Does anyone know who to complain to if dis-satisfied with the funeral directors?

I didn't want to give detail here incase I am in wrong thread or it's not something this website deals with.

It is a very distressing time for me and I do not know where to turn.

Thanks in advance.

Shelley, this forum will probably be the best one.

Once we know what has happened, then we will have a better idea of whether or not we can help.

Hi

In the first instance you must complain to the relevant funeral company. IN WRITING of course.

I have found this site that may be able to assist after a complaint is unresolved

http://www.funeralplanningauthority.com/index.html

Also

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/scotland/consumer_s/consumer_professional_and_financial_services_e/consumer_funeral_services_e/complaining_about_a_funeral.htm

Thank you for your directions to the above websites, I will have a look over the week-end but pressing issues on printing for the service will have to come first.

I respect that this forum is open for all members and will be as tactfull as I can but I don't think I am receiving very good care or service from the funeral directors.

Obviously due to the Bank Holiday it is an awkward situation for them (F.D's) to accomodate 'clients' for want of a better expression but they collected my husband's body on the eveniing of 1st April 2015. However, as I wasn't in possession of the medical certificate because the GP needed to converse with the coroner's office, no one could tell me if a post mortem would be required. I took possession of the med cert on Thursday 9th April and then wasn't able to see the registrar until Tuesday 14th April.

Naturally, the F.D couldn't do anything until they were in receipt of the official documentation.

I kept the F.D informed at each stage and on Friday 10th April the F.D advised that before I could book the funeral I needed to pay third party dispursements totalling £3K. You can imagine my surprise knowing that my husband had no insurance. This panicked me but I raised it and was able to book and pay this on the Wednesday 15th April 2015.

Throughout this period I had been asking the F.D to measure my husband's collar size in order for me to purchase a shirt to go with the suit I had chosen to bury him in. They stalled me until they were in receipt of the cheque for the T.P. dispursements which I found insensitive.

I asked them to keep me informed of when my husband would be available to view after the 'treatments' by which time I had taken the relevant clothing into them for him to be dressed accordingly.

They telephoned me on 23rd April to say he was 'back with them' and I had hoped to get in to see him but it was Friday 24th (yesterday) when I went to view hubby.

The F.D had advised that there was some red discoloration to his forehead but that was to be expected, she said. However, when I got into the chapel alone to see him I was totally distraught at his appearance and this has left me mentally scared for life. He was a solid block and the discoloration was not confined to his forehead and I think the coffin was too small. I know that sounds bazaar.

I then went over to view the name plate on the coffin lid to ensure the spelling was accurate and noticed surface dust but when I wiped my fingers along the edging it was absolutely filthy and the joints of the lid were not butted together which left 2 uneven seams. There were marks and scratches on the lid which leads me to think this may even be 'seconds'. I respect I haven't paid for a top of the range coffin but I did expect it to look new and polished.......

I have taken photographs of my husband and the coffin which the F.D are not aware of but on exiting the chapel I did make the clerk aware of the dust and she quickly went in with a tin of spray polish and a duster. If it wasn't so personal I could laugh at this but it has left me reeling over what should have been a sensitive time of reflection and I am angry at having to deal with this on top of everything else.

I also asked them to return my husbands pacemaker and they have provided one in a little pouch but I have no idea whether it is his or not.

The complaints procedure when I make the F.D aware of this in writing won't give me the opportunity for an independent third party to look at my husband because the funeral will have taken place by then so what proof do I have?

If this was to be expected of a body left for so long over the B.H then I only have the F.D's word. How else can I get this checked or investigated sensitively?

I obviously haven't shared any of this with other family members. They are not aware that he is available for viewing yet and one relation in particular has mental health issues and I don't know what to say to protect them from this vision.

Hello Shelley.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through all this and would like to offer my condolences for the loss of your husband. I can't imagine how you're feeling.

We have gone through a couple of close family bereavements ourselves this year and I now how hard things can be.

I'll have a think about what you might do about the problems.

I would also like to say that I think you're being incredibly strong and I hope we can help.

Hugs, HB

:Shelley181146:

Oh no, probably the last thing any of us wants to go pear-shaped is saying goodbye to a loved one.

You've got two links which may help you with where to start. If you feel able to specify particular mishaps, we may be able to advise further.

In the meantime, condolences on your loss and a from CAG, Margaret.

Shelley, do you have a friend or perhaps someone from the Church who will carry out the service, who might visit your husband with you for an independent opinion ?

Usually third party disbursements are paid by the FD and added to your bill. No reputable FD would insist on an up front payment and some will even assist in payment arrangements if you are on a very low income.

Do you qualify for any benefits?

check here.

https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments

Would it be possible for you to PM a member of the site team with the name of the FD. We won't make it public. This allows us to do some checks.

Thank you everyone.

