Have you been hurt by Debt?

[BankFodder]

Tell us about it here. If you have suffered any kind of stress or illness then others would like to know about it and to share your suffering with you.

You will be surprised to learn that you are not at all alone.

You can also post in the Consumer Health Forums for further support and encouragement in taking your life back from credit institutions and debt collectors. You can discuss anything with us here or in the Consumer Health Forums whether it is damage which you have suffered or your family or your friends.

[loopinlouie]

I have epilepsy which for many years I have had trouble comming to terms with. Stress as it does to us all can make us depressed and ill and with my condition exceptional stress can be enough to cause a seizure. Whilst managing the illness as best I could and going through marriage break down which caused considerable debt being raised against me, I always informed the dcas not to ring and put in writing so I could when well have reference to read back, if that makes sence. I have memory problems after seizure and the dcas would even ring when it was obvious I was ill. I or friend would tell them and they would still insist I spoke to them. Quite often my mouth would be swollen and injured and I would ask them to write. During all this time I made payments and increased the ammounts by a few pence a year depending on benefit increase and they made me a wreck who became paranoid of her own shadow and terrified of people knowing when I was ill. You see they told me on their regular calls that I would lose my children as it was obvious in their opinion I was not managing my finances properly and therefore not my house hold as in a suitable mother. I'll be quite honest in saying that whilst down these people played on it.

I am ashamed to say that I let them get away with it as I didnt know better. I am now considering going BR just to make sure they never contact me again even though I would be considered as owing a few thousand.
I know they have a job to do but think they should be eventually made to pay for the stress they cause people, because it is obvious from threads on this site that it is a regular method of them to intimidate and frighten people to pay what they cant afford. They also encourage people who would be better BRupt into putting up with their threats for years. They said they would harass the hell out of me for the rest of my life and I believe ten years is enough. Thanks to this site i've realised i'm not on my own.

[sandraroff]

such a sad story. surely the bar stewards cant get away with this. this is what leads people to think there is no way out. when it happened t me i just changed my phone number. they all go away then. ex directory of course and then get BT 1571 messaging answering service and you can set it so the phone doesnt ring at all, its instantly picked up by the messaging service. perfect!!! they stop ringing then, and start writing!! please go the citizens advice. they are fabulous people. they will talk to them for you. and good luck, dont let the b****ards grind you down.xxxxx

[sandraroff]

and i know its hard but please, please remember that worrying wont change a thing!! all it does is uses up all your energy that is needed for other things. so stop worrying!!! they have abolished hanging and you cant go to prison. xxxxxxxx

[andrew1]

I have posted this a number of times, but If people are worried, stories like this one posted over a year ago by someone who's name I have sadly forgotten bring hope. I've often been told it should be a sticky and now there is this new forum I'll get it in early: enjoy and empower yourselves: and I quote:

“Ruminations:

This was a liberating day - surprisingly so, in some respects.

Got up early, having decided to set the ball rolling. Drove my long-suffering wife (it's our 23rd anniversary on Sunday - your felicitations will be most welcome) to work and went to have a cup of coffee while waiting for the banks to open. A multi-shot black coffee with cream. Woke me up a bit.

Banks opened: I went to the Portman Building society first and asked if they had a basic bank account. No, is the short answer. They can't do standing orders and DDs, so no use to me, then. Looked for Co-Op: none in (market city in SW England). So I went to Lloyds TSB. I've banked with them before - 30 years ago, when I was a student. The moment I stopped being a student, they demanded the entire overdraft back. Immediately. So I switched - to NatWest, as it happens, but that was a long time ago and I've been with Midland, Barclays and NatWest again, since then.

Didn't have the right ID so I had to go home and get it. Went back. Explained that my credit rating was likely to be awful - CCjs, debts registered - from bad times in the late 1990s, what with negative equity and everything. Lost £ooos on my house. Bad times, bad times. I've been grateful to NatWest for the account, the overdraft, the loan (which was for the charges racked up on my account, in essence) - everything. She said it would probably be OK: discharged bankrupts are able to have the Cash account. I wouldn't get a cheque book for at least three months but they would do SOs and DDs.

