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iminsuchamess

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  1. Thank you Erika for your wise words of advice. I know an investigation is going to take a long time, maybe it wont as I will totally honest with them up front to make it easier for them, so I am trying to get my head around that and prepare myself. I know there not just going to knock on the door in 3 minutes time and arrest me, lock me up and throw away the key. I have found myself being ridiculously paranoid, every new face I see I'm sure there from an investigation team, and I find myself scouring neighbours windows to look for cameras etc. I have a clean record, I have never been in trouble ever before so I can only hope that if I do get prosecuted that this will go in my favour. All I have tried to do is provide the best possible start for my children, and in doing so I have potentially ruined their lives, I'm such an idiot. I can handle the prospect of going to prison but what worries me more is the gossips, what they will fabricate and how other children will treat my own children. As I live in such a small close knit community even though we are still treated as outsiders and few very rarely let us into their circle, this will give the local newspapers a front page for weeks. For now I am sheltering them from all this but they are smart kids and will soon realise something is wrong and I will have to own up. My children will be so disappointed in me, especially as I have told them that lying is wrong, then I go and do it myself. I guess that not only makes me a ''criminal'' but a hypocrite as well. I'm still glad I have been found out so to speak, Although I still can't stop shaking, and every car that drives past of slam off a door, I feel like the police are going to come marching in, having broken down our door. I have up until this point kept all this from my bf, he never knew how much I claimed, but I came clean to him and told him that I wouldn't blame him if he walked away. To which he replied, I'm just as guilty as you are, even though my name isn't on the forms and I'm here to stay.
  2. Retman, I dont think the woman in the CAB actually grasped the seriousness of my situation, I told her I fully expected to be prosecuted, she said, ah you'll just have to agree a payment plan to pay it back . As erika put it earlier about what I have done the CAB woman didn't seem to see it that way and kept assuming it was just an overclaim. I had to keep going back over points as to what I had / hadn't done and I just don't think she got it. Probably because it's not your typical CAB case, so I'm going to write the compliance team a letter and take it from there 1 step at a time. Dont let this put you off, the CAB was very helpful, and will be very helpful, once I begin to untangle all this mess I imagine I will be relying on them heavily. I will just make a point of double checking everything and going over every thing twice so everything is crystal clear. She never judged me.
  3. Im back from the CAB, I cant work out whether or not they were helpful. They took my details and made me go through everything. I cried a lot. Wasn't offered a tissue so ended up with snotty sleeves. She smiled at me and said it happens and I wasn't the only one and wont be the last, not that that helped but she's trained to say it. I asked for help as to what I should do from here and how to write a letter informing them and what details to include, and she just said just tell them, which wasn't helpful as I don't know whether to write a letter detailing everything or just tell them that I don't have a contract and receipts as I have been overclaiming, and take it from there. She said to include al the details about my health and al the other circumstances etc. Personnaly I would rather get it all out in one letter then they know everything from the off. She mentioned not telling them that we were now living together, (however she really couldnt condone that) until I reminded her the situation regarding getting the tenancy and it being in joint names, and she then said ah yes bad idea to not inform them then, but she understood why I did it. They then told me to go back with all our debts etc and they will help us and help us budget, and agree a repayment plan to tax credits, at which point I asked if they had access to lawyers etc as I know i'll be prosecuted over this and she said yes they did. So if anyone can help me with what I need to put in a letter to the compliance department at the tax credits that would be great. I have to ring and end this claim and make a new joint one. Not looking forward to that phonecall, what will happen, what do I say to them on the phone? The CAB said that I have to tell them when he moved in which was a while ago, I cant just say it was yesterday, I really dont want to start all over again with wrong information on the forms. Our debts are huge and as soon as I ring tax credits all money will stop and we wont have any, if we continue to pay our debts. Can we just stop paying them all (ie cancel all direct debits) and try and agree a payment plan. I'm dreading more and more debt letters landing on the doormat and all the hassle that will ensue there, I really dont know what to do first. It going to take weeks to sort out a new claim. I had no idea that the rules regarding tax credits and DWP were different I assumed they were both treated the same as DWP are. Ie I expected a knock on the door and to be told I was being arrested. I have probably massively over estimated how much I owe them, but I would rather believe it was £60,000 and prepare myself for that than think its £30,000 and get another shock when I'm told it's higher, if that makes sense. I cant make sense of all the tax credit paperwork, to actually work out a rough figure, and even if I did I wouldnt know where to start. I will keep everyone updated, this is going to be one rough journey and I deserve it, I have done wrong and I should be punished. Going to the docs soon to get more medication to help me through all this, my doctor is really good and knows all my personal circumstances, so it shouldn't be an issue.
  4. Thanks for your replies. I havent sleep a wink and I cant stop physically shaking and I feel like I want to be sick. Im struggling to type because my hands wont stop shaking. I'm just waiting to go to the CAB this morning to see what they say. If I can even get seen. Your right Erika about informing them about extra children, and not informing them of others things, I never saw it the way you have but I do now and it makes it look a whole lot worse, so yes, I agree with you about the fact that it will go to prosecution. I just know I wouldn't cope with the amount of time they would stretch it out. Im not scared of going to prison, I am more scared about what will happen to my children and how this will effect them, and how me not coping well with it all will affect their lives. I wont be able to hide it from them, they will know something is wrong. I will keep you all informed of what the CAB say and advise me to do. Do you have any idea of the procedure / timescale for such investigations. Once I inform then will they request details and copies of everything like bank statements, rent agreements etc, as I dont have some of them as they got lost in the moves, will they be able to access them.
