Written by John Kruse, one of the leading experts on Bailiff Law, this consumer friendly guide is essential reading for anyone who comes into contact with a bailiff.
The book is easy to understand and clearly explains the rights
a bailiff has, and also what they cannot do when collecting debts and repossessing goods etc.
A blonde walks into a shop and says, "I'd like to buy that TV over there."
The owner replies, "Sorry, we don't sell TVs to blondes."
So the blonde leaves but comes back the next day wearing a brown wig. She says, "I'd like to buy that TV over there."
But the owner replies, "Sorry, we don't sell TVs to blondes."
The blonde leaves the shop in a fit of rage.
Determined to get that TV, she goes to the plastic surgeon to get some work done.
When it's all over, she ends up looking like a 60-year-old Brazilian man.
She goes straight into the shop and says, "I'd like to buy that TV over there."
But again the owner replies, "Sorry, we don't sell TVs to blondes."
The blonde becomes very angry and asks the owner how he knew that she was the same person all along.
The owner replies, "Well, only a blonde would point to a microwave and call it a TV."
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Brazilian blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm going to jump off too."
The Brazilian blonde opened his lunch and said, "Spag Bog again. If I get a spag bog sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.
The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too.
The Brazilian blonde opens his lunch, sees the spag bog and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping.
She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realise he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Brazilian blonde's bird. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "he makes his own lunch."
A group of scientists decide to prove that blondes are not really dumb.
For this reason, they gather 80,000 natural blondes at Wembely stadium.
The host randomly picks out one blonde and asks her to come down to the center.
They are standing at the microphone as he asks her:
"What's two times two?"
"Five", answers the blonde and smiles.
The guy shakes his head, but the whole stadium shouts, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Then the guy asks her, "What's three times three?"
"Eight", answers the blonde proudly.
The guy is about to let her return to her seat, but the whole stadium starts to shout again, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
So the guy asks her one more question. "What's four times four?"
"Sixteen", answers the blonde shyly.
Before the guy expresses his reaction, the whole stadium starts to shout, "Give her one more chance, give her one more chance!"
The sheriff of a small town walked out into the street and saw a Brazilian blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and boots.
The sheriff arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff...
I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asked me to go out to her caravan with her... and I did.
We went inside and she pulled off her top and asked me to pull off my shirt. so I did...
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants so I did...
Then she pulls off her knickers and asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did...
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of funny and says, 'Now go to town cowboy...'
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive Brazilian blonde woman arrived and bets £20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she shouted, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!"
She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.
She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know, I thought you were watching!"
The Moral is: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!!!...
A pretty young Brazilian blonde visiting his new doctor for the first time found himself alone in a small waiting room.
He began undressing nervously, preparing himself for the upcoming examination.
Just as he draped the last of his garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young female doctor strode in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked her nude patient up and down carefully, with considerable appreciation.
"Mr Juan Rodrigo Bermejo," she said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."
Oh love that - in our part of world listen to Galaxy radio - Hirsty's daily dose in mornings - has called his new kitten Dave - could be after that.
P.s have you had the brazilain wax??
A Brazilian blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running away from the police, when they decide to hide on a potato farm.
They end up crawling into some potato bags...
The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it, she says "meow," and the cop confirms that it is just a cat.
The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it and she says "woof." The cop says that it is just a dog.
The third cop pokes the bag with the Brazilian blonde in it, and she says in her sweetest voice, "POTATO."
An airline captain was helping a new Brazilian blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip.
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the cupboard, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb!'"
Blondes Rool the Wurld!
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Originally Posted by Woolleykat
