I'm maybe being a bit thick, I thought if it ever happened to me I'd know all the elephant in the room questions but I can't think of anything sensible to ask...... It all started a month or so ago with excruciating stomach pains and loss of appetite [a biggie for me], then a few days ago it got so bad that I went to the quacks and had bloodtests within 72 hours was referred to the local hospital, I'm a funny shade of yellow at the mo so I guess I knew something was going a bit wonky. should have had the biopsy today but it was cancelled and replaced with a phonecall and Oramorph + Zomorph 60mg capsules.... .. I suppose the question is, has anyone had experience of this [Pancreas and Liver] with a relative and how long do I have? I'm not daft and have googled until I'm blue in the face and nothing really tells you what to expect and when.. ..... honestly, I'm 48 and pretty much at peace with everything [might be the morphine tho, lol] so any life experiences gratefully received. The cancer nurse was lovely and asked if I had any questions but for the first time in my life I couldn't think of anything sensible

You always see newspaper stories on things that have happened and you don't know whether you should have laughed. This is one of them ! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3431353/Elderly-man-died-having-sex-prostitute-wheeled-away-paramedics-unfortunate-woman-attached-him.html

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/34570876 Greek football first aiders dealing with injured player.

"Just had my water bill of £175.00 come through the letter box. That's a lot - Oxfam can supply a whole African village for £2.00 per month, time to change supplier I think"

Will try to simplify this down and not elaborate too much, I have a tendency to over communicate. long story short, I am 38. Took out a loan with NatWest I don't remember how long ago but it must been in my mid to late 20's. Was unable to make regular payments, it went back and forth actually for years, sort of on hold. I commence work and commenced payments, regular every month for several years, £250, £150, £100 etc. It was never agreed in writing by me I just started to pay, NatWest did write to me once to ask for my budget details, I responded with a £250 payment that month. Fast forward it must be 10 years now ? £15k is now longer outstanding or what ever it was. Its now under £2k. Right this is were it gets interesting, I was working with a debt recovery agency, every month I would log into my online banking (not NatWest obviously) pull up make a payment and send £150, £250 My last payment was over £700, The debt collection agency which I had paid over £10k with over the last few years now, they suddenly wrote to me and said. Dear xx We have been instructed we are no longer managing your account hence do not make any further payments. Roughly that is what it said I was confused by this as I had just made a huge payment of over £700 and was down to a 5% or 10% of the orginal amount. Why would NatWest pull the account back. I will be honest and say at this time which I understand was just before Xmas last year, I feel I had around £1800 left to pay. Ok please continue with me. I was out at lunch time today and decided to pop into Natwest and ask what are they doing with my account ... so understand my surprise when this happened. Till girl, thank you bud01 (me) for providing your account number and sort code (I didn't have the sort code had to tell her the branch). I can see that your account is £2000 in credit. Can you double check that please. Sure, your account is £2000 in credit, (my current account). I explained the situation and she asked that I call the collections team. Fast forward past me buying a coffee and sandwich and taking over a meeting room to make a call to Natwest. I speak to a guy in the collections team, he is only interesting in knowing if I own my own house and I am who I say I am, which I honestly explained, I am renting, and I am mr x etc. He says I have to go through to another department, debt department or some thing I cant remember. I get though to a girl and explain the situation and ask her the following. 1- If my account is in credit why haven't you communicated to me and how could it be I am in credit 2- Why have you not communicated to me, and why did you dis-engage the collection vendor that I was working with monthly, and were is your communication to me irrespective of the monetary aspects. She went away and checked with another team and came back and said. Your loan account has had to be closed. You have a corrupted loan. Your debt has been moved to your current account. You are not in credit but in debt for £2000 At this point this upset me, I did the only thing I could think of and asked that every thing be documented and sent to me Has any one even heard of any thing like this? A few of my thoughts. 1- I should not have contacted Natwest, I knew I owed around that figure or maybe £1200, I should have let them finally come back to me, or maybe never come back to me. Obviously that is being un-unethical which is not the way I am living my life, hence I wanted to go into the Bank today and look into this. 2-If my current account is in credit, it is credit, there is a big difference between being -£2000 and being in credit by £2000. If I owe £2000 and my current account which is still to this day is in credit by £2000 then I don't owe any thing, their mistakes or issues is not my concern. 3- If my loan account is closed then unless that has been communicated to me in writing, the moment that account is closed then my loan is forfeited I don't know what is going on here but some thing fishy is happening, if my current account was minus or in debt £2000 then I could have walked out of the bank and would have taken it on the surface as 1+1 =2. Canceled my on going working payment schedule with debt recovery vendor. No communication for nearly a year current account in credit by the same amount of money I am in debt. Loan account closed. What do I do here? if every one is in agreement Natwest is fine here and I should pay then I may simply make four £500 payments. I am 38 years old. Work in IT in banking area. After my July pay review I am on £53900 (excluding over time) £2k loan is not a big issue, What do I do here? What is this called that NatWest is doing? Loan account closed = loan closed ? Thanks any one that can help on this. And if any one from NatWest is reading this, you are very unprofessional in the manner you have delt with my account, you stopped me making my regular payments which I was actually enjoying doing, the recovery company sent me a stupid letter with zero on it about what was happening, and then you do not communicate to me for nearly a year, now I find my loan account closed and my current account in credit, but also in debt. What are you guys doing?

