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Bookie your a star:D

 

I am rubbish at writing letters, far to emotional to get it right, I called the equality and human rights commision who have advised that even though R has no assesment I should proceed with complaint under the disability discrimination act(reasonable adjustment), they have given me a standard letter to use, Should I give this in at the same time, also I am not sure if I have to send it to the school or the L.A?

Thanks loads I really appreciate this help, I dont want to lose due to a bad letter or being over emotional

 

Mina2974

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Good question.

 

I think you should weave that DDA letter in the other one, and make it another point under which you complain, (so you have breach of LA policy, breach of CoP guidelines, and complaint under DDA, assault, etc...)

 

You might want to PM a user called Seftonview, he writes sh*t-hot letters on discrimination, he would do a much better job than me at this. I tell you, he scares ME and we're on the same side! :-D

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Letters printed off and ready to go:), had to ask for homework in writing for R as my request for homework was ignored, funny how putting it down on paper changes everything, note sent in this morning and homework sent home tonight:rolleyes:

 

The senco spoke to the lady from parent partnership and gave a very different version of events, in this version the deputy did offer to let r sit down and even left the room to see if he would do it, showed her the statement that they gave me and pointed out that he wrote it so why was this not included. Lies to cover up mistakes!

 

R still does not want to go back to school, any school, he will talk about the possibilty but sticks to his guns about not going back, its hard to argue when you actualy think he's got a point, got a meeting with senco on Friday to talk about an action plan, am looking for someone to take with me so that they cant deny what they say afterwards.

Mina2974

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Personally, i wouldn't even think of taking my child back to that school until you all felt it was safe to do so - in my mind, to do otherwise would be tantamount to child abuse.

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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I have struggled with it hun,

:(

the pro's are that he has the same enviroment and knows who to avoid, also with the amount of attention that will focus on them in the next few months they will behave and give him things like personal space, he is only at junior school for another 8 months so by the time the attention dies down it will time for him to leave the school.

 

Ideally I would move him, my fear is that as we have not lived here for long we dont really know enough to identify the good schools from the bad ones, sending him back is going to be difficult but I do honestly think it will be easier for him then another change,

 

The deal I have made with him is that if within a week he still hates it then he can go and finish junior while staying with my best friend who's son has asperger and is in a decent school and come home at the weekend, it would kill me not having him with me but at least I could be 100% confident that the change would work.

 

please trust that I would never of considered sending him back if i had any way of being certain that the change would not make him worse, at the moment he is happy and he is trying to stop the good r V bad r fight and he he has not hurt himself for 4 days,

 

He will be taking a mobile to school and if he wants me to come and get him he will be able to call me instantly.

 

Trust me one wrong move and he will be out of there so fast their heads will spin

 

Mina2974

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Its a small victory I know but the meeting with the SenCo went a lot better than expected,

They agreed that R should not be made to socialize if he does not want to, can have a desk to himself, have a safe place to go to and can have a card to show staff when he is upset, He will have a Lsa assigned to look after him in the playground (she is his safe person)

They still dont get that R cant tell what will make him angry or control how fast he will get angry but there has been a total change in attitude, from he is naughty to OK there could be a problem here,

I used the example of when R did not tell me his bits were swollen to the size of an orange (you dont talk about your bits!) until his sister walked into the bathroom and made him tell us, told them how serious the situation(his kidneys leaking) was when he got to hospital and what could of happened if he stayed quiet,

It seemed to shock them a little to have such a strong example of how his lack of understanding can endanger him,

They are going to refer him to an occupational therapist to help with writing and fear of failure

They do need to put something in place for when he is the class but am hoping they will do more after the Caf meeting, R is now happy to go back and I am still proceeding with the complaint against school , having read other posts and experiences I am not going to hold my breath and still feel strongly that they need to be investigated

 

I cant stress how much the advice on here has made a difference, I don't ask for help now I demand it!

 

Mina2974

Edited by mina2974
cant spell
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Hi all

 

I am trying to get ready for the Caf meeting, this is the place where most of the help R will get will be organized, I know R inside out but am a little confused about what to ask for, I am so used to just getting on with it with him that I have never really thought of him as someone who needs help.

