Found a solicitor recommended by a friend - went for the appt and found he wasn't available so saw his junior - the appt was very difficult as I had to talk about my abuse and ended up in floods of tears - however she was really nice at the time and said she was impressed as to how I had kept doing part time work and got my life together. We asked about payment and explained that we had no money - she said not to worry as she had asked her boss about that and he had said to sort out the legal aid form later but to just get things started -this made him seem like a really nice guy and we came home feeling the first sense of hope I have had in weeks. However - he didn't contact us and when I wrote an email asking for contact I was told he was on holiday - I sent another email on his return saying that a conversation would be really helpful and he has basically become quite unpleasant and sent an email demanding several hundred pounds in payment and refusing to do anything else until it is paid. He said there is no legal aid until the IUC stage. I replied explaining that we had been told that there would not be a charge but he is refusing to reply. I feel so let down and so hurt that he could do this - I had to go through all the abuse which I had never wanted to speak of again and all the trauma that that caused and all for nothing. Now we are back to square one - with no solicitor, no progress on my benefits case and a problem with the solicitor that I thought was going to help. I have never in my life felt such desperation - waking up having panic attacks, thinking of suicide every hour of every day - i just can't go on any more. It has taken me all my life to get really well and I was literally set to start my own business and be free from money worries and from the benefits system. Now because of something that I never dreamed was an issue - my mother loaning me money purely to prevent me from going over my overdraft limit and losing my flat - my life is over. My partner has become ill and been diagnosed with clinical depression - she can't bear to have watched me try so hard in my life and now just want to die. My mother knows something is seriously wrong and was in tears last time I saw her - she is 81 and I can't bear what this is doing to her. I have been offered an appt at a legal advice centre in 2 weeks time but just don't feel as though I can bear another 2 weeks of this hell.

Could you tell me who your solicitor was? am in a similar situation and completely cracking up

Hi, Have ordered the back dated bank statements. Haven't been able to face telling my mum the truth of what is going on as she is falling apart as it is. I know that she doesn't write down all the dates etc. - we always agreed that when I was well enough I would pay her back. She would have to also order bank statements. Everything is just crashing in on me - terror doesn't describe it - all of the worst of the PTSD symptoms are coming back - having massive panic attacks, crying, going numb, shaking violently, and having flashbacks which I haven't had for the last few years, slept for 3 hours the last 2 nights. If I had known that the money would be seen as income I would not have been able to cope as I can't survive with feelings of guilt as they make me ill. Have booked an appt with my GP and with a solicitor that a friend recommended for Wednesday but have no idea how I will even be able to speak at the appts. I just feel like I can't go on much longer

Hi - the question is the second paragraph really i.e. how do I answer the question re the date that the loan started? Many thanks again!

Erika - I can't begin to thank you enough for your post - I am so grateful. I agree that it sounds as though I should get some legal advice asap. I do still have one question - the guy at the benefits office with whom I met has not yet made a final decision in that he is asking me for the date that the loans from my mother started so that he can 'adjust' my claim - I don't know what to do. I have given him all the records I had which is a years bank statements and I don't have any more. I daren't give him even an estimated date as firstly I don't know it and secondly I don't want to get into further trouble. I just never ever thought that the loan would be perceived as anything other than a loan never mind be considered as income. I have searched all the advice given out by my local council and other councils re unearned income and there is no mention of anything like this. The guy at the benefits office told me last Friday that he was happy with everything and that he saw it as a loan which would be disregarded - he said he was just going to double check this with his colleague. He also said that even if it was seen as capital it was still less than the amount allowed which he said was £7000. Now his email states that it is being seen as income and that he can't amend my claim until I tell him when it started. He says that he needs to know when my mother started to lend me money. I just can't face this whole thing going back years and all of my PTSD stuff coming up. The bottom line is that I struggled on for a long time with horrendous symptoms and kept working at least part time because it helped me to cope but of course didn't allow me to get better either. I have a lot of qualifications and used studying as a means to cope and get some self esteem but of course in the end I had to deal with everything. i went undiagnosed for a long time as a result and finally got the diagnosis myself and much to my Gp's amazement got PCT funding for the therapy with one of the top experts in abuse who clearly stated my case as one of the worst she had ever seen. My Mother does not know about this and is in denial about my childhood. I am sure that her loaning me the money is some for of acknowledgement of things and as such is very unhealthy both for me and for her but I realize this is not the issue legally but it is for me. I have worked so hard to get myself to this point in my life and break all these patterns, but now feel threatened by all of this and terrified of what I will end up having to say in order to explain what is clearly a very untypical situation. My partner is so supportive but also concerned about what is going to happen.

