Firstly, apologies if something like this has already been discussed. I have seen similar posts but I think my predicament is slightly different...it's a long story but I hope that some of you will take the time to read it and have some advice for me...
So, some years ago, in my clearly very naive and gullible early 20s, I met my ex husband. We got married in 2010 when I was 23, less so because we thought it was the best thing to do, more so for 'financial reasons'.
About 6 months before we got married, my ex had started to have some money problems and I noticed some unauthorised transactions on my credit card totally about £800.
The transactions came under Victor Chandler and I reported them to my bank's fraud department.
On learning that I had done this, my ex decided to tell me that I needed to withdraw my claim to the fraud department as it was to do with him and he could get into a lot of trouble!
(He's in the RAF and works in the armoury...I believe being in debt and having gambling problems would be something that's frowned upon in his position...).
He explained that he had used a online gambling site to 'transfer money' as he needed it to help his mum...
the story was more elaborate and seemed to make more sense at the time..
.anyway I was young and stupid and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him.
I suspected he had a gambling problem, but every time he'd spin me a story and I stupidly tried to believe him.
As things progressed,
I buried my head in the sand and we got married and as soon as that happened, everything went from suspicious to disaster...
The guy had all my bank details, all my personal details...
he memorised my bank account numbers and card numbers off by heart!
He'd put on a girls voice and call up my bank pretending to be me and all sorts.
He took over my accounts completely and in a bid to stop me from finding things out he'd stop me going online by tampering with the phone lines, etc.
One day I found he'd taped a small piece of clear tape over the phone plug so I could check my bank online or call them!
My life and my finances got to the point where I was working full time and each payday, as soon as I had been paid, literally within an hour all my available funds would be gone.
My bank statements from the period which I was with him are just full of transactions of money (mostly) going out and coming in from various online gambling websites. .
Despite my feelings deep down and my instincts telling me everything was wrong,
I tried whatever I could to just stick it through and hoped he would change and everything would eventually go away!
I mean, he went to such lengths to prove to me that things were being sorted...!
By May 2013 I finally decided that I was not going to take it anymore.
I wasn't going to let him continue to ruin my life and I left him.
We separated in May 2013.
I moved back to Hong Kong for 8 months to get away from him and stayed with my parents.
During this time, my ex husband and I still had some contact as I was still having major issues with my bank and I was desperate for him to sort it out so that, even if I couldn't get any of my hard earned money back at least the black hole of debt would stop getting deeper!
Eventually, he told me that a solicitor had managed to get some money back for us, but it was being paid into my account via a payday loan company.
As I was out of the country and wasn't up for speaking to him much I didn't pay too much attention to this.
Some money did appear in my account from a payday loan company, but the money soon disappeared again.
I thought it was just the same old same old.
It wasn't until some time in 2015 when I had returned to the UK and got officially divorced from him that I found out that the money that went into my account was in fact a payday loan that he had taken out in MY name.
And here in my predicament lies..
.the loan was taken out online,
so he used all my details and signed electronically and the money did indeed go into an account that belonged to me.
The money then left my bank account going to various gambling websites,
and I'm taking a wild guess that all of those accounts to all of those gambling sites were probably in my name as well.
This is a debt that I don't feel I'm responsible for at all after all the punishment and the financial ruin he's left me in.
In the time I was with him I lost ALL my wages plus some money my parents had gifted me in the hopes we'd settle down and have a decent deposit to put on a house.
All in all, I would hazard a guess at losing somewhere between £60-70k in the time I was with him.
Not to mention his own salary on top of that! But, now I think I'm stuck with this loan of around £1200.
I am now being hounded by the PRA group who have bought the debt off QuickQuid and are sending me letters saying that I need to pay them.
I can see on my credit record there is a default against my name under the PRA group for this unpaid debt.
It's causing me a lot of stress now as I have finally settled again, with a most amazing man and we are expecting our first child together and would like to purchase our first home but my finances are making me very uneasy.
In all this time, I have never contacted the police as I did what I could to try to come to a civil separation from him.
I didn't want to get him in trouble as I wasn't sure if it would affect his job and whatever ill feelings I had toward him I tried to stay fair and settle things with as little trouble as possible.
Seems though, that the only person suffering is me!
Is it too late to take this to the police now?
Have I left it too long?
My ex husband, to name the things he's done..
.gambled our entire marriage,
made up solicitors and created fraudulent email trails.
He's taken money from me that should have gone into my bank
and brought me home a 'receipt' of paying it in to my account
then turned a story about how the money went into the 'wrong account'.
He's taken out numerous loans in my name.
Opened up accounts to gambling websites in my name.
He moved into military married quarters after we were separated using a marriage certificate that was no longer valid,
ran up trespass charges for a late march out and slapped me with a bill of nearly £1500!
He'd steal my purse...
I've never lost my purse in my entire life..
.in the 3 years we were married I managed to lose it THREE times
AND every time it's miraculously turned up back on camp..
.minus the couple hundred pounds emergency cash I had in it!
He cheated on me.
He's even lied to me now about his current girlfriend being sexually assaulted and suffering panic attacks because of it.
..and his poor girlfriend.
..he steals money from her kids...!
I apologise for all the excess info and I understand it's all a bit jumbled.
I just find it extremely difficult to put what he did to me in words but felt that some background on all the things he got up to might help me get some advice...