I do have a friend who I can ask but due to the nature of the 'favour' being asked it's a big ask. I will broach the subject and see how it's received.

Apparently, F.D's all now ask for third party dispursements upfront so I can only presume this is because they have been stung in the past maybe?

I appraoched the DWP funeral payments department and the male dealing with me at the call centre said and I quote, "We are not a bottomless pit, you will have to find some of the money" and "we will pay the F.D directly incase you spend it"..........rather than scream at him I decided to put the phone down and wait for them to call me back - which they did 3 days later.

The funeral payment from DWP can only be paid once they are happy that I am in receipt of a qualifying benefit and will only be processed once they have the final bill from the F.D's. They will not under any circumstances pay anything upfront. If I hadn't been able to borrow the funds the only other option left was for the state to arrange the funeral and pay for it and I wouldn't get a say in anything, plus it would be a pawpers grave with no headstone permitted at anytime.

Particular mishaps - querying 'second hand coffin'

Embalming process and expected results?

Coffin sizes according to deceased build?

Storage of the body process - bearing in mind BH?

Third party disbursements seem to be around the £1,000 mark so why are they asking for £3K? Is that the full cost of the funeral?

Perhaps in your area, the FD has been stung but in my area, they add it on to the bill for payment after the funeral.

I could find nothing on the FD's website about up front fees either.

Hello again Shelley.

We're going through the same thing with a family member. I don't know what age you are and you don't need to tell me, but if you're below pension age my understanding is that you would normally qualify for the DWP Bereavement Allowance of up to £2000 plus a bereavement payment every week [i can't remember the exact name] of around £60 per week depending on your age.

Have you used the Tell Us Once service that lets you provide one death certificate to say the DWP and then they tell everyone else?

HB

In case you need it, Shelley, here's a link to the Tell us once site.

https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once

HB

One thing I did find is that this firm are members of NAFD and as such, follow the code of practice when dealing with deceased relatives.

http://www.nafd.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Code-of-Practice-leaflet-rev-May-2014.pdf

In s1(2) is a clause that I think may fit your grounds for complaint.

Hi Shelley. Firstly I'd like to offer my condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Regarding others going to view your husband, particularly the person with mental health issues, might I suggest you say something like that they should just remember your husband as he was in life as it's just not the same seeing him now. Remember the good times you've had together while he was alive which is far more important than seeing him now.

Shelley, please accept my condolences for your loss.

The male dealing with me at the call centre said and I quote, "We are not a bottomless pit, you will have to find some of the money" and "we will pay the F.D directly in case you spend it"

 

I am having a really hard time with the callousness of the statement above. I do so hope they record their calls !

In case you need it, Shelley, here's a link to the Tell us once site.

 

https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once

 

HB

Thank you Honeybee but due to the Bank Holiday I had notified all the necessary departments/organisations before I was offered this service at the Registry Office. That is kind of you.

I have claimed all relevant benefits but not yet received payments - they don't rush even in these circumstances. Apparently, they have to send for my late husbnad's National Insurance Contribution records. It's not like the government are paying me anything special, it's money my late husband had already put in the pot over the years.

I hope they're not expecting me to put a cross in a box on a piece of card next month for the elections..........They're not available to me whilst they're in campaign mode!

Shelley, please accept my condolences for your loss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am having a really hard time with the callousness of the statement above. I do so hope they record their calls !

Their call did say they record calls for training and quality purposes but I record all government calls so I have it on my phone. My nickname is Barclaycard Slayer here but it will soon have another branch to it calling me the Government Slayer. They will be my next

Their call did say they record calls for training and quality purposes but I record all government calls so I have it on my phone. My nickname is Barclaycard Slayer here but it will soon have another branch to it calling me the Government Slayer. They will be my next

That is great you record calls, I imagine that theirs would probably be mis filed or lost!

Re: the recording. Make a back up just in case and try and make a transcript of the recording so that when you make the complaint, you can include the words without having to identify anyone.

Re: the recording. Make a back up just in case and try and make a transcript of the recording so that when you make the complaint, you can include the words without having to identify anyone.

That's a good idea, thank you.

Having thought long and hard about this matter and unfortunately having my late sister’s funeral experience as a comparison, I decided to approach the manager of the Funeral organisation which dealt with my late husband’s funeral.

We met to discuss my concerns at a different branch and I was wrought with grief re-living the experience and producing photographic evidence.

The manager has investigated the matter over two weeks and we met to discuss her findings. I am completely disgusted that she agreed that they had let us down on numerous points but has only offered the following, and I quote;

“Following the investigation and discussion with numerous colleagues about the service provided to you in April & May 2015, we would like to sincerely apologise for the service you received. We strive to make each and every family member feel valued, cared for and supported at a time you need us most. We feel during this time we should have done more to support and guide you and we fell short of providing the first class service we promise and you expected. As a good will gesture as discussed we would like to make a donation to the value of £xxx.xx in memory of your husband to” xxxxxxxxx(charity of choice).