Just Housing benefit which includes council tax benefit. Too scared to claim anything else - although now it seems I may have to try for sickness benefit as the depression and panic attacks are getting so bad due to the stress of my claim that I will have no choice but to see my GP. Everyone worried about me. I can't believe I was just getting it together and feeling better and now everything is just escalating to the point where I just can't cope.

Hi, I was wondering what the outcome was of your case? am in a similar position where my mother has been loaning me money just to keep me from going over my overdraft limit - I had no idea it would be seen as income and am in a complete mess. Housing benefit are asking for more and more details after having a years bank statements already. My mum is 81 and I just can't face telling her that her helping me out is apparently fraud. Would be grateful for any advice you may have from your experience.

After the worst year of my life and after being honest with the benefits system it would seem that I am in the worst mess of my life. I simply don't know what to do. I had severe PTSD from being abused and struggled on with my life as best I could until i got treatment about 4 years ago - it made things better but I still struggled with some symptoms and worked part time whilst claiming some housing benefit. As I was constantly close to my overdraft limit my mum who is now 81 loaned me some money most months just to keep me from losing everything. She doesn't know about the PTSD or my treatment as she would be unable to cope with it. We agreed that I would pay her back when I could. As I became slowly stronger - largely due to my own efforts and self help my life began to improve. I got into a relationship 2 years ago which is the best thing in my life. I began to feel stronger and have been planning to start my own business in the area I trained in and it began to feel as though my life was going to be what I had always imagined. However I became ill with a rare medical condition which could not be operated on in the UK and which took over all our lives. This last year has just been unimaginebley stressful. I had the operation last July in the US which my mother paid for and my wonderful partner came with me and never left my side. Rather than claim sickness benefits my Mother loaned me some money - again just to keep me away from overdraft limit - I rarely went into the black and when I did it was by a few pounds and was soon eaten away with rent and bills etc. My partner also loaned me some money when i couldn't face telling my mother that things were so bad. As i was recovering from the operation we got the devastating news that my partners brother in Australia had cancer and my partner decided that she had to see him. We were planning a trip to Australia in a years time when I had got out of the benefits system and had set my business up and when I had started to repay the loan to my mother. My partner had no money to pay for the airfares so she had to call in her loan to me and so i paid for the tickets on my credit card - therefore exchanging one loan for another. When we got back - my partners new boss started bullying her (and 5 other people) at work and I watched my partner change from an energetic passionate person into someone who came home and cried. I helped her put together a formal complaint and then an appeal but the organization decided that they didn't believe her. Then unexpectedly she was given notice of redundancy at the end of February when the funding for her post was cut - she was made redudant in March this year. having stood by one another through such trying times we had decided to move in together on 1 Feb this year. I notified the benefit agency of my change of circumstance. I had had to leave my job in January as it involved going onto some dangerous estates and after being attacked my nerves just wouldn't stand it. So I decided that the time was definitely right to start my own business and that it was not only the right thing for me but also to get out of the benefits system and start to get out of all the debt. I told the guy at the benefits system all of this and was completely open and honest believing that to be the best and only way to go. He then started to question why I had not claimed more benefits when i had no income so I told him that my Mother had loaned me some money. Since then our lives have become a nightmare. He asked for the last years bank statements - so we spent almost 2 weeks gathering together all my bank statements and credit card statements and colour coded everything so that they could understand everything. It was complicated because my mothers bank could not issue the cheques for the operation in dollars so the money was paid into my account as my bank said that they could do it - the money can clearly be seen going straight out again. The benefits guy asked me to provide letters from my Mother and my partner stating that they had loaned me money and that it was expected to be paid back. I provided all of this and met with him last week for over an hour to go over everything. My Mother was distraught as she couldn't understand how a loan could get me into any trouble and neither could we. They guy I spoke with seemed happy at the time with everything and said that the money from the operation could be discounted as it was a straightforward payment to a hospital and a doctor. He said that the loan was also okay as it was a 'loan' and still didn't exceed the limit for what I could receive as 'income' anyway. He said that he just had to check this with a senior colleague and that he would email me. I now have an email from him saying that his colleague has checked the law and says that the loan is 'income' and that i will have to pay my benefits back. He has also asked if the date of the loan goes back further than the last year andto give him the date it started. I am in pieces - I have no idea what to do. How can a loan be seen as income? I can't afford to pay my benefits back and will sink into bankruptcy. I have come so far and just can't face slipping back. I don't have any bank records that go back any further - but know that my Mother did loan me money going further back. It was just to keep me from sinking completely and was just a loan. I don't know what to do and have started having quite severe panic attacks - I can't eat or sleep and can't face telling my mother that what she did to help me has now got me into serious trouble. I have no money, have never had any money and still have no money, just debt. Does anyone know what I can do?