Feel Like theres only one way out.

[silly idiot boy]

I'm in despair really, debt has taken over my life, and I am feeling sick, depressed, cant sleep, and tired all the time, I cant think logically or properly of how to start to get out of debt.

 

Up untill just over a year ago I was fine, untill I took out a personal loan that I used for a deposit for a buy to let mortgage with my father and brother. (10k)

 

All was well and good, until I had an accident at work, and was initially signed of for physical injuries, and then for reactive disorder, depression, and was put on anti-deppressants. A few weeks off work I handed in my notice at work, as I thought I was better off with out the job.

 

I then carried on on a "high", spending on credit cards, using them as a means to live on, not wise in hindsight, building up a debt that now has taken over my life.

 

I also registered as self employed, thinking I could take on the world, but have had really no earnings from it, also setting up a business account, also with a credit card which again was stupid, living on a high!

 

Also embarrassingly I built up a massive tab at a pub, and stupidly took on a job there to pay off my tab, which has meant I have had no income, other than the bare minimum.

 

I have just about managed to survive, paying the minimum charges on my credit cards MBNA (4.5k) Barclaycard (1.9K) egg (£600), coop (£400) and also consolidated my cc, loan and overdraft with HSBC that now is (17K), have now just had 2 late payments on the loan, and a missed payment with MBNA this week.

 

I have been trying to find work elsewhere, and after rejection letter after rejection letter I find it hard to get out of bed, as I am so depressed am so embarressed of what I have become.

 

I have been to the CAB, and in touch with payplan, and cant even get to fill in and income and expenditure form to come to an arrangement, also where I registered as self employed, I dont even know if I am entitled to a payment plan.

 

I feel so ashamed and stupid, it just seemed that the banks and credit cards wanted to be my friends at the time, now I just have a lot of enemys, the main one being me.

 

confused, and stupid.

[Jaffa1961]

Hi there, SIB. Please don't despair, ther is a lot of support on here.

 

I am not an expert on benefits or payment plans but no doubt someone more experienced than me will be along with help and advice.

 

Don't be ashamed of yourself, you've done nothing wrong. You are not a bad person, talk to your family and friends, they will support you I am sure.

[ohoh4312]

Bless you, poor thing.

 

I was only told yesterday, by some wonderful cyber friends on here no less, that feeling guilty about the situation you are in makes you feel worse.

 

And they were damn right.

 

You have been very open and honest about how you got in this situation, and for that you should be commended. You know what you did, and now you are trying to turn it around. That speaks volumes.

 

And, the most important bit is that you are NOT alone in this situation.

 

I have the deepest sympathy for you, I really have, even though your post gave me blurry eyes again (see my thread, then you'll get it;)).

 

You need to tackle this one step at a time, and you will be helped every step of the way.

 

Benefits - you ought to be eligible for some, so get onto DWP or whatever they call themselves these days.

 

Creditors - there is a great template on here to send to your creditors regarding financial hardship, where you can offer £1 per month until you sort yourself out.

 

Creditors 2 - challenging your agreements; if they cannot produce legally enforceable agreements within a set time you are legally entitled to stop paying until such time that they produce the agreements.

 

Just ask, and everyone will help.

 

Confused you may be hun, but stupid - I'd bet my last penny against that one.

 

My heart goes out to you, because I really do understand where you are coming from.

 

Very best regards xx

[silly idiot boy]

Thankyou for your support, I just dont know where to begin tho, after reading about a cca agreement thing, I thought I would at least proactively do something start off with MBNA, who I phoned this week and was made to feel even more guilty and pathetic than I already feel, I didn't no that 0% was going to really mean 29% and that the fact that a cheque bounced was not their concern and the agreement blah blah blah MBNA dont do holiday periods the best we can do is waive a late payment charge....

Probably putting on a lot more interest, making this more of a headache and more sleepless nights, thinking back 20 odd years ago when I was a paperboy I was actually better off than I am now or will be for another 20 years! unless I finish it sooner.