  5. Ok so I knew this day would come at some point, and to be honest i'm relieved even though I'll b seriously financially up the creek without a paddle when I confess to what I have done. I received a letter from tax credits this morning saying I have been selected for review and that they want a childcare contract and receipts. This is where things get really complicated so please bear with me. I havent stopped shaking all day and my heart is still racing with fear. let alone the constant flood of tears that I cant seem to stop. Im not looking for sympathy I know I'm in the wrong, but got myself into a situation. I have never recieved a contract, I filled in a form with hours I required etc, handed it in and I pay them, thats it, they send me recepits as I pay cash but stupidly sometimes throw them away or don't even receive them depending on who picks my kids up. Ok no problem the creche can supply me with copies, but I have been claiming £197.50 a week but only paying them £25. I currently claim as a lone parent, self employed, working 30+ hours a week, as well as studying full time at college. I have 3 children 8, 3 and 20 months. The tax credit award states that I use them for my son and my middle daughter. this was the case but now my son is at school and now my middle daughter goes and the hours were reduced, but I continued to claim the money as it was tight. I work awkward out of office hours most of the time, so started relying on my mum for childcare and would give her some money here and there for doing it. To cover food etc. This all started back in January the year of 2008, I moved in with a friend as I had been living with my mum and her and her partner were going through relationship hell, and my 1st daughter was only 3 months old and I was suffering from undiagnised post natal depression, and it wasnt a nice place to live. My friend put a roof over my head, but provided NO financial assistance, as he was an apprentice earning peanuts, enought to cover his mortgage and bills. It was purely a friend letting me stay rent free till I found my feet, there was NO stuff happening whatsoever that normally happens between consenting adults. So I didnt see the need to change my claim from single to joint as we weren't a couple. It was a few months after moving in that I finally saw a doctor and got help with my post natal depression. During this time I was claiming maternity allowance. In August 2008 I started a business and needed a childmnder for my 2 children at the time, who was willing to work weekedends and flexie hours, as well as my son being in afterschool care, so I started to claim childcare payments. I soon realised the business wasnt working and tried really hard to keep it going, but at the same time I suffered a major family tradgedy. Meaning I had to leave my friends house and move back home in December 2008, which was 40 miles away as in that year my mum had moved house in the time I lived elsewhere. Meaning I had to change schools for my son and I let the business go. I told the childminder at the time the situation, but never informed tax credits as I didnt think I would be there for more than 2 weeks. I was home a month or to and realised that I needed to find my own place as I was quite clearly going nowhere as I was needed by family, and my mums house was too small for me and the kids long term. So I used the childcare money to save up a deposit and rent and buy furniture and stuff, as there was NO one that would allow DSS tenants, I had to pay it all by myself. Then the bills started piling in etc etc, as they do, and it still carried on, I had massive debts from years beforehand that had caught up with me and I found myself in a massive spiral. Every week I told myself this was the last week, I'll ring them on Monday but another Bill always landed. Being self employed in the middle of a recession meant that my income was feast and famine and I never earnt more than £6k a year. I then informed tax credits of a change in provider as I needed my daughter to go into creche 2 days a week. I was still recieving the full amount of roughly £200 a week. During this time A relationship did develop between me and my friend, as I relied on him heavily for emotional support, and one thing led to another. Our relationship was off and on, He did stay over maybe 1 night a week but he wasnt living with me and then one day I realised he had moved in but I couldnt give you an exact date as it was gradual. he worked shifts including night shifts and had qualified and received a massive payrise, but had to pay back his mum and dad who lent him £20,000 as the deposit for his house, as well as pay back a massive loan he took out to do up his house as it was a shell, he bought in an auction, then I found out I was pregnant In February 2010. Totally unexpected as we we're ridiculousy careful. As I didn't want another child. At this time everything was in my name, rent, council tax, all bills etc. The flat I was living in was small, and I soon realised I needed to move. I found a house close by and the rent was really cheap, because it needed a new kitchen. Where I live 3 bedroomed houses don't ever come on the rental market, It's a small town and most houses go before you hear about them through word of mouth, so I was lucky to find it, and took it, but again NO DSS and they refused to have a single parent occupant so we made a joint application for the tenancy, and put a kitchen in, and did some other work, which cost a small fortune to do. I had every intention of staying there for a long time, but stupidly didnt get the landlord to give us a longer lease, i was new to private renting marlet and didnt realy understand it all, and 5 months after we moved in I was told, the landlord wanted us out as thier company had 7 properties in the area that they wanted to give a complete overhaul. Again I never told tax credits cos although we were living together, My b/f never supported me financially as he had his own home and mortgage and bills to keep up as he wasn't willing to sell his house etc in case we dint work out. Which I understood totally at the time. The landlord provided us with a new house, but our rent tripled, and again I had to fork out a small fortune in moving costs, bills etc etc, the deposit doubled as well. We were told it had gas central heating but moved in (Dec 2009) to find out