My house was recently repossessed as i was unable to pay the mortgage. I have longstanding depression and initially i was able to maintain a well paid job with medication. But then due to certain stresses i became too sick and was unable to work. This led to breakdown of marriage and i separated from somebody i deeply cared about.

These stresses have left me a mere invalid. I feel so insecure that sometimes i leave the lights on at night when i sleep. I never pickup the phone if i don't recognise the number. I also have significant credit card debt. I live in terrible fear of the DCA's.

I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Is there somebody else like me out there?

Hello Richard I am sorry to read that you are feeling so low.I am not in the same position as you but I have been in the past,are you getting help from anywhere ? I know it is difficult but please do not let fear of DCA's ruin your life you have obviously got enough to deal with,if you can get your number changed to give you a break from the worry.Do read threads on here regarding credit card debt you may feel alone but trust me you are not,the breakdown of a marriage is hard enough to cope with on its own it is akin to bereavement so you need time to deal with this.One very important piece of advice never be afraid to ask for help.

Thank you for your kind words. I have changed my number but even then i still am afraid to talk to some body whose number i don't recognise. I am sorry to hear about your troubles. I will definitely follow these threads.

take care

Stay in touch Richard,the phone thing can be overcome eventually I went a couple of months this year not answering mine when it rung,one day I got annoyed answered it and told them to go away and only make contact via mail.I got plenty of practice as you can imagine,it takes time but you will get there.

The only way is up.

Hi Richard, I remember your case - are you still living abroad?

I am glad you remember me. I went back this year but had to come back because of ill health. Even though i am not there still the fear lives with me and the insecurity never goes away. I still don't pick up my phone.

I wonder if i ever will be able to go back and start a new life. I must admit that i am petrified of DCA's and what they do to people. I have read threads here where they have been horrible. I think i am going to need all your help along with other CAGer's to muster up the courage to start again.

Hi, Richard

I'm really sorry to read what you're going through. I've been there and it's not a good place BUT it will get better. I've been in the position of being too scared to answer the phone - and the door - and to open letters. I was on my own (with 2 small children) for six years, and spent most of that time living in fear of what the day might bring. The only time I could take a breather was on a Sunday (no post!) and then I spent the time worrying about Monday..........I think worry just breeds more worry, to be honest.

The way I got through it eventually was by seeing my GP and getting help for my depression. It wasn't easy to do, admitting I needed help, but I did it and it was the first step to getting my life back. I felt better within days - not because of the meds, but because I realised that at last I was starting to take control. My main "problem" was the feeling of sheer helplessness; making this very small start took some of that feeling away. Then I decided to tackle my creditors; this was very scarey. Firstly, I assembled all the unopend mail - mountains of it! Put it into order, first each creditor, and then by date order within each pile. Then I actually sat down and READ each letter, and do you know what? They weren't as scary as I thought! Each one was dealt with, following the procedures outlined on CAG. A few of them huffed and puffed, but you can't get blood out of a stone! Now, I'm not debt-free but the "monster" is under control and I can answer the phone and know that I'll be OK. If you do choose to answer your phone, Richard, and it's a DCA, tell them to put everything in writing. Be polite, but firm and then PUT THE PHONE DOWN. Really, what's the worst that can happen? You might fluff your words a bit (I did!) and feel bloody awful (yep) but at the end of the day it's not personal to the DCA; you're just another target and they won't give a stuff, so why should you?

You can through it, and you WILL. Just have a little faith in yourself - and in CAG - take a deep breath and go for it! I can promise you it gets so much better when you feel in control.

Look after yourself.

Best wishes

Janie

Thank you very much for your kind words. I really need friends like you on CAG as your stories give me hope. I can't even imagine what i will do if i had two little children. You are definitely braver than i am.

Has any DCA rep turned up at your door, if some one did ,how did you deal with him. And how did you manage to deal with DCA's , are you paying back what you can afford slowly.

I am sorry i am asking these personal questions but i am imagining myself dealing with DCA's so whatever you can share will help.

best regards

Hi, Richard

Yes, I did have a DCA at the door. I told him I would only deal with the matter in writing. I closed the door while he was still stood there, and luckily he left without comment. I was crying and shaking afterwards and felt so ashamed, but it did work. The thing is, because this is a 'help' forum, you only get to hear the horror stories - I'm certain there are responsible door-steppers out there. When I had bailiffs at my door for Council Tax, THEY returned it the Council because they could see I was vunerable. I wasn't even aware they could do that. So you see, it's all too easy to imagine the very worst and quite often things are never as bad! I know it's easy for me to say it, Richard, but I HAVE been there and if I can get through it, you can too. I'm not brave, I felt cornered; so like any cornered animal I fought back out of sheer desperation.