 

I cant believe the stress that credit cards and loans put on human beings, I used the cc to escape stupidly, but now they have wormed there way into every last penny.

 

I walked over 3miles 2day 2 save money that I dont have to get a postal order of a £1, for a cca agreement,with MBNA only to be told that it would cost £1.50?!! am I just stupid, I dont even know who to make the P O payable to or where to send it to.

 

went to church for the 1st time in a long time yesterday, dont know what to do.

 

sorry ohoh4312 I dont know what you mean by threads hun, or how I get there, but thanks for your support. xx

[ohoh4312]

Hey

 

Its okay - we were all new once, and this site has grown so much that it can be quite overwhelming knowing where to look and what to do, but there are hundreds of people here who will do some cyber hand-holding and point you in the right direction.

 

Although the CCA requests and/or the letters asking them to freeze your accounts are a good idea, this is all going to cost you money - it is recommended that the CCA request be sent recorded delivery which is about another £1.20.

 

I really think that your first port of call should be the benefits office on Monday. I know being self-employed it is hard to prove that you were laid off/out of work etc, but I seriously think if you bring the letters you mentioned, proving that you have been actively looking for work, then they should be more sympathetic. Well I hope so anyway. In fact I do think CAB should have given you this advice.

 

Then, when you get a positive outcome from them you can send the hardship letters detailing the fact that you are on benefits etc and can only afford £1 a month, or nothing if it comes to it, until your circumstances change. And also the CCA requests.

 

I am not sure about whether you can use the same approach with the loans, but I will do some research if you like and get back to you.

 

Don't talk to them on the phone either - they will bully and harass and make you feel even worse, If you do answer the phone and it's a creditor, just say you would like everything in writing, and hang up. If they persist, we can include a telephone harassment letter with the hardship letters.

 

Afraid that's the best I can offer you at the moment.

 

Very best regards xxx

[silverfox1961]

Can I add my bit.

 

Depression makes us do silly things. I know. It happened to me. Sometimes the only way to feel good when in a bad bout of depression is to spend. The highs are brilliant but short lasting as the realisation of the situation hits home.

In my youth, I became a slot machine addict and stole money anywhere I could to feed my addiction, got into loads of trouble because of it BUT with time and determination and help I came out the other side of it.

 

Give these people a ring:

 

Free yourself from debt worries / UK Debtline

 

They will give you good advice.

 

I would also go back to see your doctor. Happy pills do help so long as they don't fuddle your brain. Get the dosage right and you will be able to take on the world. While you're depressed, the Seratonin levels in your brain can get very low causing a chain reaction of lows and very lows.

By taking small steps to help yourself, your confidence levels do get better.

Your debts may not go away but with the help of the fabulous people on this forum, you will get masses of help. Just stick with it.

 

 

fox

[sam614]

agree 100% with fox.

make docs first port of call.

you have a new very large family here.

always someone to talk to and help you are no longer alone.

sam614

[silly idiot boy]

Thanks guys for your support, I have a doctors appointment booked for tomorrow morning, hope there will be a way to sort my head out, as I cant seem to concentrate on anything at the moment, everything has just got into a muddle, and I have to blame myself for this, living everyday in a state of worry has really affected my health, I just hope I can pull through it, many thanks.

[sam614]

Thanks guys for your support, I have a doctors appointment booked for tomorrow morning, hope there will be a way to sort my head out, as I cant seem to concentrate on anything at the moment, everything has just got into a muddle, and I have to blame myself for this, living everyday in a state of worry has really affected my health, I just hope I can pull through it, many thanks.

 

 

THE ONLY WAY IS UP:):)

WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU

 

 

sam614:plowell detester

[Desperate Daniella]

Hi Sib,

 

I have been in the depths of despair myself. Last October before I found CAG I felt so alone, and couldn't see a way forward at all.