it was storage heaters, it had just been completely renovated so had no reason to believe different, and we just happened to move in when the really cold weather hit and it was costing £20 a day in electric to keep the house warm, as my baby had been born, 2 months before. Again this was a joint tenency as I wouldn't have got the house on my own. I never claimed housing benefit or council tax benefit. I used my small income, then fell back on the childcare payments to a point that I relied on them. This house turned into a financial nightmare with heating costs and we all ended up ill as it was mouldy and so cold and my children had icicles a foot long on the insides of their windows and were sleeping with 2 quilts and 2 sleeping bags with the heating on for me to keep them warm. My baby got seriously ill and ended up in hospital on a drip, and i was beside myself with worry for my childrens health. I wasnt sleeping, couldnt think straight and was crying so much thinking i was such a rubbish parent as there was nothing i could do to get my kids out of that house. Contacting tax credits in all honesty was the last thing on my mind. We then heard that the house next door was up for rent and we snapped it up. And quickly moved in. Even though we still had 2 months left on our previous tenancy, meaning we lost our 4 figure deposit, but at the time, I didnt care, I only cared about the health of my kids, and moving into a house with gas cental heating as it was approaching winter again. That was in september last year (2010) On top of all this I went back to college whilst, still being self employed to further educate myself in hope of a better paid job as I have no real qualifications, and needed the childcare for when i was at college. So i sent my 2 daughters there and used my mum on other days when I needed her as before and after school as the creche charge ridiculous amounts for 1 hour before school and 1 hour after. With all the bills and debts I just couldnt afford it. Then eldest daughter got her creche place funded as she is now 3, I suffered a small nervous breakdown and attempted suicide due to personnal issues and have literally been hanging on mentally by the skin of my teeth, thanks to medication. My medication stops me from thinking, meaning I find it hard to recall details without having to sit and think for a long time, It's taken me 5 hours to write this out, most days are a massive struggle to even get up on a morning, i dont sleep and rarely sleep more than 2 hours a night. My bf, took it upon himself to go and sort out council tax and addd himself here, so that he could declare his mortgaged house as empty for 6 months. As he wasnt living there anymore, as I needed him here, to support me and help with the kids. College has been full on and I still havent got round to informing tax credits, I never informed them of my address change from september, then I get the letter this morning to my new address, even though we are only a few doors away from my ld address, as well as a letter from the child benefit, asking for bank details, so I rang child benefit and they have been informed by another agency of an address change (im assuming that would be tax credits) and that update wiped my bank details from their system. How would they find out my new address? Has someone told them? So I'm now wondering what to do and where I stand and what will happen to me. I probably owe a massive sum, in fact I'm scared to calculate it, as worst case scenario it will be £60,000 if they take 3/4 years of me claiming as single when they could say it should have been a joint claim plus all the childcare. I want to own up and confess everything, I need a decent nights sleep, I have spent the last god knows how many months scared of a knock on the door or an unknown number on my phone. Scared when I see a brown envelope on the doormat, but I have been expecting it. And Im so relieved, even though I have no idea how we will manage financially. I'm hoping to go to the CAB tomorrow, Im so scared of going to prision, in honesty I deserve to be there, but my poor children dont deserve this, Yes i'm guilty of fraud but i'm also guilty of trying to provide a decent quality of life for my kids, where they arent forced to grow up in a council estate, surrounded by allsorts of crime and drugs, and violence. I want to ring them and hold my hands up, but Im so scared, I cant lie to save my life which i could never do as theres no point as I know they will catch me out. Im sort of prepared for them to have already done some investigation etc. We dont have joint finances, we have seperate bank accounts, but I transfer money over to my bf to cover some household bills, as he is still paying a mortgage, the house is now on the market but no takers as it's in a roughish area with neighbours from hell, who are visited by the police daily, as with the recession he would have to sell it for £15,000 less than his outstanding mortgage, plus theres still money still outstanding on his renovation loan. Which he just couldnt afford to do. I have been so lazy with changing address details, as most of my stuff is still at my old address and redirected here, but the gas and electric is billed to me here, and I have noticed the past 4 weeks that I havent been recieving my post when i should be and some hasnt arrived at all, when i know it should have. What happens if I do fess up, will my payments stop now, course they will, but would we be able to make a joint claim. How long will all this take to sort out. How on earth am I going to be able to afford to pay all that money back? I know I will be the 1 person they decide to make an example of, so I am preparing myself for a lenghty jail term. Thank you in advance, I know this is a mammoth post, but I feel better for putting all the details down in one place. I just need someone to talk to as right now I just want to run, I'm fighting of thoughts of ending it all so that my kids wont be forced to go through all this and i wont bring such shame upon them by having my name and face in the papers, as I honestly dont think I'm strong enough to deal with all this stress. I'll just crumble and my kids would be better of without me, I know that with dealing with all this I'm going to end up in an institition, either prison or a mental hospital.
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