So we went through the opening procedure. As it turned out, the ID-ing was fine: they got me from the Electoral Roll and whatever else they use. Then: she said 'Now we do the credit scoring'.

Gulp!

(she took a deep breath, too!)

She pressed the button and....all fine. Nothing registered. I looked at the screen, so did she. I couldn't believe it, and neither could she, quite, because of the harrowing tale I'd told (briefly) about the problems, the CCJs (last one - 2 years ago - was Inland Revenue not agreeing the arrangement I'd put forward. The Court accepted my arrangement but gave judgment, in any case). I couldn't believe it - but then: all the financial issues, the CCJs and so on (except for Inland Revenue) were more than 6 years ago. Apparently, I was the first person for ages she didn't have to call head office about.

This is interesting. It was liberating - you can hardly believe the weight I felt fall from my shoulders. I've tried, over the past year or so, to negotiate loans from NatWest, either at my own instigation or by them suggesting and - no go. Don't rack up on the credit scoring.

I had thought - no, I'd firmly believed - for so long that I wasn't worth anything, that I was lucky to have a bank that would allow me a cheque/debit card, that i was, indeed, deeply fortunate to be allowed an overdraft and, a few years ago, a loan.

The experience of opening the parachute account helped me to realise something. It's a commercial relationship, nothing more (or less). But it was much more than that. Much, much more than that. It's about the relationship I've had with NatWest.

Psychiatrists, or maybe psychologists - counsellors and therapists, anyway - have a term for what's been going on between me and NatWest. It's called a co-dependent abusive relationship. The submissive partner - me, in this case - has feelings of worthlessness, and comes to depend on the abusive partner - the bank. The feeling of worthlessness is such that you become grateful for anything, no matter how humiliating it is. They have all the power, you have none, but they are prepared to notice you and pay some attention. They treat you with contempt - which, from their point of view, is no more than you deserve: you're a useless, submissive worm. But you are grateful: after all, no-one else will give you anything, you know that. You know it and believe it, deep in your heart.

Wrong.

Other people, outsiders, wonder why you stay in such an abusive situation. They wouldn't, they tell themselves. But you might. You might be gradually ground down, as I was. You might feel, or even believe, that you deserve the abuse. So you accept it, and you effectively beg for any attention you can get, no matter if it reinforces the appalling, negative image you've built up of yourself. You accept the refusals, the dismissals, as just, and no more than you deserve. You embrace each positive reaction as a huge favour. But it's all an abuse. As the introduction to the site says, the banks play on our innate feelings of morality, of equity and of justice and fair play. We have been brought up to believe that the banks are pillars of society, that they are above mere trade and commerce, that they are something Other. But they aren't: they're in business, like your mechanic, the market trader, the sandwich shop, Tesco's, anything. They are no more than traders and they actually produce: nothing. Not a damn thing. They add nothing of value, they merely facilitate transactions, nothing more.

So, opening the parachute account was a big step. Actually deciding to do it was, in fact, the Big Step. I have decided to be abused no more. Not only have I decided that, I've taken a real, positive and concrete step to do something about it, to do more than just talk about it or fantasise. I have decided to move away from the situation where I've been abused.

Yes, I've been lucky in the credit scoring and not everyone will get the same. But the Big Step was the decision to do it. My next tranche of income is going in to the new account. The standing orders and DDs will be transferred shortly before the next lump of income. The NatWest account will be in dispute and probably over the overdraft limit but I no longer worry about it. I'm not worried about the charges they'll levy because I now know they're unlawful. I'm looking forward to finding out what my life will be like when I'm no longer putting up with someone looting my account to the tune of £300 or £400 a month.