 

There are so many of us here who understand exactly what you are going through. Do ask any questions here as you go along, and everyone will try to help you. Go to 'search' and type in all the credit cards/bank individually, and you'll get some idea of what is happening. Some cards, for example, may not have enforceable agreements. Being on CAG is a huge learning curve for most of us.

 

It is so easy to get into this mess due to a change of circumstances as I know only too well.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

DD

[eastlondoner]

Totally agree with all these posts; in a similar situation myself, with over 15k debt and on Jobseekers Allowance after struggling to return to work after time signed off while sick. I have done the rounds with doctors and antidepressants and I feel a lot better on the right dose of the right medicine so totally agree with Silverfox, as first drug I tried made me feel more anxious and it took research and specifically asking my doctor for what I am on now. My creditors are not playing ball with my offers of reduced payments but after everything I have learned from this incredible site I am being proactive about doing something about it, after years of almost catatonic anxiety. You are doing so well in starting to deal with all of this so soon! I have been through the entire benefits system forwards and backwards and know it is imperative you speak to a benefits adviser (CAB have some good ones) and make that claim for Jobseekers allowance as soon as you can. Go on to the jobseeker direct website too. Or you are so welcome to PM me. Dont feel alone!

[Rooster-UK]

Hi SIB. Welcome to CAG.

You're not the first person to be in your position and you certainly won't be the last.

This is the day that you turn your life around. Nobody can do it for you, you will do it yourself with the help and advice of your new family on CAG.

 

What I would suggest is that you start new threads in the Debt Forum....

 

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/debt-collection-industry/

 

Separate threads for each debt. Put as much info regarding the debt as you can. You will find loads of support and advice from other users who have been in the same position as yourself. try to keep each thread up to date with progress reports so that users offering help can advise you better.

 

Cheer up, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and we, on CAG, have control of the switch. Don't feel embarrassed about posting, You will not be judged, here, but you WILL be helped.

 

Regards, Rooster.

[boston3603]

Oooo Blimey. Hello SIB.

I have read your post and I am so sorry you are feeling this bad. Some words of comfort for you. I am on the other side of where you are at now. Maybe for differing reasons but the outcome is the same. I feel bad for using credit cards, some I knew i could not pay back but in blind panic, they served a short term purpose. Being and suffering with depression certainly hasnt helped as it made my spending spiral. I FELT SO ALONE COS i COULDNT TALK TO MY HUBBY AS HE WAS OBSESSED WITH MONEY, ALTHOUGH NOW HE IS OK SINCE WE WENT BR.

The best piece advice I have been given is this. The only way to deal with debt is practically. Bankruptcy is a sensible and practical solution. Either carry on worrying and stringing out the inevitable so take control of the problem yourself. Its very empowering.I have never been a practical person as panic sets in at every opportunity but I have become stronger . We are talking to the OR in the morning. I think I am ok with it. We have enough money to live, I took control of the benefits and have them paid into a post office account, direct debs come out of the new account in which hubbys wage goes into. Its good to handle cash again so I know where I am. The worst thing is my 400 pound car might be taken but I doubt it as I have a special needs child. These companys dont care how bad you feel. They want money but you need to live so in order to do that you have to get practical. You'll be ok and I am going to follow your post.

Take care poppet

 

Hazel

[Desperate Daniella]

Hazel,

 

You have obviously been very brave. I'm sure they won't take your car as you have a special needs child. From what I understand they are quite understanding about the need for transport. If you had a car worth £10,000 they might expect you to sell it and get a cheaper one, but I cannot believe anyone would take a car worth £400.

 

You take care too, and good luck in the morning.

 

DD

[reorete]

(((((((hug)))))))))) keep your chin up

[Talbot]

Hi,

 

Just come across this thread, are there any further developments sorry to hear your story silly idiot boy (changes this name its not true:)).

 

I hope you went to see your doctor and things are looking better, put a post on here and let us know. Also I agree with other threads about being in control I did it by getting angry with myself and being determined to sort it out NO MATTER WHAT. They can't take what you haven't got simple as.

