18million - I know quite a few people who describe their PTSD journey in much the same way as you. But they’ve made it through, and you will too. Family support is crucial.
All of them had difficult times during their recovery, setbacks and dark moments, but now have fulfilling lives - even though they aren’t doing the same jobs as they were before.
There are some useful resources at Mind, Rethink and Combat Stress. You might also like to look on YouTube for talks by Michelle Partington about her experience. I know Michelle, and she’s amazing - you’ll see that you aren’t alone.