NatWest isn't my children, it isn't my car (which needs to be repaired); it isn't the updated computer I would like to have in order to do my work, it isn't my wife's birthday present and it isn't my mother, who lives over 200 miles away and I haven't been able to get to see for over a year because I couldn't afford it. It isn't the heating oil company, who'd threatened to close my credit account - leaving me without heat this winter - because the DDs had been bounced - and while there was money available. It isn't the local authority, whose DD was bounced yet again this month, because of the charges. NatWest doesn't deserve any respect from me: it hasn't shown me any. It deserves neither consideration or fear from me.

I have my parachute account. I don't care that I won't have a cheque-book for a few months. It will be a while before the case comes to court but, in my mind and in my heart, I'm now free.



Take heart from this- it's a very powerful message.

[gettingthere]

Debt very nearly destroyed my life. I was in a fairly well paid job, as was my wife. We brought up three children and over the years built up a mountain of debt which we were able to manage. That is until I suffered a catastrophic nervous breakdown which left me unable to work. I had to retire from my job on medical grounds with a small medical pension. We still managed though with my wifes salary - things were tight and we started to control our spending better. Then disaster struck, my wife had a serious accident which has left her in a wheelchair.

No longer could we service our debts - we could manage all the essential bills but needed to do something about the loans and credit cards we had.

Not one of all the organisations we had credit with have showed any compassion at all. Instead they have tried to make our lives a misery. Until I discovered this site I was insulted daily on the telephone and was threatened unmercifully by these so called responsible organisations.
My condition worsened so much I ended up in hospital as others were concerned for my safety.

I am still ill but no longer do I speak to these thugs on the telephone and I now try and control what happens to me. I have started to make inroads into my alleged debts (I say alleged because I have not seen a legitimate credit agreement yet)

Knowing other people are in the same position as you certainly helps and there is no doubt I have a few court battles ahead but hopefully with help from the excellent people on here I will get through them as well.

Having said all this I really worry that the legal systen seems to allow these bullies to do what they want to some of the most vunerable in society.

[andrew1]

Originally Posted by gettingthere

Having said all this I really worry that the legal systen seems to allow these bullies to do what they want to some of the most vunerable in society.

You are a brave man, NEVER let them in again...just keep searching the names of every one of the companies that give you grief and stick to this forum on here and you will be empowered to dance on the graves of some of these companies.

It has taken some very degraded and shell shocked people and given them back their lives - I know I've seen them over these last 2 years.. hang on in there and one by one you'll take back control....see the sunshine again instead of the glass being eternally half empty, it is now beginning to be half full...you don't need luck when you have the support provided on here.

I wish you and your family well, it will come good again. Just believe.

[loopinlouie]

changed mind about post apologies.

[gizmo111]

You see they told me on their regular calls that I would lose my children as it was obvious in their opinion I was not managing my finances properly and therefore not my house hold as in a suitable mother. I'll be quite honest in saying that whilst down these people played on it.

Words fail me, this has to be the most disgusting threats I've heard of them making. I hope you realise now that this isn't true. Are you still getting this sort of threat from them?

Take care x

[Monty2007]

When I lost my job and could not service my debts I could not sleep, usually just sat up all night and tried to ensure that my wife did not worry. My rationale being why should two people worry so I kept it to myself how bads things were getting. It drove me to despair and the calls were the worst, 10-20 per day, never seemed to stop. It was mental torture, you never had a chance to get it out of your mind, not even for a few hours.

I did not find CAG for several months later and it really is a fantastic "institution" and helped me enormously to understand my rights and they were not going to come to my door and take me away! How many people must go through hell with worry and like I was, have simply no idea what to do, the default is to just be pushed around and conform to whatever the OC or DCA says. The OC's know the score, they surly know what the DCA's get up to and the tricks they play. So in my eyes are equally as guilty.

[sillygirl1]

It's the continual calls and threatening letters (usually sent two days after their 'deadline' cited in the letter). I've even had this when I won a court case against Crap1! Immediately got a letter stating I had a chance to pay up or the CCJ (which was thrown out) would be registered against me.

The threats of 'this debt won't go away' are bad - if you do pay the debt to the OC then the DCA get the right hump and bombard you with letters and attempts to make you pay TWICE. (I've documentary evidence of this with myself and other members of my family).

