I am sorry if this is not going to help you at all, and I do feel a bit horrible saying this, but ... "Karma" ... what goes around, comes around. I am not saying that your ex is right in what she is doing, but you should have been honest in the beginning, rather than lying about your income ... in your words you "managed to pay her less than what she would have been getting through csa" ... you have admitted that in your own words. Please think on this: the only people who have suffered from your unwillingness to be honest, and unwillingness to pay the amount you should pay, are YOUR CHILDREN and the only ones will suffering due to BOTH your behaviour AND ALSO YOUR EX'S BEHAVIOUS are the children. Why should they suffer? Don't let them suffer anymore PLEASE.

Hello everyone. I found this site, and am SO TOTALLY CONFUSED that I have come here in the hope that someone can help me with some information. My girlfriend is disabled (with back problems, which limit her mobility and affect her daily) and depression (which she has had for years). On top of that she has been going through a 5 year court case, which is EXTREMELY stressful, and she is now fighting to keep custody of her child, as the father has always presented her as an "unfit" mother (due to various reasons). The court case has gone "against" her, and have ruled that she has caused her son emotional harm, by turning her child against the father. (She has not, in fact, done this, but unfortunately that is what the court have ruled). As a result, she is "holding on to her son" by a thread (so to speak). The court case has not ended and is due for review VERY shortly. The court proceedings are a lot more complex than I have explained, but I am not at liberty to discuss the proceedings further. The end result is my girlfriend has been going through hell (mentally) for the past few years, and there does not look like there will be any reprieve from it. She spends EACH and EVERY day worrying about it all, and is TOTALLY TERRIFIED that her child will be taken away from her, and made to live with the father (something that even the child does not want to do). I help her on a daily basis, and she NEEDS my help on a daily basis. She gets panic attacks, suffers from depression (has done for years) and also suffers from EXTREME pain with her physical condition. She has proof of her medical condition from MRI scans, and has asked for more help from her doctor recently ie. more uptodate MRI scans to be done, but the doctor told her "go to aerobics ... it might help" !!!!!!! We do not live together, but in the past I stayed over a couple of nights a week (as and when) to help her out (she gets panicky when I am not around, and also cannot cope easily with physical things that are needed). Obviously with all this court stuff going on too, she needs to make sure she is a "tip-top" mother, and if the court gets a whiff of her child even being late for school, it would be EXTREMELY detrimental to her court case. Her condition is always bad in the mornings, so I do the school run (out of necessity). Both of us thought that I was able to stay over a couple of nights a week, and did NOT realise that I could not ever stay over at her place. Someone reported to the DSS that we were living together (which we are not) and she got called for an intervew (and then a further one). She explained the circumstances, and took along proof of her medical conditions (as above). The interviewer explained that there is a ZERO TOLERANCE level to someone staying over as she receives income support (ie. I could not stay over at all at her house), and the interviewer suggested (on two occasions) that I should move in with her and claim as her carer. This would obviously help ease the pressure greatly, as I would be around all the time to help. Her mental state of mind is not good : she is anxious, and goes over things again and again in her head. She is trying to cope with daily living, and doing the best by her child (who has also been diagnosed as having ADHD: so he is lively). She is ABSOLUTELY TERRIFED that her child will be taken away. She is in receipt of Incapacity Benefit and has been for a few years now. She did claim for DLA a few years ago, but got turned down. She does not deal well with rejection, and has been in no state of mind to deal with all of this. The lady from the DSS recommended that I move in and become her carer, but I have read that I can only claim that if my girlfriend is in receipt of DLA. Please can someone give me some advice as to what to do, and how to go about it, as I am very confused. If I move in with her, would this affect her benefits? (she currently gets Incapacity Benefit, Income Support and Child Benefit). ** Update : sorry, I forgot to mention, she also receives 100% Housing Benefit and 100% Council Tax Benefit. I currently do not work and am trying to hold things together on a full-time basis. I am not receiving any benefits whatsoever at this precise moment.(Having said that I have been looking at jobs, but have been unable to find anything that will accomodate me doing the school run each day, plus I would have to leave work by 2pm on a Friday to comply with the court order which says that after school on a Friday, my girlfriend's child has to be taken to meet his father, to arrive by 6pm: something which takes 2-3 hours in the rush hour, and something my girlfriend cannot do, due to her disability). To be honest, I am more-or-less holding things together. Without blowing my own trumpet, I REALLY do feel that she would fall apart if I was not around. I'm sorry that I seem to have written a "book" here, but this is only a brief summary!!! I would be really grateful if someone could help me PLEASE as we are both going out of our minds with worry about what to do. Many thanks.