Messy seperation, 3 yr old involved...any help much appreciated

[yaffsimone1]

This is going to be long winded but i will do the best i can.

 

The Brief:-

 

This is matter concerning my sister, her otherhalf and thier yound 3yr old son. Sister and otherhalf are not married but had been living together in his house for the last couple of years, they have two dogs (one each!)

Otherhalf works full time in a reasonably well paid job, sister works part time in an ok paid job. Sister is 25 years old

 

In more detail:-

 

My sister met her otherhalf about 4 years ago, she moved in with him and she fell pregnant. About a year after the birth they decided they needed a bigger house, so he purchased one all in his name. Things were going well, she was not paying anything towards the mortgage but she was contributing towards the household bills. They also got two dogs to complete the family set up.

 

About three years later it all wents tits up. She and her son moved out of the home and are now back with her mum and dad. Which is not practical to say the least. Dad is 71 tommorrow. Sister has applied to get on the Council Housing List

 

Ex agreed to pay her 30.00 per week maintenance and they agreed to have each have the son 3.5 days a week. Ex wanted to get this writing but it was finally agreed verbally and has been working ok.

 

Ex kept one dog the other dog is virtually homeless (it is with a neighbour who does not want it anymore)

 

This is the bit where i go mad, why she couldn't wait a little longer i will never know!!!

 

Sister has met someone else (they do not live together, he lives with his sister), but rather than keeping it quiet until the dust settled has chosen to tell the ex. Ex has gone mad and has now started demanding all sorts, this is what he is demanding:-

 

The son must not have any contact with the new bloke

The son must be in bed by a certain time

 

and

 

Ex is going to apply for half of ALL sisters income as she is now in a relationship with a man who is in full time employment and wants funding for the time he has son.

 

There is probably more stuff but the last one is the one that concerns me at the moment.

 

Firstly can he apply for half her money?

What rights as a father does he have (his name is on the birth certificate)?

 

She is going to see a solicitor to see if she can get legal aid, she wants to take this to court to get an amicable agreement signed.

 

Has anyone got any advice?

 

Mods - sorry if i have put this in the wrong place but i couldn't find a particular thread.

[gizmo111]

He has no entitlement to half her income, either because she is in a relationship, or becuase he has shared care, he cannot have the earnings of what may be only a short term relationship taken into account. Even long term he would struggle.

 

What has happened to the former family home, has the split of the equity been taken into account and your sister received her share?

 

He can ask that your sister puts the child to bed at a reasonable time, and that he doesn't meet the new partner, but without a very substantial reason, he could not get it incorporated into a court agreement.

 

I would suggets that your sister sees a solicitor, and gets further advice.

[breeze1996]

Check the CSA site it gives a calculator for working out payments.

 

£200 a week wages pays £12 a week to the child. If a parent has 3.5

days access.

 

Also could it cost him more if he goes for her wages as you said he has a good job. So he could be the one who ends up paying more, and once child goes to school or the dad gets a girlfriend I bet the mum ends up with having the child more than the dad does.

 

I'm a single mum, he has no say in who your child can see.

 

Bedtimes, well just say he is in bed by then anyway, but demand the dad has the child in bed at the same time.

 

Unless the child is badly treated tell her it's all just a bloke trying to play power games because she has moved on and he hasn't.

[yaffsimone1]

He has no entitlement to half her income, either because she is in a relationship, or becuase he has shared care, he cannot have the earnings of what may be only a short term relationship taken into account. Even long term he would struggle.

 

What has happened to the former family home, has the split of the equity been taken into account and your sister received her share?

 

He can ask that your sister puts the child to bed at a reasonable time, and that he doesn't meet the new partner, but without a very substantial reason, he could not get it incorporated into a court agreement.

 

I would suggets that your sister sees a solicitor, and gets further advice.

 

The Ex owns the family home and he has no intention of selling it. He advised her that as she has had free use of the facilities she has no claim to the house or its equity, basically not entitled to anything.

 

She only paid a share of the bills, he dealt with the mortgage etc.

 

Also from what i understand this co-habiting business i.e he/she is entitled to half is not quite true as it wasn't actually made law??

[yaffsimone1]

Check the CSA site it gives a calculator for working out payments.

 

£200 a week wages pays £12 a week to the child. If a parent has 3.5

days access.

 

Also could it cost him more if he goes for her wages as you said he has a good job. So he could be the one who ends up paying more, and once child goes to school or the dad gets a girlfriend I bet the mum ends up with having the child more than the dad does.

 

I'm a single mum, he has no say in who your child can see.

 

Bedtimes, well just say he is in bed by then anyway, but demand the dad has the child in bed at the same time.

 

Unless the child is badly treated tell her it's all just a bloke trying to play power games because she has moved on and he hasn't.

 

Apparently he has alreday used the calculator and that is where he got his figure to pay her from.

 

The guy is being a Piers Morgan. He phones everynight at exactly 6.50pm (as the child is bathed just before 7) to say goodnight and if the son is not ready to go to bed he goes bonkers!

 

He is definately playing power games, sister is seeing a solicitor it's just nice to hear other peoples experiences or views.

 

Sister also has the problem of the dog, the neighbour does not want it, Ex does not want it. Mum and dads house is too small, its a 2 bed bungalow with 2 dogs already. Anyone want a 11 month black Lab???

[gizmo111]

The Ex owns the family home and he has no intention of selling it. He advised her that as she has had free use of the facilities she has no claim to the house or its equity, basically not entitled to anything.

 

She only paid a share of the bills, he dealt with the mortgage etc.

 

Also from what i understand this co-habiting business i.e he/she is entitled to half is not quite true as it wasn't actually made law??

 

This is totally different where there are children involved. I suggest she stops listening to what he tells her and gets some legal advice.

[breeze1996]

Well then he knows the 1/2 wages is a lie.

 

So he must be on £500 a week net.

 

I think the best thing she can do is send the dog to one of the homes that rehouse the pets that way she will know the dog is safe.

 

Get her to make sure she has a housing office and also a doctors note to say it's not good for her or your parents to be housed together as it's causing stress.

 

I know he wants to be involved with the child but she needs to speak to him about his attitude, and explain it is causing his child to be upset.

 

Since she left she has no rights to the house it seems, if she had stayed she could have made him pay for the house. It also says she needs to be careful she isn't classed as making herself homeless as they won't rehouse her.

 

His name being on the birth cert gives him rights to read school report and stuff like the doctors, and about holidays abroad so becareful he can object.

Edited July 8, 2008 by breeze1996