They don't listen so once their 'threatomatic' machine gets into gear it can't be stopped - in fact I think several of these offices are just 'service' offices where they get everything done by others and just go and collect the post every week.

[loopinlouie]

Hi gizmo111,
No they stopped when bt changed my number for me and I wont give the dca my new one. Although I know what they say was to worry me and not true, I due to epilepsy have for years tried to hide how many seizures I actually have as I feared I would lose my kiddies and I along with dca threats was getting snotty calls from exs new partner threatening she would have my kids soon. She turned out to have a fertility prob and couldnt help her behaviour, but that tied in with dca threats has led me lying to my own doctor saying all is better than it is.

Its amazing that these triggers although we know them as rubbish now, can lead us to be very stressed and feel out of depth and this does long term damage in 'nail biters' like me. Its like the captain of a ship saying dont panic to me, I freak out, while 'thinking' others are thinking I am in control, if that makes sence.

Though have to say I have started to consider threats with same contempt they are given now due to confidence improving

[spotnot]

A friend of mine was diagnosed with severe clinical depression last year due to many issues in his life but debt problems were one of the major causes. He left his wife and family and disappeared for seven months with only a weekly text message to let them know he was still alive! He reappeared last week, stronger but very much damaged. He now has the strength to ask for help and I am helping him go throiugh his debts one at a time. He has shown me the pile of letters and transcripts of calls that were made to him before he disappeared. The lengths the DCA's go to are appalling and it is shocking that this law of this country allows it to happen! For example, the CCA is ignored by all including Trading Standards. What is the point of having these laws in place if no-one in authority will act on them.

My friend is my personal crusade at the moment and I hope that once he can see that he has the upper hand he will grow stronger and gain control of his life once again.

Spot

[brecken]

Hi Everyone,
I'm sure we all have been affected one way or another by our debt's and the pressure put on us by the companies we owe the money to, It would take me to long to explain how low I became a few years ago, I thought about things I really dont believe in and it makes me ashamed, thankfully I have a fantastic family and thinking of them pulled me through, one thing that happened and I didnt really relate it to my debts at the time is I have a skin condition that is often made worse by stress, over the past 10 years it's been really bad, I have had to under go extensive treatments as an outpatient and as an inpatient in Hospital, I now have my debt under control and I'm pleased to say dont have the worries anymore ( thanks to the good people on this site) and I dont have my skin condition anymore ( although it will never be completly cured) what does that tell you.
Love, Brecken xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx

[alientoo]

Oh, yes.... Some of the messages on this forum are quite long and I suspect it may be because it's therapeutic to share our woes with others who have been in the same boat.

We have been hurt by debt, but it has also made us much better people. ?? Read on...

In October 2006 my OH was dismissed from work for incapacity, despite it having been the job which made him ill. It was frightening to see him like that, and all I felt I could do was get him to a psychiatrist and be there for him. The firm offered absolutely no assistance or even token empathy. He was invited for a meeting to investigate the matter and therefore was not entitled to a representative. At this meeting he was dismissed with blatant disregard for the law. He felt too ill to take the matter further and I suspect the company anticipated he would. (I've pulled the same move on employees in the past, and feel no pride in it now. At the time, I was the go getter for the company.) He had been receiving SSP since July '06 so things were starting to get tough even then. We had been used to having a combined income of more than quadruple the national average, and had been spending accordingly. We were responsible, well educated professionals and, not for one moment did we think it could go wrong. We were also conceited. As we both were into 'saving the planet' in our spare time, and used to donate to several green issues, we used to send the same Christmas card to each other each year and not only to save trees - it depicted a shiny smiling couple holding up wine glasses and the words "Every Christmas Harriet and John would toast the poor people on the council estate".

In February 2007 I felt I had no option but to return to my old higher paying job in London. By this time OH was on benefits - a whole £180 every fortnight. Ironically, we had moved to the South West coast to destress and both took lowe