Latest Demand for Payment

[Seahorse]

Who do they think they are???? Contents below...

Dear Mr Seahorse (if that is indeed your real name!)

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "formal request for payment". This is how we, at the Robbem Blind Debt Collection Agency have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and ****ant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill- advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a debtor, with a responsibility to repay that which you have borrowed, albeit with the small matter of interest added. Which, I might suggest, is simply there in order that a profit might be made from the aforementioned transactions?

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the repayments you make "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Financial Services Industry", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the industry in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned shebang" yourself. The estimates you provide for the chief executive’s disbursement of the funds levied by penalties and interest, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking façade of a quality assurance scheme."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagarie of the postal system; 2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please forward it by Friday.

Yours Sincerely,
Phuk U Mann
Customer Relations

(Sorry folks. Especially Mods. I know it belongs in the Bear Garden, but I just couldn't resist. Adapted somewhat from the famous "Letter from the Taxman." )

[Brassed off]

:d :d :d

[elizabeth1]

:d :d

[Seahorse]

Mine work. CAPITAL D not lower case d?

[Curlyben]

roflmao

[Brassed off]

So it was you who nicked my smylies SH

[Bookworm]

Last edited by brassed off : Today at 00:12. Reason: where's my smylies gone?

If you write a message completely in UPPERCASE, the software automatically reduces it to lowercase, although it keeps the 1st letter of each word capitalised. (This Is Why You See Some Messages Looking Like This.)

Also, you were typing them incorrectly. For a smiley, you need to type
: - D (removing the spaces in between)

And you spell smiley weird.

[elizabeth1]

that sure answers where mine went to

[Seahorse]

Smiley spelt W E I R D ?

No, that spells weird.

Smiley is spelt S M I L E Y

See?