Sun Tzu said: 'If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.'

All well and good but if you know your enemy has Apache helicopters and you know you've only got a pistol, there will come a time when you realise that your chances of getting to a hundred battles are fairly slim.

All well and good but if you know your enemy has Apache helicopters and you know you've only got a pistol, there will come a time when you realise that your chances of getting to a hundred battles are fairly slim.

Indeed.

This is me in a hot and dusty place:

Just in case it's not clear what I'm sitting in:

Yes. The reverse is true then. One hundred and beyond.

Yet another reply. This one full of even more drivel.

"Please note that to substantiate your account being paid in installments, we require justification by means of a financial statement detailing all monthly income and expenditure. This should include details of any benefits that you are receiving and full supporting documentation inclusive of copies of benefits and wage slips where applicable.

Please forward the necessary documentation to the above address immediately for your proposed installment to be considered."

To which I may just send this (found it in amongst someone else thread). Unless, of course, someone has a better one.

Dear

I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 14th March asking for a financial statement.

I have been advised that this 'personal' information is just that - personal. However, following your request, I obtained a Court orientated Income and Expenditure Form which I understand only a Court and/or Judge can legally have access to, and filled in the details required therein.

Following the revelations about my financial status that completing this form brought to light, I would like to thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

From this information it is obvious that I have no disposable income at this present time. It has been suggested that following discovery of this situation that a county court Judge, would, in all probability Order that I can afford no more that £1 per month to each and all debtors, which of course includes yourselves.

If you would now kindly send me details in order that I can set up a Standing Order in this amount, I would be grateful.

Regards

Any good?

They also neglected to reply to my questioning about their field collectors. I have added this to the end:

I would also ask for confirmation that the "threat" of door step collectors has now been eliminated. Please be advised that even if I do not receive a response I will assume Credit Solutions Limited understand the law.

One of their field agents put a card through my door today asking me to call him.. Who am I to not do as im told.

So i called him (he sounded like an OAP bess him), and asked if he was ok....

He couldnt understand why i was asking about his welfare until I explained that Im just surprised my dog who was in the garden hadn't ripped his upper torso to shreds.

He actually said "F*** that mate... no debts worth that. Don't worry I wont be back"!.

Then i rang CSL (only cos i was bored) and thought id have some fun with them. Now I was overly polite explaining I didnt want field reps calling at my house ever again, but this fell on deaf ears with them stating that they could basically do whatever they like.

So I emailed them the doorstep collection template letter from here at CAG, but appended it with:

"Failure to adhere to this notice not to refrain from sending one of your agents to visit me at my property, binds you to a contract between myself and your company and your company agrees to pay me the sum of £1000 each and every time I have to open the door to one of your agents".

That should work.... if not, the invoice will be sent the very next day.

UKD.

PS... I dont have a dog.!

Oh, I like that

I'm in deadlock with them at the moment. They have replied to my email about me not sending a financial statement and they have asked yet again for it (including full documentation, bank statements etc., etc.). They can kiss my backside. They have also said they will send someone round regardless. This is their final response to this matter. So, I have emailed back and said:

"Thank you for your letter dated 19th March 2012.

As previously advised, I will not be forwarding my personal financial circumstances to Credit Solutions Limited as you are neither a judge nor a court. You have no right, in law, to demand this information from me. If you feel that CSL are above legislation and can indeed demand this information, please forward the relevant statute/law/legislation to me at your earliest convenience. I have given enough information about my circumstances by stating I am in receipt of Jobseekers Allowance. No further information is required.

I want it noted that I have tried, in numerous emails, to set up a payment plan by standing order for £1 a month. This is all I can afford until my circumstances improve. I would like it noted that Credit Solutions Limited have refused this offer and have refused to forward details to enable me to set up a regular payment.

Also, please be advised that if you send a doorstep collector, despite me completely forbidding you to do so, I will contact the police and have your employee escorted away for harassment. As I have told you explicitly NOT to visit my personal address you have no right, within law, to do so. However, if you can find legislation that states a debt collector can ignore my rights, please also forward that to me.

As you have still not given me your details so I can pay you by standing order I am presuming you do not wish to receive any money. If this is case then I expect no further correspondence from CSL or any other company registered under CSL (such as Power2Contact).

As you are refusing to acknowledge my complaint in an acceptable manner I will be forwarding all correspondence to the OFT and The Financial Ombudsman Service for their perusal (as you recommended). Please note that the OFT are already aware of CSL's practices in this matter and it will be used when considering CSL's ability to hold a credit licence.

Please note this is also my final response in this matter and I will not enter in to any more correspondence or payment arrangements with CSL or Power2Contact (or any other company hidden behind another name but is indeed linked to CSL).

Regards"

Not to sure about the wording, but I fired it off anyway. I have a cat, a snake and a hamster....the snake will bite if harassed and it gives quite a nasty nip. My cat is rubbish and runs away and hides when anyone knocks at the door and my hamster is just way too friendly to be of any good. The other half would just send me to the door (it's his debt) to frighten them off.

Just write back to them in crayon or human pooh.

I sent a paper aeroplane in the post to a DCA a few months ago lol.

Another DCA wanted medical proof that my OH is too il lfor work, so I asked them which Act of Parliment allows them to ask for this. They soon went away and passed it to another DCA...

either that or reply with complete and utter drivel.

Dear Sirs,

I am in receipt of your plums. Although Mr Henry asked me to reconsider burning the hedge, I decided to anyway and set fire to the lighthouse causing uproar in the village. Mrs Caruthers threatened to call Billy the farm boy, but I told her I would bugger him with the raggy end of a pineapple if he came around. I have been outcast from the local dance on the grounds of my gammy leg. etc etc etc etc etc

Just utter nonsence...... they'll have a good laugh, but hopefully soon get bored. Either that or assume you are just too much of a nutter to persue.

Has worked for me on a number of occasions.

UKD.

Just write back to them in crayon or human pooh.

 

I sent a paper aeroplane in the post to a DCA a few months ago lol.

 

Another DCA wanted medical proof that my OH is too il lfor work, so I asked them which Act of Parliment allows them to ask for this. They soon went away and passed it to another DCA...

Yes!! one of these reprobates wanted proof that my mother had died. I told them I wouldnt be able to provide that until Brendon returned my spade and I would then send them the remains as long as they promise to look after her and sing her favourite song " I'm H.A.P.P.Y" on her birthday"

Heard no more......

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It's sometimes worth paying out for stamps just to wind these fools up. Although one DCA I'm dealing with at the minute is rather kind and has sent me some pre paid envelopes.

I wrote every letter of the address on an envelope in different coloured ink once lol. Took me a while.