Lulas <LAFFIN> thread

[Lula]

I need a laugh, tell me what makes you

[Thailand]

 

Stop leaving your class A's laying around Lula!!

[Lula]

 

i have a cat with eyes permanently like that

[Thailand]

 

[Lula]

ROFLMAO, they are really funny Thai

[sea-sidelady]

Im sure i have seen that direction one at most junctions...

[HSBCrusher]

 

 

dooooooooooooooooooooofus

[Lula]

dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofus

[Hippy-chick]

[Castlebest]

best road sign I know of is the one at the top of the M40 just before it joins the M42... looks like someone standing on their head who needs the loo people who have never seen it before just dont believe it

 

tried to find a pic of it but failed

[Rooster-UK]

[Robdblynd]

I've got 3 LARGE dogs, that would be a dream come true.

[Lula]

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen

on it I thought, "That's Aboriginal."

 

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.

It was a turtle disaster.

 

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She

said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."

 

I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy

said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

 

I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave

me a Volkswagen with no driver.

 

I went to the local video shop and I said "Can I borrow Batman

Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

 

Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he

went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

 

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the

packet. 'Best Before End'

 

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I

said "No, just a watch."

 

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The

bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"

 

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

 

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He

said, "You've got cholera."

 

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his

name, it's P something T something R.

 

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it

down.

 

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered

just went on and on.

 

The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary

work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

 

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I

said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is

for the custard."

 

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin

paper.He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

 

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me

on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you

anything."

 

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip

outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you"

 

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

 

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull

goes

first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

 

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me

I'd been

promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to

say I'd

been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me

managing

director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked

me what

had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

 

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't

swing a

cat in there.

 

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the

shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on

two

counts.

 

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller

said "Eurostar" I

said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Robbie Williams.

 

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do

the

splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make

Tuesdays or

Thursdays."

[HSBCrusher]

you have been reading that joke book again havn't you?

 

[sequenci]

best road sign I know of is the one at the top of the M40 just before it joins the M42... looks like someone standing on their head who needs the loo people who have never seen it before just dont believe it

 

tried to find a pic of it but failed

 

I know the sign but...

[tonycee]

[sequenci]

Lula, you a Tim Vine fan?

[tonycee]

Naughty Kitties

 

 

 

[Lula]

Lula, you a Tim Vine fan?

 

Who?

[sequenci]

Who?

 

The person who wrote all those jokes.

[Ell-enn]

A farmer in Ireland named Seamus had a car accident.

In court, the lorry company's fancy hot shot solicitor was

Questioning Seamus.

 

'Didn't you say, to the Garda at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?'

Asked the solicitor.

 

Seamus responded, 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just

Loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...'

 

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just

Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,

'I'm fine!'?'

 

Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was

Driving down the road....'

 

The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying

To establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man

Told the Gárda on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after

The accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.

Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

 

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and

Said to the solicitor, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his

Favourite cow, Bessie'.

 

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had

Just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was

Driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came

Through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was

Thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was

Hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.

 

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was

In terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a

Garda on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and

Groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her

condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

 

Then the Garda came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me,

And said, 'How are you feeling?'

 

'Now..... what would you say?'

[tonycee]