booked for the thursday so she would be back on the following monday.

Bugger me!, they rang her up on the morning of the funeral and told her she would have to come in at 10pm to work a night shift, when she refused they said they would put her on a disciplinary for refusing to come into work!, as her boss stated "well, once theyre dead its no use crying about it".

 

this, along with a long running vendetta between her and her boss, eventually led up to a disciplinary meeting 6 months later, where she was sacked, officially because she had taken too much time off sick (she didnt take my nans death very well and with the resulting awkwardness from her boss led to her being signed off sick with stress, resulting in her taking 2 months off work).

 

Unbeleivable the way some people treat others.

:mad:

 

I was lucky and had quite the opposite when both my parents passed away, with my mum I had 9 weeks off (paid sick), my manager kept in touch weekly by text and took me out for lunch the day before the funeral to take my mind off it, and I had 7 weeks with my dad. Both times they sent me flowers and cards. It really took off the pressure of worrying about work and ave me time to clear houses etc and look after my dad when my mum went. When I went back to work I was all the more determined to work hard as I had been treated so well.

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My dad died many years ago when I was still at school, and my mum died in September. At first I was very relieved because the last few months were so difficult for her, and I was just glad it was all over. I had 3 days compassionate leave and 1 day off sick, but I'm beginning to grieve more now and really miss knowing that she's just there.

 

I have also lost 2 brothers when they were in their 30's. When the first one died I thought my world had come to an end. I went to his house every day and helped his widow sort things out, but one day, of all silly things, I found I had no clean knickers and had to do some washing. When the 2nd died I gave birth to my eldest 3 weeks later.

 

In other words - life goes on. It's never the same again, but it goes on.

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