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New Boyfriend wants to remortgage and add name to Deed


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Let's not judge now. I think it's time.you got proper legal advice on this as it would be considered domestic abuse as well.

 

One thing I will never say is "I told you so". Nobody here knows what pressure you're under or what is going through your mind and we are in no power to.judge you

Any advice i give is my own and is based solely on personal experience. If in any doubt about a situation , please contact a certified legal representative or debt counsellor..

 

 

If my advice helps you, click the star icon at the bottom of my post and feel free to say thanks

:D

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I ought to say that he has also demanded access to my bank accounts - login details etc and has taken my credit cards from me.

 

First, and DO THIS IMMEDIATELY, change all online passwords to your bank accounts. Call your bank/credit card company and get all the cards cancelled. You don't have to explain everything, just tell them you have lost them. If you don't do this right now he is going to steal all your money.

 

Come back here and confirm you have done this please.

 

Right now you have lost control of your life in an abusive relationship and this is the first step to getting it back.

 

If it results in threats from him - and I'm afraid it might - do not hesitate to call the police.

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Yup.

Given the OP didn’t take the advice here, and had got themselves deeper in the mire both by

a) taking out the mortgage, and

b) transferring money last night,

I’m confident website advice alone isn’t going to suffice.

 

See a solicitor urgently. See if you can get the money transfer reversed.

I know you say you can’t afford a solicitor, but, having got to this stage :

Actually, you can’t afford not to seek professional advice.

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First, and DO THIS IMMEDIATELY, change all online passwords to your bank accounts. Call your bank/credit card company and get all the cards cancelled. You don't have to explain everything, just tell them you have lost them. If you don't do this right now he is going to steal all your money.

 

Come back here and confirm you have done this please.

 

Right now you have lost control of your life in an abusive relationship and this is the first step to getting it back.

 

If it results in threats from him - and I'm afraid it might - do not hesitate to call the police.

 

 

 

 

I have changed my online banking passwords etc

 

 

I have cancelled my cards already this morning and have requested new cards , I have to hope that I get to the post before he does...

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I know he is owner of part of the house - as I said I have taken some prelim advice and hes really not entitled to anything from my house

 

 

 

Wrong, his name is on the deeds, if joint tenant he owns half of it.

 

I went back at the beginning of the thread and i see you have children.

 

As he's abusing you emotionally, report him to the police and kick him out.

 

Whatever he does he won't be able to force you out until your children finish school and uni.

 

After that he'll still own half of the house, but possibly at today's market value as inevitably he will never contribute to anything.

 

If you're not confident going straight to the police, speak to one of the many charities helping with domestic abuse.

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Yup.

Given the OP didn’t take the advice here, and had got themselves deeper in the mire both by

a) taking out the mortgage, and

b) transferring money last night,

I’m confident website advice alone isn’t going to suffice.

 

See a solicitor urgently. See if you can get the money transfer reversed.

I know you say you can’t afford a solicitor, but, having got to this stage :

Actually, you can’t afford not to seek professional advice.

 

 

he wont send the money back - he says that he is entitled to it because he signed for it and has a responsibility to it.

 

 

if I tell him that its my money from my house he will go nuts

 

 

 

 

Wrong, his name is on the deeds, if joint tenant he owns half of it.

 

I went back at the beginning of the thread and i see you have children.

 

As he's abusing you emotionally, report him to the police and kick him out.

 

Whatever he does he won't be able to force you out until your children finish school and uni.

 

After that he'll still own half of the house, but possibly at today's market value as inevitably he will never contribute to anything.

 

If you're not confident going straight to the police, speak to one of the many charities helping with domestic abuse.

 

 

I'm going to get into a pickle - as my mortgage payments have tripled I cannot afford the mortgage on my own, although I had been paying it for the past 5 months, that was because I had access to the equity cash. he has that now and has said that he will top up the bills with that money himself

 

Let's not judge now. I think it's time.you got proper legal advice on this as it would be considered domestic abuse as well.

 

One thing I will never say is "I told you so". Nobody here knows what pressure you're under or what is going through your mind and we are in no power to.judge you

 

 

 

 

Thank you - this is so incredibly difficult

 

even his children are telling me that he treated his ex wife like this - it was one of the grounds for her divorcing him. he had his ex marital home in his own name, and although he barely worked then, she paid all the bills, when she left him they had over 120k worth of debt. he gave her nothing from the marital home.

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Second, Call the National Domestic Violence helpline 0808 200 0247

 

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/if-you-are-a-woman-experiencing-domestic-violence.aspx

 

People here will be happy to offer help but this is primarily a website for consumer/financial/legal problems. Your situation is that you are a victim of domestic abuse. Your financial problems are just examples of the abuse you are suffering, they aren't the root cause of it. You need help from trained domestic violence counsellors. That's beyond what we can help with here. If you doubt you are a victim of domestic violence, coercive control, read this please.

 

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/

 

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/

 

Good luck.

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We are not here to kick you when your down... Far from it.