I'm slowly paying back what I owe. One of the companies accepted £1.00 per month on a debt that will take eighty years to repay at that rate........and I'm no spring chicken now! If you're upfront with the companies and show willingness to repay I think the majority will accept whatever you propose, eventually. Like I said before, you can't get blood out of a stone! If you have any charges or PPI to reclaim, these will normally be used to reduce (or even wipe out) the debt. Bear in mind, there are thousands upon thousands of us out there, you're never alone. But make sure first that the DCA has the right to collect - get your stuff together, read it! and we'll all help you get sorted. It's what friends are for.

Best wishes

Janie

Hi Richard,

that's a really good post from Janie and I hope it helped I also hope that today is a better one than yesterday for you,take everything a small piece at a time until it's clear in your mind what you want to do to sort your problems out.Do not worry about answering my posts if you do not feel like it (I will witter away until the cows come home)

take care

Ro

Hi Rohannah But i would like to answer your posts. thank you for taking part in this discussion. I definitely need a lot of help and it's because of friends like you that i think i will eventually be able to deal with the DCA's and the debt itself.

and we'll all help you get sorted. It's what friends are for.

 

Best wishes

Janie

Hi Janie, Thank you for your kind words. I pray that things get better for you and may god bless your kids. I have sorted out my mail and have a clear idea of what i owe and to whom. However, the problem is that i am presently not earning anything and the medication makes me drowsy and i find it incredibly hard to concentrate. I am being supported by relatives. But i am planning to deal with the DCA's, so that when it does happen i will be ready.

Hey, that's great, Richard! Now you're starting to take control; proud of you. Just take it slowly one step at a time and don't push yourself too much. I know how the medication can make you feel - I felt like I was moving through treacle and totally spaced-out. Eventually my body got used to it and I felt "normal", more or less. How long have you been on the meds? Can I ask, are you in receipt of any benefits?

When you feel ready we can move on to the next stage of deciding who gets what. It just takes a bit of working out, a few standard letters that can be edited to suit each creditor and a few stamps. We'll sort it between us - there's a huge amount of knowledge on CAG and a huge amount of experienced people if we get stuck at some point. You'll get through this, Richard.

Thank you for your good wishes; it's lovely of you to think of us when you're not too well.

Take care of yourself - make sure you're eating properly and getting enough sleep. Take a vitamin supplement - some meds can hinder the absorbsion of vitamins & minerals........can't you just tell I'm someone's mother!!! Anyway, it all helps!

Best wishes

Janie

Hey, that's great, Richard! Now you're starting to take control; proud of you. Just take it slowly one step at a time and don't push yourself too much. I know how the medication can make you feel - I felt like I was moving through treacle and totally spaced-out. Eventually my body got used to it and I felt "normal", more or less. How long have you been on the meds? Can I ask, are you in receipt of any benefits?

 

Thank you for your good wishes; it's lovely of you to think of us when you're not too well.

 

 

 

Best wishes

Janie

Much appreciated Janie, thank you. I have been on meds for the past 10 years, a very long time i know. I have had many relapses of my illness. I have been on and off on disability benefit as i have been able to find some work.

Currently i am being supported by my parents who do not want me to apply for disability benefit, they say if they can support me then there is no need to run after benefits. I am not in a state to argue so i am not on benefits right now.

And yes the medications have a lot to do with the way i feel currently. They make me "slow" both physically and mentally. But

still there are times when i can think lucidly and connect with lovely people like you.

always in my prayers

Hi, Richard

I've had depression for almost 20 years on-and-off. I've come to realise that it's just the same as as any other recurrent illness; it happens, I get treatment, I get better!

If your folks are prepared to support you, that's great! What happens when you need some money - what I'm trying to ask (in a very clumsy way - sorry!) is how would they react if you told them you needed money to pay your creditors? Sorry for the questions, Richard, I'm just trying to get a clear idea of your circumstances. If you'd rather not reveal personal stuff on an open forum, please PM me. Take it at your own pace, so PLEASE don't fret if you're not feeling up to doing anything at the moment. I'll be here when you're ready.

