Hi All

I have been with my boyfriend (now Fiance) for 6 months. we are living together and all seems ok - the odd argument but things are relatively ok. We wants me to remortgage the house and put his name on the deeds whilst drawing down 44k worth of extra borrowing in favour of doing some home improvements.

Currently there is 80k equity in the property (driven by house process) and he is bringing no money to the table.

He has moved in with me and my two daughters (and his teenage son), which means that if I go ahead with the remortgage and the relationship fails I lose my home where I have lived for 15 years.

he is pushing me hard to complete, the solicitor has been instructed and the mortgage offer received. whilst my mortgage is in part interest only - he view is that I am living in a house that I cannot afford to pay the mortgage down and would be unlikely to in the future.

any advice would be gratefully received.

Don't do it.

I don't think there is much else to say.

Hi

It is easy to say done do it. ATM I am in charge of my own finances, when I was with my ex-husband he didn't control the finances, and it was sheer luck that I held onto the house. I could sell the house and put the money down on another property but what guarantees do I have?

Makes me wonder if being single and not getting into bed financially with anyone is the only way to guarantee my house. At some point I will sell anyway, and my partner is right - I cannot afford to discharge the mortgage anyway

I don't think there is much else to say.

There isn't, but as soon as I saw your thread title my reaction was that it can't be right. I get the feeling you may think this too, or you wouldn't be asking.

HB

I am nervous, and cautious as I am sure that anyone would be?

My Partner doesn't want a massive mortgage,

we live in a lovely house (albeit it is small!), and with the extra borrowing have the potential to make the house bigger for us.

I can understand that by taking extra funds that we will have a home which is plenty big for us and a mortgage that is very doable, not a massive mortgage for not a lot of house which isn't a bad thing?

I will also have a repayment mortgage (which I don't have now).

If we were to sell and try to buy, we couldn't afford to buy where we live now, and certainly wouldn't get what we have atm

Probably wrong thread title!

Thread title amended and moved to the appropriate forum.

Andy

6 MTS...urm..I'd be happier if that read 6yrs.....

6 MTS...urm..I'd be happier if that read 6yrs.....

I'm sure that everybody who reads this thread will agree with this sentiment above.

I'm sure that if you resist the pressure that it will put strains on your relationship and of course these are difficulties which you will have to resolve. We are on the outside looking in. We are giving you dispassionate advice.

I think that you should go and have some serious chats with citizens advice – who won't be a lot of use but they may give you a couple of useful hints. I also think that you should go and speak with some women's charities/female support groups. Although you are not in an abusive situation, it seems to me that there is an element of control/domination occurring here and you should be talking to people who are familiar with the results of that kind of thing. I think that you are being very sensible in trying to examine things before they go wrong whereas most women end up having to deal with the problems after they go wrong.

I think you really have to consider the consequences of what might happen if things go pear-shaped and in that case what is left for you and your daughters because you have a lot of your lives still to live.

Presumably you have a number of close friends who have known you well before you got into this new relationship. What do they say?

I'd be interested know if you are receiving any information/advice from anyone who is independent of your relationship who is telling you to go ahead.

I have to ask, although the drawdown of funds might be useful for home improvements, I really don't understand at all why the ownership of the house should be split. What's that got to do with anything?

Have you any idea of your fiancé's financial situation? Have you any idea of his credit rating? I can imagine that he wouldn't appreciate you asking to see his credit file but I think it would be a very reasonable move if you felt the slightest bit tempted to go ahead and sign over half of your property to him.

If your fiancé has debts or incurs debts in the future you might suddenly find that your home is at risk. It might even be possible to acquire more borrowing secured on the house – possibly without your knowledge.

I'm afraid the whole thing sounds enormously uncomfortable.

I think you should be looking at the drawdown of funds as a separate issue from the signing over of part of your house to your fiancé. It seems to me to be an amazing request that he is making and it should have alarm bells ringing immediately.

Do you have a joint account? How long ago was that set up? If there is a drawdown of funds, then will that £44,000 be placed in the joint account? Or will you retain control over it and all of the spending? Who's going to direct the home improvements? Do you have the experience and the skills of building to direct the project in order to control the spending on it and to make sure that money is being spent appropriately? Is your fiancé the person who is going to direct and control the improvements? Is your fiancé then going to be the person who is going to direct the spending of the money and to make the decisions as to what is reasonable and what is good value for money?

You are contemplating a leap into the unknown which only you can decide.

Personally I would expect him to pay at least 50% of re-mort (no drawdown) in exchange for max 50% share of equity.

do not be silly forewarned is forearmed. too soon for such a move , if he does not like it and kicks up - you have a true answer of intentions???

You have everything to lose and he everything to gain by persuading you to do this. However it's been presented to look attractive it would be madness.

Youve only known him for 6 months and are engaged. Now he wants half of your stuff. Without sounding stupid, he wouldnt be at all bothered about going on your deeds if he was honest about you.

With one of my ex's, i moved in with her and we got engaged within a year. Not once did i ever say anything about adding me on to her deeds, and she had a sizeable farmhouse too.

