Hi All Please can i have some help. So, I am 6 months out of a domestic violence relationship, including financial abuse (and physical & sexual). i am thousands in debt thanks to him (over £55k), its taken me months to even start to look at it. My first hurdle, is that my council tax now has a liability order. Bristow and Sutor are asking me to complete a 'details' form, address, dependants, age, employment details, salary etc. can someone tell me what information i need to give them? I owe £400 from last year and £750 from this year so far. i am not sure what the heck i am doing. i suffer severe anxiety and depression, not to mention PTSD and am afraid of my own shadow. Before I fill in any forms, i need some help and advice please. there is more to come with my other creditors. to top it off, my ex partner (who I threw out, has had a variety of debt collection letters and CCJ's come to my house, he hasn't changed his address (i dont know where he is) and its causing me sleepless nights. I just cannot cope with anymore, no amount of returning these letters works, they just keep comming)

i will get this posted up today and in answer to the question no - the mortgage dont know

i saw an advert to help sort my finances and the ppl told me that my only option to protect my house was an IVA

i dont know - i think ive watched too many of those programmes

i am not opening the door at the moment in case they try to force the way in

my debts are at the peak of doorstep - i have already had one on the door.... think i need to deal with this altogether

do i pay for a SAR?

how would I get bank statements? Lloyds closed both of my accounts. All of my credits are defaulted and i no longer have access to anything online

Ok - I will start to make the list. what can he do to me? can he take me to court? try to get yet more money out of me? I have none. he said that he can 'prove' the items that were left here in my 'safe' care. yet when i asked him to collect them he wouldn't...... i am not a storage facility..... he would send me emails in the middle of the night from an encrytped email account - i mean, what is that about? i had to block him in the end as it was derailing me at work. so he was unable to email me, and I put an automated reply on my email account to say that this account is no longer active. in all that time he never wrote to me at home - not once if i go to the police he will be rearresred for the previous offence as he was only released without charge and if anything came to light to substantiate the charge he would be rearrested.

Well the list that you should make is a list/inventory of all the items which you threw out. - ok - i will try - i was in a poor mental state at the time If this can be any accountability going, you may as well have your list and paperwork sorted out. In terms of writing, – any writing. What is a written.i have a message that can prove was delivered and he called me asking him to collect his stuff In terms of the arrest, with this related to an assault on you or something completely different.this was an assault on me Have the police been involved since then? If you are receiving new threats and so forth and you haven't called the police then why not? no the police are not involved at the moment, i am working with womens aid on a safety plan. yes i have received new threats, but suspect that was more flannel and hot air as he is angry about the situtain Does he have keys or any access to the property? no - i changed the locks months ago while he was still living here, couldnt take anymore Are there any children involved – either yours together or your own? my 18 year old daughter lives with me (and lived with me while he did too)

But also, I think it will be good idea if you put together a list of the item so far as you can remember them. - what is it you would like me to item out Has he contacted you in writing about this? - his belongings or the money he owes me Have you contacted him in writing? yes and I have seen him Have the police been involved at all? he was arrested in Dec 2019 for Section 47 Assault In terms of financial disclosure I don't think you need to disclose anything. What is his professional background? - he has barely worked in 12 years - he was working in a warehouse, but he doesnt like working long hard hours for minimum wage - he claims he's mentally incapable etc - hes a narssacist basically. so he is now claiming benefts in the 4 years of our relationship he worked for 6 months in 2017 and 9 months in 2020 What is yours? i am a senior secretary and working Has he incurred any expenses such as insurance, mobile phone contracts, hire purchase agreements et cetera using your name? - No yes i do help to buy mortgage

he wants 10's £1,000's the fact of the matter is that he likely owes me £52k..... i kept him for years and he didnt work, and he just sucked money out of me and credit cards and loans etc was really awful and yes - he blamed me - said i had a bad attitude to money - and in fact has said that to me today! he wants a full finacial disclosure from me as he thinks i have ,money!!! no - he was clever - its all in my name ok - i wont

Hi DX100uk So what do i do about the debt and that he wants money from me for his stuff?