Blah,blah,blah and then goes onto say......

“We were requested to give you that last 5 minutes at the grave which you did not receive and we can only get one chance to get it right, that time cannot be given back and we realise has added to the upset greatly. We can only offer you our sincere apologies for the lack of personal and professional service you received and we hope that by talking and bringing these matters to our attention that you can obtain some closure and allow you now to grieve for your dearly beloved husband.”

“Finally, when you are ready, please let me know if you are willing to accept our token of good will in memory of xxxxxxxx”

Now, by sheer luck I just happened to notice the headlines of a well known newspaper a few days ago which has highlighted similar/identical issues with this FD organisation within our locality which goes to prove that my experience is NOT a one off by any means. The pictures I hold as evidence are not good viewing and considering they broke his nose, yes, the manager admitted the coffin lid had been placed on whilst my husband’s head remained on the cushion, which should have been removed prior to the lid being fitted!!! I have no idea how to process this information.

If I can remove the emotion from this complaint, I am horrified that a FD who advertises 100 years of FIRST CLASS service who turn over £1.2 BILLION per year revenue, would not have the decency to have offered a more satisfying ‘good will gesture offer’. I have no intention of accepting this and like to ask;

If you were in an unfortunate similar position, what do you think would be an acceptable settlement? Bazaar question I know, because deep down, how can you put a price on a situation like this?

Your experience is one reason, i have never wanted to know what goes on behind the scene at funeral directors.

I have never had such a bad experience, apart from seeing how much they charge for very basic services.

The question is what compensation you are expecting. If the Funeral company are members of an association which offers complaints arbitration, then that would be the next step. As part of any arbitration, you would have to state what you want to see happen.

Shelley. Can I offer some words that I genuinely hope will draw this to a close for you. I speak as someone who has had two young family members murdered but also as someone who used to work in the industry many years ago.

I am confident that the very vast majority of funeral directors do actually do a great job, if that is the right choice of words. It is a money making business, yes. But I never went into it for the money. It is a genuinely caring profession at peoples most vulnerable and traumatic times. Needless to say, things can and sometimes do go wrong.

When you go say your final goodbyes, it is often a devastating experience as the finality of it hits hard. The loved one will never look as you hoped, expected or indeed would want. You are used so seeing them sleeping, but this is different. No movement, no warmth. Post mortem lividity (redness) is very common. It will give the person a different look. The muscles are completely relaxed unlike sleeping, so they will have a kind of face lift appearance due to gravity. They will be colder than you thought, often little above freezing. This is because unlike what we may want to imagine, deceased persons need to be kept very cool indeed. Even after 'treatment' or embalming.

I do not know the actual circumstances of course and have no reason to doubt what you are saying. It is a horrible time and experience for you. But I would ask you to consider this. As horrible as that day was for you and as awful a memory as it is, can you find a way to conjure up right now a smiling image of him? An image of him in better days, on a great day when you both were full of youth and magic? Birds singing, sun shining. Just a perfect moment. Can you do that? Can you now hear him saying something? What would he tell you to do about this? I am sure he would tell you it is OK and that he would not want you upset or distressed like this. He would put a loving hand on your shoulder, smile and say 'don't let it upset you'. Am I right?

This is the most difficult thing to say, but can you find a way to remember him in better days. He has gone, yes. But can you let that one moment pass and grab hold of all the wonderful memories again. The laughter, the fun, the good times? I am absolutely sure that is what he would want you to do.

I genuinely hope you take this as a friend offering a shoulder and heartfelt best wishes. What happened is not nice, but it is one moment in a million others that were nice. Don't let that one moment hold you back any longer. Move forward with great memories knowing a wonderful man was there and would not want you to be upset any longer.

Kindest wishes and thoughts.

If I can remove the emotion from this complaint, I am horrified that a FD who advertises 100 years of FIRST CLASS service who turn over £1.2 BILLION per year revenue, would not have the decency to have offered a more satisfying ‘good will gesture offer’. I have no intention of accepting this and like to ask;

 

If you were in an unfortunate similar position, what do you think would be an acceptable settlement?

If I engaged a professional to provide a service and they screwed up big time, I would expect nothing less than a full refund. An offer to make a donation to charity is nothing more than a token gesture (and a tax deductible one at that).

A dear friend had ordered some flowers for a family member last year as she couldn't attend in person. Despite allowing plenty of time along with full details of where to send the flowers, they didn't turn up. To say we were both disappointed is an understatement, and when the florist offered to send a bunch of flowers to me, we were greatly insulted. In this case, a full refund was eventually made.

In your case, I would be pushing for a full refund of the FD's fees whilst accepting that the disbursements for burial would (probably) still have to be paid.