Hope someone can help!

I made a private agreement with my ex for our two children last year. I lied about my income and managed to pay her less than what she would have been getting through csa. She has since found out and has taken it to csa. The payments have shot up, but she hasn't told them about the payments I have been making her because she thinks I've ripped her off.They are giving me a bill for the arrears. I made payments through bank but haven't got any proof what the payements are for. She is refusing to declare these payments as she feels I owe her for lying in the first place.

What can I do?

I am sorry if this is not going to help you at all, and I do feel a bit horrible saying this, but ... "Karma" ... what goes around, comes around.

I am not saying that your ex is right in what she is doing, but you should have been honest in the beginning, rather than lying about your income ... in your words you "managed to pay her less than what she would have been getting through csa" ... you have admitted that in your own words.

Please think on this: the only people who have suffered from your unwillingness to be honest, and unwillingness to pay the amount you should pay, are YOUR CHILDREN and the only ones will suffering due to BOTH your behaviour AND ALSO YOUR EX'S BEHAVIOUS are the children.

Why should they suffer?

Don't let them suffer anymore PLEASE.

when you say you made the payments through the bank, were they regular and of the same amount.

If so I would send records of these to the CSA and tell them that they were your maintainence payments as agreed with your ex and ask for them to be taken into account in their calculation of the arrears.

I have no time for the CSA their entire existance is about robbing people and has nothing to do with supporting children.

They claimed that they couldnt find my stepsons father (which took me less than 10 minutes on the internet)

and then when I presented them with his name address and telephone number they claimed that they had closed the case as they had been unable to locate him and we would have to begin the process all over again from the beginning.

I personally think ths is only what you deserve, how could you knowingly deprive your own children?

I personally think ths is only what you deserve, how could you knowingly deprive your own children?

Agreed, no sympathy at all.

Good god, what one sided morons populate this forum! You think all mothers are begging for scraps, children in rags! Well I'm going to blow the whistle for you.

Please think on this: the only people who have suffered from your unwillingness to be honest, and unwillingness to pay the amount you should pay, are YOUR CHILDREN and the only ones will suffering due to BOTH your behaviour AND ALSO YOUR EX'S BEHAVIOUS are the children.

I'm a single mother. I left my partner, not married, because he would not commit to me - and I could afford a new house. We have a daughter, which he pays for weekly. Voluntary agreement.

I work full time, have good childcare [at school] and live in a quiet village so all in all, life is good. And there is no way on earth my girl costs what he pays!

Because he messed me around, now he's paying. I earn a decent wage - does it matter? NO! Brilliant

I'm rolling in money, and cant lose. The more he earns, the more I get! and the BEST thing about it, is that I could go crying to the CSA or next incarnation of it the Child Maintenance and Enforcement Commission which demands much more money, from GROSS income so he cant even reduce it with mortgage, etc!

So, while bleeding heart do-gooders like you are around, there will be intelligent people like me profiting.