Almost certainly this has been posted before.. but I still find them funny.

They walk among us

IDIOT SIGHTING #1

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the girl a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a twenty pence piece.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but that way you can just give me a pound back.'

She was puzzled and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The girl then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change!

Do not confuse the staff at MacD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING #2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Madam, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two…'

We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, Nr Watford UK

IDIOT SIGHTING #3

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local town council office to request the removal of the "DEER CROSSING" sign on our road. She said the reason was: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

Story from Potters Bar, Herts, UK

IDIOT SIGHTING #4

My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From South Oxhey Herts , UK...

IDIOT SIGHTING #5

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened Luton Airport ... UK

IDIOT SIGHTING #6

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a Local County Councillor employee in Harrow, Middlesex, UK

IDIOT SIGHTING #7

When my husband and I arrived at Our Local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, 'it’s open!' His reply, 'I know. I have already done that side.'

This was at Ford dealership in St Albans, Hertfordshire UK.

IDIOT SIGHTING #8

A coach party were out for the day, stopped off at a refreshment halt in Hertfordshire and queued up for tea and coffee. One group asked for "Six decaffeinated please.” To which the girl replied: “Sorry, we only do coffee!"

Story from Luton Probus.

STAY ALERT! They walk among us, and the scary part is that they have the RIGHT TO VOTE and to PRODUCE!

"One black coffee please."

"Is that with milk and sugar ?"

..

...

....

"No, and I'll take it loose"

Estate agent, "Shall we have a look inside then ?" erm no we will just stand outside and buy it! doh!

"One black coffee please."

"Is that with milk and sugar ?"

..

...

....

"No, and I'll take it loose"

Estate agent, "Shall we have a look inside then ?" erm no we will just stand outside and buy it! doh!

Yes, there are loads when you think about them

Sorry I just had to add this one, not as good but worth a look

A relative of my ex-girlfriend:

1. It's true that 90% of people ARE vegetarian

2. When using drink concentrate, put LESS concentrate with water to make it stronger

ALL TRUE!

nice ones, TraineeAngel

What about "Latte"? It means "milk" in Italian, but Costa and Starbucks add coffee and sugar.

Stepmother looking at a classical CD of composers such as Mozart, Beethoven, Bach etc 'Are these the original artists on this?'

Stepmother talking about current events 'I think it's terrible how they treat these gherkins', us: 'er, don't you mean gurkhas', her: 'no I'm sure they're called gherkins'

Stepmother looking at a classical CD of composers such as Mozart, Beethoven, Bach etc 'Are these the original artists on this?'

 

 

 

This one is priceless

"One black coffee please."

"Is that with milk and sugar ?"

"

This happened to me in a pub a few weeks ago. I replied that black coffee doesn't have milk. The batman said he didn't know as he doesn't drink coffee!

Quote Originally Posted by Mr.P View Post

 

"One black coffee please."

"Is that with milk and sugar ?"

"

 

This happened to me in a pub a few weeks ago. I replied that black coffee doesn't have milk. The batman said he didn't know as he doesn't drink coffee!

Scary !!

Just realised I put batman instead of batman.

EDIT. No I didn't. It was auto correct on my phone. Should be barman.

oh dear, Caroline.. at least you got it right in the end

Whilst working in A+E as a student a man arrived following a serious RTA. He was out for the count and the policeman who came in with him could not understand how the accident happened. It was a long straight road, slightly down hill and no other car was involved. A short while later he came round and I asked him what happened to try and find out what forces were involved. He was always loosing his lighter and so his girlfriend brought him one on a key ring which he attached to his car keys. Going down the road he wanted a smoke, so he tried to light up by putting his ciggie through the steering wheel and using the lighter(a very stupid idea) which did not work. He then had a brain wave. I am going downhill (at 60 mph)I will take the car keys out light my smoke while the is car rolling down the hill. Which he did! Unfortunately he had forgotten about the steering lock. which came on put him into a ditch and rolled the car at least three times.

And I guess he STILL has his driving licence ?

I was told the insurance company refused to pay out and in court he received a two year ban for dangerous driving but I cannot confirm that.