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Feelingdownandout

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  1. UPDATE so nothing has really changed, or improved... please don't all shout at me at once.... my ex is now threatening to take me to court to see LESS of his kids! its been a horrendous few months. I had started a new thread. by ex is now using a solicitor to harass me - what do I gotta do to get him to leave me alone!???
  2. Hi All not sure if you can even help me, but I will give it a go I split from my ex husband 4 years ago. I bought his share of the house. and he was paid handsomely for it. he was having his children once a week (then 11 / 12) and since then the arrangements have moved around, and he is far from reliable- he says he 'gave me a house' to look after his kids...... he gave me nothing - he wanted off the mortgage and he was paid out...' there has been refusal on his part to attend mediation, in fact he is aggressive towards me now as he was then. he has been arrested in the summer of last year as he drove his vehicle at me. so a very fraught situation. cutting a long story short, he was informed by the police and his own solicitor to have no contact with me. I have told him to leave me alone. he constantly throws grenades into my life, and makes trouble between me and my partner and upsets the children (15/16). so he has now changed his mind again about contact, and wants to see LESS of his children. I had said NO, they need to maintain structure and need their dad and vice versa. I'm getting abusive voicemails from him, so I have turned it off. hes now taken to getting his solicitor to write to me regarding seeing his children LESS. Of course the correct place o discuss child contact is Mediation, but hes refusing because I had him arrested last year. (yawn yawn). the thing is that the solicitor keeps writing. telling me I have 7 days to reply or else..... I work with a lady who is a magistrate, who has told me that he wouldn't get near a court with this, and that if he did he'd be the laughing stock of the UK I want t know what I can do to stop him writing to me via third parties? its upsetting me and making it very difficult to hold down my job
  3. Hi All So, i have had my house on the market for some 4 months now. We have had viewings, but no offers. The estate agent (i htink) had overvalued the house and as a result i think we missed the optimum selling window. We were convinced to reduce the price (by 5K) which we have - and we have had even less viewings! and still no offers.... i cannot afford the mortgage, and my ex husband is causing me all sorts of issues ( I NEED TO MOVE!), so what Id like to know is this... if i rent the property, can i leave it on the market to sell? what is the minimum term that i can rent it out for? ive been told its a minumum of 6 months and then i can market it, that means the house would have been on the market nearly a year! believe me its not a special house, its just a 3 bed semi in the Midlands! can someone please please give me some advice.... im coming off my cracker...
  4. As far and HE and his GF are concerned he will pay the minimum and that's it. with regards to the equity - the legal advice I have taken says that he could come after me for 50% of the equity up until December last year. its a real mess
  5. UPDATE In recent weeks there have been some difficult situations. Firstly with my ex husband being so very unreliable with regards to the timetable of when he will have his children. There is now NO communication between us - so all comms is being diverted through the children. This is not what I want and never what I wanted. He is dropping them back with no notice - so I am just taking them back. My patience is being tested and I am not coping well at all. I am so stressed I cannot cope with things anymore. I feel like this is killing me. I had a recent situation recently where my ex was in the car behind me waving his arms etc. I got out of my car, and to cut a long story short he drove his car at me. I reported it to the police (turns out he did too) he was raging with fury and was looking for a fight. He blames my partner for forcing him to have his children. anyway long story short - my ex was interviewed by the police and the outcome is that he has to attend a domestic violence course. He has to learn to control his temper. This morning I check my bank account and he has reduced the amount of child maintenance he pays to me. no notice, no warning - just cut it by £100 a month. He has previously complained that he pays too much (2 teenage daughters) He earns approx. £30k and is now paying me £37.50 per child per week. he has them approx. 2 nights per week on average - although I am sure that if I worked it out it was much less than that. my issue is that I don't know where this well end. I am about to pay him £25k for his share of the matrimonial home (we agreed this months and months ago) when we split up there was approx. £34k equity. and although he is possibly not entitled to 50% of that (£17k), because I had the children with me and the advice I have been given is that in these situations there is a move away from equal equity. I remortgaged the house with my now partner and my ex husband signed the transfer papers with the agreement that I honour my proposal of the £25k. (I will be in funds at the end of this month to discharge my liability to my ex0husband) and am looking forward to doing just that! my concern is that this might go skyward and he might try to claim that he is entitled to more than £25k, although we owned the house as joint tenants he did not honour his agreement with the bank and pay his share of the mortgage. I ended up paying the mortgage on full for over 2.5 years and the maintenance costs. my current partner is not aware of the agreement that I have with my ex-husband, and I am concerned that my ex-husband (who is being fuelled by his current gf) will keep coming after me come what may, and wont stop until he breaks me. I feel like I am being squeezed, because he doesn't want to have his children and is forcing my hand by hitting me financially. At the end of the day when he cuts the money for his children, it affects their quality of life, not to mention their wellbeing. I just am at my wits end, and don't know what to do. ANY HELP OR ADVICE WOULD BE GRATEFUL (edited) can someone help me.... please
  6. went to my MIAM and it was very good meeting. The downside s that my ex initially refused to attend, but has since changed his mind! So lets see what happens. I don't hold my breath TBH, and certainly feel that I should just keep my children with me. if it is such a battle - why am I bothering? its men like my ex husband that give absent fathers a bad name.
  7. I have my first mediation meeting tomorrow - the person I am seeing is also a solicitor so I will discuss it with her - mediation should help me sort out the finances as well. I'm fed up of having to pay the lionshare of everything. Just because I am divorced from my childrens father doesn't mean that he can pay the minimum. if we were living together he would behave in a normal way and wouldn't question the money spent on his children. why does divorce caused people to question money spent on their children? I know this doesn't happen in all cases, but probably happens too often. I just feel that my ex husband is trying to squirm out of so much - am I not entitled to my life too?
  8. on what grounds would I have that would stand up in court, would I have any claim over any of the money that I am about to pay my ex husband for is share of the equity from the ex marital home? I'm concerned that the mnute I land any claim over that money he will flip his lid and I will end up with more issues than I already have
  9. Any further conversation woud be appreciated - opinion counts for a lot
  10. I don't know how to get a lump sum from my ex. He will say that he is entitled to the money from the house as it equates to his share of the equity. he agreed to sign me the house in return for the £25k. This money will be paid to him in the next couple of months. How can I justify to him that I am entited to any of that for his children?
  11. I have lost out big time - I know this. I'm trying to make the best of a situation that I have created myself. its quite depressing at times!
  12. I am not sure that 50/50 care is right for my children, but if I go to mediation with that as a starting point, I might be on a highway to getting somewhere near what I want, which is three weekends to him and one with me. Its so difficult arranging shared care, because I want my children myself, the thing is that I know I don't have the mental energy for two teenagers, and coping on my own is difficult. My ex husband has a duty to his children. I'm not his child minder. selfishly, I am entitled to a life, and if I am happy my children will benefit from that. at the moment, I feel very stressed as I rarely have any time to breathe
  13. I will reply tomorrow. But I can see the points made!
  14. He think my ex should have the children half the time. He knows I will be out of pocket as will Lose part of my cm. my ex does treat me like a baby sitter
  15. In answer to your question I don’t know. His own ex wife refused to have anything to do with him or her children when they split up. He’s very ms manipulate at times.
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