Well I thought so anyway

Sitting in traffic after multi car crash on the Forth Road Bridge, old lady driver opposite stuffing her face with crisps and cakes, after 45 minutes she nods off, slumps forward and bumps her head on the steering wheel sounding the horn. Thought she was going to have a heart attack

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2014/10/05/typical-daily-mail-front-page/ Although this is funny, it is close to a headline that might actually appear in the newspaper.

If you have not seen this, it is a must see. Even if you are a die hard Tory, you will find it very funny. Contains bad language.

I parked in a local retail complex where you pay to park but recover your money at the tills of a large store that owns the car park, but only if you spend a minimum of £10 in that store. I decided that as I was only going to spend about £7 I wasnt going to pay to park and look forward to receiving the likely "ticket" and have fun afterwards but I was thwarted by someone else placing a sheet of A4 paper over the ticket payment machines saying "FREE PARKING TODAY" in big letters. I just wish I had thought of that. and before you ask, the machines were in perfect working order.

I've stumbled across this http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/travelodge-top-30-funniest-requests-2460072 Now, number 11 is just asking for a hot water bottle? Innocent enough:madgrin: Any thoughts on 18?

Good for a Giggle: http://soundcloud.com/jim-campbell-2/car-complaint

This is so funny

I started back to work almost exactly two years ago, before I went back i tried to claim Jobseekers allowance as it was then, but, as I wasnt working in the test period, I was ineligable. So, this January, I received a letter from HRMC, stating that they know I have received in excess of £3k in Jobseekers Allowance and now I am going to be given the priviledge of paying the tax on it . Hang on a mo, I never received a penny, so I call them to clarify. Oh yes Miss Lula, we know you claimed, we just ESTIMATED how much you received. YOU DID WHAT?? you have computers don't you? Surely the computer that told you that I claimed, also told you that i didn't receive a penny? Err, No Miss Lula, our computers dont really talk to each other, we have to estimate. Me, incredulous. So you are allowed to MAKE IT ALL UP, and I have to prove that I have received it or not? That, it appears is the long and the short of it, but , my story doesnt stop there, oh no ! It takes them 5 weeks to respond to any letter, so, not being blessed with a great amount of patience I ring them this afternoon. Firstly, it took 15 minutes to get through to a "human" voice and then, he goes through my note and confirms that, yes, they received my letter and the letter THAT I HAD TO GET, from the Benefits Agency, confirming that I had received no benefits from them. So, I said to him, my tax code for 2013/14 is going to be 944L . Err no, Miss Lula it will be 943L For why? I ask, we have established that I owe you no money, why is my tax code stating that I owe you £1. Well Miss Lula, it is the way the computer reckons it, it rounds up or down. So, I say, this is the same computer that cannot talk to another computer within the great Behemoth is the Welfare State? Yes, he replies. No, say I. I do not owe you £1 and i would like my tax code to reflect this, i want the full 944L. Errrrrr, he says, i will have to pass this on to a supervisor. Thats fine by me says I , but I mean to have the proper tax coding and have it I will. I find it totally unacceptable that you can make up figures and them expect me to roll over meekly and pay it. Watch this space, I expect a letter soon, i will not be expecting anything other that my 944L bastards

I can't decide An elderly parishioner has stunned Spanish cultural officials with an alarming and unauthorised attempt to restore a prized Jesus Christ fresco http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19349921