I'v had enough

[fevr]

I don't know quite where to begin.

I have been trying to get out of a bad debt of 27K+ from about 3years ago after a company (run by a freind) went into liquidation. During the last 9 months before it went down, I used bank debt/Credit cards to support my family.

I quickly made a fresh start by setting up (bootstrapping) a company and things seemed to be going well and I was making some serious inroads in to the amounts I owed - I could see the end possibly in a year or just over.

I have asked for some 5k+ in charges to be paid back to me from HSBC but haven't been able to take it further as they would only stay any action I might take.

My relationship with my wife now I feel is near divorce as the present climate has started to effect sales (down 20%) with clients now paying sometimes on 60-90 days. We are now going backwards and things are starting to build up again. As an accountant she could see the warning signs that my freind's company was going to go bust and said I should cut my loses early and not stick by with my freind - but when she found out the full extent of the debts she found it hard to forgive and I have been trying to repair the damage ever since. I've been with her since I was 21/ married 11 and i'm nearly 40.

Since finding out what I(and her) have to pay also to the IR in Jan2009 I've lost the will to go on and I havn't been home now in two days.

I feel that next week I will write letters to the bank/credit cards and tell them I won't pay them anything anymore. I've lost the only thing that made it worth playing by their rules. I didn't want to go to court but I really don't care anymore about ANY of the consequences.

BUT how do I protect my children and my wife who I still love from any of my [possibly irrational] actions?

[rory32]

Hi and welcome to CAG.

I have asked for some 5k+ in charges to be paid back to me from HSBC but haven't been able to take it further as they would only stay any action I might take.

If it's a bank account then yes it will be stayed but it's still worth making the claim as it stops the limitation clock. It also means that they can't take you to court over the account. If it's a credit card then the claim shouldn't be stayed.

Regarding the credit cards, when were these taken out and who are they with? Have you asked for a copy of the credit agreement?

The IR debt is a priority debt. The bank account and credit cards are not.

If you currently have an overdraft have you thought about opening an other account with another bank?

If the debts are in your name only then your wife has no liability for them, so you shouldn't worry about that.

[fevr]

Thank you for coming back to me Rory32 it means alot to me

Originally Posted by rory32

Hi and welcome to CAG.
If it's a bank account then yes it will be stayed but it's still worth making the claim as it stops the limitation clock. It also means that they can't take you to court over the account. If it's a credit card then the claim shouldn't be stayed.

I sent them the letter requesting that they repaid the fees but they sent a letter back saying that there was a case going to be heard and that I would have to wait for the result . Is there another step I need to take as I did the letter back in June2007?
My wife moved the credit cards over into her name (God I've messed up) on 0% deals and so any charges are small - but still 15K to go....

Originally Posted by rory32

Regarding the credit cards, when were these taken out and who are they with? Have you asked for a copy of the credit agreement?

Well we got rid of the HSBC platinum, Amex and Egg, but still have RBS (seeing as they have at least been good as our business banking) and MBNA which I think she took out in 2006.

Originally Posted by rory32

The IR debt is a priority debt. The bank account and credit cards are not.

I doubt if I will be able to pay them either.

Originally Posted by rory32

If you currently have an overdraft have you thought about opening an other account with another bank?

I followed some great advice here and got an parachute account open with Abbey back in Feb2008 - however i'm just keep within the £500 overdraft

Originally Posted by rory32

If the debts are in your name only then your wife has no liability for them, so you shouldn't worry about that.

Unfortunately she is.

[rory32]

I sent them the letter requesting that they repaid the fees but they sent a letter back saying that there was a case going to be heard and that I would have to wait for the result . Is there another step I need to take as I did the letter back in June2007?

You need to send a Letter Before Action and then file at court if they don't refund the charges. You can find the templates for the LBA and making your claim in the Templates Library here

Well we got rid of the HSBC platinum, Amex and Egg, but still have RBS (seeing as they have at least been good as our business banking) and MBNA which I think she took out in 2006.

RBS and MBNA agreements are often not enforceable or they simply can't find them. Without a compliant copy of the agreement the account is legally unenforceable even in a court of law. What this basically means it then becomes your choice whether you pay the account or not.

I would send off a CCA request (template N here). Enclose a one pound postal order, send it recorded delivery and don't sign the letter.

[AA99]

Hi fevr, and have faith. Take all the advice you are given on here and keep your chin up. Nothing is more precious than your wife and kids so you sort them and we'll help you sort the debts. Get the letters off as advised, and read as many as possible other threads on the same subject. You will be so surprised and re-inforced. You are not alone. You can Reclaim your Rights! Take heart

[Goldlady]

If you haven't already you must go back home. We are encouraged to run our own businesses in this country and then when the sh*t hits the fan we get no support from anyone... I know, been self employed for 15 years, and if your OH is an accountant (like me) then she must see that too.

You can fight all of these things with a little help from your new friends on CAG.

Keep strong

[jadzia.dax1]

Hi fevr

Originally Posted by fevr

I've lost the will to go on and I havn't been home now in two days.

My husband did a similar thing, he went out and didn't call or come home for four days...when he was struggling to cope with the pressure of debt (the debt was from his former marriage).

My husband decided the children and I would be better off without him around...but he couldn't have been more wrong it was the worst four days the children and I have ever had and all we wanted was him to come home and give us a hug.

When he finally came home, he said he felt a failure for us being in the situation we were in and he felt he had let us down...but none of that was the case, all we needed was for him to love us and to be there and we would find a way through the rest.

