The only difference is we would still be legally married on paper but simply stuck at decree nisi . Everything else would be exactly the same.

He would still be living elsewhere and not paying his debts and I would still be here.

There would be no difference from a finance point really.

Yes there would be.

You wouldn't have a decree nisi

He wouldn't have debts connected to you.

The house would be sold.

This should of been sorted out at court especially as there are children involved.

It shows the importance of you cannot do without a solicitor at times.

You really really need to employ a solicitor now to get it sorted, even if you think you cant afford one.

What if the bank start repossession if your behind in the payments

I had a solicitor for a while, I paid £250 an hour and I am no further than what I was before I put most of my capital into her bank account.

I simply reached a point where I ran out of money.

The house will not be sold, as it is my main residence and that of my son.

It will most likely end up as an offset against his pension assets.

As he has twice the pension pot and there is not much in equity in the house, there will most likely be an offset.

The judge has ordered an actuary report on the pensions and surveyor report on the house. (another £1200 expenditure approx)

Then the parties will reconvene in maybe three or four months time for the next court hearing when all figures are available.

He is pretty confident an agreement can be reached without the need for a final hearing.

So I am sort of past the divorce part, I am now in the financial settlement part of things.

Whether or not a decree absolute is in place at this stage is really not relevant to the outstanding financial issues.

The financial issues would be exactly the same.

the courts can order his name to be removed from the deeds adn also a remortgage. this costs a small amount to get the variation and in practice wont change a thing for you other than make it formal. You need to get this in front of the judge though

If you need to remove a name from a title deed for a property with a mortgage on it, you will need written consent to do so from the lender.

Arrears are now down to just over £1000

.-, have been paying contractual (plus around £30 per month for the arrears.)

Also my ex is paying nothing, as he no longer lives here but resides with his girlfriend in her house, so is not paying a penny.

IDEM keeps sending him letters to make payments, which he ignores.

They then add £12 per letter to the account which I am trying to repay on my own.

So for every letter they send him, I get charged £12

Today I got a letter from IDEM claiming they can't get hold of me and they intend to send a field agent to visit me, cost £100

The letter itself cost £10

Sent them a letter and e-mail in return telling them visit is neither required nor needed.

I have also asked for an Actuarial Account Accrual Summary Sheet, to see what charges have been building up, as I am not entirely sure how many letters they have sent my ex.

I intend re-claim all arrears charges and have told them so in my latest letter.

I had a court hearing on the 4th of February with regards to my divorce and ancilliary relief proceedings.

It was the final hearing, I am asking for maintenance payments from my ex to help repay the substantial amount of debt he has left behind.

The handing down of judgement is expected on the 28.02, so if I am awarded maintenance (I have asked for 50% of the contractual payments to IDEM) I can increase payments towards to arrears and clear them reasonably quickly.

If I do not get this award, then my circumstances will remain the same and I will continue to pay the £30 a month towards the arrears.

IDEM was fully aware of this, but sent me the field agent visit letter dated the 7th of February, claiming they couldn't get hold of me.

I have no idea what they are playing at really.

they are just trying to rack the outstanding up with unlawful fees and charges which you and they know can all be reclaimed.

sadly usual tactics for them.

Do you also think because the arrears are coming down and it may now not be long until they are cleared they are looking for other ways to rack it back up ?

sure pick you reason.

its raining today..we'll charge him that its his fault.

Yeah, that's probably right.

I suppose I can't do much more than write back to them, tell them the visit is not required and that I intend to reclaim all arrears charges they have put on so far, which is what I have done.

As I am continuing to pay the contractual payment plus on top for the arrears and they are not sending these payments back, I suppose that constitutes acceptance of my arrears payment, doesn't it ?

no.

Ah, fair enough

But if they don't accept it, shouldn't they send it back or in reverse, if they keep it, don't they therefore accept it ?

probably left leg not knowing what the right is doing.

have they returned payment then?

I bet not!

They have now accepted my proposal , they wanted me to fill out a I&E form but never told me that.

They sent me an account statement showing only a few £10 charges for letters, which have been refunded though.

They also processed my complaint and upheld it in part.

They said it was unneccessary to threaten me with a field agent visit as I maintained payments towards the arrears at all times and the arrears are being cleared, less than two months worth remaining now. (£800)

They didn't uphold my complaint about the charges, as they maintain there hardly are any and those £10 letter charges have since been refunded.

I am now looking to hopefully get rid of IDEM soon by means of a remortgage as part of my divorce proceedings.

I will try and consolidate the remaining outstanding main mortgage with Nat West and the outstanding IDEM loan to one charge against the property.

So hopefully this spook will soon be over.