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Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls and Text Messages: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2am. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night ?? And why would you make me text people that I don't actually want to know about but seem to be unable to stay away from??

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese, onion and mustard. Washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream chips??

I'm an eclectic eater, but think you went too far this time!!

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock !!!

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to STOP. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evenings debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable.

My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, Braed products & Aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, that the Hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities !!

ALCOHOL, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on Good Terms.

You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them IMMEDIATELY !!

I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3.30pm (Pre Big Friday's Happy Hour(s)) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership!!!

Thank You

Your Biggest Fan

P.S. Things that are difficult to say when you're DRUNK...........

a) Innovative

b) Preliminary

c) Proliferation

d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're DRUNK...........

a) Specificity

b) British Constitution

c) Passive-Aggresive Disorder

d) Transubstantiates

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're DRUNK................

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you

b) Nope, NO MORE booze for me

c) Sorry, but you're not really my type

d) No Kebab for me , thank you

e) Good Evening Officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

f) I'm not interested in fighting you

g) Oh, I just couldn't - No One wants to hear ME sing

h) Thank You, but I won't make any attempt to dance. I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a FOOL

i) Where is the nearest toilet? I just refuse to vomit in the street !!

j) I must be going home now , I have work in the morning

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I dont have a drink problem ........

 

I drink

Get drunk

Fall over

No Problem

 

:D

Any typos spelling mistakes are due to leprechauns in my keyboard they move the letters around sometimes (amended just for Bookie)

 

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The hangovers have GOT to STOP. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evenings debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable.

 

Well said.............. I do hope our good friend alcohol listens to your plea - there's simply no need for it to trash the entire folllowing day. :grin:

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Well said.............. I do hope our good friend alcohol listens to your plea - there's simply no need for it to trash the entire folllowing day. :grin:

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

And they get worse with each passing year -

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:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

And they get worse with each passing year -

 

Speak for yourself giz............ mine get worse with each passing day!! :lol:

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I have a problem with drink: It's too *&£^~$ expensive!

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I have a problem with drink: It's too *&£^~$ expensive!

 

Well you need to sort out the french house and invite us all over :)

 

The more you drink the more you save - is blue with you?

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I dont have a drink problem ........

 

I drink

Get drunk

Fall over

No Problem

 

:D

 

Indeed :-) My thoughts exactly...!!!

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I dont have a drink problem ........

 

I drink

Get drunk

Fall over

No Problem

 

:D

 

I've even cut out the falling over bit now. I just lie on the floor before I start.

 

:)

Any help and advice is offered in good faith, based solely on my own knowledge and on experience gathered from this site. I am not qualified to offer legal or financial advice, which you should seek from an expert before making any important decisions. My opinions are therefore offered without liability.

 

If I've been helpful, please click my scales. :-)

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I have alcoholic constipation!

 

 

 

I can't pass a pub!:)

[sIGPIC][/sIGPIC]

 

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1. Phone Calls and Text Messages: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2am. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night ?? And why would you make me text people that I don't actually want to know about but seem to be unable to stay away from??

 

I've frequently thought that handset manufacturers are missing out on a must have feature that needs to be added to mobile phones to prevent the above problem. By simply adding a breathalyser feature that cuts out once blood alcohol levels reach a certain level and prevents any useage of the phone much embarrassment the following morning could be avoided

 

Failing that phones could be programmed to lock after a certain time and require a long complicated series of key presses that would be impossible when drunk (and probably also when sober) to regain the phones functionality

All my posts are made without prejudice and may not be reused or reproduced without my express permission (or the permission of the forums owners)!

 

17/10/2006 Recieve claim against me from lloyds TSB for £312.82

18/10/06 S.A.R - (Subject Access Request) sent

03/02/07 Claim allocated to small claims. Hearing set for 15/05/07. Lloyds ordered to file statement setting out how they calculate their charges

15/05/07 Lloyds do not attend. Judgement ordered for £192 approx, £3 travel costs and removal of default notice

29/05/07 4pm Lloyds deadline for payment of CCJ expires. Warrant of execution ready to go

19/06/07 Letter from court stating Lloyds have made a cheque payment to court

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I've frequently thought that handset manufacturers are missing out on a must have feature that needs to be added to mobile phones to prevent the above problem. By simply adding a breathalyser feature that cuts out once blood alcohol levels reach a certain level and prevents any useage of the phone much embarrassment the following morning could be avoided

 

Failing that phones could be programmed to lock after a certain time and require a long complicated series of key presses that would be impossible when drunk (and probably also when sober) to regain the phones functionality

 

LOL

 

My laptop should have this setting.

 

:D

Any help and advice is offered in good faith, based solely on my own knowledge and on experience gathered from this site. I am not qualified to offer legal or financial advice, which you should seek from an expert before making any important decisions. My opinions are therefore offered without liability.

 

If I've been helpful, please click my scales. :-)

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Crapulam terriblem habeo - I have a terrible hangover

 

 

Vinum bellum iucunumque est, sed animo corporeque caret - It's a nice little wine, but it lacks character and depth

I'm not an expert so check everything I tell you, however click me scales if I've been useful.

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