After five years of hard work the monkeys of Longleat Safari Park have put the finishing touches to a metallic blue Vauxhall Astra. Paul, spokesmen for the 100 strong Rhesus monkey troop proudly confirmed ‘It’s taken a lot of hard work and dedication but we pulled the final rear quarter moulding from an unsuspecting family last Friday and now we have a fully operational car. We’ve been at Longleat for 10 years now, and we wasted the first 3 just monkeying around, but then Curious George suggested we focus our efforts on building our own motor. Initially we set our sights slightly too high and decided to build a Jaguar XKR Convertible, but after 2 years with no models passing through we set a new target and haven’t looked back since.’ ‘Work was initially hampered as the tools were limited to a monkey wrench and monkey nuts but after I liberated a tool box from the back of a works van we haven’t looked back. The last few weeks have been manic and I’ve been rushing around like a blue ass monkey but it’s all been worth it.’ When asked what plans the troop had for the car Paul told us that as soon as one of them passed their driving test they were off on a road trip to India to harass tourists but until then they would probably just p*** and s**t all over it. The troop are keen to put their new found skills to further use however, and have opened a Kwick Fit franchise outside the gates of the safari. ‘We have noticed most cars do need some work done by the time they finish the monkey drive through’ Paul went on ‘and I’m pleased to say our specially trained grease monkeys can now successfully diagnose faults and fit tyres without biting them first. That doesn’t mean they won’t bite your children though.’