the items were clothes mainly : work suits, DJ, ties, belt, coat, day jacket, jumpers, shorts, t-shirts, trainers, football socks shin pads, ski jacket and walking boots etc etc - the stuff that he didnt take while he was packing to leave. (albeit i did pack alot of stuff the day i threw him out and there was not as much as hes claiming) the TV wasnt working and it had glass in the screen and i was told it wasnt worth repairing so i took it to te rcycling centre, there was a sound bar that i broke be stepping back onto the glass on it and the sub woofer. there were some pictures as well, some glazed, some canvas, i text him (and i have this message and proof it was delivered) and asked him to collect his stuff and i gave him a weeks notice, or I would assume that he didnt want it. he called me to say he wanted it - but he wouldnt agree to collect it. he just went silent. i just couldn't cope with it anymore. his step mother said she didnt want it - that it was nothing to do with them. i am now being threatened that i have broke the law, and that he is going to have me dealt with.... womens aid are now on board, as much as i love him, i just cant deal with this. hes accused me of selling his stuff to furnish my house. which is a lie. i work full time. and i have my own money - what little of it i have left. i am knee deep in debt and he is making no offer to reimburse the money that he 'borrowed' from me year after year. i need help

i asked him to collect it ..... he didnt...... i disposed of it already.... i had a full meltdown

I suppose what i am asking is what my position is regarding me disposing of his stuff? im really freaking out about the threats that ive broken some law, i gave him notice, i asked him to come and collect it where do i stand ?

Hello Everyone So my Partner and I broke up at christmas. This was after 4 years of domestic violence, financial abuse - the whole works. I have recently had surgery to repair the damage he did 6 months ago - and 6 months of recovery ahead. He blocked me on all avenues. I could not reach him - the trauma was horrendous. I changed my mobile number in the end, and two months later I text him begging him back, and if he didnt want to come back then i would accept that and he was to collect his belongings by the end of the week. (This was a sunday) he called the following day and was interested in knowing if i had moved on etc... i told him i hadnt. i told him that this situation needed to be concluded one way or another. he told me he was busy and couldnt collect his stuff. he wouldnt be held to any arrangements, i just couldnt get him to agree anything! after another month passes by i have disregarded the belongings that have been stacking up the home / garage. i just couldnt take anymore. I spoke to his step mother / father who said they didnt want them, not to take them there. they didnt want to get involved. i have since been diagnosed with a variety of mental health issues which I am very slowly working through, and the past four months have been extremely difficult. i have periods of time that i cannot account for, and only images of my actions. the situation now is this - he has been in contact, and we are trying to see if we can make things work. he has been to my home and seen that i have disregarded his stuff, and he is threatening me with all sorts of law and threats of personal attack. he is once again verbally abusing me and calling me names over the phone. i have reminded him that i tried to get him to come and collect his stuff but he refused to commit to it. he has even told me that he has been sleeping with another woman. he is accusing me of selling his belongings and furnishing my home etc. of course there is more to this than just this situation. I have been in touch with Womens Aid and am starting to get some support, but I am very concerned about the repercussions of my actions. i told him that i was agreeable to replacing some of his belongings, but that it would take a lot of time as due to the level of debt that i was left in following the breakdown of the relationship £60k i am at the beginnings of an IVA. i had pointed out to him that he was responsible for my debt, as he hadnt worked for several years and put me under immense financial pressure - but of course..... thats my own fault.... in return I have told him that i am waiting for him to repay me the money that he owes me, and that he has not mentioned how he is going to do that. its all very messy.....

UPDATE so nothing has really changed, or improved... please don't all shout at me at once.... my ex is now threatening to take me to court to see LESS of his kids! its been a horrendous few months. I had started a new thread. by ex is now using a solicitor to harass me - what do I gotta do to get him to leave me alone!???

Hi All not sure if you can even help me, but I will give it a go I split from my ex husband 4 years ago. I bought his share of the house. and he was paid handsomely for it. he was having his children once a week (then 11 / 12) and since then the arrangements have moved around, and he is far from reliable- he says he 'gave me a house' to look after his kids...... he gave me nothing - he wanted off the mortgage and he was paid out...' there has been refusal on his part to attend mediation, in fact he is aggressive towards me now as he was then. he has been arrested in the summer of last year as he drove his vehicle at me. so a very fraught situation. cutting a long story short, he was informed by the police and his own solicitor to have no contact with me. I have told him to leave me alone. he constantly throws grenades into my life, and makes trouble between me and my partner and upsets the children (15/16). so he has now changed his mind again about contact, and wants to see LESS of his children. I had said NO, they need to maintain structure and need their dad and vice versa. I'm getting abusive voicemails from him, so I have turned it off. hes now taken to getting his solicitor to write to me regarding seeing his children LESS. Of course the correct place o discuss child contact is Mediation, but hes refusing because I had him arrested last year. (yawn yawn). the thing is that the solicitor keeps writing. telling me I have 7 days to reply or else..... I work with a lady who is a magistrate, who has told me that he wouldn't get near a court with this, and that if he did he'd be the laughing stock of the UK I want t know what I can do to stop him writing to me via third parties? its upsetting me and making it very difficult to hold down my job