I have a very bad feeling, as do others here, he is hiding something from you.

He's possibly planning to pocket the extra £40k and then force the sale of the house to pocket half of its value.

This would leave you and your kids homeless.

Who's more important, a bloke you've known for six months or your own kids wellbeing?

Don't even think about doing it.

As said, do not do it. You stand to lose everything if the relationship goes pear shape.

something wrong when a person wants to jump into that type situation from outside/.new relationship = ulterior motive! WARNING WARNING WARNING

Great advice as always from BankFodder, the drawdown for home improvements and the splitting of the equity/ownership are unrelated issues.

The drawdown doesn't require him to take a 50% stake in your house, especially as you say "he is bringing no money to the table". If it helps to explain your position think of it as protecting your daughters' interests.

This isn't an Agony Aunt page and I have no great qualifications to be an Agony Aunt, but I must say your comment "...the odd argument but things are relatively ok..."

doesn't sound to me the strongest basis for marriage to someone you've only known 6 months.

If I were contemplating marriage I would be looking to feel something more than just "relatively OK".

Do talk to friends you really trust who will be honest with you.

If you want to improve the house by taking on extra debt by all means do so. Dont put his name on the deeds though.

As you say he is adding no value to this whatsoever. If he was lending you £40k in cash that would be another matter but he isnt. he has no input into your affairs at the present.

The other reason for not adding his name to the deeds is then he can run up debt elsewhere and you lose out.

Sorry to raise this but how do you know that he hasnt done this before and then walked away?

6 months?

Too early. This puts up warning signs to me

You have only been together for 6 months, that is far to short a time to be even considering giving him a 50% stake in your home, plus if anything happened to you what would your children inherit?

How much has he contributed towards your home and running expenses? Can you really trust him not to up and leave you and demand his share of the house a few months or years after you do this?

Listen to your warning bells! Tell him you will consider remortgaging and adding his name in a year or 5!

Hi All,

So, you might have guessed why I m back posting here.

Six months have passed since the mortgage completed (against my better judgement - I carried on with putting him on the mortgage and Deeds)

The day before the mortgage completed, he advised me that he had given up work.

That meant that my mortgage and increased 3 x and I am still on the income I am on *which is an admin salary - not well paid* and the home improvements now on the back burner. he said that he had enough money from his savings and that he have nothing to worry about money wise.

He negotiated from his ex employer to hold onto his company car until January 2nd, but it had to back then.

The next thing I know the car has gone back, and he is demanding 5k from me for deposit for a new car (MERC AMG at £55k) . when I checked his finance papers it seems that he told the finance company that he is working with his previous employer and he wasn't.

my next issue is that I had the funds from the remortgage in my bank account. Petrified to let him anywhere near it. I have been using the money to help pay bills and live on etc. He has also demanded money from me for overpayment of tax credits (before he met me) and other monies - without explanation.

We are now in April, he isn't working, and he hasn't paid ONE PENNY towards this mortgage, the bills, or food. There is no reason for hi m not to work.

he is choosing not too. he refused to open a joint account with me so that we had a joint bills account, citing that he didn't want a search on his credit file. to me that's total bul as my rating is on the floor atm due to the remortgage etc.

I showed him the accounts and he was shocked to see that the monies left is 15k from the original 43k borrowed. I

I asked him how he thought that we were living. hes accused me of stealing, being dishonest, and that he demanded I sent him the remaider of the balance to keep safe and out of my temptation to spend it. I transferred the money against my better judgement last night.

he now has 15k of my money from my house, that although he is responsible for hes not actually paid one penny towards.

my money is some redundancy money, and my salary. I am left paying the shopping etc.

He says that I have to transfer 50% of the household bills into an accout each month to cover the running of the house, and he will send the rest from the equity. so he still isn't actually usig his own money to pay his bills - technically using my equity money from my house.

I have taken some prelim advice, which said that if I took him to court for my house, its unlikely that he would be awarded anything as he hasn't contributed, and I have been in the house for 16 years.

I ought to say that he has also demanded access to my bank accounts - login details etc and has taken my credit cards from me.

PLEASE CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE AS THIS IS TOO MUCH TO BEAR

He demanded this weekend to see what money

So you didn't take our advice

You didn't take our advice.

Lets move forward.

DO NOT LET HIM ANYWHERE NEAR THE MONEY.

That's all he is after.

Not you not anyone just the money.

If he gets it and he will spend it he will leave you high and Dr in debt.

DO NOT LET HIM HAVE ANY ACCESS TO THE MONEY.

I cant make it any plainer

I transferred the cash last night

he threatened me with legal action and to take me to court for withholding money that he has signed for. I was frightened

just keep thinking that if we split up I can demonstrate that he hasn't paid anything and has thousands of pounds from me

I'm absolutely down and desperate for advice

I cant afford legal advice, I just need to know what my options are

I'm absolutely down and desperate for advice

 

I cant afford legal advice, I just need to know what my options are

We advised you last November