thanks for advice. i went to dr today and suffering from chronic stress and depression and have been for some time, now have medication, so hopefully i might get some sleep tonight. i also sent a repayment figure to my employer, and mentioned visit to Dr. i know it doesn't excuse what i have done, but hopefully they will see that i am trying to make amends.

Monday 31st - I've spent numerous hours going through all orders. I'm going to see Dr today . Thanks for advice

I am very ashamed, I have been very stupid and don't know what possessed me. I feel sick and scared, can't eat. This is the first time I have ever done any thing like this, it is not me, so I am very ashamed. I'm 50 female and worked part time . Been working there nearly 2 yrs. I was called into an investigation meeting at work ( i work in a large retail chain) and then a few days later a disciplinary meeting. At the first meeting Firstly, I have been accused of buying online from our store with my discount and then returning without making sure the discount had been taken off. This has happen numerous times, I didn't notice the discount hadn't been deducted. Sometimes it is sometimes it isn't. I stupidly assumed that it is the person behind tills responsibility to press the button. (I work there so they know I'm an employee ) but apparently it's my responsibility. I didn't realise they have examples going back a year, mainly in the last few months, I had pointed out a couple of times that they need to press button, when I was just bringing one thing back. Usually I am returning number of items, busy getting sorted to check button is pressed. Secondly, I should return to card paid with but often forget my credit card so use my debit card (also used to have 3 months to return so credit card would have already been paid). Thirdly, I had some items that were past their return date and I got my husband to bring them in to me for return (no one knows my husband) which I nervously did as I knew I shouldn't serve my husband. ( he was not happy doing it) stupidly used my debit card, and used a false name and address. the thing I am most ashamed of, i realised I had returned something to my husband at the reduced price rather than price I paid, got it in my head that I needed the difference ( god knows why) did a suspended transaction so that I could take it to the till at my break, for some reason I had a gift card in my pocket for use with customers I loaded the amount onto the gift card for me! (£20) not even worth it. As I said I don't know why I did it, what possessed me. All so very stupid, but done now so can't change. I said I would pay back what I had got in error as not my intention. in the investigation meeting I explained my reasoning for the first 3 things, said I couldn't remember the final thing - when I was asked about the transaction. I got suspended unsurprisingly. I didn't sleep at all, all I could think was 'that they knew'. I was called back in the next day and asked to clarify a few things including the refund, I broke down and admitted it was for me, and didn't say yesterday as ashamed. I was told they would be in touch. I left and went and got replacement gift card from another shop and in an enveloped dropped it in addressed to investigating manager. I know it doesn't put it right. Few days later I received letter inviting me to disciplinary meeting. I went, I could have taken someone but was too ashamed. Haven't even told my husband about gift card. At the meeting I said how ashamed and sorry I was, how it wasn't my intention to abuse my position. Said I had stress at home, but no excuse. Had already submitted my resignation, (but have to give 2 weeks notice ) He said he had to go through process and ask questions. He wanted factual reasons that I couldn't give , asked if had any mitigating circumstances , i didn't even know what that was. Then he and note taker left room for 30 minutes. I asked several times if I could leave and he said no they had to go through process. When they came back he listed what I was accused of . Then said they would accept my resignation with immediate effect, which I wrote there and then. He ended the meeting. Then said "off the record" - I had said I would repay what taken, if I work out what I owe back, (central protection can go back 18 months) then they may take that into account when/if they contact police. I said I didn't have copy of receipts but I could do what I could - looking at my bank /credit card ins and outs and orders placed. I just want to die at the moment, i have been so stupid. I am so ashamed of my actions . I now can't sleep or eat with fear that the police are going to come knocking at my door. I have spent two days going through my accounts and worked out in the last 8 months that there have been about £550 ( mostly in the last couple of months with sale stuff and handbags ) I haven't a clue about 18 months ago but I've spent more on clothes and shoes and bags lately and there have been a lot of new staff in last few months . I am going to write to them offering a payment of what I have calculated I owe and apologise for my actions . I am so humiliated . I don't know who I can talk to. There's not even a CAB I can call in my area.