If I give some examples of the things he finds difficult would someone be able to advise what sort of things I should ask for

 

1. R has no real problems with noise unless he is trying to concentrate, he is distracted and lose's his train of thought easily

2. R gets depressed very easily and hates his weird side, this is the reason he self harms to get rid of bad R

3. He is terrified of failure and will refuse to try new things and panics when he has tests in case he gets things wrong and hates being timed

4. He hate writing, he finds it painful and pointless

5. He gets bullied and being called stupid is just as bad as being sworn at

6. He applies old rules/experiences to new situations eg, the dinner ladies at last school ignored him, so he will not talk to the ones at this one

7. He only seems to understand his own jokes

8. He becomes frustrated easily

9. He only likes to play his way

10. He can not handle criticism

11. He normally only has one friend at a time

12. He can mis-read subtle body language, but manages in most situations

13. If he uses his anger he can not control it, If he does not let it out he has to hurt himself to release some stress

14. If you do not answer him immediately he feels ignored and thinks your rude, he will give up and walk away

15. He can take some things literal but with him its more real things then sayings, eg-Thomas the tank is rubbish action man is better-Thomas has to go or you can catch a bus anytime your want-R is off on a midnight wander

16. Very bad sleep patterns

17. If he is looking at a clock and you tell him you will be back in ten minuets he will expect you to be back in ten minuets

18. He has to have expensive technology but once he has it lose's interest

 

These are the main things that cause him anxiety when away from home, he is clumsy and awkward but this could be due to his other physical problems, I know a lot of the above are typical difficulties for ASD kids but am finding it hard to work out what exactly I should be asking for.

 

Mina2974

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HI all,

 

Had a call from the head of govners today, she says that she will be fully investigating my complaint, so the ball is rolling on that one.

 

Am taking CAF form to cahms with me on Friday as am not happy with the way some of the stuff on it was worded, women from parent partnership can't come, it's the 3rd meeting that she has not been avaliable for so am not finding her much use.

 

Found another brusie on R, he never said his leg was hurting until yesterday, the bruise is huge and R says the deputy kicked him, the bruise is about 3 inches wide and is on the back of his leg, it does look like he was kicked, have taken photos and am writing to the police to ask why they will not take action.

 

R did go back to school and was given a card to use, unfortunatly they never reminded him what he was supposed to use it for so he spent lunch in the toilets, He says he was fine and does not mind going back tomorrow.

 

Mina2974

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HI

 

Meeting with cahms that school arranged backfired on them as she agreed with me that I had every right to be concerned if correct procedure was not followed, also she was not impressed with the way the Caf form was re-worded,

 

R is much happier at school now, they are being very careful with all 3 kids atm, The deputy is staying out of R's way and they are making sure anything to do with my kids is logged properly,

 

Am waiting for the governors to get back to me so I can proceed with the complaint, R showed his consultant the bruises and she wants to be involved which is fantastic as she has known us since Dec 06 and thinks R is great

 

Sam

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Well done you.

 

Now, I want you to be prepared for this - the governors WILL come down on the school's side. This is merely a formality.

 

You can then go to the Chief Educational Officer of the LEA and if you are not happy after that, the Local Government Officer.

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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I am glad you said that, Its what I was expecting and hoping as I do not want this to stop as an in house complaint, the school have the worst attitude that I have ever seen to observing La rules and this needs to be sorted,

 

I have also involved Mp and got a couple of MEP's writing to LA, still waiting to hear back from the minister's I wrote to but the more pressure that I can put on them the better.

 

Sometimes a letter from them work's wonders,

 

On a good note did the same with CSA and have just got a letter saying will get 6 months payments as compensation for all the mistakes they have made, Christmas will be a little easier this year! (getting R a broken telly and some tools so he can take it apart, hope it saves my plasma as he is obsessed with wanting to see how all the parts work :eek:)

 

CAF meeting next:sad:, still not sure what to expect from this

 

Mina2974

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http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/_files/FAQCommonAssessmentFramework0907.pdf

 

if you haven't seen this before, it's probably the simplest way to familiarise yourself with it.

 

The main page (with links) is here:

 

Common Assessment Framework - Every Child Matters

 

So you can know what to expect. :-)

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Hi

 

Have had some good news, I filled in the forms for Dla for R as wanted something, anything that I could use to say to people that R needs to be protected under the DDA, the lady from the dla was lovely and assured me that the letter from them saying he was entitled could be used for this purpose as it details why he got Dla,

 

Did not think he would get it as he has only had an initial assessment by cahms, the lady at the dla wrote to the school, cahms and also took his kidney condition into account, bless her she was fantastic and seemed determined to help:)

 

Got the letter yesterday R has been awarded high rate care and low rate mobility, Its a small step to getting his needs recognized but it has raised my confidence and has made me even more determined to fight his corner as every word on those forms was the truth, I only took 30mins over them and described R as he is.

 

So far he has the hair cut at the hairdressers he wanted, some books on anger management, new door and window alarms, will be getting new school shoes on Saturday (always been a nightmare as he has severe flat feet)

 

Lots of battles to go but am feeling a little more hopeful now

 

Sam

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I'm glad things seem to be improving for you Mina.

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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Got the letter yesterday R has been awarded high rate care and low rate mobility,
That is excellent news, well done. :-D

 

Now if you're not claiming Carer's Allowance yet, you should, in fact you should have put in the claim at the same time as the DLA one, as they don't tend to backdate without good reason.