Hi All So, i have had my house on the market for some 4 months now. We have had viewings, but no offers. The estate agent (i htink) had overvalued the house and as a result i think we missed the optimum selling window. We were convinced to reduce the price (by 5K) which we have - and we have had even less viewings! and still no offers.... i cannot afford the mortgage, and my ex husband is causing me all sorts of issues ( I NEED TO MOVE!), so what Id like to know is this... if i rent the property, can i leave it on the market to sell? what is the minimum term that i can rent it out for? ive been told its a minumum of 6 months and then i can market it, that means the house would have been on the market nearly a year! believe me its not a special house, its just a 3 bed semi in the Midlands! can someone please please give me some advice.... im coming off my cracker...

As far and HE and his GF are concerned he will pay the minimum and that's it. with regards to the equity - the legal advice I have taken says that he could come after me for 50% of the equity up until December last year. its a real mess

UPDATE In recent weeks there have been some difficult situations. Firstly with my ex husband being so very unreliable with regards to the timetable of when he will have his children. There is now NO communication between us - so all comms is being diverted through the children. This is not what I want and never what I wanted. He is dropping them back with no notice - so I am just taking them back. My patience is being tested and I am not coping well at all. I am so stressed I cannot cope with things anymore. I feel like this is killing me. I had a recent situation recently where my ex was in the car behind me waving his arms etc. I got out of my car, and to cut a long story short he drove his car at me. I reported it to the police (turns out he did too) he was raging with fury and was looking for a fight. He blames my partner for forcing him to have his children. anyway long story short - my ex was interviewed by the police and the outcome is that he has to attend a domestic violence course. He has to learn to control his temper. This morning I check my bank account and he has reduced the amount of child maintenance he pays to me. no notice, no warning - just cut it by £100 a month. He has previously complained that he pays too much (2 teenage daughters) He earns approx. £30k and is now paying me £37.50 per child per week. he has them approx. 2 nights per week on average - although I am sure that if I worked it out it was much less than that. my issue is that I don't know where this well end. I am about to pay him £25k for his share of the matrimonial home (we agreed this months and months ago) when we split up there was approx. £34k equity. and although he is possibly not entitled to 50% of that (£17k), because I had the children with me and the advice I have been given is that in these situations there is a move away from equal equity. I remortgaged the house with my now partner and my ex husband signed the transfer papers with the agreement that I honour my proposal of the £25k. (I will be in funds at the end of this month to discharge my liability to my ex0husband) and am looking forward to doing just that! my concern is that this might go skyward and he might try to claim that he is entitled to more than £25k, although we owned the house as joint tenants he did not honour his agreement with the bank and pay his share of the mortgage. I ended up paying the mortgage on full for over 2.5 years and the maintenance costs. my current partner is not aware of the agreement that I have with my ex-husband, and I am concerned that my ex-husband (who is being fuelled by his current gf) will keep coming after me come what may, and wont stop until he breaks me. I feel like I am being squeezed, because he doesn't want to have his children and is forcing my hand by hitting me financially. At the end of the day when he cuts the money for his children, it affects their quality of life, not to mention their wellbeing. I just am at my wits end, and don't know what to do. ANY HELP OR ADVICE WOULD BE GRATEFUL (edited) can someone help me.... please

went to my MIAM and it was very good meeting. The downside s that my ex initially refused to attend, but has since changed his mind! So lets see what happens. I don't hold my breath TBH, and certainly feel that I should just keep my children with me. if it is such a battle - why am I bothering? its men like my ex husband that give absent fathers a bad name.

I have my first mediation meeting tomorrow - the person I am seeing is also a solicitor so I will discuss it with her - mediation should help me sort out the finances as well. I'm fed up of having to pay the lionshare of everything. Just because I am divorced from my childrens father doesn't mean that he can pay the minimum. if we were living together he would behave in a normal way and wouldn't question the money spent on his children. why does divorce caused people to question money spent on their children? I know this doesn't happen in all cases, but probably happens too often. I just feel that my ex husband is trying to squirm out of so much - am I not entitled to my life too?

on what grounds would I have that would stand up in court, would I have any claim over any of the money that I am about to pay my ex husband for is share of the equity from the ex marital home? I'm concerned that the mnute I land any claim over that money he will flip his lid and I will end up with more issues than I already have