Nhs- I am trying to find my baby. Please help

[royzor]

hi
Its hard to know where to start with this but i will try my best to make as us understandable as possible so please bear with me.

On 31st July 1989 my baby daughter was born asleep when i was 27wks into my pregnancy. I was only young at the time and was elated when an undertaker turned up at my door 1wk later with the date of the arranged funeral, The hospital had arranged the burial and it was much unexpected. I was told that i could not put up a head stone as it was a hospital plot and more babies could be put in the same plot as my daughter. I did not mind this as like me many other people probably had lack of funds to give their babies a nice funeral.

For the first couple of years i attended the grave weekly my mum and i put a little urn with her name on using little stickers and we put stones round the urn. When we went a couple of weeks later the gardener had mowed over the stones and they wer scattered everywhere and the urn had gone. I was so upset.

Anyway i met and married a wonderful man who seen me through all my heartache and we went on to have 2 gorgeous kids a boy now 16 and a girl now 9. my husband has been a rock during the organ scandal when i found out that my daughter was actually invoved, but that is a different story but i would be grateful for any kind advice that anyone could give me on the organ scandal also.

Anyway yesterday was her 18th birthday and my whole family made a fantastic effort to go to her grave with gorgeous flowers and teddybears which overwelmed me. it looked wonderful but the problem is i had to lay the flowers where i thought her grave to be. I would'nt blame anyone for thinking badly of me for this as i am angry with myself for not knowing the exact place my baby is resting. I went to the enquiries giving them all my baby's details and asked them to find the exact plot as i would love to place a headstone as i noticed a few others have done this now. i was told this was still not possible as it is a public plot.

I recieved a phone call from the cemetry claiming the can not locate my daughter i am devestated as i do not not where to start looking. Would the undertakers who carried out the funeral 18 yrs ago still have these details on record? Another problem that may stand in my way is when i went to register her death they told me because i was under 28wks in my pregnancy she was classed as a miscarriage and i could not have a death certificate. this has in fact changed now as my friend has a certificate for her baby that she lost at 16wks into her pregnancy. i know i cannot do anything about the certifacate but will this be a problem with trying to lacate her?

I just hope i have made some sense. I will be grateful for any advice anyone could give me that would help me to find my daughter.

Roz

[ScarletPimpernel]

Every burial should be recorded by whoever is responsible for the cemetery, including the location of the grave. In the past, however, it was the practice not to treat stillbirths as 'proper' burials, and as you say there may be more than one baby buried in the same plot. Many authorities also forbade the erection of headstones, though some would allow a small plaque. All of this can make finding the exact spot difficult. Even so, I would expect there to be a record of the area where stillborn babies were buried.

The funeral director may be able to help, especialy if the firm is still in the same hands (many now belong to large companies), but in many cases their duties ended when they delivered the coffin to the cemetery. You say that it is a 'public' cemetery, so I would be inclined to write to the head of the appropriate department of the local authority - their website should have details.

You may also find SANDS Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society useful.

[royzor]

Thankyou for your reply scarlet,

I will try the funeral directors and also try and write to my local authority with my enquiry.

I do know where her grave is i am just unsure the exact plot. I would just hate for some grieving parent to turn up to find someone else has mistook their baby as their own as i am sure i would be upset if it happened to me. I know her grave is within inches of where i have laid her flowers but i just need to know the exact spot.

I think that when the lady at the enquiries mentioned it being public i am assuming she meant the plot where my daughter is buried, as i have always believed it to be a plot that the hospital had purchased for stillborn babies, but i may be wrong.

Once again thankyou for your advice.

Roz.