 

Also, if you are getting Tax Credits, let them know ASAP that you are now in receipt of DLA, as there is a disabled premium that then gets tacked on which adds quite a bit.

 

Also, if you pay rent/council tax, whether you get rent beneft or council tax benefit or not, find out whether this changes things as again, they apply a disabled premium. My husband has a f/t job and we own our home so I never applied for CT benefit for years thinking we wouldn't qualify, when I finally applied, it turned out we were entitled to 100% CT benefit and I had lost years of it through my own stupidity, so the message is clear: If you don't apply, you don't get. ;-)

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Thanks Bookie,

 

I did apply for carers at the same time and have sent off conformation of dla to them,

 

Will call tax credits today and also the council about council tax, would never of thought to contact them!

 

Sam

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HI

 

Had the CAF meeting on Friday, am feeling a little paranoid about the whole thing,

 

On a good note the cahms psychologist stood up for me when I said R went along with things and pretended to enjoy them and also said while there could be detachment issues she could see a genetic link to R's behavior as well.

 

The other comments just annoyed/confused me, they don't see how R fits into the family as I have 4 girls?

 

R does feel outnumbered but as I tried to explain he gets told all the time that he's outnumbered "oh my god 4 sisters how do you cope",

 

They wanted to know if he earned the stuff he has? My kids all do chores every day even my 2 year old!

 

The school was congratulated for how they have handled R! are you kidding me:eek:

 

The School are to carry on as they have been and the only action put in place was for someone to come in and play with R. The same person is also coming to my house to see his home environment

 

They asked why R has kicked off now after not having any problems at school for such a long time, but the head of the school interrupted and did not let me answer.

 

I Walked away with a very very bad feeling, am I right to be worried?

 

Sam

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi

 

Got a meeting with the govenors on the 9th Jan, one of the Mep's I e-mailed has got involved and wrote to ofsted, They have asked social services to speak to Me to see if this can be investigated futher.

 

I am not after retribution just don't think R was treated properly all I want is an apology and for correct procedures to be put in place.

 

Sam

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That's fine, Mina. Also bear in mind that taking the issue further is more likely to prevent it happening to another child in the future. So go get whatever it is that will make you more secure in your child's welfare. :-)

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Hi

 

Lots of changes, school's attitude became worse so have changed kids school, not just for R's sake but for the sake of the girls as well:(

 

Had a lady from social services around today, she has put both R and S down as being "in need", she said it's not because of anything I have done, it's because she feels that their educational needs are not being met and this will affect their development, she also asked me to refer S to cahms as she feel's that S could have Asperger:eek:, I really don't think she has but will go to see gp.

 

Am a little worried as did not think S/S got involved in the education side of thing's? Is this normal?, The headmistress only refered us to them as she was angry when I questioned her about restraint procedure's, almost wish I had not asked for help with kids and just carried on dealing with it myself:(

 

Mina2974

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S/S will deal with anything they feel is harmful towards the child - they are there to act in the best interests of you and the children, so if they want to help, bite their hand off!

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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  • 1 month later...

Hi

 

I posted a while back about my son R and also my daughter miss boring who both have asd issues.

 

Have things got any better lol not a bit, not even in the slightest:sad:, R has still not seen anyone from cahms and gp says there are no asd pead's in the area, he almost hit another child in the head with a glass yesterday at school, has run out of the house and had to be found by the police, accused me of hitting him , taken knife's to kill himself and is not sleeping much on top of daily metldowns after school. school see nothing wrong:cry: and we have now been waiting 8 months to be seen by cahms.

 

Miss boring was supposed to of had a dyslexia test 4 weeks ago we are still waiting and despite being ten years old (yr5) and getting only a 2a for english is still not getting any extra help, I have been told that she is not far enough behind to warrant being picked up by Ed psyc, last week she locked a dinner lady in the toilets , hit her in the face with a door:shock:, screamed at her teacher and refused to do any work, all because they made her go outside and she fell over again, her stimming has got worse and she is becoming disruptive and unintrested in school (she used to get all A's for effort:sad:), She has been referred to SALT and OT but again very long waiting list's.

 

The only person involved in CAF with R is a lady who does anger mangement with him and managed to convice him that he has brain damage:mad:

 

I have been learning as much as I can about ASD and SEN but could really do with a little warrior mum spirit at the moment, have complained to Cahms but am at a loss on how to proceed with the school.

 

Mina2974

 

Ps have escalated the complaint about the old school to the GTC:D

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2 threads merged :)

  • Haha 1

Any typos spelling mistakes are due to leprechauns in my keyboard they move the letters around sometimes (amended just for Bookie)

 

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