Promise me one thing, though. Do something nice for yourself every day! Just spend a few minutes on yourself, doing something you enjoy. It doesn't have to cost anything - read a page or so of a good book, have a long, hot bath with lots of bubbles (OK, that's my favourite; probably not a man-thing!), get out in the fresh air - whatever makes you happy. You deserve it.

Best wishes

Janie

Promise me one thing, though. Do something nice for yourself every day! Just spend a few minutes on yourself, doing something you enjoy. It doesn't have to cost anything - read a page or so of a good book, have a long, hot bath with lots of bubbles (OK, that's my favourite; probably not a man-thing!), get out in the fresh air - whatever makes you happy. You deserve it.

Richard this girl has it exactly right,very good advice.BTW what meds are you on ?

Hi Janie,

I think it will be difficult for them to pay off my debts. Besides i am planning to look for a job in near future. One relatively good thing is that the creditors don't have my parents address yet. So i am relatively protected for the time being but it is not going to last for ever. So i have come to CAG to share my experience and to prepare myself for the onslaught to come.

I have drawn some encouragement from the fact that you have been able to negotiate with the creditors on much lower payments. I will have to do the same and surely i will come to you guys for help. Right now i am just afraid to take the first steps. But i have drawn encouragement after reading your story. Thank you for your support.

best regards

Hi Rohannah,

I have PMed you the name of my medications. I hope you don't mind.

regards

Hi Richard,,First and most important,I hope today is a good day for you,,Im on meds for chronic depression and I thank the Lord every day for my GP and family.. Debts are only money,,they seem so big and scary but in reality they aren't,,they just seem overwhelming in the wee small hours of darkness when your brain goes into overdrive,,I have been that gibbering wreck too .As you start to feel stronger (and trust me,,you will) you will get strength you didn't know you had and will be able to face your creditors,,they can make all the threats they like,,they can't get blood out of a stone,so much of it is bluff and bluster,,pay what you can when you can,,they won't go away but they will be back under YOUR control,,and with that control comes POWER and SELF BELIEF. I understand the reluctance to benefits but please claim what you are entitled to,,it will help you repay some debts?..........Look after yourself,,eat properly,get enough rest,,and look in that mirror and be proud of who you are,,a person dealing with the poohey bits of life and a brave person who admits his faults and deals with them

Good Luck

See, Richard? You're most certainly not alone! Concentrate on getting better; the rest will follow. We're here to help and support you when you feel the time is right, so look after yourself and don't forget to give youself a pat on the back every now and again!

Best wishes

Janie

Lillibelle hi,

Thank you for your kind words. I hope things become better for you too. You have written about power and self belief, these two are the things i really need. Regarding the benefits it's a bit tricky but i will see what i can do. I have found such good and supportive people here that i think now i will be able to deal with most things.

I think it's the fear of things that leads to so much physical and mental pain. Once you know what form the DCA threats will take and what you can do about it, then this fear decreases in intensity.

I hope god helps you guys too, the way you are helping me.

best regards

Hi, Richard

Hope you had a good weekend, and was able to relax a bit. You need to give yourself a break from the constant worrying.

Hope you remembered to get those vitamins, too!

Best wishes

Janie

Hi Janie,

Had an ok weekend. had difficulty sleeping at night. And because every one else was asleep horrible thoughts kept circling in my head. I did listen to my favourite music this weekend, felt a bit better. By the way the amount of vitamins you are suggesting i should take it appears you want me to become arnold schwarzenegger. Well i can then get a job as a body guard atleast.

I have a bottle of vitamin supplements in my fridge. I have strated taking them. lets see what happens.

regards

Hi, Richard

Glad you're taking the vitamins! Seriously, though - if your body's run down your mind will be too. Lack of sleep is horrible; all kinds of things run through your head and things always seem so much worse. There are herbal supplements you can take but you MUST check with the pharmacist first, as they can have a deterimental effect on some anti-depressants.

I'm pleased you enjoyed listening to some music - please do something like that every day; you deserve to have some pleasure out of life! Like I said before, spending even just a few minutes doing something you like, just for yourself gives you a break from the constant cycle of worry and fear. And eventually, the good times will outweigh the bad. Have faith in yourself, Richard - we know you can do it.

Best wishes

Janie

What sort of music do you like Richard ?