 

I concur with the above advice.

If your being abused then go to the police.

Please please please if you dont do anything else go to the police.

They will help you.

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I'm sorry to say that I think that this is now going well beyond certain limits and although it may take a lot of courage, I think that you should be seeking outside help.

 

In particular I think that you should read this https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-intimate-or-family-relationship and I think you should visit the police. Additionally, I think that you should visit the websites which have been posted by user: Ethel Street and even if you feel that you are insufficiently confident to contact the police directly, you should contact those organisations for help. I expect that they will suggest/advise you to contact the police. I can't imagine that they will put a lot of pressure on you because I'm sure they will be extremely sensitive to your own needs and your own fears. However they will probably do their best to direct you to the police and I imagine that they will have good contacts within the police service who will listen to you and who themselves make appropriate suggestions.

 

Personally I don't think you can keep on going with this any longer. It is clearly damaging to you and to your family – and a personal mental and emotional sense. It is also going to cause extremely long term harm to your financial well-being and it amounts to life-changing damage to you and your children.

 

You have had direct contact by email with me before – and you are very welcome to do so again.

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An excellent reply BF.

 

To the OP, it really is simple now. Go to the Police and do so tonight, I know it sounds patronising but there is not going to be any other outcome to this if you don’t take the advise.

 

If it is really how you have explained then you will have nothing left eventually, and that day is fast approaching. The Police are a lot more clued up with this type of abuse and will do their best to help you, far more than this forum or any other can.

 

If you don’t seek help you will just keep going round in circles, unfortunately there is nothing more that can be done to advise you. You need the help from external agencies.

 

I wish you nothing but the best.

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The only thing to add here is that unfortunately with these kind of situations it is never "simple". I suppose that we are unable to imagine the inner conflicts and confusion and the insidious effects of this kind of coercive control.

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I have changed my online banking passwords etc

 

 

I have cancelled my cards already this morning and have requested new cards , I have to hope that I get to the post before he does...

 

I have just noticed this. If he is opening your post – then the solution with things like bank cards is to arrange with the bank to collect them from your local branch. This is very easy and the bank will be pleased to arrange it and you simply need to take along a form of identification.

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Hi BF, that’s not what I meant for one moment. It is however simple in relation to what needs to be done now.

 

An outside agency needs to be contacted and now, this is a dire situation.

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I have just noticed this. If he is opening your post – then the solution with things like bank cards is to arrange with the bank to collect them from your local branch. This is very easy and the bank will be pleased to arrange it and you simply need to take along a form of identification.

 

Thank you - I didn't realise that I could do that. I gce him my credit cards because he asked me for them. I suppose I could have said no, but that might have caused another row etc. I have taken one of them this morning.

 

He has told ne that I cannot afford my gym membership because I am in too much debt and that I need to cancel it and cc him on the email. He asked me again last night if I did it and I lied.

 

have you reported him to the police yet - get him out, worry about the rest as it can be sorted

 

I cannot force him out - if I could I would, although there are times when he says he will leave and he doesn't. He doesn't want to. He is in my home, getting fed, bills paid, food cooked, washing done.

 

I am venting - my apologies

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I understand that you have taken a significant first step and you have made an important phone call. Well done. I'm sure everybody here wants to applaud you.

 

Unfortunately the phone call only leads to a voicemail service – but I'm sure that they will call you back and if you let them help you, then they will help you make far more progress then you could make on this forum.

 

I think by and large, the matter is now for you to deal with off-site although I think we would all appreciate an update as to how it goes – and if there ends up being any legal problems or financial/debt problems that you need to deal with then we will be very pleased to give you the kind of help that we are more used to giving.

 

I'll leave this thread open – but I don't think it is going to be very much more helpful people throwing in their two pennies worth.

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I understand that you have taken a significant first step and you have made an important phone call. Well done. I'm sure everybody here wants to applaud you.

 

Unfortunately the phone call only leads to a voicemail service – but I'm sure that they will call you back and if you let them help you, then they will help you make far more progress then you could make on this forum.

 

I think by and large, the matter is now for you to deal with off-site although I think we would all appreciate an update as to how it goes – and if there ends up being any legal problems or financial/debt problems that you need to deal with then we will be very pleased to give you the kind of help that we are more used to giving.

 

I'll leave this thread open – but I don't think it is going to be very much more helpful people throwing in their two pennies worth.

 

I think in the first instance my reason for coming back was because I needed some help with regards to my home and what rights I have. Surely he cannot be entitled to the equity in my house.

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Yes, I'm sure that there are many issues which will need to be dealt with.

 

I think that the best thing to do would be to start each of these on a new thread in the appropriate sub- forum so that we can start giving you practical help.

 

With that in mind, I think I am going to close this thread – and if you want to update us then maybe you can send me an email – you have the address – and then I will open up the thread for you to post an update. I'm sure everybody would be very pleased to receive the news and to understand how helpful their support has been.

 

Please start new threads for any financial problems that you have.

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