does my 4 yr old have ADHD

[tiglet]

Well, that's men for you.

I really think you need to insist on a paedeotrician to see your son - it could be ADHD, ASD or a myriad of other things - but I would get them ruled out right now and save yourself heartache later.

[emmaf01]

Your son sounds lovely! Incredibly intelligent. Though he does seem to have some of the signs of perhaps ADHD- the thing about these disorders is they have nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with behaviour.

I really don't think shouting at him all the time will help at all- perhaps will make him worse because he will start to feel bad about himself. Your OH doesn't really sound very supportive or helpful. I don't mean to be rude but why did you get back together if you and your kids were happier alone?

Looks like you are the only one who can try to access some help for your son- have you heard anything back from the children's centre/health visitor?

[mnyspider]

hi, i should be able to help you here, just some questions first if you dont mind so i can get a clearer picture of his personality, behaviour traits, i used to work with kids with special needs and behaviour problems so would love to help, i am also a mum of 6 and understand how difficult this is for you, how are your sons social skills, is he happy to interact and share toys with others? does he understand the difference between right and wrong or does this concept seem to confuse him? is he happier alone or with other children? what are his worst phobias or behaviours, what have you noticed about his behaviour that makes you feel concerned, and does he have extremes of behaviour i.e extremely loving or aggressive, and finally has he ever had a head injury or allergies to anything sorry if this all is bit of a headache but this is all important so as to have an insight to how your son is progressing and helping you with some answers

[Bookworm]

A disability is not necessarily linked to intelligence or intellectual achievement, look at Steven Hawkins!!!

Some people on the autistic spectrum are lecturers, scientists, artists, so stop thinking that because he is bright all is well in his world... One of the characteristics of Asperger's for example, is that the children are of either average or above intelligence, so don't let that distract you from what seem to be very real issues with your child.

I agree with Tiglet, go to your GP and get your child referred ASAP. The sooner you find out what is the matter, the sooner you can start adapting.

All the best.

Originally Posted by mnyspider

how are your sons social skills, is he happy to interact and share toys with others? does he understand the difference between right and wrong or does this concept seem to confuse him? is he happier alone or with other children? what are his worst phobias or behaviours, what have you noticed about his behaviour that makes you feel concerned, and does he have extremes of behaviour i.e extremely loving or aggressive, and finally has he ever had a head injury or allergies to anything

It depends what mood he is in. SOmetimes he can play and share with others, other times he likes playing on his own. When he was younger, he never played with any other children. At all the M&T groups he just played on his own away from others. As hes got older, he has made friends. But all the children at nursery seems to love him, every single one of them all talk about him and want to be his friend, cos he is very hyper and excitable and they think he is funny and great to be around because he dont keep still, so it makes them all excitable too and want to join what hes doing. A lot of the time though, he doesnt like sharing and wants everything for himself.

He does seems to know right from wrong but cant seem to help himself and do the wrong things. When you ask him why he is being told off, he knows straight away what he has done, and will say sorry, but then go straight back and do it again without hesitating.

He seems to have a phobia with foods that he can not just pick up with his fingers and eat wholey. He will not attempt to eat anything all gooey and mashed up, only mash potato!!

I had a concern because 2 of his uncles have ADHD and the fact that he just cant sit still and stop fidgeting. He can be very loud at times and blurts out stupid noises for no reason. Sometimes when he is going off on one, he has a little sparle in his eyes and no matter what you say to him, it just does not register. i just dont know where he gets his energy from, because we havent got it.

I took him to a karate session once to see if thatd be any good for him. He was amongst other boys his own age. You could see the ones who were just being naughty, and the ones doing as they were meant to. and he just seemed to stand out. He couldnt stop jumping, fidgeting, and stand still when told. he had to be silly and show off. but it wasnt the same behaviour as all the other boys there, it was completely different.

I also have a little girl whos 3. and she is naughty, and cheeky with it. my little boy isnt necessarily naughty, its just the energy that he has, and when he does do things wrong, its as if it is someone else controlling him. he will say sorry and seem like he means it, but then goes and does it again straight away as if someone is controlling him with a remote or something.

[quote=emmaf01;1709505]I don't mean to be rude but why did you get back together if you and your kids were happier alone?quote]

I ended up meeting someone else who was lovely. But when it came down to it, i wanted to get back with my other half. I dont really know why. I just did. When i got him i dont want him, but when we split up, i done everything i could just to keep contact and make excuses so that i could see him.

I just cant see myself with anyone else, and having another man bring up his kids. I just could never see anyone else wanting to be with me and my kids, especially with my little boys behaviour.

[emmaf01]

Sometimes that is the way things are- I was a bit like that with my ex- but he was not the person I thought he was in the end.

Its always easier to talk from a distance about these things, isn't it?

Anyway, I just hope things get better for you, and you and your little ones get the help you need. Any word about GPs, health visitors or the Childrens's Centre?