The debts were sortable although he couldn't see it at the time because he was putting so much pressure on himself and he felt so guilty.

He had no need to feel guilty because debt happens, it's just one of the things life throws at us. I don't mean to make it sound trivial because it's not...but your family and yourself are far more important than any bank loans etc.

When you are in the middle of a debt mess and you feel everything is so out of control, it is so hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel...but it is there and you do get through it and you can regain the control!

This site is full of people who have felt like they couldn't go on because of debt but they are getting through it especially with the help from the people on here. This site is amazing there is always someone here to help and offer advice.

We still have debts, but they don't control us now...we are back in control and its amazing what a difference that makes.

My husband has finally realised that as long as we stick together as a family we can get through anything...that and giving each other lots of hugs

[fevr]

Thank you all for coming back to me. I have read some of your stories and can't believe that "the system" is allowed to cause so much pain.

I can't understand why I haven't been able to work something out with some of these companies (I did ask for a meeting with HSBC about a year ago but the person i saw was so inexperienced) but they seem intent on destroying you.

I've found it hard to even write this as I've spent the last 2-3 hours pacing up and down the office.

I feel numb, I haven't felt this desperate since one of my children died in intensive care with his twin stuggling for almost a year in ICU.

I will try to do some of the things people have recommended next week.

I have also sent a text to my wife/kids who are low. But I can't talk right now.

[Goldlady]

Still here. Been to hell and back myself, but dug my way out of the abyss of debt thanks to the help I got on here.

Stop blaming yourself. You have done nothing wrong, apart from being human.

[angel_1]

hiya fevr

i just read your post and the replies already given i do hope help you,

i only know of my own experience this year - how it did affect my hubby and my daughter, but in the end after facing nearly the loss of our home due to mortgage arrears and threats of repossession and me helping a friend out which ultimately affected me as i ended up paying her debts as well as my own, my health went downhill so fast i was off work for a year and am under a therapist, its only with the thought of my family around me i am getting out of that black hole

i cannot profess to understand fully the pain you are going through with the business but i can relate that at this moment in time its so important to you, and your thinking is being distorted to think positively, but remember perhaps your wife just feels that you did not involve her as much as you should have done earlier on, it is understandable for her to have her own feelings but pls just keep the lines of communication open

even texting her to tell her you are safe but need a little time on your own for a few days will just assure her -

however, you know the best way forward is gaining the knowledge to enpower you to move forward,

i wish you well and to keep communicating with your family, they are the most important things right now, maybe you just need to have some private time with your wife to really put all your thoughts and fears together and to face whatever you both have to and maybe she can try and understand the situation more and gain her support,

im sure she is dwelling on stuff but perhaps unsure what is best to do for you all too,

maybe im waffling only trying to explain there is light but if you can be united to fight whatever comes your way together makes stuff a bit clearer

good luck and take care best wishes to you and your family Ciao MAZ

[Valhalla]

Hello Fevr

Not sure that i can add much to the wise words already posted buy others but I just wanted to tell you that you are really not alone and everyone who reads your post is wishing you well.

I've felt much the same sort of feelings as you and still have a number of issues to face. It can be scary but hol donto the belief that you are a worthy human being who's been trying his best no matter what banks and creditors may say or do.

Do whatever you can to stay with your wife and children. They need you and what jadzia says above is really important.

Good luck, keep going and keep coming back to the forum for support

Valhalla

[jadzia.dax1]

Hi fevr

Hope things are improving for you...

Don't forget there is always someone here to offer you support and help if you need it

[fevr]

I just wanted to catch up with you all again as it has been a few weeks now

I have taken all your excellent advice, I'm home again with the family and feel much better with them around.

My wife and I are now going to fight back and have already done the following but need advice

• I sent a Letter Before Action (LBA) to the bank weeks ago and have received a letter just the other day saying that they had already acknowledged my claim last year and that they were sorry that I was going through financial hardship and that I should fill in there little expenditure leaflet to see if they could help. I've already been in to see them last year and the person I saw was useless so I guess they are just trying to buy some time. **** How should I proceed to court action ???? should I post in another forum for a reply ****
• Wife spoken to IR about income tax in January and asked for a reduction based on the fact that some of their figures are projections for 2009 which is likely to not be a good year - got 4.5k knocked off -she is good at this sort of thing
• Our business banking is with RBS and we have a meeting with them next week to sort stuff out - the manager seemed pretty keen to work with us. As you know RBS have announced that they will help SME's - possibly as they feel they owe due to the massive taxpayer bailout they just had .

• Don't yet know what to do with the CC's and some of them are coming off 0% and little chance of moving them over to another deal - yikes

Hope you are all getting your own back at them - let em have it... Fevr

[symbio-dek]

Got that bad real feeling when read your initial post fevr . . .
Unable to help with your probs. but very glad to see your getting good advice and help here . .
Very pleased to see your back home, and that you and your wife are side-by-side in this . . . good man! . . and woman!
I,ve seen some really super advice on this thread and it's warmed my cockles . . .
I wish you both all the luck in the world friends
Stay strong

Dek

[jadzia.dax1]

Originally Posted by fevr

I just wanted to catch up with you all again as it has been a few weeks now Was wondeing how you were doing...really glad to see a smiley face!!

I'm home again with the family and feel much better with them around. I can't tell you how happy I am that you are back home....it's made my week!!!

My wife and I are now going to fight back That's the spirit...

So you get the best possible advice and as much of it as possible...