 

You need to send the template which offers £1 per month I hope you've been to the employment office made an appointment and are getting the money OWED to you don't forget your entitled to that money.

 

Stay positive and let us know how you are.

 

Take care!

[silly idiot boy]

Hi, thanks for your message, I'm starting to feel more positive about things, the worry and depression is still there, but as advice is there and there are people much worse off than me I am feeling I can cope a bit better.

I have been back to the doctors, and they have put me on sleeping tablets, which I guess is a start, she wasn't happy about putting me on anti-depressants after my outbursts last year, hind-site is a wonderful thing!

Went to CAB who wernt overly helpful ,as they basically gave me the same info I already have. Payplan got back to me yesterday, and have said that I can have a DMP with them, but I'm not sure if they would be the best course to take? any advice please??

I also received a NOTICE OF SUMS IN ARREARS from MBNA today, I sent them a CCA request on the 23/2/2009 but havent had any reply? I am starting to feel a bit better as a person, trying not to bury my head in the sand, and blame myself as much as I have been! If anyone has advice with Payplan experiences, good and bad please!

 

Also have been advised to open another bank account, advice on which one,

Creditiors are: MBNA, Barclaycard, HSBC, Egg, Cooperative Bank.

[ohoh4312]

Hiya:)

 

Very glad to hear you are feeling more positive, and hopefully reading around on here has helped you realise that you can get things back under control.

 

I don't know a lot about payplan, but having spoken to them previously I do think their advice is pretty sound, and they will help wherever possible, so if they have suggested a DMP and the figures are workable, then it may be a good move for you.

 

However, as you are going to challenge some of your debts using the CCA route, it may be better for you to do this first before entering the plan - I have heard that payplan do not like stopping payments to creditors where you have disputed the account.

 

As far as the mbna CCA request goes, I make it that the deadline expires this Friday (13th) - the statutory time limit is 12 working days plus 2 for posting. So if you have had no reply by then, you are within your rights to withhold all payments until such time as they produce an enforceable agreement.

 

Not sure on the bank account - I remember seeing a table somewhere showing which banks were associated - will dig around and get back to you if I find it.

 

Best regards xx

[yourturntopay]

I have a DMP with payplan and they have been fine about me stopping payments to companies that have not produced an enforceable CCA.

[hilaryfrances]

good luck sib please ask a mod to change you name to: not so silly idiot boy, you have found a site that will help you cope and conquer. Stick to the advice you will be given and you will be a winner again.

[pebbles08]

can someone tell me where the £1 letter template is please, am new to this and was reffered via another forum.

[silverfox1961]

here you go

 

The Consumer Forums - Debt collectors

 

letter 7

[pebbles08]

thank you. x

[gettingbackon track]

Please don't do anything drastic. My partner comitted suicide due to debt and imminent repossession. You cannot possibly imagine the devastation this has caused to me and the children. It has taken me a long, long time to piece our lives back together and i almost gave up too at one point. However, i got some medical help for depression, took counselling and have dealt with the debts as best as i can. I have managed to halt the repossession and am now paying the debts by myself. It will take me a long time to pay back everything.

 

There one thing i have learnt is that you cannot "beat yourself up" for your past actions, it changes nothing. Just because you have been reckless in the past doesn't mean that you don't deserve help now. The important thing is that you have learnt from your mistakes and have changed your spending habits for the better. You have to look at your current position honestly and find a workable solution to pay back what you can afford. There is always an answer to debt problems, but ending your life is never the correct answer.

[Desperate Daniella]

Hello, gettingbackontrack,

 

My heart goes out to you and you have been so very brave for yourself and your children. Your post has made me cry for you. My sister committed suicide, although not over debt, and years ago a very good friend did the same so I understand a little about what you have been through and are going through.

 

Your children will be very proud of you.

 

Daniella xxx