[mnyspider]

hi, from what you say he is just hyper which will eventually calm down, there is nothing in his behaviour that says he has serious problems, just see it as he has bounced into this world and is happy to be here,at such a tender age he still has a lot of growing to do and he is still learning i know at times he is probably exhausting but as every mum on here will tell you its no easy job but well worth it, we have all at times sat and cried over our kids for one reason or another be it worry or pride but the main thing is do what you feel is right, you are his mum, doctors, health visitors will be able to give you advice but at the end of the day you know him best, watch and see if certain foods seem to make him more hyper, or if its certain situations sometimes excessive energy can be nervous energy, is there a pattern to his behaviour around certain people, also think about the way you dicipline and praise him and how he reacts to it, but most importantly you as well as your son are learning, dont be to hard on yourself when it doesnt go to plan, you care and love him, for him thats all he needs

[zaffie]

Hi
some very good advice from others for you. I have a son with special needs. Originally diagnosed with ADHD then Tourettes and now Asperger syndrome. Reading your posts you could have been talking about my son. He was always "different" not seeming to fit in one way or the other. Go with your instincts as a mum if you think something is not right get a multi disciplinary assessment done ASAP. Referal via GP or health visitor.
Bookworm is right you can have a child with difficulties even when they are extremely bright. My son is 18 now done extremely well academically still has problems but we accept him for who he is. Getting a diagnosis helpt my OH accept that there were problems. It changed his attitute to our son and the way he dealt with him.
Good luck
Regards
Zaffie

[Bookworm]

What, health visitors like the one who advised her to let him starve?

Mnyspider, can I ask you what are your qualifications to make this rash statement? I'm only asking because after just one reply, you have dismissed the child's issues as "just" being hyper when it is obvious to us parents of children with similar issues that there may well be something more than a 5 year old growing up. The very fact that Sharon has expressed her worries on this forum indicates that she herself has some very real concerns. For those of us who have seen our kids grow up different and having noone listening to us when we were trying to tell people about our worries, instead being dismissed as over-protective or worse, being accused of trying to hide our failings as bad parents by blaming our child's "imaginary" condition for their odd behaviours, I can't start to express how shocked I am that someone should do the same on here.

Sharon, the one thing that mnyspider has got right is that as his mum, you know him better than anyone else. So trust your instincts: If they tell you something's not right, you're probably right.

[Janet-M]

I am suprised with some of the patronising answers in this thread .
as a mother of 3 children with varying levels of disabilities the one thing I have learnt is trust your own instincts .If you feel there is something wrong then theres something wrong .. ok you may not know exactly what it is .
I would do as Bookworm has said and immediatly start asking for a multi discipline review .If they refuse then write to EVERYONE who you feel should be involved saying you are concerned and you feel noone is taking your concerns seriously .. believe me, from my experience , they soon will once you put it in writing .. no one listens until you MAKE them

I have an appointment with my new health visitor as she is coming to intriduce herself as we have just moed to the area. i also have the day off work so that i can see her too. im hoping she will be alot better than my previous one. i will keep you posted on what she says.
Thanks guys

[tiglet]

Please do - I accepted for years what other "professionals" said about my son, including school, GP, health visitors etc. He's now going down the multi-disciplinary assessment route and things have become easier as each piece of the jigsaw fits together. So far, each and every time I have disagreed with a professional, I have been proved right and they've been proved wrong. So your instincts will definitely be spot on.

It does take time, however (my son had his first SALT assessment in January and now we are having the CAMHS assessments, having had a few like audiology, Ed Psych etc. in-between) so I would advise you not to expect someone to instantaneously give you a reason.

Of course, mnyspider could be right (and I hope she is)- but could also be wrong and a lot of heartache could be saved if there is something "wrong" (I hate that word in this context) and it's discovered now.

While this will be worrying you a lot, I wouldn't want anyone to get in the terrible state I was in a few months ago, so you will need the support of your partner on this - none of us are superwoman, we are just expected to act as if we are Battling him and battling for a diagnosis will exhaust you to the point of ill health. Perhaps you could show him this thread or let him have a look at some of the ADHD/ASD websites which may make him realise that tough discipline is not necessarily the way forward in every situation and that you need to support eachother for your son's sake. I still have that argument with my OH, especially when my son loses it or appears to be obtuse for the sake of it.

You sound like a good Mum who cares deeply - do keep updating here, even if it's just for a whinge about the crappy day you've had with him or the stress you are feeling - I've completely gone BLAAAAAA on CAG when it's all become too much and you'd be amazed at the support, sympathy and similar stories I got in response. All of which really helped.

Take care

Tigs xxx

i do keep showing him sites ive read, and things ive printed off, but he just dont seem to understand. and all he says to him, its whats wrong with you. he just doesnt understand the fact that he might not actually be able to help himself when he does things. and thats what i want to know, cos i dont want medication for him, i just want to know if he can control what hes doing becasue he has got adhd, or whether hes just a hyper kid and trys his luck all the time.

[tiglet]

Unfortunately, you won't know that until he's properly assessed - we can only tell you our experiences on here.

[emmaf01]

I took time to come to terms with my son being different- mainly due to the fact I didn't know he was different as he is the only one I have! In a way that has helped, though now that I see him with other children it sometimes amazes me how far ahead they are in speech, comprehension and focus. But he's my boo and very lovable.

It has put me off having more children though, because I would find it upsetting if they developed "normally" and if they were like my son I would have very little hair left after a week!

I'm so glad you will be seeing the health visitor- they may be able to offer help- mine organised the paediatrician referral, audiologist and speech therapist.